Friends Who Value You Less Than You Do Them

You may have friends you feel you need more than they need you. Why does this happen with friends, and what can you do to make it a realer, more equal friendship?

A week ago on the forum one of our members asked me about friends who seemingly value you less than you do them / friends who seem to need you less than you need them.

I'll share part of his post here:

I consider myself a high value guy who’s good with girls , has good conversational skill and a good business he’s built - which does not mean I can’t improve, quite the opposite. Just that I have trouble thinking my problem is value.

but I do struggle with friendships and have a doubt I am not being respected.

How selective should you be with your friends ? How do you build abundance ?

I have about 8-9 people i consider pretty cool that I can go out with 1-2 a month ( some I can see 1-2 a week some I can see once every 2 months).

This feeling that I am more invested in the friendship than they are…

…and that I would like to see them more than they would like to see me bothers the fuck out of me.

I hate this feeling of neediness almost as much as I hated not having abundance with girls.

At the time i discovered that if I hit the streets and bars i only needed 10-20 approaches to bang a cute girl … and that feeling disappeared.

So my question isn’t only how to make new friends but rather, why aren’t all these guys as invested as I am in our ‘ friendship ‘ ?

Is that a respect and value problem ? Or did I target people who don’t go out as much.

First off, let me say I can relate, as I think most people can; unless all your friends are very close, old friendships, you probably have people you're friends with whom you aren't certain value you as highly as you do them.

This feeling is worse when ALL your friends are relatively recent friends.

I didn't stay close friends with anyone I knew before graduating university, and every time I've changed cities I've generally found myself with a bunch of totally new people, going through this same, "Are we valuing this friendship the same amount?" dance.

As our forum member notes, it is due to some degree of neediness, and as with girls it disappears as abundance does. However, like with girls, there are also levels of abundance with friendships too.

So, it can be a little complicated -- but let's talk about the causes and the remedies.