Men in STEM fields, despite their smarts, often don’t do well
with girls. What’s the cause of this handicap – and what can you do
about it?
STEM is an acronym for the academic disciplines of Science,
Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. It is a moderately strong
stereotype that men educated in these fields are socially awkward nerds
who struggle with women.
Why is this the case (that STEM men are so often nerdy and awkward
and not good with girls), and what can be done
about it?
The author has studied math, physics, and computer science
and would like to give his thoughts on this issue.
The first thing to be said about this problem is that it IS to some
extent true that STEM-educated guys have problems with socializing and
women, and thus the corresponding “nerd” stereotype is rather common
with students and workers in such fields.
Obviously not all STEM guys have problems, and for those who do have
problems, they are rarely unsolvable. The challenges STEM guys face
have several different causes, and some personality traits should be
reviewed before we start discussing solutions.
Friends with benefits (FWB) is a fun, no-strings way to have sex.
So why give it up? There are 6 good reasons to, including laziness,
distraction, and getting stuck with the wrong girl.
A little while back, I wrote a couple of posts on friends with
benefits (FWB):
I noted here that I don’t do friends with benefits anymore. Guys
have asked why over the years and I’ve talked about it a bit, but
haven’t really sat down to give it a full-on article on the subject.
This article will be similar in spirit to “Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or
Drink.” It’s about why I opted to quit doing something that
sounds like a fun time (wild party girls; no-strings casual sex). And
it’s about the pros and cons.
But let’s start with the basics. What’s not to love about friends
with benefits?
It’s easy for guys to get hung up on a girlfriend’s sexual
history. Yet
you can get over this if you choose to. To do it, you’ll use 3 steps.
Whenever we start dating someone new, we’re bound to soon discover a
few facts about who they once dated and the amount and kind of sex they
enjoyed, whether we like it or not. A new girlfriend will often tell us
about her past, or we’ll end up asking about it. Either way, sometimes
the truth can hurt. A lot.
Learning that a partner once enjoyed threesomes, had five sex
buddies on the go at once, or has slept with fifty guys... this can be
a hard pill to swallow. Some men are able to just forget about
it. Some
don’t care. Others slip into a whirlpool of self-torment characterized
by OCD-like repetitive thoughts and emotions which they find extremely
hard to shift.
You may have heard of this form of anxiety-ridden obsession referred
to as “retroactive jealousy” or “retrospective jealousy”. In men this
tends to be an anxiety about a girlfriend’s sexual past. In women it
tends to be an anxiety over who their man was once in love with. There
are genetic and biological reasons for this, but in this post I’ll be
focusing on the former.
Now, not all men are willing to date (let alone marry) a girl who’s
“been around the block”, and this is a perfectly reasonable position to
take. But what if you’ve bagged yourself a great girl who’s wonderful
in every respect, except you are bothered by her promiscuous past?
Should you ditch her because she once used to enjoy hooking up with
guys just for sex? Or, in later years, would you regret passing up on
the possible love of your life all because of her past?
These are all points worth considering, because there’s nothing
stopping you from moving on if you feel you can’t handle a girlfriend’s
past or that you shouldn’t have to learn about it in the first place.
Many guys hold this view, and some studies have shown that the
more
promiscuous a woman is or has been in the past, the more likely it is
she’ll cheat when she settles down.
However, if you happen to think she’s a
great girl in every respect
but are obsessing about her “number”, then it might be worth trying to
regain control of your thoughts and emotions regarding this.
If you want to start overcoming retroactive jealousy rather than be
tormented by it, keep reading; in this post I’ll show you the tools
necessary to learn how to get over your girlfriend’s past. The first
step is to research and discover what causes a retroactive jealousy
disorder in the first place.
You load a barbell one side at a time. The most effective way to
improve with girls is to use the same approach: one side at a time,
then the other.
There is one thing that bugged me more than anything else when going
out with someone new to hit on girls, and I never realized it till a
few months back, and only then did I begin to put it into words.
Odds are, if you go out to talk to women, you do this at least some
of the time too. Most guys do. And it’s bad for you. I’ll tell you what
the thing is in a moment, but first, let me tell you about Seneca’s
Barbell.
A month ago I read Antifragile by Nassim
Taleb. In it, Taleb highlights the problem I noticed guys running into
when I’d go out with them to chat up girls. The solution for this
problem is what Taleb terms “Seneca’s Barbell”.
The idea behind Seneca’s Barbell is that when
you work on part A of a two-part project, focus just on A;
when you work on part B of that project, focus just on B. Do
not work half and half on A and B at the same time, because you divvy
up your attention between foci and prevent yourself doing either
effectively.
As Taleb puts it, think of a barbell used by a bodybuilder. When he
prepares the barbell, the bodybuilder places the weights on either side
of the
bar, not in the middle. Engage and
become fully consumed with one side,
then be fully consumed with the other. Never try to do both at once.
Use your focus to its fullest.
Let me explain how this idea applies to
picking up women.
The wrong woman can be legitimate bad news for your life. To screen these bad news girls out though (and screen the good ones in), you need 4 rules.
Over the years, I’ve penned various cautionary notes aimed at keeping you safe from girls who will slowly (or quickly!) suck the lifeblood out of you. Some of them include:
Yet, as Sadeqh points out in my article on resilience, I haven’t actually given you a system you can follow for keeping these girls at-bay (or under control):
“hey chase! I have noticed that you covered a lot of topics on how to seduce or introduced a lot of ways to success. I admire them all but why didn’t you ever start to teach men how to not let someone (like which would Be called a bitch by society) begin to destroy and suck Blood outta men who only think they love her? why didn’t you write in your book about defense, nothing Held back! about the destroying Powers women could have over men? about the hate that hurt people could use against someone who only wants to enjoy with them? thanks, sadeqh”
So, okay; let me give you that then. Defensive tactics to ward off girls who are bad news.
In this essay, I’m going to give you four (4) manly rules I use myself that make girls who are ‘bad news’ avoid me like I’ve got a case of flesh-eating disease... And turn ‘good’ girls (i.e., any girl who won’t shred you or trample you in a hookup or relationship) even better.
Fractionation lets you up desire, curiosity, and compliance. It’s
also
a fun way to handle objections. And odds are, you use it already.
I wrote a very long essay on the subject of fractionation
last summer. In that essay, I used a real-life event (a “lay report”)
and used it to cover fractionation – one of the MOST key concepts in
seduction.
After re-reading that post, even though I still consider it one of
my favorite pieces of writing so far on GC, I felt the need for a
simplified version. First of all, the previous post is a bit too long;
secondly, it puts a bit too much emphasis on the use of fractionation
in one particular situation – the one from the story covered in that
post.
Truth is, fractionation is so
versatile. I am sure you are probably
already using seduction techniques (either consciously or
unconsciously) that are based on fractionation. Most good seducers out
there use fractionation, and it is, in my opinion, one of the most
powerful concepts out there. In this post we will cover what it
is, in a simple, straight-to-the-point way – so that you actually get it.
You shouldn’t join a girl’s shopping
expedition for a date. So why’s it okay to invite her along while YOU
shop? The difference is the dynamic.
In my article on The “Help Run Some Errands” Date,
Lawliet questions whether having a girl come help you on dates doesn’t
set too much of a boyfriend frame.
In my article on how to take girls off their
“scripts” (i.e., having them abandon whatever they’re doing
or trying to do, and have them come be with you on your terms instead),
a reader commented on a point of confusion:
“Moreover,
you’ve even written an entire article on “disqualifying yourself as a
boyfriend”. But in this [article on taking girls off their scripts],
you suggest that its best to make clear what you actually want (even if
that is to be her boyfriend).”
I understand his confusion. I should stress before we
proceed that a big part of my approach with girls is to be inscrutable:
I throw off conflicting signals so a girl can’t nail me down. Just when
she thinks I’m a hookup-only guy, I ooze a little romance and her brain
starts
going crazy. “I thought this guy
just wanted to hook up,” she thinks, “and yet he’s so romantic! Maybe it could
be something more? What’s going on?! I can’t figure him out!”
James Bond uses it a lot in his films. Christian Grey uses it. Every
Byronic hero does, more or
less. She thinks she knows
what this guy is
about... And then she doesn’t know what this guy is about. He’s so
confusing. What is he about?
At some point, you have to let her figure out what it is you want
though, and that’s the kind of ‘clarity’ I meant in the scripts
article. She has to be reasonably certain that, “Okay, I think this guy
wants to hook up with me,” or, “I think he wants to really date me.”
The reason you want her to figure this out is because you want her to
start imagining it. If before she was only in single-and-carefree mode,
and you want her to be your girlfriend, she needs to think about becoming your girlfriend first.
This article is going to be about that. Or at least, some of that.
Therefore, this one won’t be ideal for beginners... Since we’ll be
talking about running, essentially, two kinds of game at the same time:
One part sexy, bad boy hook up guy
But also one part mysterious, inscrutable, romantic guy
You do not tell her you want her as more than
a fling, or even imply it with words. You want her to read between the lines with you.
You usually won’t tell her you want to hook up with her, either (unless
you’re Hector. Or Romanian).
This clarity is all implied... Which means it’s never completely clear.
And the reason you never make it completely clear?
You want her to choose you, and feel the choice is her choice.
Pacing and leading is
a potent neurolinguistic programming (NLP) technique used to first
match someone’s state, then lead her. It’s extremely useful in dating
and seduction.
Ok, so I decided to get into more practical stuff. During the summer
I tend to go out so much more, which motivates me to write about more
practical stuff.
Before I jump into it, a caveat: this
post will be most useful for advanced
players.
Sure, as a beginner, there will be a few things in this post
that you will enjoy. That being said, this is not what a novice should
focus on at first – there are fundamentals that are more key
to focus
on.
However, if you are an intermediate or even an advanced player, you
should absolutely pay attention.
Today’s topic is pacing and leading,
a very powerful technique that
will allow you to drag people into your reality with little to no
resistance. Pacing and leading is a neuro-linguistic programming
(NLP)
technique that will help increase your chances of dragging people
comfortably into your reality. Most people are not comfortable being
led into a different world, and hence put up their defense mechanism.
Pacing and leading allows you to hook them in, lower their guards, and
smoothly drag them into you world.
This sounds probably super fancy to you who are new to the concept –
and one can make very complicated posts related to this subject. I tend
to see many books (many bad books) covering NLP and related subjects
that are filled with mental masturbation and over-complications. I will
therefore make an understandable, straight-to-the-point post – and you
will see... it is not rocket science after all.
So here is how we will do it in this post. I will:
It’s frustrating if
your results from day game aren’t what they used to be. To solve the
riddle of what’s happened, first you need to know what’s changed.
Hello everyone, it’s been a while. Have you ever felt frustrated
because you were not getting any results at all from day game?
Or even
worse (paradoxically), because you were so successful in recent
weeks/months but are now not getting the same results, you feel like
you’re crashing?
Well, I guess that happens to everyone, and it’s an annoying feeling
for sure, but don’t panic. Let’s dive in a little bit and see what we
can do.
I will divide this article into two parts:
What to do if you’ve never been able to make day game work for
you
What to do if your day game results peak, then start to fall off
or decline
I’ll will cover Part 1 with just a few lines, since there
is enough material for beginners on this website already to keep you
busy reading for a few weeks. But I will dive deeper into Part 2, which
reflects what I’ve been through in the past months and is directed more
specifically to intermediate/advanced day game practitioners.
