Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Want Dates? Then Approach Girls

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By: Chase Amante

I’m staying with Colt out in Denver right now, and we had an interesting conversation yesterday in which he mentioned that some of his friends read Girls Chase religiously, then go out to bars and refuse to approach girls at all.

The way he phrased this to me specifically was to ask me: “What do you do when you have friends who are trying to go the whole James Bond GC approach and look super cool but never approach?”

approach girls

So, yeah, I get this. Approaching’s no fun. It opens you up to potential public embarrassment, since you’re going to get rejected more often than not. Worse, if your ego’s feeling a little fragile, or there are people around you’d like to think well of you, that ego or that impression might take a hit if you go out there, walk up, say ‘hi’, and get shot down.

But if you want girls, you have to approach girls.

The “super suave James Bond who just chills at the bar sipping a martini and just waits for girls to open him” is a kind of funny seduction myth that it’s nice to imagine yourself inhabiting.

However, it’s a myth, and no more. Not even Bond himself does it – his approaches are cool, and smooth, but he makes them.

This is something I see guys who are newer and even guys a bit more advanced doing. Most guys fall into it sometimes. I fall into it sometimes. “I’ll just wait here until girls gravitate to me and then dating and sex will happen.”

But nothing happens if you don’t approach.

When You Should React vs. When You Should Not

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By: Chase Amante

Being unreactive to challenging situations is often the strongest option available to you. When a girl is testing you hard, someone is publicly belittling you, or things are just generally going crazy and spiraling out of control, the most nonplussed, nonchalant man typically wins: he shows dominance, control, and unflappability.

when to react

However, sometimes the calm of unreactiveness must be set aside, and situations simply need dealing with.

Sometimes the girl testing you needs to be set straight; sometimes person belittling you needs to be put in his place; sometimes the crazy situation requires you to place both hands on the wheel and make things sane again.

If you react in situations where remaining unreactive is ideal, you violate the Law of Least Effort and appear tryhard; yet, if you fail to react in situations where your reaction is sorely needed, you seem weak, fearful, and indecisive.

That makes things necessarily a bit trickier, because there isn’t a perfect one-size-fits-all response to every situation; sometimes it’s better to not react, other times better to react.

To know which one is called for, you must have a read on the specific situation... and you must be able not to bow to social pressure.

The Trouble with Mega Clubs

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By: Chase Amante

One of the first places guys seem to go when they decide they are going to really knuckle down and get good at night game is to the local mega club.

These places beckon like the meccas of pickup: the hottest girls, the wildest crowds, the biggest DJs, the coolest atmospheres. They’re virtual smorgasbords of women dressed to the nines just waiting for the right man to come along and sweep them off their feet. And if you’re a guy with any social status in the nightlife scene at all, you have to be here.

pick up mega club

In most of the cities I’ve traveled to and lived in, these tend to be the places where most of the guys who are looking to pick up girls head to. And most of the guys you ask about venues will point you their way:

You: Where should I head to if I want to meet a girl tonight?

Guy: To XYZ Mega Club, of course!

Yet, there’s a problem you will notice if you spend enough time in these places.

That problem is that they are absolutely brutal venues to meet women in, and you will almost always fail – and quite miserably, at that.

The “Nice Guy” Problem: Negotiating from a Position of Weakness

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By: Chase Amante

I was just browsing a website where I came across young, sexually inexperienced men lecturing other men on how “lucky” they were to have a girl to wake up next to, and how, if they were in those men’s shoes, they would basically walk on water for such girls and do anything the girl could possibly want or ask... if they could get them.

In response, the men who actually got laid and had girlfriends laughed at them and responded with things along the lines of, “And that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

In business, you find it’s of vital importance to be aware of the relative strength (or weakness) of your position walking into a negotiation – any negotiation.

Ideally, you’ll walk into a negotiation where both parties are negotiating from strong positions – you are strong, and the other party is strong. In this case, you stand the best chance at having a fair outcome for both parties (a win-win) because neither side will compromise on things that are important to them.

Also possible – but far less likely – are negotiations where both parties are weak. These will also tend to be “fair” negotiations, as they are alliances of convenience; however, they don’t happen so much because everyone wants to ally himself with someone strong, and this is especially true for the weak.

Lastly, you will encounter negotiations that are weak-strong (or strong-weak), where one party negotiates from a position of relative weakness, and the other negotiates from a position of relative strength. These negotiations tend toward being extraordinarily one-sided in their outcomes the vast majority of the time – they are net value transfers from the weak party to the strong party.

That’s because the weak party inevitably compromises far too much – he knows he has little to offer, and doesn’t know when he’ll get another shot at a deal with a stronger party, so he becomes willing to trade anything simply just to keep the stronger party around and, hopefully, give himself the chance to “prove himself” to said stronger party as someone worthy getting access to even the littlest piece of value back.

Yet these dynamics are not unique to business – they happen with people, too. And the easiest place to see them in action? “Nice guys” trying to get dates and girlfriends.

Unjustified Compliance for Fun and Profit

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By: Chase Amante

unjustified complianceWhen you’re already pretty good with girls, you can start bending rules and not just get away with it – you can actually make things go better.

Today’s article is going to be about how you can amplify the impact of your compliance requests and demands by subtracting some of the supporting elements (justifications) that make them easier for women to agree to.

In effect, you can get more investment, faster, by making women make harder choices to invest.

Who’s this suited for? Only men who are already talented at getting women to invest in them heavily all the way up to and including the bedroom. Use it in situations where you haven’t developed your skill set as fully yet and you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot.

So, if you’re newer or intermediate, this is probably one you’ll want to largely steer clear of except perhaps in micro-cases where you’re already quite good at getting certain levels of compliance, or dealing with a girl who’s ridiculously into you. We’ll clarify this below so it’s less abstract and more clear cut.

But if you’re already pretty advanced, and you want to take women from “I think I like this guy” to “I am sold on this guy”, adding in some barebones higher stakes compliance requests to your interactions can be a fun and effective way to do this.

How to Get Started at Picking Up Girls

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By: Chase Amante

content="A one-stop shop for answering that tacky question: how do I start picking up girls? If you’re waiting for it to “feel” right, you might be there a bit.">

In “Why Talking Less is (Usually) Best”, Anonymous asks:

“Hey Chase, I’ve noticed something with me.

Well, I read most of your articles, understand your advices ( which are great) but I just can’t apply them. Let me explain :

I read an article for instance, I think “ Oh, really cool advice, I SHOULD try it out!!!!! I get like excited about it, eventually try it out but don’t stick to it as a habit so it becomes natural.

So I’m going to ask you something no probably ever did :

How to stick to all the advices available on this site so it can be... natural and it does not feel like acting anymore.

How to use your articles in the best way they can be used?? And how to put them in great practice?

I heard that a habit takes about 30 days to be implemented in someone.

Can it apply for seduction techniques?”

This is a common problem, and it is actually something guys ask fairly often: how do I get started applying all this stuff?

start picking up girls

How do you actually get out there meeting girls, chatting them up, and picking them up?

There are various answers on this site, from articles on overcoming approach anxiety to those on forming new habits to those on getting motivated (and out of the house). There is the diagnostic quiz and its four eBooks tailored to your skill level, and there are programs like my tome on the subject or the Mastery package.

However, lately I’ve been catching myself falling into the trap of anyone who’s done something for a long time and telling guys things like, “Dude, just go DO it,” which isn’t much help to someone new.

So, in light of that, what this article is is a nuanced, step-by-step guide to how to get started at picking up girls – how you apply the lessons from Girls Chase, not just on things like nonverbal fundamentals (which you can practice in front of your bathroom mirror), but on things like social skills / approaching / game, which require much more oomph to do.

Why Talking Less is (Usually) Best

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By: Chase Amante

I had a tiresome dialogue on a long train ride yesterday where I found myself being sidetracked on irrelevancies in what originally seemed like it’d be an engaging conversation.

Throughout the course of this unfortunately lengthy conversation (it was a 6 hour train ride), this man repeatedly ignored points I’d made, talked over me, and argued with me over the most tangential points to our primary conversation subject.

talk less listen more

The tragedy to me was that the conversation had started off with the possibility of being truly engrossing, only for my seatmate to repeatedly divert us to arguing over semantics like the definition of the word ‘training’ (which didn’t even matter; we could’ve used any other word if we had different definitions for what constitutes training and what doesn’t, but my interlocutor couldn’t let it go).

The funny thing was that repeatedly throughout this conversation, this fellow brought up wanting to trade numbers with me, to meet up with me again and bring me along to some free class he was attending, and other things of that nature; and he kept offering me food he had with him and even bought me a bottled water off the drink cart when it came by and I wasn’t present (and I didn’t have any small bills to pay him back for it). The entire time he kept telling me I could pay him back the next time I saw him, which only made me grate my teeth more.

I felt like a pretty girl being hounded by a really nice but really clueless and annoying guy. I kept hoping someone was going to come along and save me. Because it was a packed train ride, there wasn’t anywhere else I could escape to, either (though in retrospect I suppose I could’ve snuck off to the meal car; didn’t think of it). Eventually I was able to let this conversation die long enough for me to fall into a nap and be free.

It occurred to me that this man probably does this with everyone; he enters into these alienating conversations with people, tries to lecture them, ignores any indication that they may know as much or more about a subject than he does, and gets sidetracked on irrelevancies. And that can happen to anyone who’s reasonably educated and passionate about a subject from time to time; I’m sometimes (on rare occasions) guilty of this myself, too.

Yet, had this fellow known the value of talking less, instead of struggling so mightily to be heard and to be right, he wouldn’t have needed to resort to bribery and manipulation to try to coax me into meeting him.

He could’ve simply given me the chance to talk a little bit, and genuinely engaged with me instead.

So You’re a Showoff… How Do You Use It?

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By: Chase Amante

being a showoffIn “Locating Good Low Competition Sexual Markets", a reader writes in asking about the desire to show off:

“Hey, Chase,

I would like to see your article on desire to show off. I have such problem in me that usually I want to be seen as awesome and seek for approval, but it is something that really fucks up with my goals, because I forget my stuff to do and chase approval of peers and girls instead. Such situation where I get flaky girls not responding, or rejections actually bothers me a lot and is extremely painful and I feel so stuck in seeking validation, so I’m insecure and this off putting, I know. Any thoughts?”

The desire to be impressive; it’s one that almost every man has to some degree or another.

Some of us have it on a grand scale, while others only have a tiny drop of it; but if no one cared about being powerful and letting all the world know it, action movies (and tales and stories) where the guy gets to save the day wouldn’t be nearly so popular in our time and times past, and dreams of becoming a star or celebrity would be far less common dreams to dream.

Yet, the desire to be impressive can lead us to some pretty ignominious ends:

  • Crippling approach anxiety because we fear looking the opposite of impressive if we approach her and come off poorly or are rejected

  • Inaction when we should take action, because we don’t want to risk making the wrong move, looking bad, and messing it all up, all of this leading to missed escalation windows and expired attraction

  • A tendency for a great many men to require liquid courage before they’re even ready to start approaching, and a much easier time approaching anonymously in dark, crowded nightclubs (where it’s harder, the competition is fiercer, and the overall quality is lower) than on the street in broad daylight (where it’s easier, the competition is nil, and the overall quality is great)

  • Valuing reactions over results, because buddies or disciples are far more impressed by hopped up antics that get girls clapping and screaming than they are by subdued conversation... even if that latter is more likely to lead to a girl in your bed

Plus all number of other success saboteurs.

How do we deal with being a showoff then – do we suppress it, or can we use it?

How to Hang Out with a Girl (and End Up in Bed Together)

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By: Chase Amante

In many articles on GC, we’ve talked about how important it is to avoid ending up being a girl’s platonic guy pal whom she taps for personal and emotional support, and never lets things proceed any further:

Yet, while it is imperative for newer guys who have not yet become the compelling, demanding, sexual studs of men that women are wont to sleep with to avoid the “friend” role, the more advanced you get, the more easily you can “bend the rules.”

In fact, it’s completely possible for you to learn how to hang out with a girl calmly, casually, and like nothing more than a friend... and still sleep with her.

Believe it or not, there are even advantages to this style... such as simplicity.

how to hang out with a girl

This is the “friend approach” to seduction, and it’s a bit different from what I and the other guys usually talk about on here; however, if you have friends who are naturals with women, you’ve almost certainly seen it before.

You know: that buddy of yours who just has the most laid back “dates” ever – all he ever does is hang out with girls super casually, and then they just somehow always stumble into his bed?

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could consistently do that?

Quit Trying to Win Over Your Girlfriend

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By: Chase Amante

win over your girlfriendI covered one side of the "your responsibilities in your relationship" spectrum in "A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership."

Now let’s talk about the other side.

I see a lot of men busting their behinds to keep their girlfriends happy, entranced, and entertained, to the point where they seem to be treating their relationships like a full time job – in addition to whatever else they do during the day when they’re not with their girlfriends.

These men are all too aware that keeping their woman happy and their relationship strong is their responsibility, yet they go about doing it in taxing and inefficient ways.

In fact, some of the men who pour gargantuan amounts of energy into keeping their women happy still fail the leadership test, because leading your relationship is not about immersing your partner in non-stop stimulation to keep her distracted, sated, and engaged.

And if you are doing this, you are doing it wrong – not to mention needlessly expending barrels of energy you could be using for something more productive than trying to win over a girlfriend again and again who probably would respect you more if you didn’t.