Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics, everyone! I’m pleased to announce Part 2 of my interview with Franco Lombardi on the importance of Discipline. Discipline is more of a mindset approach to dating as opposed to having an uncontrolled environment (which is what most people in the world do). The idea behind discipline is threefold:
In Part 1 of the harem series, we talk about Queen Theory: how women position themselves as long-term partners and jockey for roles and status.
Having created a constantly evolving harem for the past three years running multi-dating relationships, as well as having dated some of these women for 3+ YEARS in this arrangement, it’s time to share with you a series of articles that covers my experience and lessons learned.
So if you’ve been considering such relationships, or you’ve been experimenting with them but have run into issues, this series is for you. We’ll cover all the facets of dating several women at a time (i.e., any relationship non-monogamous in nature), and we’ll go over what it takes to do so successfully and with minimal drama.
Contents
1. The #1 Slot: Sharing Issues
3. Concluding Thoughts on Queen Theory
4. What She Values vs. What You Do
To begin, we will cover the first of three biggest concerns in a woman’s dating life. Those concerns are:
Catching and keeping the top man
Her self-interest
Her reputation
Women use the social and sexual marketplaces to advance their own agenda. Thus all these factors are important.
The way to handle the first concern is to understand all the implications of Queen Theory, which is the focus of this article.
A few months ago, I wound up in a threesome with one of my multiple long-term relationship (mLTR) girlfriends and her girl friend. My girlfriend had an event one Sunday, to which she invited me and two of her girl friends. I met her there and proceeded to grab drinks. Over the course of the event, one of her girl friends took a liking to me, and I took a liking to her.
I cleared my intention with my girlfriend before giving both girls a ride home. But instead of them going home, we ended up at my place. Long story short, one thing led to another and we started to get into a threesome.
Everything was going perfectly. I was watching and playing with two sexy women while they played with each other. Eventually, after having our fun, we all fell asleep together – me in between these two sexy girls.
In the morning around 5:00am, I started to feel horny, and my girlfriend motioned me to play with her while the friend slept. I tried my best but just couldn’t get hard. In that moment, I actually desired the other girl, not my girlfriend. Needless to say, I stopped trying after failing for a little while, then went back to sleep.
An hour or so later, I started escalating on the friend, and my girlfriend went to the bathroom. I then started shagging the friend, but when my girlfriend got back, she was very annoyed. She said “ahem,” indicating for me to stop. Once the friend left a little later, my girlfriend and I didn’t have sex; instead, we spent the next hour going over what happened and my feelings for her and the friend. I was forced to handle some drama and her concerns that I didn’t value my girlfriend sexually like I did the new girl.
While I submitted to her frame (honestly, I probably shouldn’t have; I gave her too much power there), I learned how important it is to understand Queen Theory.
Queen Theory in a nutshell:
Every woman who is dating a man in an emotional capacity wants to feel like she’s the #1 woman in his life. Always.
No woman wants to share her man emotionally. Always.
Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics, everyone!
I’m pleased to announce the return of Franco Lombardi, our fearless moderator of the Girls Chase boards, for an interview on how discipline affects your success in dating. This is one of the most important concepts that anyone should make an effort to learn and understand regardless of skill level.
Desire – your real desire – is a deep motivating force, and
immensely attractive to the opposite sex. Tap into it and use it well,
and you can do the near-impossible.
I received some very positive feedback from my article on the Interest-Preference-Desire model. If you haven’t read that, I suggest going back and taking a peek, because as a follow-up on that model, today I’m going to dive deeper into what “desire” is and how it affects our lives.
Desire is not only applicable to the process of seduction and attracting women, it plays a key role in the pursuit of our goals and how we live – specifically, the choices we make.
In the last article, I concluded that among the concepts of interest, preference, and desire, desire is the ultimate tool that actually results in committed action. There’s greater nuance when it comes to desire, because desire itself can be more fluctuating and relative. Some people never experience a constant desire for something long term, while others desire an outcome so badly that they continue to chase the desire even after it’s already been fulfilled multiple times.
What gives?
I’ll break this down in a hopefully easy-to-digest form, but do keep in mind that there is a lot of psychology and philosophy involved when it comes to desire.
Girls play the role of cocktease or attention whore (or worse)
because these roles can be fun. But what’s the psychology behind this kind
of “fun”?
There are short term and long term impacts on the fruits of our actions in the mating game. In the short term, we can create a really fun seduction, great sex with a beautiful woman, and the potential beginning of an ongoing relationship. Some choose to stay at Point 2, while others go on to Point 3. In the long term, we have the power and ability to grow powerfully with another human, with or without children, as we also have the power to experience many different women. Unfortunately, we can also create an opportunity to ruin our lives through some unforeseen consequence of an action – perhaps the wrong action at the wrong time – or just merely dealing with the wrong person.
Contents
In our modern era, women hold immense power to dictate social ramifications of sexual encounters and relationships gone awry. In this more cautionary article, I wish to make you aware of some less-glamorous aspects of the mating game – situations that if not handled correctly can create extreme unhappiness, commitment problems, legal problems, and financial problems. Better to be aware of these as they are happening than to find yourself on the losing side of a challenge.
I recently picked up a book while visiting Boston, called Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne. This book was first published in 1964 and is meant to be a handbook for psychiatry, yet I felt compelled to write this article when I realized a strong connection between patterns outlined in the book and many firsthand experiences of myself and friends. The book is quite academic and covers far more than just sexual scenarios, so to save you from reading it (it was quite boring admittedly), I’ll cover some dynamic patterns I’ve seen repeatedly that may be confusing to participants in the game.
I hope this summary and analysis of Games People Play helps you identify how to handle complex social-sexual situations, which when mishandled, have resulted in life-altering lawsuits, loss of credentials, loss of work, and worse.
Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics! For this podcast, I have something different and special for you. A few of us Girls Chase authors met up in Stockholm, Sweden this past summer for a few days and nights. We met up with each other (some for the first time), met plenty of women, both during the day and
It’s been a few months, but we’re back again with a new podcast, this time with the insightful and harmonic Daka Guy, of New York City. Daka Guy is a tantra instructor – which is another way to say women pay him to teach them sex. He’s one of the most spiritually and sexually balanced individuals I know, and I have personally attended his classes and been transformed by them.
If you want to do something, but you never take action do it...
what is that? It’s a case where you have the interest – but lack the
desire.
A friend who has been consulting with me about the dating world visited me recently for a weekend – and brought some interesting stories to share. He graduated from college last year and moved to a new city, landing a prestigious job at a highly respected global firm with a six-figure starting pay and great benefits (right out of school!). Basically, he fulfilled the career dream he had since before college, and now he lives in a beautiful new apartment in a great part of town, with lots of space and lots of money.
Regarding this side of his life, he’s completely fulfilled – well, sort of. He likes his life on paper, but after actually speaking to him about the details, I discovered he feels immersed in soul-killing consumerism. He liked my tiny, modest apartment with its very human and soulful feel. Before leaving, he said my vibe had rubbed off on him – he felt sweeter and more relaxed.
Yet on the dating field, he hasn’t gone on a single date since moving to his new city. He has been following Girls Chase for almost two years and has since improved on his vibe and does cold approach occasionally. However, he has yet to ask out a girl in his new town. He tells me that he’s waiting to become more fit (he goes to the gym regularly and is still looking for new clothes) to present himself better. He’s also working on his fundamentals and is pursuing new hobbies and meet-ups where he might meet women. He also laments that there are no women in his area he really has a desire for. In other words, he doesn’t find them attractive, so they’re not even worth approaching or pursuing.
I will note that he did enjoy the look of women in my area – so location is a factor indeed!
He wanted to know what he could do to start dating women, and I told him that right now, there’s nothing he can really do, because no matter what I tell him, he’s not actually going to do it. How did I deduce this? I told him that in this moment in his life, he doesn’t want to date or learn to be with women badly enough; his focus is still on building his career, not learning to attract women.
In fact, his desire, as it was during college, remains in climbing his career and making lots of money – a big factor in his choice of city – while he merely has an interest in learning about women and dating. I told him nothing would happen for him until he actually held a real desire to be with a woman; for now, a sufficient desire doesn’t exist in him. I told him he’s waiting for a “perfect moment” that will never actually arrive.
What he actually needs to do to make any progress is to get the ball rolling, but his desire to grow career-wise suffocates that process.
I wanted to break down why things were the way they were for him, and thus came about the topic of this article. It’s a little abstract but very useful in deducing people’s intentions.
One of the great life lessons I am getting ever more acquainted with is that what people say they want or like, and what they actually, truly want – and what they actually do – are often very different things. This is what we’re going to talk about today: why these inconsistencies exist and how they show up.
When a woman tells you she hates you, it’s not a bad sign. And
when you trigger behavior like this, you know you’re doing something
right.
“I hate you.”
“I hate you so much.”
Contents
I first began to hear this frequently when I started to play around with non-monogamy back in the beginning of 2015. I had just ended my last (to date) monogamous relationship and entered into a FWB arrangement with a total nymphomaniac. Details aside, she loved my cock and was totally devoted to me for the next six months. However, once in a while, we’d be hanging out and she’d stare me down with dark eyes and a frowning face, and say “I hate you” to me. Multiple times. At the time, I was speechless, and my typical response was just “...okay,” and then we’d get back to what we were doing.
Fast forward to 2017 – I’ve been running non-monogamous relationships for two and a half years. Having acquired a ton of knowledge since then, I’m actually a bit surprised when I don’t hear this. Instead, I hear this or some form of it – either verbally or non verbally – with every single girl I’m seeing.
“I hate you,” said directly to my face, multiple times
Passive-aggressive style non-verbal behaviors – like a girl inviting me over to hang out but then giving me a silent treatment of sorts, being intentionally distant while I’m with her; this includes refusing to kiss or have sex (at first) but still hanging out
Neediness from women about wanting to know exactly where she stands, expressed directly or indirectly – a girl will openly seek information (through indirect frames) about how I feel about her and whether or not I’m seeing other girls (and how I feel about them)
A girl suddenly changing her behavior to be extra nice, sweet, and affectionate toward me – this includes randomly volunteering massages or taking me out to dinner to a swanky place on her tab
Quite frequently, these behaviors continue long after a girl introduces these behaviors – especially well after we’ve had the relationship talk and I have told her that I will not commit to an exclusive relationship.
In fact, one girlfriend tells me “I hate you” literally every thirty minutes, if not more often, every time I see her, and she also texts me this on Snapchat from time to time. Her voice is always stern, her face frowning, and she’s very in my face about it.
“I hate you so much.”
Some parts of ourselves, both mental and physical, are immutable.
Exactly how much of ourselves (and what parts) can we actually change?
I was recently asked a very interesting question regarding human behavior and “nature versus nurture.” I myself ponder issues like this quite often, as I'm sure many Girls Chase readers do.
How much of who I am today was determined at birth? To what extent did culture, locale, parenting, etc. influence who I turned out to be? What aspects of my current “self” are the result of free will? Can attempting to change certain things about myself put me at odds with my nature and actually be detrimental to my well-being?
These are interesting questions that I love to explore for both men and for women. Most notably, are we truly ourselves, and can we change ourselves?
The truth of this matter is a rather convoluted mix of YES and NO. We are simultaneously human beings with immense control over our destiny – but also little to no control over our destiny.
Let’s explore!
