Why "I Want to Be Liked" Makes You Unattractive to Others

The other day a reader commented the following on the article about respect in a relationship:

“What I’ve realized is my problem has never been being a closer. Once in a position to close I close. I escalate. Period. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s adrenaline inducing! But until a woman starts showing signs of submitting to me or hinting that she likes me, I feel afraid. I feel like I might lose her if I do something stupid to make her upset. I feel like I can't communicate any of this fear to the woman because she will lose attraction for me. And so, it's a catch 22 because I know if I don't make a confident move, she won't do it first, and her attraction will eventually fade, yet if I make a move and she doesn't go for it (rejects me) I immediately will feel as if I like her more than she likes me. And I HATE with a PASSION for a woman to find out that I liked her more than she likes me. My logical mind says I shouldn't care and that I should just laugh it off and say "whatever", but my emotional mind doesn't agree yet.

...

Have you ever closed girls that showed no visual signs at all of liking to be in your presence? What was your mindset in dealing with them? How'd you handle these girls? Was there any difference (whether subtle or more substantial) than girls who showed more signs of wanting to be seduced? How'd you change their minds if they were on the fence by persisting? And did you notice after the fact that initially aloof girls were glad you persisted and showed your emotions first?”

When you want to be liked... that's a curious thing.

In some ways, wanting to be liked is good and necessary to life as a human being:

• It stops you from being a social retard
• It prevents you from creating lots of enemies
• It makes you a more appealing person people will do more to help

But, unchecked, a need to be liked can often be a very destructive thing.

Unchecked, it leads to hesitation, over-deliberation, and, very often, inaction.

It's not even about making your self-esteem dependent on other people or suffering from far too much anxiety. Those are what most advice dispensers hoist up as the reasons to not care too much about being liked... but they're mere child's play compared to the real reasons this mess you up.

Because if you spent too much time trying to be well-liked, you will miss out on the all best things life has to offer you.