Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Decision Making in Seduction I: How to Be Cool-Headed

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

cool headed
How you conduct yourself has a big effect on how attractive you are to women. Cool heads in moments of chaos set men significantly apart.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. Today we will discuss another subject that I believe will make you a better seducer.

This subject is one of the variables covered in my post “How to Tell If a Guy Is a Good Seducer” where we covered multiple variables that I believe are what give a guy great success, and more importantly, great consistency – which kind of signifies that the “luck aspect” is less significant for him, hence why he is good.

In that post, we covered the following variables:

Decision making is another subject that I believe has been under discussed. I will make this a two-part article, with the first piece focusing on cool-headedness (the right state of mind to be in whenever facing difficult situations). We will focus more on the practical aspects of decision making in Part 2.

Decision making is key, and it can mean the difference between hitting and missing. Wrong decision? You are out. Think about it. You have a great lead with a girl but suddenly decide to change venues (without her). Well, guess what, you won’t bang that girl. Now, perhaps you may find another girl in the next venue, but what if the next venue sucks and you get no leads? I am sure we’d all agree the decision was bad.

Usually, situations that force you to make decisions hastily result in, sadly, unfortunate decisions. She is resisting, your material is not working, a cockblock shows up, or another wildcard chimes in (e.g., her friend starts puking). These situations can be stressful, forcing you to make a decision, and often quickly. We will discuss these scenarios in further detail next week. However, before you are able to become a good decision maker in the field of seduction, you first and foremost need to understand the importance of cool-headedness.

Cool-headedness is a prerequisite for decision making in dating, pickup, and seduction. To be honest, I think it also is essential for all types of decision making in life.

Therefore, we will focus on this subject first before moving on to the more practical aspects of decision making.

Rehearsing Your Approaches Before You Talk to Girls

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

rehearse an approach
Do you ignore signs of interest from girls or get too nervous to approach? You may want to spend 5 minutes to rehearse approaches and scenarios in your mind.

If you’ve ever gone out to chat up new women and had approach anxiety hit, you know how much it sucked. You wanted to talk to girls, hoped to talk to girls, tried to talk to girls... then couldn’t.

You walked up next to a girl with the long black hair and the tight jeans on the street corner as she waited for the light to change. You said nothing.

You took a seat in a café next to a girl with medium-length blonde hair and big googly glasses. She glanced at you a few times, and you tried to summon your nerve. Yet your nerve went unsummoned, and you and her never spoke.

That night you went out with your buddies to the lounge, and this one girl in a sequined dance danced over right near you. You could tell she wanted to meet you. You tried to get yourself to say hi, but you didn’t say anything.

It might be you just weren’t socially warmed up. You lack social momentum, and needed to do some warm-ups – but you hadn’t done them yet.

You wish you could just spring into action the moment you saw a girl.

Is there a way you could?

Perhaps there is. Next time you go out, try to rehearse your approaches first.

Resistance/Susceptibility to Influence

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

susceptibility to influence
Everyone out there is trying to influence you. How susceptible are you to that influence – and how susceptible are those around you?

I wanted to write a quick post (that turned out not to be so quick) on resistance and susceptibility to influence. This article is something of a cousin piece to my piece on grouping and herding in dating from last week.

The subject of this article - resistance and susceptibility to influence- goes for you and the people around you. Your friends, your family, your workmates, your lovers, partners, and dates.

Everyone is susceptible to the influence of other people and forces. The degree of susceptibility varies from person to person, and situation to situation. Some people are more easily influenced than others. Some situations make it easier to influence people than others. Most people are only marginally aware (at best) of their influencability.

If you are susceptible to influence but do not realize it, other people can step into your mind and make you think things and believe things you might not really want to think or believe. This can lead you to taking actions you might previously not have agreed with. Sometimes this turns out to be beneficial; sometimes not really.

For an example of the beneficial sort, I had a friend in university who influenced me to apply for an internship with Nike and pick up a minor in supply chain. Until this friend, I did not care about getting a job after school, was doing the minimum necessary to get through school, and disdained the idea of internships. Yet because of this friend, who'd had an impressive co-op run building a new supply chain process at Tyco, I grew excited about getting a good job and doing better in school. I didn't get the internship, but came in second in a pool of 200 candidates and got some very valuable feedback from the interviewer which played a key role in me getting the job I did get, a year later. I got more a lot more focused on school and got straight As again the next semester, for the first time in years. And I got my dream job on the first try - I zeroed in on them and the job fair and blew their socks off in my interview. Had that friend not influenced me, none of that would've happened.

Years later, I was in a startup where one of my business partners influenced me to open up the purse strings more than I thought was wise, against my instincts and all the reading I'd done on startups spending all their money too quick being one of the #1 reasons they go under. He influenced me to do a number of other things more in-tune with how he thought we should do things and less in tune with how I thought we should. We ran out of money and I had to close the business and lay everyone off. The partner who'd influenced me to spend more managed to negotiate the rights to the business away from myself and the other partner (despite having joined the startup much later, and having taken far more capital out of it than he'd put into it), then sold those rights to another group of founders. The business is now a successful venture-backed business doing everything I originally wanted to do, and would've had it do... had we not run out of funds so quick.

I don't regret the experience (I enjoy Girls Chase much more as a business; and I received a lifetime of invaluable lessons in negotiation, predatory partnerships, and sticking to your guns - plus a healthy dose of business confidence after I found I'd been right all along), but the outcome was a direct result of that business partner influencing me to act in ways contrary to how I'd have acted on my own.

Every human being is susceptible to the influence of other human beings. There are no exceptions to this. Locate the strongest, most resolute human being in the world, and I guarantee you we can find a way to make him crack with enough time, and the right people, in the right situation.

The question we want to look at today though is how susceptible vs. resistant are you and those around you?

How to Become a Passionate Man

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

how to become passionateCommenting on my article about 12 common unsexy nice guy traits, a reader named Colin writes:

“Your article stings and hurts [f]or one reason...which is #8 on this list [don't have any interests or passions]. That's me. That's the reason I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I need specific help.”

We've had a lot of guys ask the "How to be passionate?" question over the years. Most of the advice out there is ephemeral - you've got to search for what you're passionate about! they tell you. Makes for a nice sound bite, and while it is true, it is also pretty useless, as far as advice goes.

We're going to nail it down for you today, and give you some practical tips you can use to immediately get the 'passion' area of your life handled.

Because, well, everything's better with passion. Until you reach the point where everything's better with Zen... however, that's a discussion for another day.

Today, let's put the magnifying glass on passion, and see how to add it into your life even when it seems like it isn't there.

Tactics Tuesdays: Fun Ways to Use Reverse Psychology

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

reverse psychology
“You shouldn’t do this” – there’s no better way to get someone to do it than to tell her not to. Here’s how to use reverse psychology in dating and relationships.

In a comment on my article last week about orgasm anchoring, a reader named Edgy asks:

“Hey Chase! Any perspectives on how reverse psychology ties in with seduction?”

... and absolutely; it’s a real fun topic.

(aside: apologies for my delays on responding to comments, by the way. We’re doing a reshoot of several of the One Date lessons in May + shooting a bunch of other stuff, and all the logistical, writing, and managing prep for that has left me even less time than usual. I will get to comments, though!)

The gist of reverse psychology is that you advocate for the opposite of what you want someone to think, feel, or do. “Do not push!” written on a button, for instance – you can’t help but want to push that button, just to see what happens.

In terms of dating and relationships, that might mean you tell your date or girlfriend to do the opposite of what you in fact wish her to do. Or it might mean you act like you support the position opposite the one you hope she herself will choose.

Before you think this is some passive-aggressive way to get your way, think again. It’s a quite powerful psychological device – and you can use it in a variety of ways.

Grouping and Group Herd Effects in Dating and Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

herd mentality
Despite our language and identities, people move in herds. You have three (3) tools to get the girl you want from her tribe: integration, separation, and absorption.

We think of ourselves as individuals. Separate, unique, we act entirely of our own volition.

Yet man is a herd animal. Cram him into a wall-to-wall, shoulder-to-shoulder crowded concert or train station, then spook the herd, and you kick off a stampede. People may die, crush others, or trample, as throngs of panicked individuals, each catching the sense of panic from the next, surge over and against each other for the exits. In the aftermath of some deadly stampedes, investigators can find no emergency and cannot even figure out what caused the panic.

Show a man a market craze that everyone is getting in on and watch him lose his mind. In China, peer-to-peer lending has exploded as the economy has declined, even though defaults on these loans are sky high and the prospect of getting a return is dim. A few months earlier in the West, a Bitcoin craze thundered across the market. It was unrelated to any improvement in the usability or acceptance of Bitcoin as a currency – in fact, over the past several years, Bitcoin has only grown worse as a currency. 100% of Bitcoin’s increased valuation was due to market speculators buying up Bitcoin to cash in on the craze. Yet during Bitcoin fever, everyone was an optimist, telling friends, family members, and coworkers to “buy, buy, buy!” Today, five months after the crush began, the price of Bitcoin has come very close to where it was before the stampede ever began; in the process, thousands of people made fortunes, and thousands of others lost them (I personally know a few folks on both sides). Every bit of those gains and losses came at the expense or benefit of someone else gambling the other way.

(side note: fun dub of a Russian music video a friend of mine who was heavily invested in Bitcoin shared with me during the peak of the Bitcoin craze):

These, of course, are extreme scenarios.

And much of the time, even for people aware of human herd mentality, the concept gets peacefully tucked away into a kind of “only in extremes” awareness. Only in extreme situations, we tell ourselves, do humans behave in mindless, herd-like ways. The rest of the time, we are those unique, separate, totally consciously in-control individuals we tell ourselves we truly are.

However, this isn’t how it works at all. Man, as a social animal, is every bit as groupish as ants, horses, biofilms, and wildebeest. More to the point for our purposes, if you want to peel a woman out of her group, or get her to do what you wish in public, an understanding of how grouping and herding works in the people you’d like to influence is key.

State Control, Pt. 3: Awareness

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

in-venue awareness
Situational awareness makes a huge difference in your ability to meet and connect with women. You must notice the right things – and filter out noise and distractions.

Today we are going to talk more about state. Previously we discussed what is was – primarily a social and sexual state – and how it can be useful to be in such state when out meeting women. We also discussed how to get into and manage this state.

What we will discuss today is a topic that has not been discussed much in this scene – awareness. I will explain what I mean by the term and how it is useful. That said, I know some of you become skeptical when one uses terms such as “awareness.” This is partly due to the term being vastly used in spirituality and other similar stuff. Whether or not you believe in such things, I can tell you right now that this post has nothing to do with that. In fact, what we will cover is actually rather practical in nature.

Besides feeling slightly social (but not too much, as we discussed) and preferably sexual (in order to sub-communicate sexual intent), I find the most ideal state is to be relaxed and aware. Think of a Zen-like state, where your head is clear and you feel calm, and you see everything going on around you. It is like seeing the whole world from a third perspective. You see who talks to whom, you see who knows whom. You also see who is attracted to whom. And more importantly, you easily spot who is looking at you.

You also easily spot girls who are logistically available. Think of a girl standing on a podium attention whoring verses the girl sitting alone in a corner. Or let us say you are inside a noisy club and happen to prefer using verbal seduction. Suddenly you spot your favorite girl grabbing her pack of smokes and heading outside. That is the time when you wait a minute and “coincidentally” go out for a smoke/fresh air yourself.

How to Build a Harem, Pt 2: Jealousy and Discretion

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

jealousy and discretion
When you have more than one girlfriend, a few rules are key: she may suspect you see other women, but you must never give her PROOF.

Welcome back to the Harem Series!

In Part 1, I shared the vital importance of Queen Theory, and why every woman you’re dating emotionally must feel like your #1 woman at all times.

I also recently wrote an article where we talked about the core differences between monogamy and non-monogamy: getting bored and losing interest versus dealing with jealousy, respectively. In that article, I discussed how to prevent boredom from seeping into your monogamous relationships. So now we’ll discuss how to prevent jealousy in non-monogamous relationships, and the importance of being discreet.

This article was inspired by something I witnessed one night while in one of the cafes I frequent. I know a few of the regulars who go there. There’s a cute girl, Rebecca, who is sought after by some of the guys, including my friend Rob. Rob has been after Rebecca for over a year, but she’s never paid him any heed, even though they were friends. Eventually Rob moved on, and a few months later started to date a new woman, Elizabeth, whom he brings to the café from time to time after she gets off work. I’ve met Elizabeth, and she’s cute, fun, and cool.

However, this act sparked a new interest in Rob – from Rebecca! After all, preselection is one of the surest signs of an attractive man, and girls are copy cats; they want what other women have. This caused Rebecca to start pestering Rob and his business partner Dave on afternoons while they were both working when Elizabeth wasn’t there yet.

That night, I witnessed Dave take a chance and seduce Rebecca just to see how far he could get. Elizabeth wasn’t there, and Rob was playing a video game on his computer, facing Dave across the table. Rebecca went right along with Dave and did it in her own way; she placed herself on Dave’s lap right in front of Rob while she and Dave were flirting with each other. And I got a second-row seat to the action as well. It got to the point where Dave was massaging her back and putting his fingers in her mouth while she was giving him sultry looks. Rebecca was openly talking with Dave about great sex, and Dave could have taken her out to the back right then and there and shagged her if he wanted.

She was having fun, but she was also doing all this because of her jealousy for Rob and Elizabeth. Rebecca really wanted to make sure he saw how desirable she was to his business partner. Some guys might ask “Why didn’t Rebecca just get with Rob when she had the chance?” Well, it doesn’t always work that way with women. The point of this story is also to show you how jealousy can manifest – and it can cause some extreme behavior.