Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Turn Offs for Women: What NOT to Do

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By: Chase Amante

turn offs for womenI made a terrible mistake once, a long time ago.

I told a girl I loved her before we'd ever kissed, been on a date, or slept together.

I was young, passionate, full of powerful, swirling emotions, and hormones that raged like a fiery dervish. I felt it was a smart move; she'd flirted with me for a long time, had even asked me out long before (I'd been too scared to say "yes"). She had to know, I decided. So, I told her. I told her I loved her.

And I never heard from her again.

Ha, whoops, I thought the next day. That was a mistake.

But, you live and learn. It ended up playing a part in finally motivating me to get my act together and start fixing things in my life with women.

I share this because I had a reader write in to share his story and ask for my take: he's young, like I was; he'd been calling and texting back and forth with a girl like crazy, and they'd shared a few dances. He'd asked her on a date, she'd been coy.

Finally, emotions welling up inside of him, he could no longer keep them pent up inside; and, like the me of yesteryear, he simply had to tell her how he felt.

"You don't see it, do you?" he texted her. "I'm in love with you."

Can Women Change Men... And What Happens When They Do?

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By: Chase Amante

women change menThe other day, my girlfriend was upset with me again and creating drama. This is to be expected, as she's a high energy, energetic girl with a lot going on right now; I understand and commiserate. This is how it is with women and drama. But there's one thing she was trying to do that irked me somewhat.

She was trying to change me.

To any man out there who's ever had a girlfriend before, you probably know what I'm talking about. Women universally want men to change. It's only in those rare moments during the honeymoon phase of the relationship -- usually the first 90 days or so -- that this doesn't go on.

You also get a brief reprieve following a major capitulation, but this doesn't last and only breeds more struggles in the long term.

In any event, there's a famous quote about marriage by the eminent physicist (and philanderer, as it turns out) Albert Einstein, which we can pretty easily extrapolate to relationships of all sorts. What Einstein said was this:

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

Hmm. Guess they should've given him a Noble prize in humanities, too.

How to Act When a Girl Rejects You

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By: Chase Amante

girl rejects youYesterday I went out with a guy I mentor, and he asked to watch me do some direct daytime approaches.

"Sure, no problem," I told him.

I scouted around for a while, and saw a really cute girl walking along, wearing a blue blouse and big sunglasses, apparently looking for a taxi, her cell phone in hand. Usually I don't go for women who are visibly occupied like that -- taxi-searching and texting / calling, as her headspace is going to be elsewhere -- but I wasn't seeing all that many cute girls around solo, so up I went.

"I saw you walking here, and I had to come tell you," I began -- and she put her hand up and waved me off. "...that you're incredibly cute. I'm Chase," I finished. She waved me off again. I walked next to her, matching her stride.

"What's your name, then?" I asked, sticking my hand in her direction. She smiled, turned her head away, and waved me off again.

"I'm sure you've got to be called something," I said. "Your friends don't just call you this [I demonstrated waving], right?" She cracked a bigger smile, laughed, and kept walking.

Teasing a Girl the Right Way

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By: Chase Amante

teasing a girlA reader recently wrote in to ask me why I thought his text conversations weren't going anywhere. He's been working really hard to get his game tightened down, and thought he was doing well... but here, again, he could feel this girl slipping away. The texting transcript he sent picks up mid-conversation:

Him: You suck with directions. Lol. Are you from the city?

Girl: haha I dont know what the streets are called1 Just know theres one down a side haha. Its by the big bungy thing, down a little street:-)

Him: haha. You suck. Need to get a gps then. Can you cook?

Girl: haha sorry:-) uhmm like simple things. and if I had instructions then yeah lol

Him: Imple things like biting your nails or fun things? I like dangerous stuff:)

Girl: haha as in easy stuff

Girl again:haha as in easy

Him: Im just finished with my engineering project. I think youll find it interesting. Are you a metal head or a classical music type like me?lol

Girl: Haha uhmm, not really... More party side.lol

Him: Im running seminars in the city next week,. We should go grab a coffee and you can come by...

Girl: I have exams and school next week.

Him: Im running it in the weekend. But your missing out! IM hungry. Make me some soup.

Girl: Um, Whats it about?

Then he replied with some brief info about his seminar, and... nothing. She never replied. It was lost. And he didn't know why. Was she just not interested? he wondered.

Actually, she sounds pretty interested early on. How'd he lose her? Well, it's a little more complicated than you might think. And, as the subject of today's post, one of the main problems it turns out is that he wasn't quite teasing this girl the right way. Because this isn't just a texting issue -- it goes deep into how you hold conversations with women in general. And if you aren't teasing women right, you may very well be costing yourself a lot of success with girls you like.

Non-Supplication: Why Working to Impress Women Doesn't Work

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By: Chase Amante

impress women"Can you get me a glass of water?" she asked me. "Please?" She gave me big, dewy doe eyes, and her cutest, most charming pursed lips.

"It's over there," I said playfully, pointing to the water cooler. "You can get it yourself."

"Oh!" she exclaimed in mock frustration, getting up to go get herself more water.

Does it offend your sensibilities that I told her to do that? It might offend some people's. How can a guy be so cold as to not even go and get a girl a glass of water? they think.

But it isn't about being cold. It's about returning to the basics of sprezzatura and the Law of Least Effort; it's about understanding that the men who supplicate -- the men who kiss up -- the men who try to impress women -- those men end up holding the bag.

It's about understanding what women are really attracted to... and what causes them to lose that attraction. And it's about understanding that where the line is, and how much is too much when it comes to doing for women.

What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back

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By: Chase Amante

girl doesn't text backWhat to do when a girl doesn’t text back? First: don’t panic. Second: do things right next time. Third: read this and get her texting again.

A reader writes in:

I found something strange. Everytime Im having long interactions with girls in pickups on the streets, I bomb. I mean, she dont text back. It reminds me of Murphies law: If everything cant go wrong, IT WILL. I recently approached 10 women of which gave me attraction signals. They touched me, called me cute, called me the most interesting person, smiled, was high energy, stayd 20 minutes with me, and asked me to text them. I had good interactions with them and was smoothe and confident. I bonded wtih them and made plans to see them. They never texted back and I dont nkwo why.

I did another experiment where I cutted my interaction short about 3 minutes and asked for the number. Most of the shorter ones agreed on dates and texted back, and note, most of them gave me negative signs first. Is it because women use guys that they give fake "attraction signals?" Why do they seem so much into me at first but never bother to actually get into contact again? It happens over and over so much that when a girl give me signals thats too good to be true,I can almost predict that I will never hear from her again and Im alwasy right. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but I think the women who give you immediate signals are maybe time waster"? And what is your thoughts, do you find the same?

Brings back memories.

When I first started chatting up girls more, I noticed an odd trend: the women I spoke to for longer periods of time, who seemed more into me, ended up being less likely to ever return my phone calls or texts!

How bizarre, I thought to myself. This certainly doesn't make much sense.

But the numbers didn't lie. So, I did the only logical thing I could think to do: I worked to shorten the time I'd spend with girls whose phone number I intended to grab, and only spend a longer time with girls I intended to take home that day or night.

Almost overnight, the problem of girls not texting back and girls not calling back all but disappeared. But it still left me scratching my head a bit... why did spending more time with a girl and having her come to like you more lead to her falling off the face of the Earth and not returning text and calls later?

 

Opening Body Language

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By: Chase Amante

opening body languageThe other day I had a reader send me a question about body positioning during opening: is it better to open over your shoulder, he wanted to know, or facing toward the girl?

It's a somewhat confusing topic, actually, and one I've seen a lot of guys struggling with when they're starting out. They walk up to meet a new girl, but they have their bodies positioned all wrong and the opener goes a little awkwardly -- or worse, the girl even ignores them outright. Having the wrong body positioning when you say "hi" can be downright make or break for your success with a new woman. So the question of how to position yourself -- whether opening full body or opening over your shoulder -- is actually a very good question to ask.

And... the answer to that question? Well, like so many things in the social and seductive arts: it depends.

You'll find that either of the different body positionings is effective in different scenarios. Further, you'll find that the exact angle you give to a girl is going to be different depending on the girl and the situation. It is, like most of seduction, nuanced, and it's an art.

Get to Know a Girl: Connection-Building Tactics

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By: Chase Amante

get to know a girlA guy meets a girl he thinks he might really like. She's cute, she has a great energy about her, and there's something about her – the way she looks at him, the way she smiles and laughs when he says something funny, the way he feels just being in her presence – that makes him get a little excited about her.

What comes next though is that one thing that's troubled so many men throughout history: once you've found one that you like, how do you get to know a girl?

In this post, I'm going to take a look with you at the old concept of "screening and qualifying," at how men usually get to know girls – and the mistakes they make – and at deep diving once again.

Best of all, I'm going to introduce you to a very different way of thinking about getting to know women from the traditional screening and qualifying mindset that's so pervasive out there right now, that's guaranteed to help you fit the pieces together in a much more streamlined way.

Let's dive in.

Dating Advice for Men: Why NOT to Get It from Women

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By: Chase Amante

dating advice for menIn the recent post that discusses whether you should pay for a date, a reader comments:

A woman's perspective: If you invite her, you pay. If the guy asked me, so he should pay. I really don't think this is unreasonable. I do, however, think that it is unreasonable to invite someone out and then expect them to pay for themself or for both of you- probably they would, out of politeness, but would be very angry about it and would never see you again.

I once met a great guy who basically made me pay for the dinner he invited me to. I wrote him off and never saw him again. What a cheapskate!!

All I'm saying is that basically, if you follow this man's advice and don't pay for a woman on a date when you invited, you will lose your chance with her. Nobody expects you to spend a week's wages on a fancy meal. But if you invite, you should pay. Same as when I invite (and I do, and so do many women), I pay.

Lisa

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I think women kick ass. All my current and former lovers count me as one of their best friends, if not their very best friend, and I frequently discuss a lot of deep relationship and social dynamic stuff with women. I find that the average woman has a much firmer intuitive grasp of the way people are and the way people work than the average man does, and when you explain advanced social concepts, women are often quicker to parse them, pick them up, and arrive at intuitive mental corollaries than men are.

That said, and I hope no one takes it personal, but... women are the WORST on the planet at giving out dating advice for men.

Reference Points and Changing Worldviews

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By: Chase Amante

reference pointsI'm being driven nuts right now about a discussion I'm having with my girlfriend about something we've already discussed and I thought was settled. It has to do with a difference in belief systems; I show her solid evidence and research from the West proving my position, she returns to hearsay, word-of-mouth, and ingrained beliefs she's getting from friends in the East who aren't actually informed on the matters at hand but have firm beliefs on them nonetheless.

She's normally a very logical, rational girl, but this specific matter is driving her uncharacteristically batty, and she's falling back to fears refuted by science but given weight by popular opinion. Understanding why this happens to otherwise sane, rational individuals is key to understanding how people's views of the world are built and maintained.

It's similar to the autism-vaccine "debate" that's going on in the States right now, or the electricity-cancer "debate." No matter how much research is done to show that there is absolutely, positively, no link whatsoever between vaccines and autism, or power stations and cancer, people continue to believe there are causal links anyway, because they've seen and heard sources that support their position.

The worst part is, it doesn't matter where those sources got their information from. It doesn't even matter if the sources outright say, "I just know it." The only thing that matters is that there are, indeed, sources that support the position.

Enter reference points: something I've mentioned at times on this blog but haven't devoted an actual post on (see "How to Get Real Girls" and "Social Status: Building It and Using It" for the latest posts that mentioned these). Reference points and reference experiences are what we use to define our belief systems, worldviews, and ideas about reality, and they're absolutely crucial to the way we see life on Planet Earth.