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Planning a date shouldn't be complicated. These tips will help you avoid flakes and set up a date that builds a connection and ultimately leads to sex, and beyond.
Good date planning will prevent most common issues – ghosting, flakes, etc. You, of course, will have to be charming, assertive, and be able to hold a conversation if you want the date to go well, but if properly prepared, that will be the only thing you have to worry about.
Contents
2. Pick Somewhere Close to Your House
4. Pick Somewhere You’re Comfortable
6. Let Her Give You Her Schedule
7. But You Choose the Time and Place
8. Text Her the Day of to Confirm
9. Keep Her Warm Before the Date
10. Dress According to the Situation
All these tips will have one of two goals in mind – for her to be excited for a second date, or for her to end up in your bed.
Whatever it is you’re looking for – a relationship, marriage, or just casual sex – it’s all dependent on your ability to get her in bed.
Get sex. Get it as fast as possible. And have good sex.
The root of eros (romantic love) is sex. There is more to relationships than sex, sure, but it is the cornerstone and foundation of all romantic relationships.
If you’re new here, let me be the bearer of good news: the media, your culture, and everyone around you have lied to you, either purposefully or out of ignorance (mostly out of ignorance). I say good news, because at last you've found this website.
Welcome.
Here is the truth.
Women like and love most the men who screw them, and screw them well.
This is why women tend to fall in love the hardest with the rogue bad boys, the rich playboys, the hunky gym studs, or the saucy artists. These guys get her pants wet and satisfy her needs. You don’t need to be any of these, however, and they are stereotypes that no one quite ever lives up to exactly, but the point is – guys who get her wet and glide into that wetness are the ones she loves most (and thus the ones she ends up wanting to date and stay faithful to).
There are many arguments in support of this correlation between affection and sex, but the greatest is that of experience, and the women who have fallen hardest for me are the ones I had sex with. The ones who weren’t that into me were, unsurprisingly, those I failed to have sex with.
I stress this so hard because all of the following date planning tips will be given with the hope that they ease the transition from setting up the date, getting her to actually show up for the date, and getting her in bed (or getting her excited for a second date – but even the point of that second date, or third, or fourth, ad infinitum, is to get her in bed).
If you need more education on these precepts, start here:
Let us begin.
#1: Set a Good Time
Pick the wrong time to have a date, and while you two may have an incredible time, the circumstances of life will interfere and kill what would have been an amazing end to the connection you built during the date – sex.
I can recount many times when I knew that, had I more time, a girl would have been mine. You can’t plan for every circumstance, but there are some general rules you can keep in mind that will maximize your chances of having as much time as necessary to seal the deal.
If the date will be on Sunday to Thursday, plan the date as early as possible. If you can make it a lunch date or early afternoon date, that’s better. While I’ve heard and read that you should have dates at night because it’s more “sexual,” I don’t see women as werewolves who somehow change their sexual preferences with the rising, waxing, and waning of the moon. I’ve taken plenty of women home after lunch dates or even morning dates. If you can’t manage a date this early, it’s not necessary, but it helps, so make it as early as possible.
The reason you want an early date on these days is because most people have work or school on weekdays, and that becomes a barrier to her coming home with you (e.g., “I’m sorry, I’d love to, but I have to be up early for work/school”). The obvious exception being if you know her schedule, in which case, plan accordingly for the two of you to have as much time as possible. Or if you know she’s off to work or school the next day, then it doesn’t matter what time you have the date.
Of course, if a woman doesn’t want to come home with you, she won’t, but eliminating any logical barriers will allow a smooth transition from a great date to great sex. And yes, if a girl likes you enough, she will spend time with you despite the time and even skip plans, but it's foolhardy to rely on the best-case scenario. We plan for the worst-case scenario and eliminate unnecessary obstacles. Let’s make it easy for her to say ‘yes,’ shall we?
If the date will be Friday or Saturday, then make it a bit later (but not too late). 6 p.m. or 7 p.m. at the latest. There is the possibility that she has party plans after your date, but those are much more easily dealt with than work or school. If she’s having a great time with you, she’d rather spend it with you than go to a club (because the only reason she’s going there is to scout for prospective mates). If she’s willing to have a date with you on a Friday or Saturday night, then she’s (probably) somewhat open to spending the whole night with you (wink wink).
#2: Pick Somewhere Close to Your House
The less distance between the date location and your house, the better.
Close proximity makes for an easier sell.
“Hey, let’s go back to my place.”
“Where do you live?”
“Oh, 5 minutes away.”
When I lived in downtown San Diego, I’d either pull girls from the clubs in the Gaslamp District or from a drink date on 5th Avenue, or from the Starbucks also on 5th Avenue that was a 5-minute walk from my apartment on 6th Avenue.
If you don’t know any coffee shops or bars near you, then go searching.
Even if you have to take her on a walk first to make her comfortable enough to go back to your place, take her on a walk close to home. If you can find a place that’s virtually next door, then always have your dates there.
#3: Pick Somewhere Quiet
Dates are for building a connection. Not for entertaining her like it’s some show.
I’ve met some pretty successful players who surprised me with their unnecessarily elaborate date planning. One guy I knew, who had spent ten years in Vegas and racked up a couple hundred lays, told me that he’d first get drinks with a girl, then hit a strip club with her, and then finally get her back to his place.
I asked him why so complicated, and he said, “Well, it was something I already want to do, so why not just add her to that adventure?”
There was merit to his answer. Have her join your journey and all that.
But, a nice philosophy and sound bite doesn’t beat good ‘ol strategy.
Pick somewhere you two can have a cozy conversation. If you need distractions and entertainment, you need to work on your game. Making a girl comfortable and excited enough for sex after one date means you need to build a connection with her – and that requires conversation. Conversation isn’t very easy when the lass can’t hear you.
#4: Pick Somewhere You’re Comfortable
The more time you spend somewhere, the more comfortable you become. That’s why it would be fun to go game girls at the club I used to work at. But the other clubs in the city worked just fine, too, because clubs and bars feel like home to me. I’ve spent hundreds upon hundreds of hours in clubs and bars in my lifetime. The more familiar I was with the club, the better I felt.
The same goes for where you take your dates. If it’s a low-key dive bar that you love and have spent a lot of time at (and it’s close to your place), then go there. It’s one less impediment to the connection building process (and if you feel comfortable, the girl will, too).
If you're comfortable with the locale, she'll be more comfortable with you.
If the new coffee spot you scouted near your house is unfamiliar to you, then go there a few times beforehand and get comfortable. Comfort can always be trained (though it is enhanced if you like the vibe, decor, menu, and staff).
#5: Pick Somewhere Cheap
Cheap. One of Chase’s 5 Cs of dating.
Cheap is important to date planning because it saves you money and it makes it clear to the girl that this is about a connection, not you flaunting your status and wealth, and that if she is interested in being a sugar baby, you’re not the guy for her.
If you’re going to be taking lots of girls on dates (and you will need to if you want to date and sleep with a lot of girls), then the costs of dating will quickly add up. Coffee for two won’t cost more than $10 (if you choose to pay for her).
One caveat: If you’re a super successful guy, and an expensive date really doesn’t hurt you, and you like an expensive place, and it’s close to your home, then it doesn’t matter much. The only concern is her being a gold digger.
#6: Let Her Give You Her Schedule
The best way to avoid a flake is to make sure the communication before the date doesn’t trigger any red flags. These red flags can be desperation, neediness, incongruence of character, and any signals of danger to her safety.
Our job is to make a seamless transition from our in-person interaction with her, which was good enough for her to agree to a date, and the date itself.
One smooth way to help ensure the date happens (although nothing is 100%; flakes happen to EVERY guy) is to get her schedule.
Some guys think that texting her something like, “Hey, let’s get together tomorrow night at 7 p.m. Brook Bar. See you there” is masculine and dominant.
It is masculine, and it is dominant, but it’s also incredibly unreliable date planning. It can work, but only in specific contexts (e.g., you’re already sleeping with her, she’s “converted,” and she’s very weak in the knees for domineering behavior).
The infinitely more reliable method is to ask for her schedule.
“Hey, Sandra, let’s grab a coffee this week…”
Then,
“When are you free?”
“What day works best for you?”
Any variant of this is good.
Then she either gives you one day or a choice of days. Once you have that, THEN you can safely choose the day.
Because even if she DOES like you enough for the “see ya Saturday, toots” method, if she has something she can’t skip on that day, she HAS to say no. And that no, even if reluctant, knocks off investment points, and that severs some of her attraction and emotional ties to you. Investment is closely related to compliance, which is one of the three components of the SAC model of attraction (similarity and arousal being the other two).
#7: But You Choose the Time and Place
Let her be part of the picking of the day by asking for her schedule, but you must retain most if not total control over the time and place of the date.
This ensures you can control the time for the reasons explained above, and girls are just not good at making decisions that are best for both of you.
Oh, and women love men who can lead. It gets them wet.
You were empathetic and sensible to ask for her schedule, but after that, be a man and say, “Okay, cool. Tuesday it is. Let’s go to Brook’s Bar at 7 p.m.”
She says, “Okay, cool!”
And you respond, “see you then.”
Even if you have a moral argument against this and call me overly domineering or whatever, then let me ask you this: have you ever asked a girl what she wants to eat?
These tips are meant to find the most simple path to the date. She gives you her schedule, you take it from there.
Right. Now you see. Because that crap never works out. Girls love men who lead, and that’s the way it is.
If she counters with, “Oh, I don’t like that place,” then you have two choices.
First, you can pick another spot that still is good logistically.
Or, you can hold your ground.
I would go so far as to say if a date is really inconvenient and she is controlling the time and place, just don’t go. (But if you’re new and desperate for dates, then something is better than nothing; that’s just my attitude these days, so read that with my bias in mind.) I’ve seen, across the board, that those dates mostly go bad because they start off on the wrong footing with her being the leader. Have I still done well when a girl picked a place? Sure, but statistically it’s way less successful.
You can also counter her statement without coming off as domineering.
A girl once teased me for picking Starbucks and suggested we go somewhere more crafty/hipster.
I told her, “But I LOVE their Frappuccinos.”
And she responded, “Haha, okay, see you then.”
She became my lover a week later.
It might seem domineering and overly controlling, but these criticisms fall flat in the face of empirical data.
#8: Text Her the Day of to Confirm
I used to ask girls, “Hey, are we still on for today?” or “Are we still on for 7?” but it leaves too much room for her to second guess your leadership.
Instead, do what Chase advises.
“Hey, I’ll meet you out front.”
Giving a locational answer implies that she’s still on for the date, and that confidence will reassure her if she was having second thoughts. And you won't come off as insecure.
Women love men who assume compliance. It’s very reassuring when a leader is steadfast in their certainty.
#9: Keep Her Warm Before the Date (If Necessary)
This is one note that I’ve learned in recent years. If you set up a date with a girl and the date will be three or more days after the logistical text conversation, then check up on her between that conversation and the date.
You want to be short and concise with texting, almost business-like, but you also don’t want to come off like she’s just another girl in your schedule. This can be unintentionally communicated if you set up a date on Monday for Friday and don’t text her until Friday.
There’s being independent and on your mission, and then there’s being emotionally retarded.
The former are good, the latter – not so much.
If three or more days are between your last conversation and the date, text her in-between with a simple, “Hey, how’s your day going?” or “Hope your Wednesday is going well, Sarah :)”
This will keep you on her mind without you being one of those guys who badgers her incessantly with texts.
#10: Dress According to Your Vibe, Hers, and the Location
It’s better to dress up than dress down.
If you’re a successful guy who likes to dress nice all the time, then goddamnit, go in a suit, even if you’re going to Starbucks or some hipster bar.
But seduction is like marketing and sales (and vice-versa), so it can’t hurt to adapt well to your environment. Also, be comfortable.
If you’re going to a chill bar, then dress in a cool T-shirt, nice jeans, and some cool sneakers.
Casual is always a good choice, because it reassures her, again, that this is for you and her building a connection, not an attempt to woo and impress.
Though, you can adapt to her as a person, so long as it doesn’t make you feel disingenuous. If she’s a banker, then maybe putting on a sports jacket and some nice chinos can’t hurt.
Don’t be someone you’re not, but don’t be a bad marketer, either.
#11: Have the Extraction Plan Ready
It’s good to know how you’ll get her out of there. If you live a 10-minute walk away, then you can plan on, at some point in the date (usually when you feel your intuition tell you it’s time or when she gives you an escalation window), telling her, “Hey, let’s go for a walk.” Then on that walk, go to your place and invite her in.
Or you can simply be prepared to say, “Why don’t we get out of here?” and when she asks where you’re going, you say, “My place.” She asks how far away it is and you’re ready to reassure her with a, “Oh, it’s only a ten-minute walk” or “Oh, it’s only a two-minute Uber ride away.”
You might encounter some reluctance and have to persist, but having a plan helps give you the confidence to make the pull.
If you’re a more indirect guy, then be prepared to find something during the date to mention as a pull. Let’s say you were discussing your favorite whiskeys or your favorite TV show.
“Hey, let’s go back to my place. I actually have some 12-year old Chivas Regal we can share.”
Or, “I actually have every season of Vampire Diaries back at my place. Let’s go watch some.”
#12: Have Other Plans Ready
I don’t know how the universe works, exactly, but when I’m on my mission and doing what I love in life, girls tend to come more naturally. So, whether it’s coincidence or that girls know that if they don’t go on the date with me, I got other stuff to do, it doesn’t matter – having something else to do in case she doesn’t come will make the lead-up to the date less stressful.
It can be anything.
There’s a new episode of your favorite show you haven’t seen – if she flakes, great, you have time to go watch that show.
If you have a passion, then you have more time to do that. If you run a business or can get some work done and make money, even better.
And I suggest you actively practice this in real time. Think to yourself, “If she flakes, I got stuff to do.”
Mindsets only get ingrained through practice and experience.
#13: Plan your Game
Pick two or three things that you’re going to practice on the date. I still do this to this day.
Whatever it is, plan your game a bit. No date can be predicted, and that’s what makes them fun, but going in with a plan is better than no plan.
But always remember – the goal of the game is good sex. Good sex will lead to everything else.
Date Planning Gets Results
Date planning might sound contrived or mechanical.
So what? It works.
Whatever romantic notions or expectations you may have toward dating... they're holding you back. Love and sex are already random and chaotic enough. A few good strategies can remove some of that chaos and get you girls you would never have gotten had you not planned your dates a bit.
Plan better and become the engineer of your own success.
To the beauty of strategy.
Hector
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