If Your Girlfriend's Jealous, Should You COMPLETELY Reassure Her?

Most guys want to reassure a jealous girlfriend that she has nothing to fear. Yet if you do too good a job at this, her attraction for you will wane.

Commenting on my article about how to handle girls grilling you over other girls (e.g., jealousy fears), Ambiance asks:

How do you feel about throwing in knowing looks or hinting at a girlfriend's jealousy when replying? I did this a lot in my most recent relationship, teasingly framing these kind of questions as my girlfriend being jealous and zealous in guarding her "prize". If she gave into these frames, I'd build her back up with physical and verbal displays of affection.

Is this overkill?

Feels like a fine thing to do, right? There’s her acting jealous… there’s the threat of other women… there’s using being flirtatious… could be a good combination, right?

But this works a little differently than you might think.

It’s actually not so much that it’s overkill, as that it suggests the man is harmless.

Why is that?

Because if she actually has anything to fear in terms of you taking other women, you’re probably not going to joke about it (unless you are just an ABSOLUTE dick). Instead you will just remove her concerns in a one-on-one basis. She’s concerned about that girl? “That girl’s not my type.” She’s concerned about you going out late? “I was with [some friend in a committed relationship] the whole time.”

You’re not saying I would never; you’re just saying, “In that particular instance nothing happened,” and moving along.

But how about if you get jokey about it? “Someone’s a little jealous, I see!” Or you give her a smirk. Well, when you do that, you signal that it’s actually silly for her to be jealous – and if it’s silly for her to be jealous, the implication is that she in fact has nothing to fear.

That is: you’re not a guy who’s going to be out taking other girls. You’re faithful. Totally. Without any doubt.

However, whether that is ACTUALLY what you want to signal to a woman is a bit of a question.