24 Ways to be a (Lovable) Dick to Girls

Girls will tell you they don’t like guys who are dicks. But they do. They really do. And with these 24 ways to be a dick to them, they will LOVE you.

Welcome back.

In the Part I of my "lovable dick" series, I explained a very important paradigm:

That being nice to a girl isn't always the nicest thing to do. In fact, sometimes she wants you to be a prick.

Why? Because she needs to know you have standards of behavior. And also, because she wants you to treat her like a little girl and not take her too seriously.

Now that I've thoroughly explained why being a dick is so attractive to women, and in what scenarios, here're 24 ways to make sure she knows that you're ACTUALLY a nice guy (i.e., you'll give her what she wants).

#1: Cursing

Most nice guys avoid language that might offend or upset the women they like. But she wants a man who speaks his mind and in any damn way he pleases.

The other day I was at the dentist's office and when I returned some forms to the receptionist, she took a quick look at it, and then said "hold on," and continued to peruse the forms. I thought that maybe I'd screwed up, so I said exactly what I thought "Oh, did I fuck it up?" She and the other chick at the desk giggled like schoolgirls, assured me that everything was fine, and as I walked away I could see them staring at me and whispering to each other.

Also, you can replace normal phrases with profanity-laced ones. Instead of the occasional "really?" you can say "no shit?" Or even "fuck" as you nod your head in approval. Or even use profane synonyms where most people use vaguer ones (e.g., ditch "have sex" or "laid" with "fucked").

Add profanity to statements to spice it up. Instead of "yeah," try "fuck yeah." Instead of "no," you can try "fuck naw".

Don't go overboard with it, lest you look like a middle-schooler who recently discovered cursing. Simply shake people out of auto-pilot with some occasional raunchy language.

#2: Use Offensive Language/Humor

Drop the word "faggot" in a non-homophobic way, and she'll know you're a real badass.

I'm kidding, but, like cursing, nice guys won't use language banned by the PC-bros. You're allowed to have any viewpoint you want to have, even if it offends others. Race jokes, crippled jokes, dead baby jokes - it only takes one or two of these before she realizes you really don't give a fuck what people think about you. And amidst all the pansy boys worried about stepping on anyone else's feelings, this will be a relief to her.

#3: Interrupt Her Schedule

If you meet a girl on campus and she has to go to class soon, tell her to skip it.

If you meet her at a grocery store or some other place where she's obviously doing errands, you're likely to get the "I have so many errands" excuse. You may be tempted to work around this, but if she thinks that you really wanted to spend time with her now, and you weren't willing to push back her oil change appointment, she won't think you respect your time very much.

Tell her to cancel her plans to be with you. Be insistent about it and even brush the importance of her schedule under the rug, "Pssh, fuck yoga class; come hang out with me."

But remember to sell it to her. Tell her how great of a time you'll have, and how she can always run errands another day, but spending time with each other is for now.

#4: Don't Feed Her Excuses or Reinforce Her Excuses

One of the annoyingly nice habits I picked up this past year was becoming too accommodating to a woman's barriers. If she had a boyfriend, but still seemed interested, I'd use the following line as I insisted we hangout - "I know you have a boyfriend, but..." Don't do that. Unless you're going to make a joke about him or say it with a patronizing tone, you don't want to mention him.

In the same way if she really, really can't see you because of her schedule, don't mention it, like "Well, I know you're busy today, but we should see each other again." Eww. You might as well say "I know you're too busy for me now, but maybe another time, please?!"

If she says she has to be up early in the morning, don't be considerate and mention it in your attempts at persistence e.g., "I know you have to get up early, but..." Make her forget about any reasons for saying no by treating them as if they don't exist.

#5: Call Her Out On Her Bullshit

If she mentions a boyfriend when you ask her out, immediately respond "bullshit". She'll probably laugh and tell you that she really does have a boyfriend. Follow up with "what's his last name?" in a skeptical tone or something similar. Then thread-cut and either ask her out again (or invite her somewhere right then and there) or change the topic.

The other day, a girl told me her phone was stolen, which is why she needed to take my number. I should have called her out on this, especially given the context, but I didn't and I can guarantee you I'll never hear from her once she "gets a new phone."

If she tells you something off-the-wall, like her name is "Phoenix" or she's a professional rock-climber, say something like "no it's not" or "no you aren't." This will be refreshing among a bunch of a "OMG THAT'S AMAZRING" from pussy-boys.

There are ways to be genuinely intrigued or impressed by things that may seem uncertain, but most guys don't do it right and you're best off busting her balls about it.

#6: Be Loud and Obnoxious

If a girl finds you slightly annoying, chastises you for your behavior, rolls her eyes at the shit you do, but still follows your lead, invests in conversation, and shows signs of interest, you're doing things right. You want her to think "god, this guy is such a prick... but I'm so damn wet!" You're a guilty pleasure, someone she loves in spite of all your "bad" (i.e., non-conforming) qualities.

It's a whole lot of fun being the guilty pleasure.

A few ways to get this reaction:

• Be loud. You're not worried that other people hear what you say, especially if it's derogatory, blatantly sexual, or rude. If she tells you to be quiet, get louder.

• If she's speaking in a really soft voice and you can't hear her, shout "What?!"

• If something annoys her, like a particular tone of voice, line of conversation, or the way you touch her, do it again to let her know you don't care (and then change topics or do something else).

#7: Make Sexist Remarks/Jokes and Use Sexist Language

If you're driving with her and someone else on the road is being an idiot, and you know it's a girl, say out loud "Oh, of course it's a woman." Or be surprised when a woman can parallel park or stay within the road lines.

A while back I was out with friends and vibing with this snarky girl, who immediately loved me (and told me so) after I remarked on how snooty everyone at the party was. This of course meant she was snooty and wanted a man who would call it out when he saw it. So when we all took shots together and I told them to wait for a friend to show up and take his, and she said she was going to take it anyways, I said "I swear to god, if you take that shot, I will slap a ho." She got really excited and asked, "Do you promise?!" in a really girly voice.

If the opportunity arises to talk about male leadership or dominance, speak out in support of it; make fun of feminism and all of its ideological offspring (like body-acceptance, reversing traditional gender roles, etc.). The other night I was walking home with some European slut who told me that there is no real physical difference between men and women - I said loudly "OH REALLY?", picked her little ass up, and walked down the street slapping her ass, yelling "Guess there's no difference, huh?!" Obviously when she tried to pick me up, she couldn't even get my heels to leave the ground.

Refer to women as "ho's," "sluts," "bitties," or any other "derogatory" noun, especially in the presence of women. Girls like sexist men.

When talking about going out to meet girls, use phrases like "you going hunting?" or "you going to get some bitches/pussy?"

I used to call a girl bitchface literally everytime I saw her. She'd always scoff and laugh at it, but then engage me in conversation or comply with anything I wanted. When I broke up with my girlfriend and found her at a party, I grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss and then took her home at the end of the night.

If a girl is in a group, I'll often ask "so are you the head bitch?" Or I'll ask them all "so who's the head bitch?"

At a pool party earlier this month, I joked to a group of girls that I forgot all their names. They told me it was okay and that I can call them whatever I want. I said "oh okay, I'll just be like "heyo bitch!" and snapped my fingers. They unanimously scoffed and said "hahanoooooooo," but then went right back to flirting with me. I mean, they told me I could call them whatever I want?

#8: Disagree with Her Just to Have Fun

As I was leaving my apartment a few weeks back to see one of my girls, I immediately hear a "hey, keep the door open!" I then see a cute chick with a dude who lives in my building. I ignore her pretty hard, because I didn't want to swoop on homeboy who got this girl to come home with him. But of course this sends her thirst into her overdrive. When I mention the Bernie Sander's sticker on his window, the girl immediately asks me who I'm voting for. I tell her I'm not voting and she starts telling me why I should vote, calling me a motherfucker, and smiling the entire time. I laugh and tell her that I considered voting for Donald Trump, just so I could be an asshole.

She yells at me, "you are an asshole!" and grabs my hand while leaning in close to my face. She asks me what I'm doing right now and I tell her in a slow, ambiguous tone that I'm going to see "...a friend." She cuts me off and says "a girl, right?!" and gets all excited. I had to literally break away from her grabbing my arm (also I found out that the dude didn't fuck her. And on top of that, he acts really weird, aloof, and rude around me now. Definitely gonna take his girl if I get the chance again).

On a recent date, my girl kept chiding me for eating meat (she's a vegan). I told her that I loved eating meat, because the taste of death and suffering delights me. As she went on about the treatment of animals in meat factories, I conceded all moral arguments and confessed to being a terrible person who wants to eat meat for no other reason that because it tastes good and helps build muscle. "I'm terrible, I know it, and am not afraid to admit it," was my attitude. We had sex not long after.

#9: Ignore Texts or Parts of Texts

Only respond to interesting threads (that are important to her), direct questions, or discussions about logistics.

And even with direct questions (like when she asks for your Facebook or Instagram), you can ignore one question if she asks two.

Only answer the questions you want to answer or questions that would be weird to avoid.

Responding with anything irrelevant to building rapport or seeing you will paint you as an overly nice guy. One way to bypass a question without totally ignoring it is to add a "haha" before moving onto the subject that is important (e.g., asking her out, asking about logistics, etc.).

If possible, I like to let her be the last one to text, too, especially if the text she recently sent doesn't need a response.

#10: Refuse Any Attempts at Physical/Sexual Dominance by Her

The other day, the girl I was holding hands with wanted to put her hand on top, since she considered herself a dominant woman. I refused. When she asked why, I told her that I just didn't want to. She huffed and puffed, but then submitted, saying "okay fine." When she held my hand again, she gripped my arm with her other hand and leaned her head on my shoulder and acted significantly more girly.

After fucking this same girl in public a few minutes later, I brought her back to mine and continued to rawdog her senseless. Occasionally she would try to wrestle me and get on top, but I'd refuse to let her dominate me. Eventually I got so tired that I lazily let her push me over and climb on top of me. She then proceeded to ride me really hard while pinning my arms down and choking me. I laughed at her, like she was a little puppy barking at me, got bored, slightly annoyed, and eventually lost my boner. I laughed as it softened and said to her "See, I don't like to be dominated; it's not in my nature."

#11: If She Says Anything Negative About You, Exacerbate It

I remember once in college, a girl who I'd tried to hook up reconnected with me after finding out that I was traveling Europe. She wanted me to visit her in Norway, but our schedules didn't align.

When she returned to the States later in the year to visit friends at our school, she came to my fraternity's party to find me after we traded a few Facebook messages. As we talked, she told me about her best gay friend who told her that I would say a lot of offensive and rude things in the class he had with me. I told her that I didn't have a problem enlightening idiots about the way the world is, especially about gender roles and how men and women are different, no matter how much ideologues try to make us out to be blank slates.

As she began to pry deeper into my beliefs on society and gender, she began giving me a disappointed look. I blatantly asked her "Oh, is this not what you expected?"

She said "Yeah, you've changed..."

I responded "I don't know..."

I then guessed that she was disappointed and she confessed that, yes, she was disappointed. I fake apologized, and then said "Yeah, I'm just not a pussy anymore. That Hector died," with a smile and a cocky attitude.

She thinks you're an asshole? No, you are the KING of assholes. Maybe you'll show her your royal scepter is she's a good girl...

You're a player or cad? Yes, you will fuck her, her sister, and her mother, and maybe even her brother, too.

You're weird? Yeah, doesn't everyone masturbate with 80-grit sandpaper and a bottle of motor oil?

I mean, what's the alternative?

Explain yourself? Cool, now you're being a pussy.

Apologize? Again, being a pussy.

Once you show a girl something about your personality, it can't be un-seen. Own it.

#12: If Something Is Serious/Romantic to Her, Make Light of It

This is probably the most asshole thing on here, honestly. It can backfire, certainly, but it can also make you look like the strongest man she's ever met, because if something is extremely important to her, but casual to you, it means your values are far higher and more robust than hers.

When the girl in the previous story found out that I'd changed, she asked if I remembered what I said to her last time I saw her. I had no clue.

She got pretty upset. Then I told her that it must have been awesome, because it attracted her.

She got more upset.

I changed the topic, and we got into the topic of how aggressive I am. She then grabbed my tie and told me that if we ever had sex, I'd find out what aggressive was. I told her that I'm going to find out later. "You wish!" she yelled at me.

Then, she asked in a really snarky tone, "Are you even going to ask?"

After rummaging through some huffing and puffing, she finally coughed it up: about a year before this, she was visiting some friends at our college. I'd seen her on the sidewalk, ran up to her, and asked her where she's going. She told me that she was lost and I said,

"Well, that sucks. But hey, if I was single, I'd invite you back home with me. Unfortunately, you denied me a long time ago, so too bad for you."

To my knowledge, our only conversations in the past two years had been over Facebook.

But it sounds like something I'd say, especially when inebriated.

She said that this ballsy confession really made her think twice about having rejected me years ago. When I revealed that I remembered none of it, she got really offended.

I laughed it off.

We had sex pretty soon after this conversation.

Or there was a girl I met a while back who was an artist. When I asked what kind of art she did, I said to her "What are you going to do, finger yourself in front of the crowd or something avant-garde like that?" After a half-second pause of shock, she laughed and shook her head no. Got her number a second later.

#13: When Girls Call You an Asshole or Jerk, Accept It with Delight

At the club the other night, I walked up to a girl and as she turned towards me, she screamed my name and hugged me. When she noticed my confused expression, she said "You don't remember me, do you?!"

I laughed, apologized, and confessed ignorance. She hit me on the chest and reminded me of when we met. After I nodded in acknowledgment, she guessed that I probably forgot her name too and, again, I confessed ignorance. She hit me again, and got very close to my face and said in girly, facetious tone, "you're such a dick!" and laughed.

I laughed back, then got her number.

If a girl accuses you of being an asshole or jerk, you can also smile and look off into space like "Yep, I get that sometimes."

#14: If She Jokes about Herself, Agree with Her or Test Her

If she says something like "I'm a weirdo," then agree with her and say "Yeah, you are a weirdo!" and wink at her.

If she says that she's shy or an introvert, call her out on it - "Why are you that way?" in a curious, sarcastic, but challenging tone.

If she calls herself a nerd, ask her what her favorite sci-fi books is. But if her definition of being a nerd is because she's read Harry Potter, tell her she's a fraud.

Oh, so Harry Potter made you a nerd, huh?

#15: If She Complains, Tease Her

A girl that I club with regularly will sometimes complain about how hot or cold it is in the club. My response is always to draw an imaginary line around myself and say "This is a no complaining zone." Most of the time she'll just laugh and stop complaining, but occasionally she'll step outside of it so that she can keep on bitching.

If a girl gets annoying with her ranting, I like to flap my mouth around and make weird voices and faces to tell her that shit is obnoxious.

If she complains that she's fat, tell her that she needs to go check into the whale exhibit at Sea World.

#16: Command Her Attention with Your Words or Touch

When a girl isn't paying attention, I like to poke her in the stomach. I actually learned this from girls who would try and reengage me the same way if I drifted off into space.

Another way to get her attention is to grab her waist, tell her to turn towards you and give you her full attention.

Or you can even point it out and then command her: "Don't cross your legs that way; face them towards me."

Snap your fingers in her face and say "Hey, pay attention; I'm talking to you" with a smile on your face and in a tone that you would use on your daughter if she was ignoring you.

If she's being a smartass or mouthing off to you, put your hand over her mouth and tell her to shut up (and if you really want to shock her, tell her to "Shut the fuck up"). I've never had a girl react badly to this. They either get doe-eyed and laugh... or they lick your hand. Pretty sure I've had sex with every girl who's responded with hand licking.

And if you really want to have fun, look away from her and stare at something; if she follows your gaze, she's enraptured and you can do anything you want with it. Grab her close and point to whatever you're interested in. Now you're touching her and commanding her. Voila.

#17: Demand Investment

The other night, while at a bar with a girl, she told me that I needed to get more drunk to get on her level (so that she wouldn't feel too vulnerable when we fucked soon). I told her that's fine, but she needs to buy the next round. She happily complied.

Instead of asking her to do things, tell her to do things.

If you want to see her necklace or feel her hair, reach out and grab it.

And if she has a problem with any of this, act like she's the weirdo. Put the social pressure on her.

#18: If She Offers, Let Her Serve You

I don't really like people doing things for me, but if a girl offers to get you food, a drink, or anything, accept it readily. She wants to serve you, so let her.

If she offers you food, accept it even if you're not hungry. It's a win-win.

If you're hungry, you can qualify her and then reward her with some cock. If you're not, she might wonder if the food isn't good and get a bit insecure about if she's serving you properly (which is a good thing).

#19: Be Playfully Physical and Dominant

If a girl is sitting down, walk over and plop down right on her lap. She'll either wrap her arms around you, tell you you're fat/heavy, or laugh. The only bad reactions I've ever gotten from this are from other men, white knighting or cockblocking.

If you sit down and she is close to you, pull her onto your lap (or pat your lap and tell her to sit on it).

Or if you're feeling ballsy, you can do things like this:

When me and a group of people walked into a friend's apartment building for an after-party, all the girls jumped on the couch in the lobby to take a group photo. The girl I like laid down on her stomach, so I hopped on top of her, sat on her butt, and started dry-humping her as our friend took photos. She pulled her hoodie over her head to hide her face and acted offended. She told me I was an asshole, scoffed that not only did I jump on her, but actually humped her... and then proceeded to flirt with me the whole night (and so did her friends).

Grab girls' asses. Squeeze their hips. Put your fingers in their mouth. Lightly slap their cheeks. Be a fucking man and let her know you're not afraid to touch her.

#20: Don't Be Afraid to Voice Your Disinterests

This could be as simple as telling her that you don't like whiskey if she orders whiskey.

It could also be her mentioning a particular sport and you expressing that you don't like that.

Or, it could be more behavioral - a while back a girl I'd had sex with was over for a second time, but was acting haughty because I'd wanted her to drive us to get ice cream, since I'd had surgery recently and probably shouldn't drive on meds.

She thought that I was too patriarchal, demanding, and dominant. But at the same time she was expecting me to be a man, pay for things, and lead.

When we got back home from ice cream and were laying down, she asked me to get her some water. I told her that she could very easily go get it herself; she insisted I get it and I gave her a dirty look. "You're a big girl," I told her. She finally got her lazy ass up and got her own damn water, but when she returned, she found me staring up at the ceiling, ignoring her existence. She immediately transformed into a little kitten and laid down next to me. I continued to ignore her and so she put her arm on my chest and rested her head on me, looking up at me.

The tension grew so much that she said she was going to leave. As she was putting on her shoes, I grabbed her and told her to stay.

I explained to her that she can't voice demands for independence and ask me not to be a dominant man, but then at the same time expect me to be a provider and lead her. "If you want to be an equal, then you need to pay for half of everything and don't expect me to do anything for you and I won't expect anything either. But if want me to be a man, then I expect you to be a woman. Follow my lead, be girly, and when I say I want something, you do it. You have to choose what you want - you can't have it both ways."

She conceded that I was right and that she was being unfair. We fucked soon afterwards, and although she wanted to stay, I sent her home.

With a different girl, I had to lay down the pimp hand over one of my biggest pet peeves: getting my hair pulled. My hair is super long and luscious now, so girls love to play with it. I enjoy that, but the moment my hair is being tugged... nope. My face will immediately drop every smile or warm expression it has and I'll sternly tell them to stop.

As we were fucking, she kept pulling my hair. I told her to stop and slammed her hands down. She reached up again and grabbed it, so I got off her, walked over to another part of the room, and said in a really annoyed voice that I really, really don't like that.

Later on when we were smashing again, she went to grab my hair and I lightly smacked her on her head like a bad dog and told her to stop it. She apologized and proceeded to moan even louder, push her pussy on my cock harder, and generally acted even more girly.

Women want men to put them in line when they step out of it.

#21: Respond with Cocky Facial Expressions

Purely non-verbal responses are hella powerful.

If she's giving you a vague half-answer, like after you ask her out she says "I don't know I'm gonna be really busy lately" or "I'll be around" (usually in social circle situations), stare at her smugly and smile, like you know she's bluffing.

If she accuses of anything, like being a dick, a jerk, a cad, a player, etc., smile in response.

If she starts mouthing off to you, being annoying, or pestering you, shake your head like she's an overly eager salesman and look off into the distance and ignore her.

The facial expression should either lead into a thread-cut (if you know that persisting won't work or if it's not a deal-breaker and real resistance) or an escalation (if you're asking her out/inviting her to another venue or home and if you don't get her now, you'll lose it).

#22: Call Her Pet Names

I call every girl "sweetie," "darling," "babe," even after just meeting them. I've only had a few girls mention it and tell me that they don't like pet names... and I kept doing it anyways. It might seem strange at first or feel awkward, but I promise it'll work and girls will magically start acting like your darlings as time goes on. I don't think it's a coincidence that women also call me sweetie and baby en masse now. I'll even open a girl by saying "Hey sweetie!"

The perfect "Hey sweetie" face.

#23: If She's Sassy, Be Even Sassier

If she starts a fight with you and gets snarky with you, do not back down. Win at all costs. It doesn't matter what you say, but only if your tone, eye contact, and body language are more overbearing as you say it.

Recently a girl who's a bit older than me told me that since I'm the youngin', I need to follow (she's 32 and I'm 24). I told her that since I'm the man and I have the dick, I lead, because men rule the world. She then told me that pussy rules the world, because what do men want? Pussy.

In response, I told her that when we fuck, and I'm spitting on her, choking her, and slapping her around that it will be very clear who is dominating who.

#24: Dismiss Her Barbs

This is one of my favorite ways to deal with a challenge from a girl.

Simply dismiss it.

You do this by laughing at her, or responding with any of the cocky facial expressions from earlier.

Now why would you choose to do this over fighting back? Well, if you've already established your dominance quite a bit or the battle has been going on for some time and it's obvious she's coming up with random insults to beat you, you can end it with a dismissal.

Be aware, however, that if you dismiss her before she thinks you've beaten her, she will see it as you running from the fight. Instead, it should be like she's a little girl trying to punch a grown man in the stomach and he just laughs as she does so and maybe pokes her on the forehead in response.

With the girl in the previous example, our exchange came to this tipping point, where I felt emotionally that she was trying harder than me with her insults and was more energized than me. So after I told her how I'd dominate her in bed, she said that she makes love and doesn't "fuck."

This was a weak response and I simply laughed at her dismissively. Then she told me to just be quiet and look pretty. I laughed at her dismissively again, because now she was definitely trying too hard and overcompensating.

And a few minutes later, when we entered the apartment lobby and took pictures on the couch, I jumped on top of her and dry humped her as we took pictures (yes, the same girl from an earlier example).

You gotta let these girls know who's boss.

A Great Paradox?

Older, younger, more experienced, less experienced, it doesn't matter.

They're all little girls deep down inside. And they want a man who's not afraid to give them a slice of his humble pie and be a bit of a dick.

For her sake and for your sake, be that man. She'll love you for it, because it's what she really wants. And if you want proof, just try it.

Because if it gets her wet and excited, it's what she really wanted. And giving her what she wants is the essence of true kindness.

Be kind and nice... by being a dick... in the right circumstances.

Is it a paradox?

Only when you get too muddled in the logic of it. And that's exactly what most guy's problem is - they think too much and feel too little. But it's okay, it's my weakness, too, and it's taken me years to figure this out to the extent that I can explain it like this.

Save yourself the time and just go give girls what they want.

To the women we love and adore,

Hector