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Be More Flexible, Sleep with More Girls

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

flexible sleep with girlsIn the comment section of my article “10 Surprising Reasons Women Will Have Sex with You”, a reader remarked on a study on luck that discovered exceptionally “lucky” people basically are much better at noticing and seizing on opportunities, while “unlucky” people are more single-minded and stubborn, and miss opportunities.

Our reader commented that:

I totally coroborate it with my incident today. There is this cute girl in my neighbouring room in student dorm I had been planning to talk to for days. I thought over it for days and planned a silly excuse to go talk to her only to realise that she had been sick. Instead of adapting quickly and offering her to drop by place for some warm tea i completely flipped and just went through what i had planned in my mind before, Just like the article i missed the opportunity for a spontaneous casual conversational connection based on my planned mindset. think this is what most people nervous with girls and new to it suffer, presence of mind and adaptablity. Not always but specific to situation they are not comfortable with. Your views on this !

And... yes. This hits the nail on the head all kinds of ways.

You know, one of the most common attributes nearly all inexperienced guys have in common is they’re stubborn. You tell them to do something, and they won’t do it because they’ve already put themselves on a certain path and they don’t want to get off it. Or they want to finish this thing they’re working on.

And that’s a good habit to have (focus; follow-through). And I’m that way to a large extent myself, or was originally (now I’m more diversified: focused in where focused in is useful, big picture where that’s more useful), so I do relate.

But if you want to do better with girls, and if you want to sleep with more girls, a big part of that is going to come from learning to be flexible, and recognize the opportunities you’ve been letting slip by you wholly unrecognized.

Comments

Troy 's picture

Hi Chase,

I was on a bus going home on Saturday night and a dark girl from high school came on the bus. There was only one seat left so she sat next to me.

She disliked me in school. IMO she always gave me the funny eye and ignored me at school.

It was strange when she couldn't tell me hi yet she wanted me to take off her hand bag strap. And after that, when a passenger behind her was coming off the bus, she asked me to hold her bag till she could get up and allow the person to pass

We were side by side and her hand kept brushing on mine as she went in her bag .

I feel she did it on purpose. I think she " liked me ". She kept stealing stares at me when I looked through the window. I know because I have developed a good peripheral vision.

She was very obvious. But all she would do is ask me to hold her bag and cup till she could sit back .

I thought she was using me. Girls in school used to tell me to hold things for them yet never start a conversation. Yet I see they would never ask another guy to hold their stuff. Girls who did that would make conversation with other guys first.

I felt a bit bitter. I dunno if it's a approach invitation. Maybe all those girls in high school asking me to hold their stuff wanted me to talk to them.

When I got off the bus, she kept staring at me, while I used my peripheral vision. Did she like me? Cause she treated me like a outsider /weirdo in school.

Thanks

Troy

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Troy-

Sure, it happens. Women change their minds all the time... it's their prerogative.

Most women aren't any good at making moves, they can only drop hints. The job of the man is to read those hints and lead. "Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while, we should grab a bite," "Hey, it's been a while, we should hang sometime."

Otherwise you just stick in limbo and wonder.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey bro,

Glad to see a bigger picture that combines both the luck and skill article with lowering standards while tipping it off with a "Take action" mindset.

A good summary and reminder, Chase!

By the way,
http://www.girlschase.com/content/don%E2%80%99t-get-too-attached-girl-sale

In the middle section, you talked about "Women communicate their feelings so men know they're hurt; men do not do the same".

So do you suggest that we communicate our feelings when women hurts us? Insults us or acts completely unaffectionate and inconsiderate?

Would love to see some examples of finesse doing it without seemingly reactive? Maybe some personal interactions from bro :)

Yours,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Welllll... very much depends on the situation.

Just because men don't show their feelings as much doesn't necessarily mean they SHOULD show their feelings more often.

Used right, you can communicate feelings, but it usually must be done in a matter-of-fact unemotional way. e.g., calmly telling her, "I understand why you're saying that, however the way you're phrasing it, in an accusatory way, is putting me on the defensive and making me want to fight you, not listen to you. If you want me to listen to you, you're going to need to phrase it differently and quit making me feel defensive."

Occasionally it's good to show your feelings, but usually only when a.) pacing a girl's reality during a pickup, or b.) having an argument with a long-term girlfriend where you can tell she needs to see some emotion from you to feel like this is real and she affects you. Even then, this should be controlled.

Much of the time, it's better to just stay nonreactive and not show feelings. The problem with feelings is women use them to differentiate between powerful, successful men with abundant choice with women from less powerful, less successful men with less abundant choice with women, since these two classes of men feel differently about things. e.g., a victim mentality comes out in a man's emotions and immediately communicates he is less powerful, less successful, and has less abundant choice with women. Until you are doing very well in life and with women, it makes good sense to be careful about what emotions you are showing and when.

Chase

javed.u's picture

I don't mean to be off topic, but I'm guessing that you would look through the comments of your newest article.

I've read about you being very good in the field of sales Chase, it's an area which I would love to get into but I don't quite know how. I've heard that you've done sales training as well, is that what I should look into first? How would I know the best course for training? Are there books that could help me? Essentially I'm trying to sort out a career for myself before I go about getting girls.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Javed-

Most of my sales training has come in the field, or from coaches or mentors. However, here’s one tool I found useful over the years:

Social Styles as a Tool in Sales and Seduction

And if you want book recommendations, check out The Ultimate Sales Machine by Chet Holmes, which is the best book I know on selling.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Yeah, this was basically 100% me few months ago.. had this one girl I set my eyes on and I was blind for everything else for a few weeks. At one point it happened in a club/bar that another girl (who noticed me being bored since "my girl" was arguing with another friend) just walked up to me and straight up told me she just wanted to say hi and see if I'd like to go home with her, but I was so blindly into that girl that I refused. Obviously regret it big time afterwards since I stopped seeing the girl without sleeping with her (happened few months later, but whatever.. I wasted few months chasing 1 girl while countless opportunities were coming up).

So I can relate to this article, great stuff!

Anonymous's picture

I remember last year you said you would be taking more time off and not writing as much, But here you are again with another brilliant article. It seems like you haven't slowed down as much and are actually writing more articles than you were last year. Keep em coming Chase, there a joy to read!

Anonymous's picture

بهترينى چيس عزيزم دوست دارم.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,
I know you've been asked this before, but can you make an article about developing a sense of humor? I'm starting to feel like my interactions with women can be really draining.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

It is in the topic queue.

It's just one of those articles that's a colossal pain to write, so it gets perpetually put off. Every time I've started writing it, I get partway in, then say, "Ah crap, it's already getting tedious," and scrap whatever I've got. Difficult to organize an article on a massive, intuitive, subconscious-heavy topic into something cogent and concise.

There's hope though - I've written a bunch of those "always put it off" articles eventually (like the "get your girlfriend back" one, or the hair length one). Eventually...!

Chase

yash's picture

There's a big problem. I live in india ,which is known for its tradition and culture. Here a girl kissing a boy on cheeks is also a big issue.girl are not so opened. And i feel awkward going to a girl and starting any chat. I fear that they eould respond me well or not. What shoud i do with these girls?is there any solution.....and its imp to mention that i m abig fan of you. . .chase .....u wabt a love guru like u..... thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Yash-

I've not been to India, but we've had plenty of Indian readers and commenters and the thing I keep seeing from the guys who are successful over there is "It's the same over here", as well as that girls in the big cities (Delhi, and especially Mumbai) are basically the same as Western women.

Now, if you're in a smaller town, it might really be different... I couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you what to do in a small town in America, really! Other than play more of the social circle angle (or what's discussed in this article) and make sure you're discreet.

Might be worth checking out the forum and looking for some of the Indian guys on there. I don't think too many of our successful Indian members are active on the boards, but there might be 1 or 2 guys there who are.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

One more question,

In Dating-relationships precedents article, you mention

1. Mirroring her investment but a little less
2, Don't Reward bad behaviour. Ex. She pulls away, he chases more!

This worked wonders with dating girls. Thanks bro! But does this all change when the context is with a girl who was in auto rejection and we turned it around?

Side note: thanks for your articles and advice on being warm. Thanks to Franco who said, "Phone her, she won't have time to overthink and will go by emotions".

I talked about things I appreciated about her over the phone and got her to say yes to a date that week. I had to grind through over the phone to get her to say yes though!

She cancelled it with a reason being it was too late (6pm?) and asked for earlier time. I let her cancel, but I wasn't available for another time that week.

Questions:
1a. given that she cancelled the date, if I call her again to set up another one soon after, my investment is higher despite of her pulling away? You say we must move fast! But I feel if I ask her a second time in a short time frame, it feels like chasing. Investment imbalance.

1b. But if I wait for some time to pass in between setting another one, won't that be violating "Move fast", lose momentum and move slow? She was in auto rejection due to me never asking her out before.

3. If we do wait, should I flirt text her in the meantime to keep momentum during the wait gap?

4. And she's not as warm as before, what can I do to peak interest?

Yours,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

You should always punish bad behavior, no matter what the circumstances.

And I can't think of a situation when it's better to invest the same or more than the girl, or significantly less, either.

So yes, both pieces of advice still stand, whether she's a turnaround or what.

On the girl canceling: I suggest meeting more girls. Then it won't seem like this one is such a big deal.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase,

I am thinking about the past every single day and every single second, and not the good parts.

It's my childhood I think about.

I keep thinking and thinking and thinking about my bad past.

I keep thinking about how weak I was.

I get so mad about not being stronger.

I get mad at myself for being afraid to stand up for myself.

I get so mad that I was and still am kinda the nice guy.

No matter how much muscle I put on, girls I sleep with, my past always hunts me, and I think of it every waking moment.

I just can't stop thinking about it.

Why was I so weak, why was I so afraid to fight? I regret not fighting more. I regret not fighting and clawing for my respect. I used to be so afraid and can't think of why.

Why couldn't I have courage to stand against those who were to disrespect me all of the time?

Why was I so timid and always laughing for no reason. I could not control my nervous laugh and still can't this day.

I have gotten ten times as strong and fight back every chance that I get, I just am depressed that I didnt do this earlier.

And it kills me that I can't change people's kinds that knew me as a kid to the strong man I am now. All they care about is the past.

How can I escape from this past of mine that will not go away. How can I replace my weaker self with my strong self?

Please Chase help me get rid of these thoughts of the past that don't want to leave, and help me be stronger than I ever could imagine.

Thank you

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

This is your time orientation. You are past-negative.

Changing your time orientation seems to be mostly a function of what you fill your life with, at least in my experience.

So, if you fill your life with lots of forward-looking projects and busyness, you will tend to become future-oriented.

Or, if you fill your life with lots of fun-in-the-present hobbies and pastimes (and, again, busyness), you will tend to become present oriented.

If you have too much free time to sit around and think and reflect though, that's when your thoughts start playing your mental highlight reel (or regret reel), and reliving your past. If you don't want that, get busier.

Chase

Jeremiah 's picture

Chase I'd love that u tok more abt it. It intrigues me to know dat u know abt the bible

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jeremiah-

If I could, I would, but I could not speak intelligently on this subject (aside from what I've already shared here: "Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn’t Work").

Otherwise, I will leave that to various religious officials and leaders, who tend to be more experienced having their relationships without sex and selecting their partners and marrying (to get to sex!).

Chase

Sub-Zero's picture

Hey Chase, think you could make an article about having courage?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

We've got it on the list already, but I will add your comment to the list of comments requesting a courage article!

Chase

Gary's picture

Hey Chase, I'm currently working on my fundamentals, my appearance is good but the problem is my body language. I naturally fidget around a lot even when i'm not nervous, the question is what kind of body language am i suppose to have when sitting in a subway/busride or a classroom? situations where girls can observe my body language for more than 20 minutes. Especially if they are sitting right across me? When I try to stay still and not look around the subway i feel very stiff, but when i do look around girls will think I'm a thirsty guy. And if you don't mind, how do i street approach a girl in new york where girls are always on the move with out coming off thirsty, i live in a urban area. If a girl briefly looks at me on the subway, wouldn't it violate the law of least efforts if i walked all the way to the other side to approach her?

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