Mindsets

Once you've begun working on your abilities to pick up girls for a little while, you'll soon find you run into a flavor of situation again and again that manifests in a variety of forms and a variety of ways: girls acting not as you expected them and you feeling a little surprised, shaken, and fazed.

This post is all about how you can be unfazed, even in the face of the sometimes-disorienting behavior of new women you'll meet while out and about.

Because as you'll come to realize, getting fazed - and remaining unfazed - isn't necessarily about having already been through every situation already. Instead, what it's actually about is a state of mind and freedom from "hoping" for a specific outcome to come about that you can't control.

In addition to that, there are a number of specific, technical steps you can take that will free you from the risk of ending up fazed at some point, because they avoid taking you down the roads that most often lead to guys getting fazed.

And the funny thing is, the more you're able to remain unfazed, the better able you are to bring about the things that can end up seeming out-of-reach to the men who do get fazed.

But, we're getting a bit abstract. Before I say more, first allow me to explain.

Note from Chase: This is a guest post by Mark Manson, founder of Postmasculine.com. Mark writes on a range of topics, including confidence, self-improvement, dating, and relationships, and has been one of the friends of GirlsChase.com since the site's beginnings.

Take a moment to consider…

…That instead of worrying whether she’ll like you before you approach her, you could instead worry whether after you approach, if you’ll like her?

…That instead of feeling the need to impress her with your job or accomplishments, you could need to be impressed by what she’s done and accomplished for herself?

…That instead of sitting there silent, wondering what to say next to get her to like you, you could sit there silent wondering what she will say to make you like her?

…That instead of waiting around for her to return your call, you could find something to do so she waits for your call?

…That instead of worrying if you’re tall or good-looking enough for her, you could decide whether she’s too superficial to recognize your great qualities? 

…That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you doesn’t need a perfect date?

“How do I get motivated?”

It’s a question you run into at some point when you start tackling something you know you ought to do... but just can’t seem to get yourself to do. And getting better at dating and relationships - while certainly one of, if not the, most rewarding skills to get down - is quite possibly one of the most difficult things to get yourself motivated to work on.

One of the hardest things in this game – and in any endeavor in life, really – is to stay motivated when the going gets tough.

And it will.

In fact, many people argue that the most important part of Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich is Chapter 9 – the chapter on persistence.

Because if you think about it – if you just stick with ANYTHING long enough, you’re BOUND to get better at it… and eventually the results will come as a mere side effect of getting better and better at your craft.

But if that’s true, then the question is… why isn’t everybody doing this?

Why aren’t all people more persistent with their goals, if that’s really all it takes?

Some years back, as I played around with cold reading, I soon found it often wasn't to my advantage to label people. I'd try; coming up with all kinds of cutesy labels like, "Ah, so you're an adventurer," or, "You're a pretty ambitious person, then." These were seemingly positive labels, but often the women I used them with would reject them. "No, not really," they'd say. It was odd.

I began to realize there was power in labeling. When you label someone, you are, in effect, telling them who or what they are. You're setting yourself up in the position of deciding someone else's identity.

That gives you great power if you can pull it off. It also gives you great responsibility toward the people you label.

But it also opens you up to being knocked down a peg or two, the same way we discussed combating people trying to "tool" you or make you look silly or weak in "Dealing with Disruptive Men;" basically, by politely but firmly shutting this down.

As I began to explore labels more, I gradually got better at using them correctly with other people - and shutting down the efforts of people who sought to use them in a damaging way with me.

There are a few key differences between a man who's confident and experienced with women and one who's neither confident nor experienced with women. One of those differences is the confident, experienced man's approach and demeanor: he knows how to act in a way that will most attract women to him.

Another of these is his process: no longer uncertain of what he needs to do, he single-mindedly pursues his objective with each new woman - finding a way to take this beautiful, scintillating creature as his lover.

Another still is his mindset: unlike the unconfident and inexperienced man, this man knows, with unwavering certainty, that women love sex.

Or at the very least, he knows they love it with him.

“Drop the hype, Ricardus!

Can there really be just ONE key to success? If it was that easy, then why wouldn’t everybody be doing it?”

Well, I didn’t say it was EASY. I said it was THE KEY!

I understand you’re probably skeptical about such a claim – I know I would be.

But by the time you’ve finished reading this article, I’m sure you will agree: If you use this one key, you WILL succeed… there’s just no way around it.

And it you don’t use it, you WILL fail… JUST as inevitably.

Okay, okay… so WHAT IS this key?

In almost a decade of studying psychology and social interactions, I have noticed a very disturbing phenomenon: about 95% of people who try to improve their dating life NEVER reach their IDEAL goal.

This article will put YOU in the other 5%.

Of course most people eventually find SOMEBODY to settle for… but the great majority of people never really attract their DREAM partner… and they never really build the PERFECT social life style.

This is not only true for dating:

• 95% of people who start a business never reach true financial independence (or at least not before they’re too old to truly enjoy it).

• 95% of people who get into body building never develop that show-stopper physique that makes girls break into sweat when they walk past them at the beach.

• 95% of people who want to travel the world never end up taking the plunge… they never dare to quit their job and their apartment and buy that plane ticket to freedom.

How come we often set goals and don’t achieve them? Is it because the goals were unrealistic to begin with?

Certainly NOT.

There are MANY people in the world who are already the exact life style you want right NOW… so it is definitely POSSIBLE!

The question is then - what makes the difference between the 5% of people who live the lives of their dreams… and the 95% that do not?

I hear men whining and complaining to their girlfriends, wives, and women they're pursuing from time to time. Since I don't spend all my time following random couples around, I know it must happen a lot more often than I hear it, too. And every time I hear it, it's like nails on chalkboard.

Thing is, I don't think most guys realize they're doing it, and I don't think most guys realize that it's Rule #14 or so in maintaining attraction and relationships that you don't whine and you don't complain to women.

A little over 5 years ago, I made the rookie mistake of telling a girl I'd just started sleeping with that I wanted her to be my "main girl." This has all kinds of "wrong" and "incorrect" and "bad game" painted all over it, and I'd never do it now, but that was then and I said it.

Her response to this was, as you might suspect, a defiant "I will never be your 'main girl.'"

And I felt a welling up of despair inside my chest. I was about to say it... I almost said it... and then I stopped myself. The urge to belt out a plaintive, "Why???" was overwhelmingly powerful and almost undeniable, but in the end I squelched it, and instead shrugged off the remark, gave her a confident-sounding, "We'll see," and forced myself to keep on as if nothing had been said. I slept with her again that night, and gave her the most potent, memorable, fantastic night of bliss in her life, and she, in a throe of passion, proclaimed that she didn't think she could leave me.

And for the next 2 1/2 years after that, she didn't.

I guarantee though, beyond any shadow of a doubt, beyond all second guesses, beyond anything, that had I whined or complained in that moment instead, we never would've ended up together.

How come? Because whining and complaining positively, absolutely, unequivocally kill attraction.

Kill it. Bury it in the ground, cover it up with dirt.

And most guys do it unknowingly anyway.