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Why do some people give out “bad vibes”? What is it they’re doing… why do people react that way… and is there anything you can do to make the bad vibes go?Commenting on my article "12 Mistakes that SCREW UP Conversations & Flirtations", yseult says:
Love your explanation on bad vibes.
Could you give a more in depth explanation of what drives vibes, where does it stem from?
Not necessarily the practical side of it but mostly an in depth view of how your inner world and beliefs shape your vibe.
I have a history of giving off bad vibes and I'm glad to say I've shaved most of it off.
Nevertheless, I doubt I understand what I was doign wrong from an intellectual level.
I think bad vibes is one of the things most newer guys have trouble with yet fail to spot it.
The way I spotted it was simply asking close friends direct, brutal honest opinions about the impression I give off. It sucked hearing it but man, Im glad they didn't spare my feelings.Im a much better man for it now.
Once upon a time, another lifetime ago, I used to exude some pretty unsettling vibes myself.
Women who met me said I was "scary" or that they thought I had "bad intentions".
Men who knew me told me outright they'd never mess with me because they thought I'd "go psycho" on them or that, like the girls said, I was "scary."
I was often taken aside to be searched by airport security (most people I knew never were; it must've happened to me half a dozen times in a few dozen flights).
I was even stopped by police walking down the sidewalk in nice neighborhoods because they were looking for a "suspicious person" and I matched the description. I don't know many men with skin my shade that's happened to.
In large part this was by design; I had decided to become a scary, intimidating man. I succeeded.
At some point though I realized terrifying other people wasn't so well aligned with my life goals anymore, at which point I had to undo the whole 'bad vibes' thing I'd so carefully put together, and construct a different kind of vibe altogether.
A few years later my vibe was so different that when I'd tell women about how people used to react to me in my bad vibes day they'd laugh and tell me they did not believe me.
I like that I went through that bad vibes period, because I know how to turn it on and be seriously, seriously scary to people now if I want to. At the same time, learning to get over that also taught me how to come across in a tranquil, charming, welcoming, seductive way, and turn that on more or less at will too. I have to be in a pretty bad place mentally to not be able to do that now (and if I'm in that bad a place, I probably ought to be worried about resolving whatever the issue is, rather than charming people).
This article will be about those bad vibes: what causes them, plus how to make them go away.
Comments
How to have an awesome life
Hey Chase,
1. Can you explain how you still keep your tough guy vibe while having a good vibe? How do you give off that vibe of “don’t mess with me” seriously, while not it being like you’re being a try hard and still have a good vibe?
2. How do you build an awesome life? Could you define that for me?
Thanks
This is extemely important
Dear Chase,
The same first question from me. This is extremely important. Simply as mentioned in some context in article "warm person" vibe lowers "edgy" vibe for some women. This is much less problem in social circle where guy can show his attractive traits but during cold approach/pick up in early stages it is everything. She will form her opinion based on limited experience and slot guy in some category. Simply if even guy is naturally warm and edgy at the same time it is hard to show that to women in early stages of interaction. Please tell some solution.
Being Tough Yet Welcoming
Anonymous (& Xander)-
The way I do it, and the way I’ve seen other guys do it (what I’ve modeled my own vibe after), is:
For Toughness:
For Positive Vibes:
For Both:
Basically: women should feel SAFE around you, because you’re a big, strong teddy bear… and men should feel like so long as they’re cool with you, they will be safe around you. But that NOT being cool around you would be a mistake.
As for building an awesome life… see this article:
How to Live an Interesting Life
Chase
Hi Chase, I love your website
Hi Chase, I love your website. Thank you for all the great work you do. I just have two questions: In a previous article, you mentioned that there are things that experienced women do, that inexperienced men mistake for chastity. Could you please list some of them ?
Also, how to know if an experienced woman is deeply in love with you, or just practicing her seduction knowledge to make you feel that she's in love with you ?
Experienced Woman Tells
Marquinhos-
A few “experienced woman signals that get mistaken for inexperienced”, off the top of my head:
How do you know what is inside anyone’s head?
You can pay attention to words. You can pay even closer attention to deeds, which speak louder.
The best indicators will be how she acts (behaves) during times when you are down and out, the chips are down, and the odds are against you. A woman who deeply loves you will be right there at your side cheering you on and supporting you. A woman who doesn’t will be growing increasingly unhappy and looking for the exit.
Chase
Man, your wisdom on this
Man, your wisdom on this subject is really impressive! Thank you. Your courses & content give us a big unfair advantage in the current dating market. Feels like insider information.
Could you please share some clear signs / indicators of inexperienced women ?
I'd be grateful if you can also share some signs / indicators of low self-esteem women ? (Most sites recommend avoiding them, but give no insights on how to spot them)
Awesome article, long life
Awesome article, long life Chase, thank You.
We are so lucky You are still writing for the site in 2022...
Re: Awesome article, long life
Cheers Stef!
What causes bad vibes in women?
Dear Chase,
Many times, I would meet women who is unreceptive, uncomfortable, closed off, untalkative, petty, quarrelsome etc. especially in the beginning of interaction (during approach or first few minutes after meeting through friends).
Also, many times I have heard mindset that if majority of women are like that it is caused by guy’s vibe/fundamentals problem, but I also believe that women have their vibes which equally contribute to outcome of interaction. Some books about social intelligence also claim that both parties in interaction have vibe and that stronger vibe wins.
In my case, I would pick up best clothes, smile/mood, funny statements, warmth etc. and still they would be closed off unless I do that in extreme degree i.e. start behaving as clown or dancing monkey or she perceives me as 100% her type. Also, these women often kill any enthusiasm for continuing interaction.
The thing is that woman will pull away from interaction/showing zero interest for communication blaming you for failed interaction unaware of her shitty grimaces on face and melancholy combined with her pocked nose to air.
Article is based to help men with bad vibe to interact with women with normal vibe. However, what if women have bad vibe too? What if they are also actually negative?
Other words, I would ask you about you opinion about this and what causes bad vibes in women and some practical guidelines in this case? Yes, it is impossible to all women like you, to reach hook up point every time or to get every girl, but simply to see what to do if live in place where majority of women are cold and uncooperative? In fact, could this be culturological dependent i.e. that women in some countries are more nasty than in another and what is considered as good/acceptable vibe in some country is considered bad in some another country?
Bad Vibes in Women on Approach
Xander-
Yes, there are women who are simply in a bad mood when you approach. They will put out bad vibes.
A woman’s vibe will also change based on your approach. She might be in a bad mood, but you approach and she lights up and her vibe shifts. Or she might have been in a neutral mood, but your approach dimmed that.
If the majority of women you approach have bad vibes, there are things you are doing (or not doing) that cause women’s moods to sour when you approach. If it’s just a few here and there you can chalk it up to random variation, though of course as you get better and better at coming in with a GREAT vibe you’ll be able to overpower even some of these crabby chicks.
As you noted, the stronger vibe wins. Amazing/excellent vibe from you is contagious to all but the biggest sourpusses.
There are some societies (like Eastern Europe / Russia) where the women do not smile much and may seem cold on approach. My recommendation for there is learn to view cold-seeming responses instead as neutral, and get better at eliciting smiles (for instance, with the slow-spreading smile) and being playful.
Chase
Heyya Chase,
Heyya Chase,
Thanks for the article!
This got me thinking about a having a sexy vibe. How would that look like using the components in this article?
I suppose sexy vibe signals would be what you wrote in the articles on being sexy.
What about the emotional state?
Could specific emotions enhance your sexiness?
Sexy Vibe Signals & Emotions
Yseult-
Yes, the articles on sexiness, as well as the charisma breakdown series, all contribute to a sexy vibe.
As for emotional state, I would say:
… all contribute to a very sexy vibe.
Chase
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