There’s an epidemic these days of men bitching, whining, and moaning about women. Yet a man’s attitudes toward women tell women a whole lot about him…In influence, there is this phenomenon known as social proof.
When you run into a potentially awkward situation with a woman, you need to ask yourself: will she be the one who controls the frame, or will it be you who does?How much of seduction is words, appearance, or actions... and how much of it is just frames?
If I walk up to a woman and she acts like she doesn't want me and I accept that frame, that was frames.
Likewise, if I walk up to a woman and she acts like she doesn't want me, then I persist with her in a charming way that conveys I know she really does want me, and she decides she finds me intriguing and starts to feel attraction, that was frames too.
If someone accuses me of something, and I accept the accusation and feel ashamed and bashfully apologize, that's frames.
Just the same, if someone accuses me of something, and I parry that accusation and making a convincing case that in fact I was in the right all along, and the other party backs down, well that too is frames.
Frames run as a constant undercurrent throughout all social interaction. If you've followed along with Alek Rolstad's latest series on frames, you know you can divide frames up into social and sexual, for instance. You know, from his series and our other pieces here on frame control, of various ways you can adjust, tweak, and impose your frames.
Good frame control consists of the expert interplay between known facts and offered explanations. If I saw someone grab my basketball and walk off the basketball court with it, and I believe he stole it and am about to alert the police officer standing nearby, you won't change my mind by insisting that I'm wrong and I didn't see it and that guy did not steal the basketball. However, you might change my mind by telling me he's a good guy and he only just took the basketball to reinflate it because it was low on air and getting flat, and that he'll be right back with it.
If you're telling the truth, you'll have saved a good Samaritan from a run-in with the police; if you're lying, you'll have allowed a thief to escape with my basketball. Either way, by pulling me into your frame, you have altered the course of events.
Frames won't always be as cut-and-dry as 'stealing or not stealing' either.
Many times what is being framed is something fuzzy:
In the end, what determines how a great many things in your social life go is how good you are at framing: how expertly you frame, how well you tie the frames you establish to known facts and details, and how believably you convey your own belief in the frames you purport to hold.
Sexual frames are crucial to taking your courtships out of the platonic. Yet unlike social frames, they won’t set themselves. You must set them intentionally to see romance blossom.Hey guys, and welcome back!
So far, we’ve learned what a frame was in my post, “What is a frame?” We discussed how frames are internal and external points of view in the way we interpret something.
Setting a frame in a social interaction becomes the art of affecting the way someone perceives:
A discussion
A phenomenon
Its interlocutors (you) and their role with the contribution to the frame
We have previously discussed social frames, namely the social aspect of seduction.
Women have an internal social frame. It’s the way she sees herself in the social world. These aspects play key roles:
Social identity
Value system
In her selection of mates, she is more likely to allow herself to be stimulated mentally and sexually (and hence hook up) with a mate that suits her social frame. These include her social identity (socio-economic and cultural background), value systems, and all the expectations that stem from them.
When a man sets a social frame incoherent with hers, resistance occurs. Most likely, she will hold herself back from getting carried away by your escalation (we call this female state control, or FSC).
How'd you like to meet more girls during the daytime -- more easily?
In this video, in advance of the release of Hector's day game course Meet Girls Everywhere, I interview Girls Chase's own Hector Castillo about all things day game.
Hector reveals some of his day game secrets... how he got started in day game (and how he got good)... how day game compares to other forms of game... and more.
Give our interview a watch here:
(if the video didn't load the first time make sure you RELOAD the page; you'll only need to do once if it didn't load... some JavaScript thing)
Many guys make the mistake of asking lots of superficial questions without paying attention to what girls say.Hey guys, and welcome back!
Today we will go over a basic technique: how to keep a conversation interesting and intriguing, garnering you bonus points. Becoming skilled at this will help you generate compliance with women.
At times you’ll meet women who get one over on you. They extract a free drink or meal, ditch you for another guy, use you for an ego boost, or more. How should you respond?On our forum, there's a field report a member of ours shared where a beautiful girl he met in a nightclub tricked him into buying a drink, then strung him along after that.
The drink-buy then triggered the predictable possession/reciprocation instinct any guy who's been manipulated into buying things for women has experienced. That in turn led our forum member, who's usually a pretty solid guy, to make a bunch more mistakes and dig a much deeper hole than he normally would.
He was honest about how things went:
... and all those emotions caused him to continue to pursue this girl, digging himself into a deeper and deeper hole.
I went through many such situations early on in my seduction career.
Most guys will -- especially guys who do night game, and especially guys who do clubs.
When it happens, you will typically know you are doing something wrong -- as Beam did here -- but you will do it anyway, driven by emotions of wanting to get back your pride, balance things out with this woman who tooled you, and save face.
But this is almost never the right course of action: it won't get you the girl, and it won't improve your outing.
Instead, you must deal with embarrassing/humiliating situations with women in-field in a different way.
When you’re about to let her go, yet she still hesitates, she may not be ready for things to end. Rather than end them there, you can extend your interactions… and go further.You approached a girl on the beach, chatted, flirted, then took her contact info. Then, as you were about to depart, she looked at you, hair fluttering about her face in the wind, shy, hesitant, as if she wanted to say something, or was waiting for you to.
You approached a girl on the train, chatted, flirted, and took her contact info. As you arrived at her stop, three stops before yours, she seemed hesitant to leave, pausing, waiting, leaving dead space in the air as she stared into your eyes.
You approached a girl at a bar, chatter, flirted, moved her a bit, and took her contact info. As you prepared to return to your friends, she fell silent, gazing at you, as if wanting you to do something other than what you were.
You took a girl onto a date, connected with her, laughed with her, bounced her to the second venue you meant to bounce her to, and finally moved to wrap up the date. Yet as you told her you had a great time, she got quieter, told you that yeah, so did she, then lingered, not leaving, not turning away.
When you encounter situations like these, where you've made the approach or taken the girl onto the date, yet she hesitates at the end of it, waiting on you expectantly, surprising you (because you expected a nice simple cleave from the interaction here), what can you do?
The simplest answer is extend the interaction... and see if you can't go further.
Every man on Earth who ever pursues a woman uses some type of game. Yet not all kinds of game are equal. We review the five (5) types of game men use with women.Every sort of approach men use to meet women is some type of game.
Not every type of game is as effective as others. And men using one type of game can vary in their skill level and effectiveness within that type of game by a lot.
No man is constrained to just one sort of game. Many readers on this website arrive having primarily used one type of game, yet switch to another after studying here.
Further, many men who may even be good at one kind of game at some point switch to another, either because that other type offers better consistency or greater convenience.
Today, we'll review five (5) major types of game, under which we can classify all approaches men make to bring new women into their lives. They are:
We'll start with the most basic form -- 'hang around' game -- first.
Playboys aren’t like ordinary men. Students must realize that while you can adopt the playboy’s material to have more success, his goals will tend to be different than theirs.Yesterday I wrote an article on having healthier relationships by focusing on turning relationships mutual, rather than adversarial. Not 'compromise', not 'give and take', mind you; mutual.
When I wrote that article, I dove into the research on agreeableness. I thought agreeableness might play a big role in that article, but it ended up with a small part.
However, I did find it relevant for a different conversation I was in. It consisted of a few long-time players I know, both in their 40s, who are in the midst of their wife hunts. The discussion they had, which I joined in, was why do so few playboys and seduction coaches marry beautiful, wholesome wives from their home countries in conventional monogamous marriages?
Obviously there are men who marry beautiful, wholesome wives from their home countries in conventional monogamous marriages. But this is typically not seduction coaches or natural playboys. Instead these men normally do one of the following:
Marry a (sometimes beautiful) girl from their home country but have a non-monogamous marriage (i.e., they're swingers or they have an open marriage)
Marry a girl from their home country in a monogamous marriage, but the girl is very unattractive (even if the guy in question historically dated good-looking girls)
Marry a beautiful, wholesome girl into a wholesome relationship, but the girl is not from their home country (even if the guy has dated more girls from his home country than any other point of origin)
Their concern was, "Maybe the guys who are teaching this stuff and the guys who are learning this stuff are not so perfectly aligned."
The friends I had this discussion with are fairly advanced playboys, who have been in the seduction community for 15+ years, have perfectly respectable notch counts, and have studied under many of the more notable pickup instructors over the years.
Both are in the midst of 'wife hunts' and, struggling with this (i.e., they lay hot girls, but then those girls don't stick around... or they get girls who want to stick around, but those girls aren't hot, or they have problems), have started to question some of their methods and teachers.
The question I'll pose for today is... what is the difference between advanced seducers and ordinary men?
And does this mean if you are like 98% of men, and you are just an ordinary guy searching for an ordinary wife, you should be doing something different than what these teachers tell you?
Are your romantic relationships mutual… or adversarial? If you want a healthy relationship, you must seek to make yours as mutual (for both parties) as you can.There has been this rise in what I'd term an 'adversarial approach' to romance.
In a way, the modern seduction community itself came from this. Women were out there, according to the seduction community, with their ' shields', seeking to resist men, to screen them, and test them, and men had to figure out ways to overcome these challenges and cause women to submit to them rather than brush them off.
(I never liked the terms 'bitch shield' or 'shit test', which is why we shortened them to 'shields' and 'tests' here. Even then these terms are still a bit too adversarial for my tastes, but when I began the site those terms were already established and I didn't want to totally reinvent the wheel, so we used them as-is)
It's not only the seduction community. Everything about Western romance has this touch of adversity to it.
Women advising other women say to 'never settle', as if love is this battle for the absolute best man and anything short of that is selling oneself up the river. Men talk about women not being 'worth learning all this', as if to enter a relationship one must learn a form of extreme combat that is no longer worth the reward one gets at the end of it. Women and men alike complain that the opposite sex is no good and not worth being with.
Modern relationship advice often talks about 'compromise', as if the two sides of a relationship are at war, and must come to an accord to move forward on things.
Yet a healthy relationship is not this way.
A healthy relationship is a mutual relationship.
It is one where partners do things together because it is mutually beneficial to do so, and because they enjoy being with and serving each other in their unique man and woman roles.
