girls being late on dates and changing times, again and again

right there's one thing that's really getting on my nerves these days, and it's girls agreeing to a time but then trying to change it last minute, then being late. it's really getting on my nerves, but the thing is how do I express it without coming across as an asshole? i understand that sometimes things crop up but sometimes it seems they do it just because they feel like it. i cant remember a girl turned up to a date on time so maybe it's their way of testing out guys? like maybe they do it on purpose to piss us off then see if we're genuine by expressing our discontent?

It's in the similar category as flaking. Why do girls flake? It could be a lack of much interest, other things going on, short attention spans, and much more. Planning multiple dates in the evening is a good way of preventing this, and you can just cancel the later one if the first one shows up. Just plan them like an hour apart in nearby or the same locations, and then you just don't worry about it, because if one doesn't come, the other probably will. You also make yourself harder to get if you're changing it last minute, which is also one of the reasons girls do this. They know guys value things that are harder to get.

Never be reactive about this kind of thing. Sometimes it's okay to bring it up in a 60% joking way later, but rarely will it help you out. It's one of those things that will show your cards to them. If you're desperate or don't have many other options with women, you're more likely to blow up or be bitter about it. If you have a lot, you just might not see them again or you're magnanimous about it.

Howell

but if they're like 30 mins late, wouldnt that count as a shit test, like they want to see how far they can push us before we tell them to stop because our time is valuable?

killerman said:

but if they're like 30 mins late, wouldnt that count as a shit test, like they want to see how far they can push us before we tell them to stop because our time is valuable?

Click to expand...

Possibly. Not always, but it's usually a good strategy to act under the assumption that it is. If a girl respected you and saw you as a scarce resource to begin with, she'd be more worried about you not showing up, or you leaving if they are late, and at the very least she'd send a text. If this happens often, I'd say you need to front-load more value during the initial meet. How you carry yourself and your obviously higher value needs greater emphasis (ideally not verbally spoken unless asked for -- let your fundamentals do most of the talking).

Another thing you can do is talk about how you don't know how long you'll be around this part of the world -- put a little bit of a fire under their ass, and let them know that you're a limited time offer, of sorts, and that you're still deciding whether you'll even let them buy you or not to begin with; it depends on if they are up to your standards or not.

If your time really is valuable, you'd probably have left before they got their a half hour later. However, you can always just bring a book or do some work or something, and brush it off because you "were going to come here to do work anyway". That's why I always like to invite girls to "join me" at places where I already am going to be anyway. That way, if they don't show, I'm still doing what I was going to be doing anyway, and the shit test is invalidated if they are late. I can just make a joke about it ("Hey, you're lucky I'm still here. I totally lost track of time!") or note that I didn't even notice they were late cuz I was so involved in my work, and move on to building rapport and deep diving.

Howell

ok guys, cheers for the feedback! ok for the next date that a girl is late on how does it sound that when she arrives I say it's no biggie coz I passed the time listening to a podcast or some music, or whatever or is that a bit lame? or how about if i know she's going to be late I say im gonna go have a coffee nearby, text me when you've arrived.

I have a slight different approach to a girl being late. I used to think I need to be non-needy and not butt hurt, but these days, I'm so busy, and if a girl is late for more than 30 minutes and I sensed that she's just "testing me" and not genuinely caught up with something important, I cancel the fucking date. There's no reason why you should waste your time waiting for someone who doesn't respect your time in the first place. Don't complain about it to her. Just use your action to show her you think it's disrespectful.

Keep in mind some girls do this a lot and it becomes their habit. You can't blame her. Most guys would just let it slide and let her be late, and it reinforces their habit. Maybe no one has ever told her not be late.

Nice analysis from Howell here.

killerman, I just posted an article on your situation that should be helpful: What to Do When a Girl is Late for a Date.

In the event you get the SAME girl repeatedly doing this sort of thing, it might be time for a version of the "ball's in your court" message, as in When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To).

Chase

Cool, thanks Chase! Definitely know what to do now in the future. Cheers!