Articles by Author: Darius Bright | Girls Chase

Articles by Author: Darius Bright

5 Limiting Beliefs that are Stopping You from Improving Your Appearance

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“So, you’re still single?”

“Yeah, you know, I just haven’t found the one yet…”

This is an excerpt from an exchange that happened years ago with a girl I somewhat had a crush on. This happened before I learned that there was such a thing as seduction and started out on the path of improvement.

limiting beliefs

The funny thing is, even though now I can imagine her rolling her eyes at this answer and thinking “yeah, right, that’s why you’re single…” at the time, in my mind it made perfect sense – I had a socially acceptable explanation; an excuse that made my non-existent romantic life “okay”.

And the saddest part was that I truly believed that if only I found “the right girl”, I wouldn’t need to put in any effort, better myself, become attractive, and everything would just happen naturally and I’d live happily ever after.

As romantic as it sounds, this pervasive fairytale-like fantasy was actually a limiting belief in disguise, and a common one at that.

But limiting beliefs are in effect not only in relationships and seduction – tell me what you’re struggling with and I’ll tell you in which life area you have the most limiting beliefs.

With this article, I’d like to discuss some of the more common limiting beliefs that are haunting an area very closely related to seduction – your appearance.

The reason why I’m focusing on this area in particular is that, even though all of us know that it’s a great freaking idea to work on becoming better with women – approaching, isolating, escalating, closing, managing relationships, etc. – many men, especially those who struggle and seem to have very little real success with women, still have trouble grasping the role of appearance in seduction and how to work on it.

Just like I did with my “I just haven’t found the one yet” excuse, they are telling themselves socially acceptable stories why they are not sexy men but expect sexy women to fall head over heels for them.

And so, let’s discuss some of those stories.

How to Keep a Casual Relationship Going in 5 Simple Steps

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Let’s face it, the best part about seduction, and I would guess the main reason why we are all here, is not approaching countless women in bars and streets, nor is it spending hours texting women you haven’t met.

It’s not getting numbers, Facebook contacts, or even make-outs.

It’s about what happens next: sex; intimacy; connection.

casual-relationship

And even if you’re a player-grandiose and take pride in the notches you are racking up every weekend, chances are, eventually you will find a woman (or women), whom you enjoy having sex with and spending time with so much that you would love to do so again and again with her – of course, without sacrificing the freedom and pleasure of sleeping with other women and sexual variety in general.

Having such women, such an unwritten arrangement in life, has always been the end goal for me and I’m happy to say that, with occasional slip-ups and ups and downs, this has been the case for a few years now.

Before we get into the details, I’d like to explain how I will be using the term “casual relationship”, because terms like friends-with-benefits (FwB), fuck buddies (FB), open relationships (OR), multi-long term relationships (mLTRs) have their own connotations. If you prefer to call what I’m about to describe any of the latter, that’s fine – no point in fussing over terminology.

But for me, when I talk about casual relationships, I mean a relationship where you are with someone you care deeply about (you could even say love, if you want to be a little dramatic) but with whom you’re not exclusive and there’s no expectation for that in the future. Your relationship revolves mostly around sex but is not restricted to it. You are able to talk about and share mostly anything without any drama whatsoever. Neither of you put any expectations on the other with a single exception – having a tremendous time every time you’re together. Please don’t get hung up on the word “casual”, it doesn’t make it any less important than “serious”, it’s instead mainly to convey the relaxed boundaries involved.

If that sounds like something you want in your life, please read on.

Seducing a Girl by Leading the Seduction Dance

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Do you know what separates just a good male dancer from one who women love and just can’t seem to get enough of?

They both need to be good at leading and know how to use their body to the music; the difference, however, is that a good dancer will try to show off his own “moves” while the one who’s being asked out to dance again and again will use leading to make her look amazing.

seducing

I remember an exercise we did when I started learning couples dancing, one dedicated to helping you understand how to lead – as a male partner you stand in place and while the song is playing you’re only using your hands to lead her and have her make the dance look great.

Can there be a more perfect analogy for seduction?

You extend your hand firmly to show what will happen next and even though she’s free to choose whether to follow your directions or not, if you do it right she will do so more often than not.

When she doesn’t it’s either because your extension wasn’t clear enough and she’s not sure what you want her to do or maybe she has her weight on another leg and the direction you want her to go would be too uncomfortable or even physically impossible to follow. Either that, or she simply doesn’t trust you enough to feel confident that you will make the whole dance look good.

At no point do you try to force her into a particular position though.

When she does follow through with your lead, all you have to do is stop for a moment and admire how stunningly sexy she looks while spinning, moving her hips, or gently falling into your embrace. Then you extend your arm and show her the next direction.

All this happens while you as a man stand firmly in your position.

How to Look Photogenic in Online Dating Photos: 6 Steps

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A sexy photo is without a doubt the Holy Grail of online dating, and I’m not even close to overstating it. Regardless how sophisticated your online dating profile or how cool your byline in Tinder is, regardless how intriguing and innovative your opening message or how smooth your text game is, if you don’t have at least decent photos, you’ll be fighting with one hand tied behind your back.

photogenic

On the other hand, if you do have great photos (a single great one can be enough), you can piggy-back on it and get results despite major flaws in your profile, text game, etc.

For example, when experimenting with OkCupid a couple of years ago, at one time I had a profile that said:

On A Typical Friday Night: “Cover myself in paint, confetti, and perform ancient shaman rituals while “Highway to Hell” is blasting in the background.”

Followed by a “Do NOT under any circumstances message me…”

And I would still get unsolicited messages from women. Admittedly, those weren’t the most beautiful women in the world (usually not too shabby either though), but nonetheless, it does say a lot about how powerful great photos are.

Oh, and the first time I’ve experimented with Tinder I was pretty sure that the app was broken or something, because after a ~10 – 15 minute blitz that I did while waiting for my buddy to pick me up from the train station, I had the phone buzzing the whole day from being matched with someone (and several messages too).

I’m sure at this point you’re really keen to see the photo that’s been so freakishly effective and here it is:

photogenic

As you can see, statistically this photo should be a flop:

  • Looking straight into the camera (in reality I was looking just above the lens).

  • Smiling.

  • No pets / cool activities / cropped-out women.

  • Even clothes are not that impressive (other than noticeably good fit that emphasizes shoulders and color contrast to match with my natural features).

Despite that, it worked like magic. Which is to say two things:

  1. A solid photographer & looking photogenic is enough to get great results from online dating.

  2. My results were quite a ways from being optimal. Imagine if I knew any better then and stacked the odds further by using other strategies…

How Your Self-Perception Can Make or Break Your Night

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Early in my “career” I noticed a rather peculiar phenomenon – when I was out with guys (and gals) who saw me as a sort of master seducer (usually due to a combination of my image, behavior, and, occasionally, seeing my previous successes), I would find myself performing much better with women. Every single part of the seduction dance would become noticeably easier without any additional conscious effort on my part.

self-perception1

Would you like to guess why this happens?

Sure, being in a good mood because you’re hanging out or meeting people you like plays a significant role, and an occasional comment like “Oh yeah, he’s very experienced in bed” said jokingly in a group setting does its job to create a reputation of someone who knows what he’s doing.

But that’s not it; the change that makes the biggest impact turns out to be in our head.

You see, when I hang out with people who already see me as someone who’s successful with women and expect me to act like that, it puts a certain positive pressure and, in a way, makes it socially okay, even expected, to act sexually.

In turn, I would find myself assuming the role of a sexy guy who pulls women left and right, which, as we’ll learn later in the article, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – cool, right?

Note that this is happening almost exclusively in our head and, more often than not, without conscious interference – a change in self-perception based on the environment.

Why Sucking with Women Might be Good for You

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I wonder how many of you fellow sexy men can identify with being a “hard case”? For how many of you is learning seduction, becoming a better, sexier man, and getting better with women not just a way to “have more control over your sex life”, but also a vital necessity, because otherwise “settling down” in the evening would be beyond your reach?

How many of you found this site not after a bad break-up (or several) but because you’ve never even had someone to have a bad break-up with in the first place?

When I first started on this path I was like that – completely, utterly terrible with women and seemingly beyond repair. So much so, that it took me YEARS just to get that first lay.

I remember thinking how much I hated the fact that I was struggling with something that came naturally to others.

Even though I had one friend at the time who impressed me immensely with his sexual conquests, his results were so far from my reality that even in my wildest dreams I couldn’t imagine that one day I’d be in a position where, like him, sex was just a few text messages and a drink or two away. Or that I’d compete with another natural buddy for the same women in bars (for mutual self-amusement) and be the one taking them home more often than not.

No, during those early years I would’ve sold my soul just to be “normal”; to find a nice, simple girl, who would like me (alright, who are we kidding, I would’ve settled with “tolerate me”); one who I could treat like a princess and be monogamous with. I had those fantasies despite knowing full well that it wouldn’t work long-term and that I would never feel fulfilled being monogamous; restrained.

suck with women

But for me even this “Plan B” was not in the cards.

It’s funny, but looking back, I consider myself to be very fortunate to not even have had the option to succumb to this temptation. Or, simply said, being completely terrible with women was one of the best things that happened in my life, as it pushed me not to resort to the seductive mistress that is mediocrity.

I’ll be frank – with this article my goal is not to teach you anything in particular, maybe just show a different way to look at your current circumstances.

This article is meant to motivate, to keep you going after a night out or a date when nothing really worked and you’re lying in your bed, lonely and wondering how much more wonderful life would be if only you could be “like normal guys” or if you “had a nice girlfriend” (or something similarly silly).

This article is also going to be very personal, as I will share some of the most embarrassing moments from my learning process and how “taking a beating” early resulted in disproportionate rewards later in life.

And in the same regard, I would like this article to be a sort of introduction. You’ve probably already seen my articles on becoming physically sexy (fashion, grooming), but the stories I’m about to share will set the context for some of the articles I will be writing in the future, and you’ll be able to have a better understanding of my background, my style, the way I do things, and, in turn, decide if that’s something you want for yourself or if maybe another author’s style is more suitable to you.

Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, Part 4: Styling Your Hair

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Welcome to the last part of our article series on sexy man’s grooming. In this series we’ve already covered:

This last piece will expand further on dealing with our hair and will cover the daily realities of looking our best, because, as you’ll soon realize, no matter how stylish the hairdresser made your haircut and no matter how great it looked after you left the salon, it’s your ability to make it presentable in the morning or before a night out that will make the actual difference of whether you look stylish and sexy or as if someone drove over a raccoon on your head.

men's hair styling

The process is actually quite simple when we know what we’re doing, but because there’s a lot of misinformation and limiting beliefs about men’s hair styling (no, conditioner is not something that only women should use) it’s a little problematic for most guys to figure out where to start.

I’m sure, like me, at least once in your life you found yourself in a store’s hair care section, looking at the countless options of shampoos, conditioners, and styling products available, wondering what the hell are they all supposed to do, whether you should get one that says “Epic Shine”, “Massive Volume”, “Instant Repair”, or “Now With Extra Fairy Dust!”, just to get frustrated and get something that sounds manly, like “Fusion”, “V8”, or “Turbo Mega Ice Energy SPORT”, ignoring the fact that those names have nothing to do with hair.

So with this article I’d like to help make your hair care routine effective, practical, and simple, which means focusing on the essentials that will lead to the best results instead of trying to learn everything there is to know about hair care.

We’ll start with figuring out what our hair care routine should look like, discuss the most popular styling products and which ones and when you should use them, and lastly we’ll discuss some of the miscellaneous questions that you might have.

Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, Part 3: Choosing a Hairstyle

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Continued from “Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, Part 2: Manscaping.”


What the… whose hand is in my hair?

I look up and over my shoulder trying to appear nonchalant. Hmm, well, at least she’s cute… Talk about the perks and hassles of sitting close to the bar with your back turned – this is the second time this happened just this evening. Wait, or was it the third… I’m not even sure anymore.

Manscaping

Over the years I’ve tried A LOT of different hairstyles. At various points I’ve had shoulder length hair and very short hair; I wore it sexy-messy (or on some days just simply messy), slick, neat, and professional; I went for trendy undercuts (when they were still trendy) and for timeless classical cuts. I’ve had my hair dyed with blonde highlights and I’ve had it in black. Haven’t tried bald yet, but probably will after adding more muscle to my physique.

And of course, I’ve tried combining those haircuts with various styles of facial hair (or lack thereof). Well, at least the styles that my genetics have allowed me to try.

Some of the combinations worked very well, others… not so much. A few things I’ve learned from my experimentation:

  • There’s no such thing as a perfect hairstyle or facial hair style. A style that suits one guy can look terrible on another.

  • In the short term, the way you style your hair matters more than the cut itself. In the long term, the quality of the cut is what makes all the difference.

  • “Flavor of the month” hairstyles are not suitable for everyone. But when they work, they work.

  • The way you groom your hair and facial hair is part of your overall image; it’s important to keep the big picture in mind.

  • Experimenting is essential: with the haircuts and facial hair styles you’re going for, the products you’re using, and the professional you’re going to for these procedures.

But most importantly:

The visual proportions created by your hairstyle, facial hair, and your natural features is by far the most impactful aspect of a great looking style.

How you maintain and take care of your hair is a very close second, but that’s something we’ll cover in next week’s article.

Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, Part 2: Manscaping

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Welcome to Part 2 of our Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide (you can find part one here: “Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, Part 1: Skin Care”).

Time to cover the topic that I consider to be the “accounting” of men’s grooming – not that sexy, but a job needs to be done or else you’re in trouble – manscaping.

Manscaping

For most guys, dealing with body hair is simply not an urgent topic, and because it usually comes into play after the clothes come off and the deal is mostly done, there’s little pressure to figure it out. Furthermore, you don’t really get that many extra “sexy” points for doing it right.

But beware – let it become a noticeable problem and it will be more impactful than any haircut or facial hair style you could rock, so much so that with some women it can be an instant deal-breaker and a major turn off.

In practice this can mean a woman politely (or not so politely) refuses to go down on you because it looks like you’re packing a personal rainforest down there, or she tries to avoid touching you because it looks like you have more hair on your back than on your head.

So to prevent such situations in the first place, we’ll today cover how to deal with body hair. I know that some of the parts we’ll be covering might seem common sense, but nonetheless, it needs to be said (and applied).

But before we get into the practicalities of dealing with body hair, we need to figure out how much body hair a sexy modern man should have.

Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, Part 1: Skin Care

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As promised in my previous article, “How to Deal with Your Physical Insecurities”, I will be starting a series of articles dedicated to helping you make the most out of your looks and become “that hot guy”.

We’ll begin with the Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide, which in itself will be split into several parts to make it easier to read without getting overwhelmed. In this grooming manual we won’t be focusing on the issues themselves, like why some men have thinning hair or what causes acne, but instead on the practical, actionable solutions.

As you read through please understand that if right now you have the grooming habits of a lazy chimpanzee (and, hey, no judgment here – I’ve been there myself!) that’s fine, and you don’t need to start doing everything you just read starting tomorrow all at once.

Take your time and implement each strategy one by one so that they become habitual. Do this, and very soon you’ll realize that pick-up begins to get easier, with people in general being friendlier, and life itself somehow just becoming more pleasant.

Grooming Handbook

We’ll start our Seducer’s Grooming Handbook with skin care because, as you’ll see in a moment, it just might be one of the most important physical aspects we can improve.