Escalating on Her in a Controlled & Calibrated Way

Howdy all,

Today I decided to take the time to answer a question related to escalation (being physical or verbal), and more in particular about calibration – calibrating escalation to the girl and the situation.

In other words, the readers were curious how one can escalate while limiting their chances of facing resistance.

Many students of seduction struggle when it comes to escalation, because they lack calibration and can easily blow things off if they do things wrong. Now, being perfectly calibrated is impossible, but great calibration skills come from experience.

However, in this post I will give you some tools that will make things easier for you.

Now onto the questions:

A reader who posted as Anonymous asked the following:

“I was thinking, what’s the difference between sleazy guy who talks about sex, using sexual frames, and escalating vs. sexy guy who talks about sex, using sexual frames and escalating.

And I read your sequence in “Physical escalation in Public” What happens when we escalate at the wrong sequence (too much)? thanks alek ;)”

In addition, Lawliet asked this:

“Nice article bro!

Anonymous said something interesting. Got me thinking.

Just wondering what happens when we escalate too much too early or in the wrong order and what we can do to recover afterwards?

Best regards,

Lawliet”

Both are very good questions and as they are both more or less related I decided to answer them in detail in this post.

Calibration

Before I begin, let me tell you guys this: there is nothing called “too much” or “too little” escalation. Similarly, there are no real answers to what is “too fast” or “tool slow” when it comes to escalation. The right answer is: “it depends”. It all depends on:

• The girl: her personality, her mood, her life situation

• The situation in which the seduction is taking place: are her friends around? Are there many people around?

So what you need to do is calibrate – it all comes down to calibration – calibrate to the girl and the situation in which the seduction is taking place. This is what this post will be about.

Escalation in General

Before we get to discuss how one can calibrate his escalation skills, let us briefly understand what escalation is. Now mind you that when I use the word escalation in this post, I am referring to both physical and verbal escalation. The principles covered in this post are applicable to both.

Escalation is one of the KEY aspects in seduction as escalation can/is:

• A tool to generate attraction

• A tool to generate horniness (both in YOU and HER)

• A tool that helps you lead the process – make things happen

• I will even go as far as to say that escalation is part of the “foreplay” process that takes place before sex (hence can affect the quality of the sex)

Another key thing to note is that there are a lot of useful techniques one can learn to seduce women – and you might pick them according to who you are and how you’d like to seduce them. However, whatever your method is, whether it is based on using chase frames, hypnotic patterns, cocky lines, or sexual humor, you will never get away from having to escalate the vibe.

Escalation is the key concept that gets you laid that you cannot live without (considering your goal is to get laid of course).

No matter who you are, what your game looks like, what girls you are into, and where you pick them up, escalation is something we ALL need and use.

Here’s a post on physical escalation:

“How to Physically Escalate in Public with Girls”

Resistance vs. Rejections

Let us now understand why any escalation attempt can result in women resisting your advances. First of all, it is key to understand that rejections and resistance are two different things. However, it is very hard, and oftentimes impossible, to distinguish them. Therefore I will not bother writing about that.

However, I will say this – a good rule of thumb: whenever a girl resist your moves, take a HUGE step back and re-initiate your escalation attempt (persistence). Give it three attempts – if she is still resisting, move on (unless SHE makes a move and re-initiates).

This way you can easily seal out bad leads – and it will not matter whether she was rejecting you or just giving you some hard resistance – because the result would have been the same – you wouldn’t get anywhere with her anyway. Now you might say “Alek, I might miss some great potential lays this way” – well maybe you will, but you also risk pushing too hard and enter the zone of “sexual abuse/harassment”. In my humble opinion, persisting on a girl after her more than three shots can easily put you in a zone you do not want to be in. Better safe than sorry.

The exception to this rule is of course, whenever the resistance/rejection is so serious that you have to back off immediately.

Causes of Resistance

In a post I made a while back called “What to Do When Women Resist Your Charms”, I made a detailed list about the reasons women resist your advances. Reading that post in addition to this one is highly recommended.

For now I will just briefly mention the main causes:

• Lack of attraction

• Anti-slut defense – fear of the slut label

• Lack of comfort

So whenever a guy escalates too quickly, at the wrong time, he can trigger some anti-slut defense – her fear of being labelled as a slut. However, the more attracted she is to that guy, the less likely she is to resist because attraction can in some cases bypass some, if not all of her potential anti-slut defense.

Keep also in mind that women, being physically weaker than us men, have to be careful. For all they know you might be a psycho. Some women, especially those with past traumas, might require a higher level of comfort. With them, escalating too fast might set them off a bit.

By calibrating things properly you reduce your chances of facing resistance. Now that being said… some men fear making a move because they are afraid of triggering resistance. Let me make a few things very clear:

• Yes, resistance, especially if you are a beginner, can ruin your chances of getting laid with that girl. However, if you DON’T MAKE A MOVE, you have ZERO chances of getting laid. So the first option is to risk messing up, and the other always mess it up – so pick carefully.

• If you don’t fail, you will never learn how to calibrate properly. It is by both failing and succeeding a few times that you will learn how to calibrate. That is the only way.

• Resistance is something you can learn to deal with – there are numerous posts about this here on Girls Chase.

Grow some balls and start touching her. Keep everything I and my colleagues have said in mind, sure, but go out and do it and learn from those experiences and do not let the fear of resistance/rejection stop you, because guess what, that is what makes you a better seducer. It is completely normal to fail when learning all this.

Escalation – Timing

When you escalate the vibe with a girl, timing is key. Remember that female emotions are never static, so WHEN you escalate is key. As a rule of thumb I like to start escalating the vibe right after engaging the girl (right after opening). There are two reasons for this:

• Physical escalation: Get her used to my touch, so that later, when I plan to go for the kill, she will be comfortable with the idea of me touching her. If you haven’t touched her yet, just suddenly starting to touch her after having spent a larger amount of time interacting with her will just generate awkwardness.

• Set the right sexual frame: Communicate that I am a lover, a sexual guy who wants to provide her a good time, so that when I extract her back to the sex location, she knows what to expect (check my previous thread on last minute resistance for more detailed info on this).

So when should one start escalating? The answer is clear: right away, or as soon as possible.

Now, that being said, the form of escalation that takes place during the early phase of the interaction is light in its nature – just some light touching on socially accepted areas (hand, shoulder, waist…) and if I use verbals, maybe some light conversation about sex and society should make it.

Now the bigger question is: when should one pull the trigger and take it to the next level (sexualize the process). Ideally I would like to escalate whenever she is:

• Showing signs of interests – the more interested in you she is, the more compliance you get, which will lower your chances of facing resistance.

• Whenever you reach a high note – whenever she is feeling excited or happy she will be more prone to allowing you to escalate to vibe even further.

• Displaying signs of horniness – women who are ovulating tend to be rather easy to seduce (warning: use a condom). If she is behaving in a rather horny way, you might allow yourself to push things further more quickly.

Another important note to make is that whenever you have the ability to make your escalation unknown to the public, you can allow yourself to get more dirty. To clarify, here are some examples:

Using chaos to hide your moves: This one is for physical escalation only – let us consider you are on a dance floor. With all the chaos, you can go “under the radar” and touch your girl without anyone seeing it. She will notice that and feel more “allowed” to release herself.

Using isolation: Whenever you isolate, you can get dirtier, and the more isolated you are, the more dirty you can get. The reason is because women will feel less pressured by their surroundings – remember that women fear the slut label and the fewer people (especially those from her social circle) seeing what is happening the better, as she knows what ever will happen will remain low-key.

Escalation – Pace

What I am about to mention is something that I have mentioned many times, but that I believe is worth mentioning again: always focus on pushing thing forward and observe her reactions/response. Her response is ALL I care about.

• If she is responding well, I push things further

• If she is responding negatively, I back off

• If she is responding VERY well, I make a BOLD move forward

• If she is responding VERY negatively, I take a HUGE step back

And remember, that whenever you take a step back, you keep your focus on pushing things forward. Remember that even though she might be receptive and allow you to make a huge step forward, she can put up some resistance anytime.

It is key that “potential resistance” doesn’t scare you away from escalating, because resistance, unless VERY serious, can be handled. Remember that just because a woman is resisting, it doesn’t mean she isn’t into you.

Even better news is that whenever you manage to persist and get past her resistance, she might get even more attracted to you, because you are both communicating an ability to lead her emotions and taking the guilt for what is about happen (read: “I banged him because he kept persisting, even though I resisted”) which remove some of her anti-slut defense.

Remember: if she is giving you 3 rather negative responses (resistance) then move on.

Escalation – Calibration

Let us sum up what calibration is all about before we end this post.

The key thing is to calibrate your escalation to…

• Her – observe her response and calibrate accordingly

• The environment – how isolated she is, who is around etc… and calibrate accordingly.

Be present; be observant – your focus needs to be on her and not within yourself. Pay attention to the subtle signs and move things forward. Now you might not have a trained eye yet, or the signs might be so subtle that you might fail to see them. What do you then? You take a step forward and keep doing so until you trigger a reaction and hope for a positive one. Once you trigger a reaction, you take things from there. If it is a form of resistance, use some anti-resistance techniques.

Remember that resistance doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t into you. Resistance is not the end of the world. The fact is, once you get good at handling resistance, you will see for yourself that you always win some attraction points whenever you manage to handle her resistance. To make life easier, I will add a few links on handling resistance:

• What If She Says No?
  
• Secrets to Getting Girls: Addressing Women's Objections
• Dance Floor Game Tips #8: What Causes Resistance
• Dance Floor Game Tips #9: More on Handling Resistance
  
• Last Minute Resistance from Sexy Women: Treating It and Beating It
  
• Resistance to Sex: The 4 Different Flavors
  

Do not fear resistance, because remember, you have three shots…

And if you fail at those….

There will always be another girl.

Happy hunting!

Questions and comments are welcome, as always.

Until next,

Alek