Socializing

This is to be the first of a new series of articles on building equity. This edition is going to focus on how to build equity in your nightlife.

Ah, one of my favorites – the Shy Excited Girl. She’s the one who acts demure and conservative, but she’s bursting at the seams with excitement and exuberance underneath (hopefully for you, although quite often just in general about life). I love these kinds of women personally because they have a kind of innocent enthusiasm about life that’s just contagious, and they tend to be very self-improvement oriented, which means that as you continue to grow and change and evolve, they’re the most likely of any woman out there to keep pace.

These girls are different from regular shy, quiet girls, and from wild party girls. They’re not soft on the inside like regular shy, quiet girls are; nor are they operating with reckless abandon on the outside like wild party girls are. Instead, Shy Excited Girls are full of life, energy, and curiosity, but they modulate that on the outside with reserve and practiced calm. They’re the girls who were filled with boyish energy when they were young, but society pushed back against them and they learned to control themselves and appear more “ladylike” on the outside. But in reality, they’re tigresses.

Shy Excited Girls will often seem quiet and reserved, but you can typically tell by their strong eye contact and decisiveness (as well as their tendency to get excited about all manner of things, laugh a lot, and generally be quite free) that they know what they want, and they know what they don’t want, and they’re going to get what they want and have nothing to do with what they don’t want. These women have the most raw, natural confidence of any kind of woman, and refreshingly don’t really care all that much what other people think. They do what they want.

The chief tenet of the Law of Least Effort in seduction is that the less effort you put in while still achieving the desired result, the more powerful, attractive, and sexy you appear. One of the most powerful ways of doing this is by learning to communicate without the use of words.

If you’ve ever studied very charismatic people – I have, and I recommend it – something you’ll notice is that they frequently say things with fun, charming, wordless expressions. A smile and a wink, say, or a mischievous look. For instance, maybe someone asks a charismatic man if he can handle a certain situation – he gives them the skeptical look with just a hint of a knowing smile and then gets to it. Or maybe he gives a small smile, makes a thumbs up sign, and goes about his business.

I’ve always been a strong proponent of meeting women via cold approach – that is, going and meeting women who are strangers whom you don’t know and who don’t know you – rather than via social circle. Both have their strengths and their weaknesses, but I think overall that the rules of social circle put far greater constraints upon your potential success and mental well-being than do the rules of cold approach.

To give a quick summary, a man who’s meeting women through social circle is going and hanging out with his friends at parties and bars and nightclubs, talking to the same people night after night, and gradually trying to work his way into success with women in his circle. He’s generally going to be competing for the boyfriend role (see “Telling Women You’re NOT Boyfriend Material”), he’s going to be competing for it with a host of other men, and he’s going to be competing on traditional early boyfriend stuff – trying to act like a girl’s boyfriend before they get together. On the plus side, women here are more accepting of men and less likely to run off quick and be flighty, so it might feel easier.

Here’s one I absolutely love. Not much to write on in this article, because we’re just talking about a facial expression here, so it’ll be a short one. The expression we’re discussing here is the one called “The Skeptical Look.”

You ought to learn this look and make it a core part of your repertoire of expressions if it isn’t something you regularly use. Check the picture attached to this article for an example of what I’m talking about here – look at how the guy is looking at the girl. The skeptical look is extraordinarily useful, and it’s a look you’ll be using in a variety of scenarios. As we touched on in yesterday’s entry, “How to Get Wild Party Girls,” you want to be using as much nonverbal communication as possible in your interactions. This is one of the ways you’ll be doing that.

If you have any friends who are naturally good with women – with meeting women in bars, or nightclubs, or parties, or cafés, or the street, or wherever they meet them – guys who are successful with women, who meet women and take them home fast and get intimate with them – you’ve probably seen the skeptical look. It’s just an expression that strong, sexy men tend to use. You using it communicates to women that you’re among that elite group of highly desirable men yourself.

One of the habits women have that can be frightfully frustrating for men is asking them to give reasons on the most difficult of subjects. You know, when a man says, “Hey, let’s go do this,” or, “Personally, I like XYZ better,” and the woman looks at him quizzically and says, “Why?”

Until you get your reasons down, this can be one of those damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t scenarios.

Consider the following scenario and a couple of different possible responses: a man meets a woman at a bar and invites her home with him. She asks him why. A few of the more common responses:

Man is caught off-guard:
“Well, um, because I think it would be fun for us to hang out and stuff.”
Woman’s reaction? She’s probably not going with him.

Man is straightforwardly honest:
“Because I want to get together with you.”
Woman’s reaction? She’s also probably not going with him.

Man is evasive:
“Come with me and you’ll see.”
Woman’s reaction? She’ll insist on him telling her why, then – probably, not going with him.

There’s a tough situation you may run into from time to time where you’ll be asked to move things forward with two women at once. For instance, you may be sitting in a bar getting to know one girl, when suddenly another you already know or had met earlier comes up to you. What do you do?

In this situation, most beginners panic and make a silly mistake or two and lose both girls. As a guy gets more skilled, he’ll handle this sort of situation a bit better, but still view it as a bad one to end up in, and often end up worse off for having been in it than had he met each girl independently.

But if you stop and think about it, it really shouldn’t be a bad thing. Women are, after all, most attracted to men they know, or at least sense, have success with other women. So a woman seeing you in the process of getting another girl ought to be excited by this – turned on even. This ought to be a good thing.