20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It AMAZING

A year or so ago, I was talking to Ricardus (remember him?) and he mentioned a day when he went around feeling like the sexiest man in town. He just put it in his head: "I am the most attractive man in this city," and as he went about his day, women's heads turned. Ultimately a random cute girl approached him and struck up a conversation with him.

And when he told me about that, I thought, "Oh yeah, I do that too."

Most of my content focuses on 'outer game', because I think that's just generally easier for guys to focus on, and that the 'inner game' will catch up once the outer game's tight.

But there's a converse to this too: even once your outer game is solid, and your fundamentals are great, you can still slack off a lot when you're not in the right headspace.

Try this: wherever you are, right now:

• Remember the last pretty girl who gave you a look when you were out somewhere. What did her face look like? Her body? What sort of signs of interest did she give you?

• Remember the last time you felt like you were on top of the world. Was it just after you got out of the gym? Just grabbed a number from a new girl or rolled in the hay with one? Had some other kind of victory?

• Remember that when a man walks and acts in a confident way, everyone around him views him as a confident man. Perception is reality, in this case

• Now, with those three things in mind, remind yourself that you are actually a pretty desirable guy

What happens to your fundamentals when you do this?

Do you straighten your posture up more?

Puff your chest out a bit?

Give your head a more confident tilt?

Open your eyes a bit wider, and become more alert?

Most likely you did these things, plus a host of other small things.

And all those small things add up together to make you stand out in a noticeable way from all the other people around you.

 

Out of the Background

Walk around outside a bit today. What do you see?

A bunch of people lost in their own thoughts, not really paying attention very much.

Many of them are buried in their phones. Many of them are lost in their thoughts.

Yet, every now and again, you will notice someone who looks proud and alert. This person sticks out. She seems more conscious than everyone else. You can't help paying attention to her. She's hard to ignore.

When you shift into this state of being very alert, confident, and conscious, you become that way yourself. You pop out of the background noise and become someone everyone around you instinctively notices and pays attention to.

You become more dominant, and more authoritative.

When I am in my head (and I think everyone gets in his head sometimes), I don't really get much attention from women, or very many approach invitations. I don't think it's just that I don't notice them -- I look for them sometimes while in my head, and I really don't see a whole lot of them. The main reason for it, I think, is because an in-your-head individual becomes a lot harder to notice.

He becomes a part of the background. At least for people who are searching for someone virile and alert (on the other hand, a tuned-out individual sticks out in a big way as prey to someone who is looking for that).

However, when I am tuned in, that all changes. Suddenly everyone is noticing me. People who are tuned out themselves (that's most people) snap briefly to attention and notice me. No doubt you've seen this both ways yourself: you're tuned out, then suddenly snap to attention for a second to look at someone. Why? Probably because that person was tuned in, and commanded your attention. Or, when you're tuned in, you enjoy that same effect as the object of note: everybody notices you.

With this noticing comes attracted women. They might not have paid much attention to you if you were part of the background. But once you're popped out, they do.

There's another big factor I think is in play: tuned-in women are looking for tuned-in men.

The fact of the matter is that the people most likely to be tuned in are those looking to mate. When you are very tuned in, it's usually because your testosterone is flowing and you feel like you're on a mission. Often that mission involves some form of achievement or conquest, and men looking for achievement or conquest tend to be a lot more interested in and forward with women.

When you're going around, looking very confident, and very alert, women sense this.

They interpret it as "This guy's playing the game right now."

All the other men drifting through life tuned out are not playing the game right now.

Those men might be more attractive than you. They might be richer than you. They might have bigger muscles or higher status than you. But for whatever reason, they're not playing the game right now.

They're tuned out.

Even if a woman signals to them, they aren't going to do anything.

They are effectively out of the game.

You know it; you've experienced it. How many times have you been tuned out, but a good-looking woman signaled you anyway? And you felt like doing something but didn't?

Maybe she even talked to you, but you were so tuned out you just gave her a barebones reply, and let her wander off? And you kicked yourself for it later?

Everybody's this way. I'm this way when I'm tuned out too. There is no 'always on' switch for anybody. I've yet to meet a man who is 'always on'.

And when you're off, you're out of the running.

Most men, most of the time, in most places, no matter how attractive they might be to women, are thoroughly out of the running.

When you walk around, conscious, alert, looking confident, you are one of the few men actually in the running.

You might be the only man in a three-block radius who's in the running.

And women who are enjoying their fertile periods, or women who are horny for some other reason, or women who just really want to enjoy some strong male attention, are all going to be drawn to that.

You may even wake up a few tuned out women who weren't looking for it -- but start to change their minds about that when they catch your tuned-in self.

 

Fundamentals + Mentality

This tactic gets a big boost if you've worked on your fundamentals a fair bit.

You'll stand taller, walk sexier, make eye contact more lushly when you've already improved those fundamentals (and all your other ones) in advance.

However, adopting the mindset takes all those fundamentals you've trained up, and maximizes them:

• No more lazy 'good posture', where your posture is sort of good but unremarkable. Suddenly your back is rod-straight, but also loose enough to seem casually confident

• No more lazy walk that is sort of sexy but not really. Now you're walking like a real Old West gunslinger, or a super sexy male model

• No more shy/lazy eye contact where you look at girls and look away; now you're locking eyes with them like a lover does, and they are responding with excitement and submission

When you adopt the mentality of "I'm an extremely desirable man" or "My fundamentals make me irresistible to women" or "Women can't wait to approach me" -- whichever of these feels true and compelling to you -- it causes you to dial all your fundamentals that you've already honed (and even some you haven't) up to 11.

And then, it tunes you in, and makes you extra alert as you move around among people. Like a wolf with hungry eyes prowling a flock of sheep, their eyes cast down to the grass.

In the midst of those sheep, you'll notice some she-wolves, too.

And they will notice you.

 

Expecting an Approach

I often go out with the thought of, "Beautiful women can't keep their eyes off me. They find me absolutely compelling," and lo, I get loud and clear invitations to approach from very good-looking girls. And when I go up to talk to them, they are glad to meet.

Less often I will adopt the mindset of, "Women want to approach me. They can't keep their distance from me. Something draws them toward me, and they have to surround me and open me." When I do that, what tends to happen is within a few minutes a few women have shown up around me, very close to me. A woman may even open me herself.

I'm not entirely sure how this works. I have a few hypotheses... one that a man who's feeling this way puts something out in his scent that women pick up on subconsciously. Perhaps elevated hormone levels? Or maybe a man changes his nonverbal behavior in some subtle way that invites approach. He seems both alert and receptive. I'm unsure.

It's much easier to expect approaches and receive them in stationary, social venues, like at a bar or in a coffee shop, than it is while walking down the street. Even places like grocery stores are more conducive to getting approached by women (people tend to stand in the aisle and stare for a bit while there).

 

Belief & Confirmation Bias

For the thought to work, you must believe it.

I've tried using mindsets I didn't believe and they don't work.

For instance, I can't quite get myself to believe, "Women want to walk up to me and strip off all their clothes before saying a word," so I can't seem to pull that one off. Though not for lack of trying.

But, "I'm the most desirable man in town and every woman knows it and wants a piece of me," or, "Women appear out of nowhere and hover around me waiting to talk to me"?

It's happened enough that it's believable. And when I focus on it, it tends to happen.

Now... when you're going around feeling like the sexiest guy on the planet, a lot of women are still going to ignore you. They're tuned out, or not looking for a guy right now, or you're not their type. But when you are in this head space, you don't care. You're in 'confirmation bias' mode -- you're simply looking for examples to validate the way you already feel.

Confirmation bias is when people look for evidence to validate what they already think.

And -- newsflash -- we all do this, all the time.

People trapped in victim mentality are a great example of this. If you've ever tried to talk sense into a person like this, you've no doubt noticed how things he does that lead to his problems are never his fault, and always instead serve as yet more evidence of how helpless he is. It seems completely crazy when you're outside of it, but to the guy who's in it, he's only seeing what he wants to see to reinforce his beliefs.

If you go around genuinely feeling like, "Women do not want me," you are going to focus on rejections and women rolling their eyes at you and ignoring you. And if a woman checks you out, you are going to write that off as something else: "She probably just thought I was a creep."

But if you go out feeling like you're the most desirable man around, any woman paying attention to you, locking eyes with you, preening herself around you is going to serve as evidence in support of that belief. And women who don't do those things? They are the ones who get written off: "She probably didn't notice me," you think. Or, "She must be too lost in thought."

You will be looking around, paying a lot more attention to people, expecting women to be interested in you, memory-holing all the women who aren't, and zeroing in on all the women who are.

This is why you must find something you can believe to make this tactic work.

And the easiest way to believe it?

Go through a bunch of reminders that will bring you back to the emotion of feeling that way.

And heck, if I really wanted girls to walk up to me on the street and strip... well, I've had girls take their shirts off and hug me in public before. Wonder what would happen to me if I jogged my memory of that and focused on it in the right environment.

I'll have to try that.

Chase

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