Approach Defense Among Women You Want to Meet

When you approach a new woman, she’ll normally have certain defenses in place. Understanding this romantic defense is vital for the savvy romantic pursuer.

Quick caveat: this article is one on seduction theory / underlying principles, rather than more tactical material. I’ll cover some tactics in it toward the end as well, but just a heads up that in this piece we’re looking more at the overarching nature of the dynamic in seduction. We’ll return to more typical stuff in the next article. On with the piece…

Today, we’ll be talking about the receptive/pursued party in a seduction as the ‘defender’. The ‘defense’ mentioned here is defense against pursuit and seduction by the pursuer. This does not mean the ‘defender’ doesn’t want the seduction to happen (the defender may!). We’ll discuss what that means as we get into it.

In every courtship you will have, there are only three possibilities:

1. You are the pursuer, and the woman is the defender.

2. The woman is the pursuer, and you are the defender.

3. Both parties are equally interested and exactly on the same page.

#3 most men will experience most often with girls they meet who they want to ask out, where the girl also wants them to ask her out. These approaches seem so straightforward as to not be like the normal courtship process at all – and in fact, they aren’t (due to the complete lack of resistance). Less commonly, you may experience it with women who are as certain they want to hook up with you as you are with them, or equally as certain they want a relationship with you as you are them.

The rest of the time, one of the parties is going to be the pursuer, while the other party is the defender. Whichever party is taking more assertive, aggressive action is the pursuer. Whichever party stands back is the defender.

The defender decides if the pursuer can proceed forward; the pursuer is responsible for maintaining the forward movement of the seduction and figuring out ways to get the defender’s defenses lowered so the seduction can move forward.

If one of the parties is showing resistance, that party is the defender. If one of the parties is overcoming resistance, that party is the pursuer.

Normally it’s probably more helpful for the man’s psychology while in a seduction to frame seductions as mostly mutual, or a dance, etc. However, there are some concepts we can really only discuss with the framing of pursuit and defense.

For today’s article, we’ll temporarily set aside some of the more helpful mentalities, more conducive to a seductive mindset, to think about these aspects of seduction in a more revealing light.