Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Easing a Guilty Conscience After Breaking a Girl's Heart

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By: Chase Amante

woman crying and man looking sadIf you’ve broken a girl’s heart, it’s easy to feel guilty. There are reasons not to let that feeling linger, though, because all things mend – broken hearts included.

On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated", reader 90210 comments:

Chase,

I had a wonderful two years relationshp with this amazing girl. We eventually broke up after a big fight and ended on good terms.

I got hold of her journal (we had a shared Google account, I think she forgot about it)

And what I read broke my heart. I saw the relationship from her perspective. All her hopes and dreams on me. She was convinced I was the one. She wanted to marry me and have kids together. Our fights hurt her deeply and she used the journal as an escape.

I saw her raw, unfiltered thoughts. How she thought I was the greatest guy she's ever met. How she was not sure about how serious I was with the relationship. How she would do anything for me. How she would be my greatest supporter in my mission. How she was so madly in love with me that she couldn't stop thinking about me.

She never told me about the marriage thing nor did I set the wrong expectations.

But I gave her the best relationship she's ever had. She never failed to mention it. She invester so much in that relationship. The gifts she gave me were so expensive that I had to swerve by my no gift policy.

She's a great gal but not a perfect girl, if you know what I mean. Focussing on pick up and bringing more beautiful girls in my life is something I really want. So the breakup worked in my favour.

She hasn't chased me down. While we ended on good terms, she's still very cold and distant.

But I just can't shake this feeling of sadness for her. That I might have broken her hopes of finding a decent guy.

I feel so much regret for unknowingly leading her on. I feel so much regret for giving her hopes and then shattering that promise of a shared future.

At this point, if I could pair her up with a guy suitable for her, who would give her what she wants and make her happy, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I just want her to be happy.

I know she isn't in my life anymore and I'm not responsible for her life choices. But she is such an amazing person, she did so much for me, I'm filled with so much pain and regret for what happened.

I certainly commiserate.

I've gone through the same thing (repeatedly).

It's gut-wrenching to see a girl you care about with a broken heart after you leave.

I've even done what 90210 talks about, working to fix past lovers up with guys I think are a match for them, to get them smiling again (and ease my troubled conscience).

Not every guy goes through this.

Maybe women don't attach to you too strongly. Perhaps your relationships end before they can get that deep. Or you might regularly leave your women on equal terms, the investment balance in the relationship never having become all that lopsided.

However, if you have experienced being a heartbreaker, you have probably also experienced the guilt that comes with it -- and the soul-searching that guilt kicks off:

  • "Did I do something wrong?"

  • "Have I ruined romance for her?"

  • "Am I just not cut out for relationships?"

It's more common than you might think, people with troubled consciences over relationships they left where the other partner was hurt and pining for them. There are a lot of folks who swear off relationships to greater or lesser extent as a result of this.

You just don't want to be causing that kind of hurt; you don't want to have that kind of responsibility for someone else's feelings.

Well today, we're going to look at how to ease the heartbreaker's troubled conscience -- and what duty you have to a broken-hearted ex, plus whether you really need to swear off relationships (or not).

Seduction Frames: Outsider vs. Insider Framing

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By: Chase Amante

male student chatting up female student on stepsNearly every conversation you have frames you as an outsider or an insider to something. But have you framed yourself as such on the right things… and in the right way?

Often in seduction you will be presented with (or have the opportunity to present) group affiliation.

At this moment you're faced with three (3) choices:

  1. Show yourself to be an insider
  2. Show yourself to be an outsider
  3. Dodge the question altogether

Depending on the girl and the situation, your choice of what affiliation to show can make or break a seduction.

Group affiliation affects how similar a woman feels to you, a key aspect of the SAC seduction model. Make yourself too unaffiliated with a group she feels closely affiliated with, or too closely affiliated with a group she dislikes, and you may be too dissimilar for her to trust you.

On the other hand, sometimes being an outsider to a group she's a part of can work to your advantage... and sometimes being an insider to a group she isn't can too.

Talking to Girls Early On: Initial Light Approaches

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By: Chase Amante

man touching woman on the shoulder to say hiWhen you approach a new girl, what should you talk about? Deep topics… or light ones? The answer is: light conversation when you first talk to a girl, if you want success.

On my article “What an Average Girl's Dating History Looks Like” last year, reader 'Handome & Wealthy' commented:

Here's a quick Q on the part about not talking about yourself to a girl.

I do this a lot. My brand of game is the stong silent guy game. I've been told I'm "calm" "mysterious" "like a spy" and some girl even said I'm "distant" and "hard to get to know".

I'm still working on my calibration so I don't appear too detached.

But there's an issue I keep running into.

I meet girl. Hook. Then begin to deep dive without sharing much about myself. I'm careful not to go in too deep with the dives so the vibe is good. My conversations are interspered w/ a lot of flirting and mild cocky funny quips.

However after we part ways... the vibe changes. Changes bc the girl feels like she overshared and didnt get anything from me.

What goes here Chase? How do I stay detached without creating murky vibes after?

I referred him to my article on anchoring attraction, so that the emotions she feels in conversation with you don't evaporate once conversation ends.

But next I talked to him about something I see a lot of guys get wrong, especially guys who discover deep diving... which is to go straight into deep, contemplative conversation during that first initial interaction.

Early interactions should usually be fun, flirtatious, and light. You do not want them to be too heavy with meaty conversation and weighty emotions.

In today's article, I'll give you some tactics you can use to keep the initial interaction light and moving forward, without having to rely on deep dives (just yet).

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 2: Tameworthiness

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By: Chase Amante

tameworthinessTaming a man is a lot of work. How do women decide which men are worth the trouble? There’s two things they look at: how tamable they are… and how tameworthy.

A principle challenge for any woman in life is in taming the man she's set her sights on to tame.

While the most tameworthy men busy themselves in their principle challenges of various life pursuits, with little interest on being tamed by a woman, women must find a way to insert themselves ahead of busy men's varied objects and wrest men into tamed relationships.

This is no small task for a woman. Because of the huge amount of time and energy the taming of an untamed man demands, and the risk inherent in the process (i.e., that she may not succeed in taming him, and instead only waste time -- time she could've spent taming another man to build a life and family with; time she won't get back), nature forces women to be selective in the men they choose to attempt taming.

In this installment, the second in our series on how women tame men, we will look at how women decide which men appear 'tameworthy', as well as what can rule men out.

Status vs. Comfort vs. Genes

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By: Chase Amante

status vs. comfort vs. genesThere are three types of men: those who want status, those who want comfort, and those who want genes. Which type of woman you prefer depends on which type of man you are.

There are three (3) kinds of people in the world when it comes to mate selection:

  1. Those who seek status: i.e., the flashiest, most popular mates

  1. Those who seek comfort: i.e., the coziest, most companionable mates

  1. Those who seek genes: i.e., the most genetically gifted, naturally elite mates

My experience in a decade-and-a-half instructing men in this space is that these preferences appear to be hardwired, whether by genetics or early life experiences. I've never known an individual to switch underlying mate selection paradigms.

The kinds of mates each type of individual is seeking and the most optimal ways to encounter them differs according to the mating paradigm. This introduces some subtle (and some not-so-subtle) differences in what styles of game each type prefers, and each type's opinions on which sorts of mates are the high watermark.

Clashes between the styles occur when a member of one or the other type insists his preferences are the best, and anyone who disagrees must be fooling himself.

Today though, we'll clear away the bullshit and look at things straight.

Tactics Tuesdays: Fielding Women's Counteroffers

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By: Chase Amante

woman standing with hand on hip thinkingWhen you propose a date or anything else, a woman may counteroffer her own suggestion. Should you take it? Or stick to your guns? This 4-part decision tree shows you what to do.

Responding to my article on guys not needing much money to get girls, reader Newyorkboy asks about women having 'resistance to doing' cheap or costless dates.

As an example, he cites this incident posted on SoSuave.net by a user named 'powersize':

Texted a latina girl in IG, after a short convo proposed to meet. She is 7/8 - not a dime for me. Below is our conversation:

Me: Are you free tonight?
Her: Maybe. Where would you like to take me?
Me: There is one hipster pub close to center
Her: I can’t drink alcohol. I prefer somewhere more relax.
Me: Coffee?
Her: No. A restaurant where we don’t have that much noise
Me: I do not go on dinners on the first date
Her: I do. That’s what gentleman should do At least that’s what I am getting used to.
Me: So you define if the guy is a gentleman if he brings to you to a fancy place?
Her: Who says it has to be fancy. I define a gentleman a man who takes his time to take me somewhere. A coffee is something I can do anytime
Me: Too bad. Cause I love coffee meeting that people can do anytime
Her: Enjoy your coffee then

I do consider her as a typical chick who is looking for guy. So no reply from my side.

What do you think?

In light of the abysmal text game on evidence here and the fact that this fellow is messaging girls in Instagram, the girl's reaction is pretty standard. Generous, even, I'd say.

Most of the time when you fail at game, you get a rejection. But sometimes when you fail at game, girls will still offer you a shot as a provider.

That's what happened here.

Of course, if you're going to be a provider, you have to provide. You cannot start talking about your rules of never doing dinner dates or talking up the glory of cheap dates once she's slotted you into the provider role.

So not only did this cat fail at game, he could not fulfill the provider role either -- and he at last received the inevitable rejection.

How could he have done things differently and achieved a different result?

One part of the answer lies in how he deals with fielding women's counteroffers.

Why Do People Think You Need Money to Get Girls?

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By: Chase Amante

need money to get girlsHow much does it cost to live a life that consistently brings you top shelf girls? Not as much as you might expect.

We had a forum thread recently where a member was asking how much money you'd realistically need to sleep with a lot of top shelf, high quality girls.

I assume what he meant was rich girls, successful girls, good-looking girls with lots of options, etc.

He listed out a bunch of things he thought you'd need in order to consistently get girls like this, such as:

  • Dining out costs
  • Gym costs and supplements
  • Transportation costs
  • Downtown apartment costs

... and so on.

I went through and did the math on it for him and came back with a minimum Spartan total of $780/mo to pay for housing, food, transport, and other things to live in a big Western metropolis with no amenities to consistently lay top shelf women.

However, I suggested he probably try to aim for at least $1500/month in income so he wasn't having to go super Spartan.

One forum member came back to note that he agreed with me on everything but what I put for housing; $400/mo (my 'housing on the outskirts of the city' low-end estimate) would only get you the tiniest, seediest room in a big city, he said.

But that's what I'm talking about: I've lived in a $300/mo tiny room (so tiny I had to get rid of most of my belongings before I moved in... coming from a larger apartment I could more easily afford, back when I was gainfully employed) in a house in the bad part of town with a roommate who left little, tiny hairs all over the bathroom every day (I could never figure out where all the hairs were coming from, or why they were there, DAILY. The man had a major shedding problem).

I had to clean up that hairy bathroom every time I had a girl coming over because I didn't want her to puke going in there. The roommate would never clean it up. (the other roommate was cool, but he didn't use that bathroom)

BUT, I also kept that dirty roommate up very late at night listening to the moans and yells of the chicks I brought back home, so I guess it evened out. The walls there were very thin.

I've been the guy picking up top shelf girls to shag in a dingy, tiny room in the bad part of town.

I've had other friends who've been that guy too.

It never ceases to amaze me though at how many guys think you NEED a bunch of money to get a bunch of top quality girls.

Because you don't.

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 1: Approval/Disapproval

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By: Chase Amante

how women tame menAs most men spend time around women, they grow tamer. What causes this effect? The answer is: women themselves… and their leverage of disapproval and approval.

If you look out across the broad range of men, you will discover men of all stripes:

  • Big men and little men
  • Rich men and poor men
  • Attractive men and ugly men
  • Stylish men and gauche men
  • Manly men and girly men

... plus everything in between.

There is one thing you will discover that all these types of men have in common, no matter how they outwardly present:

Most of them, regardless the individual traits of their class, have been tamed by women.

The male sex is a sex particularly susceptible to taming.

A woman is never really tamed. She can be corralled, busied with tasks to accomplish, and made devoted to a man she feels she needs, but she is never tamed.

The female sex is the sex that does the taming.

The male sex is the sex that's tamed.

Yet, some men -- a rare set of men -- remain untamed in their hearts, minds, and deeds.

Why is it that some men are resistant to the taming of women, while most men, of all varieties, are so easily brought to heel?

Tactics Tuesdays: Winning Over a Girl's Guy Friends

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By: Chase Amante

girl's guy friendsSome girls you’ll meet have guy friends with them. How do you deal with these guy friends? Should you ignore them? Get to know them? Follow these 4 tips… then win them over.

As you approach girls, particularly in social venues, you are going to run into girls with guy friends.

Now, you might never approach girls with guys around them, but you should. A lot of girls go out with men they are 'just friends' with.

She might be the guy's wingwoman. She might be his ex-girlfriend (why some men go out with their ex-girlfriends I will never understand). She might be a girl he's crushing on but is deeply friend zoned with and has accepted that she's going to go off with other guys. He might be her dating app date she felt no spark with and now they're both just sort of hanging out to see if either of them can meet someone else.

If you're in a gay-friendly venue you will run into girls who are there with their gay male friend. I have picked up girls that looked like they were with a boyfriend at first, only to find out the guy was gay, and busy looking for his own guy to pick up at the same time the girl was.

Some guys will leave you alone as soon as you are talking to the girl.

But sometimes you will need to interact with them.

What's the right way to talk with a guy who is with a girl you want, who is not interrupting you or cockblocking you, but whose approval you are usually going to need?

What Causes 'Bad Vibes' from People?

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By: Chase Amante

bad vibes causeWhy do some people give out “bad vibes”? What is it they’re doing… why do people react that way… and is there anything you can do to make the bad vibes go?

Commenting on my article "12 Mistakes that SCREW UP Conversations & Flirtations", yseult says:

Love your explanation on bad vibes.

Could you give a more in depth explanation of what drives vibes, where does it stem from?

Not necessarily the practical side of it but mostly an in depth view of how your inner world and beliefs shape your vibe.

I have a history of giving off bad vibes and I'm glad to say I've shaved most of it off.

Nevertheless, I doubt I understand what I was doign wrong from an intellectual level.

I think bad vibes is one of the things most newer guys have trouble with yet fail to spot it.

The way I spotted it was simply asking close friends direct, brutal honest opinions about the impression I give off. It sucked hearing it but man, Im glad they didn't spare my feelings.Im a much better man for it now.

Once upon a time, another lifetime ago, I used to exude some pretty unsettling vibes myself.

Women who met me said I was "scary" or that they thought I had "bad intentions".

Men who knew me told me outright they'd never mess with me because they thought I'd "go psycho" on them or that, like the girls said, I was "scary."

I was often taken aside to be searched by airport security (most people I knew never were; it must've happened to me half a dozen times in a few dozen flights).

I was even stopped by police walking down the sidewalk in nice neighborhoods because they were looking for a "suspicious person" and I matched the description. I don't know many men with skin my shade that's happened to.

In large part this was by design; I had decided to become a scary, intimidating man. I succeeded.

At some point though I realized terrifying other people wasn't so well aligned with my life goals anymore, at which point I had to undo the whole 'bad vibes' thing I'd so carefully put together, and construct a different kind of vibe altogether.

A few years later my vibe was so different that when I'd tell women about how people used to react to me in my bad vibes day they'd laugh and tell me they did not believe me.

I like that I went through that bad vibes period, because I know how to turn it on and be seriously, seriously scary to people now if I want to. At the same time, learning to get over that also taught me how to come across in a tranquil, charming, welcoming, seductive way, and turn that on more or less at will too. I have to be in a pretty bad place mentally to not be able to do that now (and if I'm in that bad a place, I probably ought to be worried about resolving whatever the issue is, rather than charming people).

This article will be about those bad vibes: what causes them, plus how to make them go away.