A short while back I wrote about transitioning from a social or sexual vibe to an intimate vibe. In the comments, Xander asked about vibe transitions in general. He gave as examples some of the difficulties he’s had trying to transition between different vibes:
Chase,
I wonder how to properly balance the use of intimate and social vibes. I have this "problem" that when I express one type of vibe, I can't do another at the same time, that is, it's very difficult when I try to combine them. Cases go like this:
1. I have a great, fun and bonding conversation with a girl. There may also be some spontaneous sexual tension. She friend zones me after all that. Since I'm already in the friend zone, further attempts to build an intimate vibe are unsuccessful because none of them want to go out with me, but a superficial acquaintance.
2. Strong sexual tension/chemistry is felt before I approach her or at the beginning of getting to know her. Because I'm so horny I can't bring myself to be super social and reach the hook up point when approaching, so interactions with these women are short lived. Also, if we are far away I can't start touching her and if we are close to each other she starts touching me "accidentally" for a while or we both start touching each other "accidentally" before she pulls away and puts up barriers.
3. After some time in the conversation, I manage to show an intimate vibe, so there is everything and an initial good conversation and an intimate vibe. However, when she feels my arousal, she starts to push back towards platonic conversation and thus destroys all sexual tension.
I have read the article in detail, but it is still not clear to me how should we balance these two vibes. Should we give preference to one? Are they used first one and then the other or both at once or both at once and then only one etc.? And most importantly, how do we create a mental state so that we can easily move from one to the other?
Xander’s problem is a common one. It’s among the more frustrating sticking points guys will have once they’ve gotten active in the field and with dating. There’s a certain vibe – a certain feel – to the interaction you’re in… but you want to change it to another.
Except when you try to do that, you fail! Or perhaps you don’t have much of an idea how to do it in the first place.
I’d like to go into a bit more detail about vibe transitions here. Let’s take this tangled, ephemeral subject and make it a bit more concrete.
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