Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Girls Flake Less as Your Value & Scarcity to Them RISES

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girls flaking as a result of value + scarcityWhy do girls flake? Well, they wouldn’t flake if you were a super valuable guy they FEARED missing out on. Therein lies how to cut down girls’ flaking…

Over on the forum, we had a member report that a girl bartender he’d known a while agreed to go out with him, only to later flake, saying she was “getting to know somebody” and didn’t want to “drag neither him nor anybody into anything.” It was after all clear, she said, that his “plan to do something isn’t just as friends.”

In other words, so long as it’s just friends, she’s fine to do it with him.

If it isn’t, though, she isn’t.

Now, it’s possible the girl might’ve liked him romantically… a bit. These things are not always completely black and white. She was pretty friendly with him, and he talks about some lingering touch between them, being in a conversational bubble with her, etc.

Worth noting that all these interactions happened at her bar, where he was a patron of hers, and at one point met up with her there after she got off work for a chat in her bar. So all his interactions with her throughout were still firmly within the ‘customer frame’. It was only when he pushed to meet up with her outside of work that she excused herself.

So, genuinely attracted a bit (just not enough)? Or just a flirty girl? Could’ve been either.

I do, however, want to use this example to talk about the nature of flaking – and how dependent it is on the girl’s perception of a guy’s value + her perception of his scarcity.

Of course if you know girls who are in nightlife or other social venues a lot, you know they tend to be good at keeping things going with many different guys… good at creating this sense of closeness, of this feeling like things are gradually getting somewhere, all without actually allowing these flirtations to progress to the point where the girl has to put out or else lose the guy out of her back pocket.

Doubly so for girls who work wherever the guy visits them – they want cool guys coming back again and again, having nice chats, leaving nice tips.

If a girl likes you a bit, but not enough to definitely go out or hook up with you, the safest place for her to keep you is in that limbo where you simply do not know if she likes you as more than friends or not (sometimes she herself does not fully know… though she also might indeed know!). Then she can continue to enjoy you in her orbit, without having to decide to get serious about you or else cut you off.

However, all this flakiness gets much reduced as your value and scarcity rises in the girl’s eyes.

In fact, get your (subjective to her) value and scarcity high enough, and girls become significantly less likely to flake on you.

When to Switch to BOLD Sex Talk When Talking to Girls

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

bold sex talkSex talk is a tremendous way to set a sexual tone with girls. Usually going TOO bold with it is risky. Yet, in certain situations, “bold” is THE way to go…

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Last week, I discussed elements of strategic calibration when choosing between going verbal or physical as you sexualize and escalate the vibe of your interaction. It’s important to analyze when it is most beneficial to use verbals and when it is better to be physical during the interaction.

We concluded last week:

  1. Generally, in early game, if you opt for a sexual approach to seduction, it comes with pitfalls (Why You Should Set a Sexual Frame... And How to Do It), so sexual verbals may be the better choice. This allows more benefits, and fewer risks, it’s more powerful, and it facilitates later (and bolder) escalation.

  1. Often in the later part of the interaction, switching to physical game is ideal. It’s easier to pull off, more intuitive, and gets the job done. You are less likely to make mistakes choosing the easier option. And if it gets the job done, go for it.

Note that these are general rules. They should be a part of your default modus operandi.

But we all know that pickup and seduction is a complex field with many variables that affect each situation and alter your strategic choices.

So today we will discuss the situations when you should break the two rules above.

This is an advanced post suited for advanced guys who want to increase their meet-to-lay ratio. If you are a beginner, this post may be confusing. Learn to walk before you run.

The first part covers early game, where I describe situations when you should not use sexual verbals.

The second part of the post is when it gets interesting. I will make the case for bold sex talk and when it is far superior to non-verbal physical escalation.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Room Check

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

room checkCheck the room you’re in to look for girls open to an approach – and other chances. The room check (or scan) can be a big help… if you know how to use it.

Here’s a little tactic that can serve as a gamechanger if you aren’t in the habit of using it yet: the room check.

Room checks are simple: you do a complete eyeball scan of a room to see what opportunities you can find. Get good at these, and you can zero in on girls you want to go for in just a few seconds of glancing around.

I should correct myself though – while the tactic is simple, you also have to know what you’re looking for to get much use out of it.

So let’s talk about when to use it, and what you’ll be looking for when you do.

Why Sexually Inexperienced Men Are So Clueless with Women

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

sexually inexperienced men cluelessMany sexually inexperienced men tend toward dogmatic, unrealistic views of women. Why is this so, and how do you get a firmer grasp of feminine realities?

Over the years, our staunchest critics and most vociferous opponents to seduction advice have been not women (many of whom say they like this site) nor sexually and romantically experienced men (who always find something they like here, even if they do not agree with absolutely everything) but men who are sexually inexperienced. Often it doesn’t come out until later in the debate that the guy doesn’t actually have much experience with women – or any at all.

They maintain generalities like:

  • “You can’t get a woman if you [some alleged handicap – aren’t of the same culture, are N years older or younger than her, aren’t willing to do some certain act like pay for meals, etc.]”

To any man with a modicum of romantic experience, the positions sexually inexperienced men hew so firmly to seem extreme, one dimensional, dogmatic, and unrealistic. The inexperienced man views romance as a caricature, warped all out of proportion with its reality.

He is, in other words, clueless.

Not every sexually inexperienced man is dogmatic in his certainty of how everything he has yet to experience in full works. Plenty of men are open-minded. But plenty more are not.

Why should this be so, though? Why can’t a man just read a few things, watch a few things, and know all there is to know about a subject? Why aren’t all men inexperienced in a thing open-minded about the things they have not much experienced?

Seduction According to the Tao of Steve, Pt. 2: Be Excellent

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

tao of steve be excellentTo make women chase you and deeply desire you, you must be better than other men. You must be, in a word, excellent. The Tao of Steve shows how.

Last time, we talked about the first part of the Tao of Steve’s trifecta of seduction maxims, be desireless.

People all want what they can just barely not have – and an attractive man who is personable with her but who for some reason she cannot seem to get to chase her drives a woman wild.

Of course, if ALL you have is desirelessness, it’s not enough.

Buddhist monks are desireless, but you don’t see women lining up to tear their robes off. Ditto for asexuals – no girl’s trying to wriggle her way into Mr. Asexual’s My Little Pony khakis.

Thus, we arrive at maxim #2 from the Tao of Steve: Be Excellent.

But not just any kind of excellent.

The kind of excellent that makes women want to rip your clothes off and get lewd.

Heating Up the Sex Talk with Girls: Verbal vs. Physical Escalation

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

advanced sex talk calibrationIt’s time to heat things up with her. But are you better off choosing sex talk for that, or physical escalation? It depends: one is safer, one is stabler.

Hey guys. Today I will continue the discussion of sex talk calibration. My two previous posts covered the basics of sex talk calibration, and this post enters a more advanced realm. So, this post is suited for upper-intermediate and advanced players.

Escalating the vibe and setting sexual frames, as we know, can be done verbally AND non-verbally (physically). But which is best? What are the pros and cons of each strategy?

More importantly, WHEN during the interaction would sexual or verbal game be most efficient, and when would physical game be the better call?

In an ideal world, you can choose between both depending on your preference. But we all know that we do not live in an ideal world. Many believe the choice of going for verbal over physical game, especially regarding sexual framing and escalation, depends on what you prefer. However, it does not. And this is what we will cover in this post.

It may seem appealing to say, “Why not combine them both?” That is, using both physical and verbal sexual game simultaneously. Two strategies = twice the power, right?

It isn’t that simple. Combining both can backfire and cause resistance if done the wrong way. If you want to know why and learn more about touching when talking about sex (verbal sexual game), check out this post.

Tactics Tuesdays: Framing Phone Calls to Girls in the 2020s

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

calling girls in the 2020sYou can and should still call girls on the phone – but mostly for specific purposes. There’s a trick to it, too: you must frame the call the proper way.

As phone calls have fallen out of fashion, guys feel even more awkward about calling girls now than they have in the past (and guys have always felt awkward about calling girls).

Calls have a somewhat more niche utility these days – but they ARE still immensely useful, and for girls of all ages and backgrounds… so long as you are using them for where they’re useful to use.

Like everything in seduction, however, it is all in how you frame things.

The frame you want when you call most girls nowadays?

One of amused mild befuddlement.

Are You a Girl-Closer or a Wheel Spinner?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

closers vs. wheel spinnersSome guys are closers: they will bed a girl even if it gets a little tough. Many men are wheel spinners: when the going gets tough, they give up. But why?

A short while back I wrote an article where I discussed a forum member who managed to sleep with a girl who was in a new league of beauty for him, but only after overcoming five hours of last-minute resistance.

One reader commented that this was not worth the effort, and not what a self-respecting man with abundant options with women would do. Instead, such a man would simply leave and pick another girl up.

This mentality sounds like it’d be correct, at least in theory. Doesn’t it? After all, we talk about things like outcome independence, willingness to walk away, being the prize, and so on. If it’s too difficult, you should just go find another girl just like her it’s not that difficult with – right?

But real world practice is much different from theory, and things that sound reasonable on paper very quickly become unreasonable in practice.

In practice, you learn that if you want success with women, you must be able to close the girls you’ve got, rather than giving up just before the goal and going out to start the whole process over again seeking out some other girl.

The guys who give up when the going gets tough aren’t the successes.

Instead, these are the guys who end up spinning their wheels more than anybody else.

Nevertheless, there is a reason the men who spin their wheels a lot do so, too – and we’ll talk about that today as well.

Tactics Tuesdays: Embarrassing Stories

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

embarrassing storiesThe embarrassing story: told right it can build you up as it entertains. The secret to a good embarrassing story is a “triumphant subplot” lain within.

One big differentiator between extremely socially skilled and comfortable people and everybody else is the highly skilled conversationalist’s use of (superficially) embarrassing stories.

Smoothly Bring Up Sex Talk with Girls (w/ Fractionated Transitions)

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

transitioning fractionationTo smoothly enter sex talk, it helps if you can slide the topic in with her barely even noticing. But how can you do that? With a fractionated transition.

Today I would like to share a transitioning technique with a very high success rate for smoothly getting into sex talk. I’ll go over the benefits and some cons; no worries, I will list and explain these. It’s an advanced technique and requires good conversational skills and control. Therefore, consider this an advanced post about a technique I teach my most advanced students.

We all know that transitioning into a sexual subject is great for your interaction as it sets a sexual frame and excites her. But it can be challenging to do because of the nature of the subject (women may not be comfortable talking about sex with strangers for many reasons, but mainly, it can trigger her anti-slut defense mechanism). So, there will be times when you try to transition into sex talk with whatever transitional technique you choose, and no matter what you do, it fails.

She resists, she seems aloof, she seems unexcited, and she looks uncomfortable.

If you encounter any of these reactions, the default rule is to quickly end the subject and switch to something else, as they can be forms of resistance. (But she may just find that particular sexual subject boring. However, act as if you were dealing with resistance just to be sure). It is usually best to stop talking about sex to let things cool off and attempt again later with a different topic and see if that bites.

The problem is if she shows discomfort with sex talk, then that likely will not work. Then it is not the subject that doesn’t interest her, but that she is uncomfortable talking about sex.

The go-to rule is that if sex talk doesn’t work, you should focus on something else:

  • Build compliance by showing mixed signals, demonstrating higher value, or using social proof.

  • Sexualize with physical escalation.

These are all reliable strategies in my book.

Forcing something on someone they feel uncomfortable with rarely works unless you really know what you are doing. You ideally want to use sex talk to get her. It has many benefits when it works!

For those cases, this post comes in handy. Let’s go over transitioning into sex talk with women hesitant to jump into the subject. It’s a bit tricky, but it’s not impossible, hence why this post is for advanced players.

Note that this technique will NOT work on women who show heavy resistance to sex talk. With them, just change your strategy.