What to Focus on When You Meet Girls Clubbing

I've talked a lot on Girls Chase about having foundations, thinking things through, and addressing your ego, and now that I have done that it is time to talk about the real issues men face when trying to learn how to meet girls clubbing.

In my experience, most guys that are going out to clubs trying to figure girls out are en masse coming at the whole issue from the wrong angle. I can't pinpoint or classify the error of the approach precisely, but it always ends the same way - guys taking everything very seriously and getting very stern and upset about the wrong things.

I get why guys going out at night end up frustrated and saddened by the experience, and I would completely feel the same way if I was back in that grind again myself.

However, the big problem here is that guys are aiming for "big wins", and not being patient and accepting enough about "a good process" and improvements coming from within.

The Problem with "Big Wins"

Guys are getting so externally attached to everything happening around them that they totally lose touch with HOW IT FEELS to be out and about amidst possibility.

I think guys are trying too hard and sabotaging the attainable goals of the night out of protest for how "hard" it is. It isn't that guys are doing this consciously, I think it just happens to be where most guys end up, and it puts them in a huge hole mentally that they can't climb out of, and in reacting to that they go out and do clumsy and poorly thought through things, rather than do their best every time.

The secret to club game isn't all that obscure:

1. You DO YOUR BEST,
2. You don't get rattled,
3. YOU DO BETTER,
4. You don't get a big ego,
5. YOU DECONSTRUCT THINGS,
6. You don't let those thoughts become wild assumptions,
7. YOU SIMPLIFY, and then
8. You do your best again.

Any depressive, over reaching, "RARRR!!! I will get it to work!" type attitudes will just make you seem overly-serious and damage your credibility level amongst girls, which leads to chain rejections and that zone where girls scoot away from you before you even arrive.

This desperate, throwaway style of approach is exactly what you should CUT OUT from your actions. Don't WASTE effort, make it count when you put effort in.

What's the Best Focus Out Clubbing?

I think guys trying to meet girls clubbing are way too worried about how girls react to them. What I pay attention to is how good my foundations feel, how well I'm holding up, and if I have any lingering troubles in my mind that are making my approaches a waste of my energy.

You can't guarantee that a girl will like you, and even if she does, it is subject to change... so the only way to get through the night without a brain aneurism is to look after yourself and your foundations the whole time.

If your foundations crumble, you tend to just down-spiral and make decisions that are questionable or just straight up bad.

You have to focus on yourself first; you have to focus on how your actions are going to help you and WHY, and that can't be nonsense or just because someone told you.

You have to understand how you aim to progress and have an idea on why it's a better idea than your last. You do not want to end up in a constant circle of "is this better?" or "is that better?" because "I don't know what is better" type thinking just leaves you adrift like a leaf in the wind, and the club will just chew you up and spit you out the other side drunk and a little annoyed.

You have to first think about what you are going out for; you have to take in a big breath and get it completely straight in your mind. Then you have to have a smart way of going about it; you can't think things like "grind on a hot girl tonight", because it has no other strategy to it than "hope for the best" or "get grabby when a girl is close", and then if you get bumped off or whatever, all you practiced that night was being grabby and single-minded.

You have to hold your ideas to a higher standard than the desperate muck that comes easily into your head when around cute girls. You have to come into the night holding yourself to a standard, to an ideal, that will incidentally take you through interactions with women in a favorable way.

• I am going to try to be open tonight

• I am going to take advantage of the fun moments when they come along

• I can't guarantee I will meet a cool girl, but if I do, I want to do something better than I've ever done before

• I won't go overboard on the openness like last time, I'll keep my composure when it's appropriate

• I've noticed a few girls looking at me, maybe I need to address that somehow during the night?

Goals as simple as these aren't going to win you any prizes, but they can be a sign that you are NOT throwing away opportunities out of frustration with your progress. This combined with identifying the right kinds of things to improve on a night out can take you from a grinder to a guy that gets a lot of information from his nights out.

Girls might talk more to you, and a few things might happen out of nowhere, and you might wind up with a number or something because you decided on a whim to just go for it with "that girl".

That is how you want your night to be. You want it to be buoyant, open to change, and full of little insights that make you think on things in a positive way.

You want to challenge yourself; you want to put yourself in situations where you are nervous, but not paralyzed and doomed to fail. You want to chance your way to success on top of a solid process, so that you are never just grinding on something you've done before and won't push you further ahead.

On Thinking You've Reached Some "Level"

I see guys all the time, trying to pretend they have it sorted, then later being depressed when that self-image didn't hold up over the length of the night, and my advice is really quite simple: you have to stop getting so bent up about it, and stop avoiding a clear-minded approach that utilizes what you have around you.

You can't just bury your head in the sand and burrow your way to success, you have to face the stings, and the grazed knees, and the slightly awkward moment when you say the wrong things. Because it is through all this that you start to appreciate the reality around you, and you stop trying to master the answers to the female mind before you play around with how well you can do without them.

My advice to most guys looking to meet girls clubbing is, stop putting this false pressure on yourself to be like someone else, just try to be "damn good" and get BETTER each time. Don't take it all so seriously, have fun in-between, and take breaks. Don't always analyze - sometimes just appreciate the moment or the mood and be a person as much as you are a guy out on the town.

Don't make vows like "Tonight I'm not going to talk to girls, I'm just going to have fun", because come on man, that is no fun, it's just stiff and desperate to win through indirect means.

The biggest part of my night is usually the view, and I don't mean of the girls. I often just like to find a balcony or something, lean over the railing, and think a bit. It's nice, and because I take that time to be a person and to be patient with my frustrations, I always have a good enough time.

You don't want to be one of these guys that strangle the life out of the experience. Learning about women is a VERY cool thing to be doing, it isn't in itself a torture; you have drinks, a party all around you, ample room to just be yourself and mix between being alone, socializing, and getting physical. Don't let your current results force you to stop appreciating where you are and just how well you can do for yourself if you let yourself rise to your best standard and do it one better.

A Bigger Picture

If you really want to improve with women at nightclubs, see the forest, not the tree. Look at the bigger picture, and don't bemoan the present because it isn't providing instant gratification.

Seducing women isn't an instant grab ass thing, it is about freeing yourself from that desperately clawing need to grab ass. And once you feel that success is already around you, you can move into things better and be less of a "woe is me" kind of guy.

Most of my discussions with girls carry this attitude of "well maybe if you relaxed a bit, it'll all work out", because that is how it works. These girls storm around in high heels and go scouting out the best guy talent like it's a business decision, and it gets in their way, forces them to be narrow minded, gets them all caught up in bullshit, and they forget how to just be a girl and have fun without the pretenses and expectations.

I'm never TOO pushy on that line of thought of course; it is just a passing nod or a nudge to help them stop stressing over how good their night will be.

We all have to risk having a mediocre night, we all want a better one, and none of us can just wave a wand that fixes everything, but you have to figure that it is okay, or you are never really going to try anything new out because you are going to be too close to your issues to realize you even have them or ways to fix them readily available.

I want to teach guys how to really learn how to have fun at a night club because it is great fun, but you have to start much slower than you expect. Night clubbing is a long-term investment, and it pays out when you start to get the spirit of what it is about rather than dog fighting in the trenches because you are scared that things might not work out.

There is nothing to be scared of, you can talk to girls online, from social events, and you can find a way to "make do". So don't ever freak out, just stop and think about attitudes and if they are in your best interest or just digging you into a hole, because if you can figure that out, you can actually start to improve on a deep level rather than just screw around with a few techniques.

Cody