How to Pick Who to Go Out with to Nightlife

Hey guys and welcome back. Today, I’ll resume last week’s discussion, which covered how many people you should go out with during night game, or when at social events with the intent of getting laid.

We are not discussing outings with close friends to maintain bonds or for any purposes other than taking a girl home.

For review, here are the four takeaways from last week’s article:

1. Solo is the go-to for top-tier seducers. These guys like the freedom and independence from going solo. Most other men are not at their level and will drag the experienced seducer down. Those who are good with women, without being trained in the art, are mostly unfamiliar with key concepts such as logistics and calibration.

2. I do not recommend going out with two guys as the typical wingman combo UNLESS the wing is trained and can go solo when necessary, like when you become isolated with a girl.

3. Groups of three are not ideal.

4. Larger groups over three can be helpful because this creates a private party within the venue to which you are invited. Your group will attract positive attention, allowing you to meet other women through warm approaches. The group’s good vibe may positively increase your state. Also, you avoid situations where you are alone and don’t appear as a loner.

So, the best choices are:

1. Going solo
2. Going out with big groups

Going out solo will not be detailed here, as we went through this last week. But who you go out with to clubs is just as important as how many people you go out with. That is what we'll discuss today.

First, a few words about going out with a wingman. The ideal wingman should:

1. Be at your level or better.
2. Match your style.
3. Have predictable behavior.

I’ll share a detailed list in my upcoming series on Wingmanning. So, with a bit of patience, you will be rewarded.

 

Heading Out with a Girl

It may sound good on paper, but I don’t recommend it.

What if she is your date? Do not take her out to a place known for hookups. Take her to a suitable date spot, like a café for coffee or a quiet bar. You do not want to throw her into the snake pit where guys are hitting on her. Even If you “outperform” all these guys, it will set a terrible frame in your interaction—you are the pursuer and chaser. You can ignore the situation, but deep inside, you will care. Why be a masochist? Also, you risk her amping up her jealousy plot when you ignore them. Not good. You lose either way.

Even if she isn’t actively flirting with guys, they will approach her, feeding her ego and making the power balance of your so-called date skewed.

Generally, the rule of thumb is: if you go out with a girl you are into, you must be able to talk to as many girls as she talks to men and get the same results with those girls as she gets with guys. We know women have an easier time getting compliance from horny guys than it is for us to get it from girls. Most guys who can outcompete girls are veteran seducers. It is a lot of work with little reward. Some guys like this, though.

Now, what if she is not the girl you want? Then, why are you going out with her alone? Remember, women need to have their peers around for assurance. So, you can’t just leave her when you find another girl to talk to. And if you do, you can expect drama.

Keep in mind that you may look like a dating couple, which will likely cause auto-rejection from other women. Women will think, “Oh, he is with her,” and neglect you.

The last factor to consider is with night clubs: in many countries, selective venues with pickers do not let in pairs of one man and one woman, as they appear as couples. Some clubs view couples as prone to causing drama for reasons you can imagine. Pass.

The bottom line is that if you want to go out with one person, it must be a wingman you know and trust.

 

Be the Picker

You must be selective about who you go out with. If you intend to meet women, then social status matters. So, you should go out with people of “high social value.” Social value is a relative term, as what constitutes high value depends on your environment. Compare a club promoter and a geeky but high-class university professor. Both are high value in their respective environment. But in the nightlife, high-value people are:

• Those who know many people
• Socially savvy
• Have an edge
• Have money
• Have a stellar reputation
• Look good
• Dress well

They do not need to score on all criteria but should check many boxes. If a guy is not good-looking, he should have a cool sense of style and an edge.

They should be cool cats, behave well, be pleasant to be around, and be socially savvy. They need to dress well. Being socially savvy and dressing well are the most crucial and interlinked factors because socially savvy folks generally dress well.

Dressing well depends on where you are going. A cool suit or blazer works if you are at a high-end club focusing on glamour and money. (I always add flash by going for velvet or printed blazers). Is it a hip-hop venue? Stress with style! How about a rock venue? I might wear a floral shirt, a cool necklace, tight black jeans, Chelseas with chains, and a leather jacket with flowers.

I own this jacket. It is from Liquor N Poker. It is unisex! I could not find a picture with a male model. But the girl looks great, and that’s what counts.

You get my point. Know where you are going and dress accordingly. And your friends should too.

One night, I was heading out with my female neighbor and her five female friends to a club called Silencio, one of the world’s most selective venues. You don’t get in by dressing well, but by dressing next-level Avant Garde well.

I went to her place, and the girls were dressed to the nines, including one who worked for Yves Saint-Laurent. But one was not dressed well, which was sad because she was one of the cutest girls (and the girl I ended up with). I had to be strict and told her: “Look, either I tell you here, in a nice way, that you won’t get in with this outfit, so, while you still can, fix it; or the picker will.”

I felt bad about telling her. It wasn’t a pleasant moment, but I had no choice. I knew the picker at that club and didn’t want to show up with people not suited for the venue. Her friends agreed with me. Of course, the girl didn’t enjoy hearing it, but she got my point (I was the best dressed in the group, wearing the overcoat in the picture to the right).

So, I had some authority when I talked about style. Eventually, the Yves Saint-Laurent girl lent her some clothes, and we had a good night.

Usually, when I go out with my gay friends, they are hilarious, have a great vibe, are highly social, and dress impeccably. We always get into any venue.

But often, when I go to warm-up venues, usually smaller clubs or bars, with a more relaxed vibe, I dress accordingly with a more relaxed casual style while still looking good. My group may decide to head to a more selective venue later, and sometimes random people ask if they can tag along. Unless they fit in, dress well, and behave, my rule is that they won’t tag along. I tell them outright they cannot come (for free and skip the line) with me but are welcome to try on their own (at the mercy of the picker).

You have to be the picker! It is not easy, but it is necessary. Do not invite anyone over unless you want them to tag along. If they force themselves onto you (it happens if they perceive you as high value), give some excuse for why they can’t tag along.

REMEMBER: Your social value links to who you are with and determines your group’s overall social value. One picker once told me: “You are only as strong as your weakest link.” Thus, if someone in your group acts bad or looks bad, it will not matter how many amazing people you have with you, he or she will drag all of you down with him or her.

 

List of No-Go’s

Some factors are automatic reasons for someone NOT to tag along:

• A history of causing trouble or potential signs of about to cause trouble like drama, fights, and conflicts.

• A history of taking drugs, carrying drugs, or wanting to order drugs. (“I need to call my dealer.”) If they get caught dealing, giving, or ordering drugs, and they come with you to the venue, it will be on you and your group.

• Drunk, or a history of getting very drunk (however, some people I know can still be cool while hammered).

• Overly greedy people. I don’t expect anyone to spend big bucks but if you are going out, buy at least one or two drinks in the venue. Otherwise, it makes me look bad.

• People who want to invite strangers without asking me first. (I don’t know who they are inviting, and I’ve had some nasty surprises).

A person’s skin color or race is irrelevant in my assessment. I used to go out in Paris with a black gay man. He always got in and quickly became a VIP in most venues. I went out with a Tunisian guy who may be one of the few men I believe dresses better than me. Same for him. Two of my main wings, both very skilled seducers, trained in the art for years, are Latin (Pablo Garcia and Kurdish). They always dress to kill and have lots of edge. They both are very high value in high-end clubs where they live. I think racial discrimination in clubs and nightlife venues is exaggerated or misunderstood because it is mostly discrimination due to stereotypes (dressing and behaving like a guy from the hood) and not about race.

 

Bonus Points

Going out with a club manager, a bouncer, a promoter, or a bartender is always a huge bonus. They will have a day off, or if it’s an after-hours venue, have free time when their shift ends.

I remember taking the bouncer of one of my favorite venues to an after-hours venue after his shift. I got him free entrance and introduced him to people I knew. He loved me for it. What kind of treatment do you think I got the next time I went to the venue where he worked?

He invited me out for beers a week later.

The after-hours venue was happy that I brought him along. He assisted the bouncers there when people outside the club were causing trouble. Generally, clubs want the staff of other clubs in their venue. An unwritten rule in nightlife is that you always welcome staff members from other venues with open arms. Nightlife colleagues are always welcome.

They do not fear that their nightlife colleague from a competitor bar or club will promote their venue when they are there. There is also an unwritten rule about that, and I have never seen it happen.

Rule: If you go to a venue with a staff member from a competitor club, always let the bouncers, pickers, or managers know (if you know them) that the person with you works in X venue. Tell them what they do and introduce them to each other. This will make you appear high value, and you will likely get free drinks.

Of course, going to a venue with someone who works there (for example, when the bartender has a night off) is also great because you will get to know all the regulars in that venue as they will all approach and talk to the staff member you are with.

Whenever in set, you will gain social value when you introduce him as the staff member as to who they are. And this is in addition to free entrance, drinks, and more.

 

Rich Guys

Rich guys (or, more commonly, guys who want to play rich) who do not have negative attributes (not on your no-go list), dress decently well, and seem socially savvy are good to bring out. They can order tables and bottles.

Thus, you will be in a group with a table. This is a bonus! It makes you look good. I have mixed feelings about tables. I would never book a table and pay for it, but if someone else does, why not? I will likely not spend much time there, but I may drop by to look good and then be on my way to talk to girls, bring girls to the table for isolation, or score social value points.

The rich guy won’t mind; he booked the table to impress girls in the first place. If you bring girls to him, it’s usually welcome, but ask first. Even if it is his table, you win social points for having a friend like him. The same goes for rich guys buying drinks, shots, and bottles.

 

Connectors and Profiled People

In social circle game, we often talk about connectors. They have high social value, usually due to their ability to connect people. They enjoy connecting high-value people to other high-value people.

What is a connector?

• They know club staff (granting you access to events, parties, and clubs, offering benefits like free entrance, skipping lines, and free drinks).

• They know plenty of girls and cool people to bring with you.

• They know all the key people in the venue, including girls.

• People see them as high value in the venue, which can transmit to you.

They are good to bring with you or tag along with. The problem is that they can be very closed off. They tend to act too cool for school, dismissive, or even cold because many people are trying to leech off them. They are used to people taking what they have without giving anything in return.

To befriend (sometimes superficially) these people, you have to give something to them or give something back to them. What do you have to offer? Usually, inviting them to a party or connecting them with other key people will give you a pass into their world. The irony is that to win over a connector, one usually must be a connector as well.

See my post on becoming high value by playing the connector for more detail.

READ MORE: How to Become a High Value Man (Real Life Example)

Influencers, TikTokers, YouTubers, promoters, celebs, models—any superficial people with status are big bonuses. These folks are the same as connectors but have an additional punch. Hang around long enough in higher-end venues and become a regular there, and you’ll be considered high value and will bump into them. For more, see my post on winning over the nightlife.

You are their friend, and you’ll also look good by being a famous person's friend. They don’t have to be very famous, just enough so that people in that environment know about them.

 

Conclusion

So there you have it. Now you know my selection criteria when picking people to head out with. These help me come off as high value and maximize my chances of getting into selective venues. Even if the venue isn’t selective, I ensure I have the right people along for the best night out.

Here’s a recap of the key pointers, starting with my selection criteria. Make sure to bring:

• People who know a lot of people
• Socially savvy people
• People with an edge
• People with money
• People with a good reputation
• People who look good
• People who dress well

And don’t forget my list of no-go’s. Don’t bring people who:

• Have a history of or signs of potentially causing trouble, including drama, fights, and conflicts.

• Have people with a history of taking drugs, carrying drugs with them, or wanting to order drugs. (“I need to call my dealer.”) If they get caught doing, dealing, giving, or ordering drugs, and they come with you to the venue, it will be on you and your group.

• Have a history of getting really drunk (although some people can still be cool while hammered).

• Are overly greedy. People should come prepared to buy at least one or two drinks for themselves.

• Invite strangers without asking first. (You don’t know who they are inviting, and don’t want bad surprises to hinder your night).

Sometimes, you can break these rules because you have a weird friend who is a bit anti-social and may not be presentable. You should not dump these people if they are good friends. They may not be the best friends to go out with, but they may be good friends for other reasons. Perhaps you share a hobby, or they are great to discuss X subject with.

However, sometimes these people will want to go out with you. To maintain the friendship, you may have to tag along with them. I recommend going to a venue you don’t care much about or a relaxed venue with no entrance policy.

Next week, I will conclude this series by addressing the crucial topic of male to female ratio—and much more. Stay tuned.

Best,

Alek