GIRLS CHASE MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
• Unlimited access to GirlsChase.com
In the
article on bids for connection,
a commenter asked about the following fear about random people
recognizing him as, essentially, 'that pickup artist guy', and creating
trouble for him:
“What's really missing is in your articles to cover - most men have rooted lifestyles, so whether they know it consciously or not they meet mostly the same people every day. We are aware that coworkers don't change daily, but other people - people who goes to the same shops, uses the same public services are pretty much the same people, and if you live in a 500,000-1,500,000 people city you think consciously that you always meet different people, but in most cases the people you see around are the same people you've seen two weeks or two days before and just don't care to remember them. I've experimented with it and seen that there are people I meet pretty much everyday or at least once in a week, because of daily schedule which is highly repetitive. I notice the effects of what they call this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday_problem which in a nutshell means that running into the same items (people, numbers whatever) is more likely than it may seem. If you have 10000 people using public services at the same time, and then you see ~20 all the time around you, it doesn't mean that you run into the same person only 0.5% of the time, it's much higher percent actually and it grows with every day you expose yourself to the world until you expose yourself to the same and same people again and again without consciously knowing it.”
He goes on to discuss the fear of being called out by a "nagging old lady or angry psycho of some kind" who may say something mean, and notes that a "large clump of guys [may] never start the game because of emotionally feeling the high percentage of such shaming happening [i]s a big danger to their identities of "good guys" they work so hard to preserve."
It's a perfectly natural concern and, in fact, one I wondered about myself early on. It's one worth paying some attention to, in all honesty, and I'll tell you why and how to do that in this post as well.
However, the biggest lesson you'll see with this kind of thing is the same one this same commenter notes at the start of this same comment: "You've got hundreds of articles less or more discussing pretty much the same topic of "Just move your ass and do the thing, accept early failures and later get awesome results!""
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I might as well save
you 10 minutes if you don't feel like reading: the advice here is going
to be exactly this: just move your
ass and do the thing... and this fear magically vanishes. -Poof!-
Surprised? No? Well, let's look at why, at least.
Comments
Zero to 100 real quick!
What's up Chase, I'm not at zero lays lol, but I do want to get to 100 real quick. (Drake says that incase you didn't know). Anyway, I want to be able to get more and more lays, I've lowered my standards, but getting to 100 is daunting, and I'm not having much luck.
Im around a dozen lays, and they all came slow; as in it was a few lays per year. I'm trying to change that.
What more can I do to get more lays, and get success?
Thing with me is I have a very hard time approaching, for some odd reason, I can't do it. I feel like there is some power over me that stops me from approaching. I feel like something maybe wrong with me doing cold approach.
I would like some help with this.
Also, in your article I noticed you said beginners should be more friendlier than direct when approaching. So how do we get the girl if we don't go directly at all???
Am I having an irrational fear? I fear that when I'm 35 or 40 that picking up is over. You become older and must marry with kids, or risk being older and alone because everyone else is doing it. Maybe pick up some unattractive older women, but that doesn't sound appealing either.
I'm getting older and I am scared for my life about not being able to sleep with fine girls because of my age. I want to get to a 100+ lays, but I know that it won't be quick. It is driving me crazy and making me depressed. I saw your article on older men too, and if I'm not successful like them, I have failed!
Any tips for that?
Thanks
I Know This Question was For Chase
I'm another writer for Girlschase and Chase might have a different opinion but I would say don't focus on the lays. I'm going to tell you that you will never feel like you slept enough women if you count your success by the number of lays. I am not saying don't focus on having lots of sex with various women from all walks of life, do that, that's what I want.
But when you focus on the number you lose the chance for things to mean something. Sometimes a girl giving you head on the beach instead of having sex with you can mean more than adding another notch to your belt. Sometimes a kiss, that couldn't have been anything more than a kiss is more than enough.
Have tons of sex man but don't focus on the number, because no matter how many girls you lay, your ego will want more.
Also, if you want to get laid more, focus on pushing interactions farther. Go where you are most afraid. Embrace that this journey will be awkward at times and keep moving forward.
Hope this helps
Will
Re: Zero to 100 real quick!
Anon-
+1 to Will's comment. There are much better things to get your sense of self-worth out of than your kill count.
You won't get laid without doing approaches. That's like saying I never talk to customers, how do I get more sales? Well, the easy way, and the only way, is talk to more customers (and try and sell some of them).
The "power over you" is called approach anxiety:
Every guy deals with it. Some guys have it harder than others, but it's the brick wall that separates the guys who get good at cold approach from everybody else.
That said, you don't have to be cold approaching strangers to get laid; there are other ways, too:
It can be motivating for a while to let numbers be your goal. But at best it should only be an intermediary one: just use it to motivate you to up your skills and bust your comfort zone. Don't get hung up on numbers for too long.
Chase
Tips/ Role Models for Effective Humor
Great article! I particularly like the emphasis on the fact that NO ONE REALLY CARES. So true.
I've been actively working on my wit and humor for the past three months, and while I have noticed significant improvement (largely thanks to your articles on chase frames, flirting, and teasing), I still have a lot of work to do to really master this skill.
I was just curious if there were any examples (real-life or fictional) you could suggest that I might study to help me get some more ideas/ help improve my timing (maybe a clever talk show host or comedian). Personally, I am a big fan of Oscar Wilde, but I'm particularly interested in people I can actually watch so that I can observe body language, facial expressions, timing, tonality, etc.
I'd appreciate any suggestions, my friend!
Re: Tips/ Role Models for Effective Humor
Nick-
Nice work on improving your wit! It's a fine skill to get down, and provides a lot of social lubrication (sometimes in quite dicey situations).
I personally like gruff humor like Sean Connery's or Harrison Ford's, and collegiate humor like Ryan Reynold's best. Also a dash of Will Ferrel, but only his saner side, not his manic yelling and sobbing side.
Those are just my preferences though... going to be different for everyone.
When I learned humor, I was watching David Letterman every weeknight and MadTV on the weekends. MadTV is pretty dated now (and no longer on the air), and Letterman's humor is really based on taking swings at or humiliating other people (you might say good-naturedly, you might say not), and I had to get away from it eventually once I realized it was causing big attainability problems for me with people, and especially with women. I was just too cutting and sarcastic and people's feelings would get hurt. So I cut the humor and turned to more witty humor like Connery, annoyed humor like Ford, or "gee, this situation just doesn't make much sense, does it?" like Reynolds.
If you can find a daily television show with fresh humor, especially one where they're fairly normal or attractive/masculine guys interacting with other people, that's probably best. Barring that, maybe some of the actors I recommended, or some that suit your own style more closely.
Chase
Hey Chase, listen man, advice
Hey Chase, listen man, advice me on that :
I'll be going for an annual international competition in India by the end of the year. Lots of girls there.
You see, I'm 15, with no experience. I thought that this would be an amazing
opportunity to try out all the things I've been reading about and push things
as far as they can go.
I'm not much of a risk taker but seriously, its a great way to up my experience levels, don't you think?
Please advice me on how to approach things. Shall go like " Fuck, I'll just
approach any girl I see..."
What would you advice me? I'll be with a group of guys there , not seducers
at all so I'll have to go solo while trying out whatever I'll have the courage to.
They say the earlier you begin to work on those things , the better. I'm not a risk
taker but I don't want to have any regrets...
Approach or you'll regret it
Approach or you'll regret it later, trust me. If you haven't done any approaches before, just go indirect at the beginning, something like ' hey i can't find xyz. oh thanks i am anon btw' and just have a normal conversation. then after a few approaches, compliment a girl in her dressing sense, eyes whatever.
Anyway, I won't say much since GC literally covers everything there is to know. Good luck. :)
When and which part of India is this competition gonna he held btw? Is this an MUN sort of thing if you don't mind me asking.
Go10, thanks the reply. I'll
Go10, thanks the reply. I'll definitely try. Do you advice to talk with as many
girls as possible? I guess I should adopt a friendlier vibe cause I'm not experienced
enough. What do you think?
The competition will be held in Lucknow. Yep, it's a bit like an MUN though not as
serious. The types of competitions are relatively simpler but they do promote and
aim at developing qualities such as public speaking, debating, leadership skills, team work, and specially international relations.
I'll give my best there. Like you said, going indirect seems to be the best way. I'll
let you know how it's going ;)
Re: Hey Chase, listen man, advice
Anon-
Start approaching now.
I guarantee if you sit and wait, and make this a big "do or die" day, you'll do 0 to 3 approaches and beat yourself up afterward for wussing out. How it always goes.
Instead, find a way to start approaching now, even if it's just casually complimenting random people around you, and get comfortable chatting up strangers. Don't make everything ride on one big "now or nothing" day that may be triumphant but more likely will be flattening if you blow it too far out of proportion. You can still approach on that day, but take any you do as a bonus - if you really want gains, that comes from slow and steady practice over time, rather than a mad dash on a single day.
Chase
Thanks for an answer!!!
I am really glad to see your response to my question. I don't know whether I looked desperate in my comment or not, but for me this is something that I think must be addressed at least in such website like yours, because for many new guys it's still a serious roadblock. For me it's relevant too but I wouldn't say that this is valid reason to avoid upgrading social skills (maybe it feels really valid if you have a single social circle, but then you really need to expand your horizons!).
My main message was that this topic MUST be covered in a site which aims to help shy men to become real men.
It would have been strange not to see article on this issue just because of how ubiquitous it is in one way or another, mostly unconsciously leading to men sabotaging their happiness. It's just a large portion of the whole "I will NOT approach" cake - the excuse which is among the most popular there "People will judge me for this!". Most your articles don't touch this core issue the way this one does, because in them you assume "excuses are bullshit" and seldom go into much detail focusing more on the how, which isn't the thing shy guy cares about when he doesn't have a reason to step out of his comfort and plenty of reasons to STAY in that comfort.
And yet...
Food for thought:
As I walked her back to the train station, we pass some dude that I had never seen before... but apparently he had seen me plenty of times.
He takes one look at my girl and me and then yells: “You never fail, you just never FAIL
man!”
Sheeesh.
At least he wasn’t high-fiving me... he must have seen me walk that street with different girls pretty often.
But, I did fail... nothing happened between Sandra and me that night.
This is from Ricardus article about Dating Tales: A Girl from the Past, a
Friend Who Let Go
So maybe it does happen? But even if it does, most likely it doesn't matter, but if you mix social circle and pick up (some people from your social circle see you doing it and failing) they might blab about it, or even if they don't do the feeling of the need to conform will be strong enough to maybe even stop a guy from doing this again... But if he decides to stop, maybe he doesn't deserve it (you mentioned it in article too).
Other topics you touched ("nobody cares about what you do!" and "being nice guy is nothing special") are well described too.
Thanks for the really awesome article, I suppose for some guys (the guys who CARE to get better) it will be an eye opener or will shift mindset towards the better (the thing you aim to do with your articles anyway).
Maybe at least some men will reduce the degree of how they sabotage their happiness after reading it... But only they can do it, not me, not you.
Guys Caring
Anon-
Glad you thought the article addressed most of what you wanted addressed.
Ricardus's example... yeah, if you're always taking girls the same places, people will notice. They'll notice if you bring two new girls to the same coffee shop every week, for instance. No way they can't. It's just not something they see everyday.
However, if you're doing well enough to catch their attention like that, you'll be skilled enough to shrug off whatever they're doing or saying when they do it. I've had guys try to interrupt pulls I've been making (not from recognizing me, but a million other reasons - they're trying to steal the girl, they're assholes just trying to play spoiler, they think it's a riot to cat-call random women, whatever), but by the time you're pulling regularly, you know to just keep talking to the girl as if you didn't even hear them and continue on walking, and she'll pretend they don't exist and you'll pretend they don't exist and they'll feel kind of stupid for doing it.
Doesn't much matter.
If anything, you'll see her attraction for you go up after you successfully ignore guys like this and don't break circle.
Chase
opinion
Hi Chase,
I need your opinion. How many approaches and work is required to become good with woman? I have done hundreds of approaches and interactions and still nothing. I experienced everything but true success.
I started to lose faith in women, seducation and my life. Maybe it is silly to say but I can't sleep for nights. This day I was rejected one more time. I think that at least I have good fundamentals, and now when I have more experience I see that no one girl considers me for anything. One girl rejects me because of type, second because attainability, third because she can,... I seriously think about giving up. What should I do? I have noticed that no one for some reason no one girl ever considered me to be in her life. When it comes to escalation they will never let me seduce them. The more smooth I try to seduce them, talk or escalate, the more resistence I get.
Tell me should I give up? This destroyes me mentally. In almost nothing in my life I invested more energy than in this and I really don't feel I can succeed. I'm succesfull in other parts of life.
How Many Approaches Does It Take?
Xander-
It's different for every guy. I've seen guys who had all the pieces mostly in place, and you just give them that last piece, like an understanding of attainability or the ability to walk up to a girl and open or a half-decent process, and pretty soon they're getting laid more often than you are. And I've seen guys burn through thousands of approaches and get very little for it.
The common denominator seems to be basic social calibration; the guys who have it pick this up fast, and the guys who lack it struggle. If you're pretty socially attuned, it may just be you had some catching up to do and you're close to breaking through; much of the time you feel most disconsolate right before you're about to have a major breakthrough. Certainly happened to me several times.
If you're not that attuned, it might be worth taking some time off from picking up and focusing more on developing social calibration:
That may not be exactly what you want to hear, but a little time in the woods working on social calibration can cut your learning curve short dramatically if that's what you needed. Much better than slaving away on approaches without being able to figure out what you're doing wrong because you're still missing some of your social fundamentals. A few months off focusing hard on calibration can mean immediate gains by the time you weave your way back to approaching.
Chase
College Campuses
Hi Chase,
I'm wondering if the same advice would apply to college campuses? They're far denser and you're far more likely to see the same person on the same day than any other location. Additionally, there are only certain hours which are good for cold approach (i.e. far less people are on campus after 3:00 or 4:00).
Plus, some people legitimately know who I am on a personal level (i.e. they've met me before and are already friends or acquaintances). Furthermore, given that college is in a lot of ways, one big, very loose social circle, the real fear becomes reputational damage. Not just "some crazy guy trying trying to shame me for cold approaching".
Given these extra circumstances, is the same paradigm of "no one actually cares" at play? Or would I need to take even more precautions than the things listed in the article?
Re: College Campuses
Anon-
Yeah, I'd be wary of doing too much cold approach on campus, even if you're at a big school.
I'd lean instead more toward the natural style of approaching, discussed here:
How Naturals Meet Girls and Get Laid
Then you're just that friendly/social guy everybody knows, instead of the creepy PUA stalking on the ladies.
Chase
Chase I have question, how do
Chase I have question, how do I prevent myself from wanting to be a girls boyfriend when I meet her. I seem to instantly go into "boyfriend" mode game when I meet girls I really like, even though I know coming across as a lover is a much more effective way to get fast sex and or a relationship. This isn't the case with girls I don't like that much and just want to fuck. Do you have any tips to prevent this and stop myself 'falling inlove'?
Thank you!
How to Stop Falling for New Girls
Paul-
My best tip is "don't think about her" - just don't let yourself. Make yourself think about other girls instead. The more you think about her, the more emotionally invested you become, making the trigger much harder to pull and the risk of you putting her on a pedestal that much larger.
You won't win 100% of the "don't think about her" battle, but you can win enough to not make her too big a deal for you.
And if you fail, and you know you won't be able to escalate on her with conviction on Date #1, don't beat yourself up... just use date compression instead.
Ricardus's article on not falling in love too soon might be worth a read as well.
Chase
Thank You
Chase do you know why I freaking Love You?
It is because of how brutally Honest You Are
You Are The Greatest Teacher a Student could possibly ever Have. Your Presence is Appreciated - thank you for sharing the Knowledge that you have with other people who could benefit from what you already know
You have CRACKED MY SKULL OPEN with Consiousness, thank you for writing the e-book, and your Articles
This is the Excerpt from this Article that Hit me Like a Tow Truck
""One of the big issues nice guys have is how plain vanilla they are. The stereotypical guy who has no real interests, no passions, doesn't want to stand out, doesn't want to be thought poorly of, just wants to keep his head down and get by, living out his life of quiet desperation. If you are this guy, realize that not only does no one much dislike you, but no one much likes you, either. You're just there, like a big plant in the company office. Nobody hates the plant, but nobody's crazy about it either. I guess it makes some oxygen, so that's a plus. Otherwise, heck, it's a plant; how excited about it can you be?
Another one of the big issues nice guys have is their terror of confrontation. Ironically, the people they fear most are the ones who have no qualms about confronting others. The nice guy is cowed by those who are his opposite, and who get to enjoy all the things he himself is too terrified to partake in.""
pedestal for brahs
Yo dawg,
Sick stuff again, chase! ramps up that fire to approach!
about being humble, aite saying something that shows respect, views em higher than us... for brahs and chicks.. sorta like putting em up pedestal, just ain't feelin aite...
A brah of mine said "Hey everyone who's 10X better than me at basketball, wassup!"
Felt pretty weird if ya know what I mean brah?
Respect dawg!
Re: pedestal for brahs
Anon-
Your pal's comment takes it too far... he's just making himself look unskilled and lame.
Self-deprecation works when you use it when it's called for; when you go out of your way to point out your deficits - "Look how short I am!" "Man, I am broke as a joke!" "Hey everyone, I suck at hooking up with girls!" - whatever it is, it's clear to most people what that is... insecurity masquerading as bravado.
It would work like this:
Guy: Hey Joe, wanna ball with us?
Joe: Nah man, all you guys are 10x better than me, it'd be like having the handicap kid on your team.
Doesn't work so much when he shouts to everyone that he's like the handicap kid, unsolicited.
Chase
Girls who blog about dating
Lately I'm kinda astonished, that there are some blogs online or youtube videos where girls particularly reveal that they don't need men to be just nice, they need ambitious folks who want something, who can go miles for it, who respect themselves enough not to stay in friend zone if this is what men don't want... Why? Does it mean that some girls are too tired to beat the drum of "just be cute yourself" and chooses honesty instead?
Greener Grass
Anon-
Nope, it's just trend-following.
The latest trend in female love life writing has been the "Where have all the good men gone?" trend, plus the closely-related "Why won't our boys MAN UP?" one.
So now all the bloggers and vloggers shift from "I just want a sensitive man who isn't intimidated by my high powered career ambitions" to "I need a man who's got his mission, who's focused, determined, and maybe even makes me feel a little girly around him."
If in 20 years men are sufficiently toughened up again and firmly in control of their relationships, you'll start hearing things like "I just want a sensitive man who isn't afraid to do the dishes once in a while" reemerge. Just how these things go. Grass is always greener, whatnot.
Chase
Men loving drama
Another topic you could discuss is recognizing how often men love drama themselves and because of either some painful experiences they get bitter, or similarly they engage in emotional self induced rollercoaster of drama painting everything in unrealistic colors, even when deep down they know, that it's fake, but they crave emotional stimulation which they choose to get from self mind fuckery instead of enjoying the real life experiences.
It's about guys who shy away from real and potentially dangerous experiences, but play and fail deliberately just to feel something.
It's about guys who read your articles and feel like they are dating experts, when in reality they could count all the times they approached a girl on their fingers of one hand.
It's about guys who know deep down, that they need to calm down and conflict will be resolved, but choose to be cocky as hell instead just to make everyone dislike them and themselves feel like heroes emotionally, while having fighting emotions inside - the ones of "I am a hero!" and real knowledge, that you're not hero at all, but only crappy dude who is afraid to kiss a girl and has plethora of issues.
It's about guys who set audacious goals, but never take a step to put some of their goals into present moment, so that they could actually achieve something without waiting for miracles to pull them out of their misery.
Partially it's discussed in "Don't be bitter" article, but I guess you could add more on this.
And I guess there's some meaning in it. When conveyed properly, that "being flawed" is what gets girls interested a lot. But still I guess man is happier when he has air of being assured around his face with some edge of being "flawed".
Isn't it a topic worthy it's place among your masterpieces or do you think other articles already cover everything you have to say?
Re: Men loving drama
Anon-
I'll add it to the list.
One of the troubles with this one though is it's really hard to talk guys out of this mentality.
Victim mentality you can slap them around enough or push them to take action enough that they break free of it. Drama-loving men though... I've broken out everything in my playbook for friends like this, and they acknowledge the problem, then just go right back to it.
It's a deep psychological need, and doesn't have the same bright side of abandoning it something like victim mentality does. Victim mentality is addicting, but turning yourself into an actor on life instead of a passive recipient is even more intoxicating. With drama though, when you get guys who go from drama-prone lives and try to set them up in low-drama situations, they just get bored and seek out more drama.
Not really sure what the solution here is, or even if there is one. And I couldn't tell you whether this is the result of some kind of childhood upbringing thing (which some psychologists seem to think it is) or it's just encoded in their DNA, or both.
Ultimately it ends up being one of those things where if you recognize a guy is drama prone, the best thing to do is just keep him at arms' length, so his drama doesn't become your drama.
Chase
Re: Men loving drama
Oh, Chase, I guess I understand you what you mean here.
It's really tough or maybe even impossible to deal with it. It's the fundamental power of person to make his own decisions and use his mind power the way he wants that is in part to blame for it. Except all this power gets used against people themselves, like the guns people own used to kill themselves. As much as I felt concerned with it and felt it myself it just stems from deeply held belief that it's mostly subconscious that these men just "can't" be normal. That they would fail if they tried to be good at something for a long time. Sooner or later they will look like idiots, they "know it".
They don't necessarily are.
But they KNOW it.
When a push comes to shove they get all desperate, suicidal and everything negative just because their minds calculate it that way: you know that you will fail, odds are 98% that you will fail and thus be made fun of, so you better try to get someone's pity and that way even if you fail you might be seen and feel like a heroic fighter, who just got it "too hard" for him. It's a way to appear a winner even when you are not.
Maybe we are talking about different things, but for me it just seems like a really deeply ingrained victim mentality where people know they can get out, but are too shy because of evolutional reasons to go through the shit it brings and thus make big deals out of wrong things.
And even if they get out of it for a while, when days become rainy this mentality crawls back and catches them in their weakest times... Maybe mother nature designed it as a protection mechanism, but mostly it becomes the reason of something dramatic, even death by suicide..
It takes a lot to overcome such stuff and having many difficult times and simply proving again and again that things are not like that.
Maybe really it takes too much to be described in an article, it may require tons of willpower and consistent approach which must primarily must come from man himself, not others. Because as much as others can help, it may deepen man's self respect issues in a way that "I am just unable to cope with stuff myself, I always need someone to wipe my tears" which is a nightmare for most men.
The only cure
The only cure I know is to manage to make such men think that they CAN and they ARE helping themselves, when in fact you both sit down and sort out stuff and you just lead them to better directions. If man doesn't feel like he found solution himself, he may think that he just need to rely on others at everything so "he is worthless alone" in his logic.
And even then.. To teach him long term way to solve problems on his own.
And even then... Not to feel down just because he needs help sometimes, because you can't do really big things alone, without a team of people helping you.
And most of all... Make that fundamental mind switch in his mind that being awesome man IS possible and it IS more exciting than those dramas (that many girlfriends will show him, 100% guaranteed, if he just musters courage to get them).
Psychologists you visited during your own depression didn't seem to help you, just because of that shit I talk about...
You just need to think, that you've come to solution yourself, because minds wants to be free and not manipulated, as it sees it as a danger.
And you need to see that it's possible to get to the mental place where awesomeness makes your heart skip a beat and not sadness. To the mental place where the fact that you're responsible for your destiny feels more of a control and power than bad luck of human beings.
yo chase, I read up your
yo chase, I read up your articles when girls would talk about marriage after you bedded them or relationship immediately. How did you dealt with this? Drama and crying after you tell them it's ONS... thanks chase! ;)
Girls Talking Marriage
Anon-
If it's an ONS and they're saying that, it's usually because I spent too much time with them before sleeping with them and accidentally set wrong expectations. In that case, I mentally scold myself to not take so long to sleep with girls next time, then playfully and with a big grin tell the girl stuff like, "Okay, KNOCK it off, you DON'T even know me and you're ready to have my babies. I'm flattered, but you and I are strangers. Strangers who've shared a remarkable experience here, but let's not jump the gun."
You can also ask her something like, "So do you propose marriage to every man you sleep with, or only the special ones?" both to put it in perspective and to make it clear you don't view her as some special virginal flower.
If it's not an ONS and I'd actually like her as a girlfriend, I just look at her like she's stupid and give her a noogie or something along those lines. Then tell her something like, "Knock it off, the oxytocin's going to your head."
And next time, set expectations better (not always possible - some girls are SUPER clingy, but you can usually do a better job and cut back on both drama and broken hearts).
Chase
Falling in love
Hey Chase,
I'll try my best to keep it one comment this time.
Thanks for posting this! I had the exact worry on my mind whether or not others will see me and if other women who saw me will be affected when I approach them, especially in day game, and transit or subway. Changing spots to the next seat next to a girl after getting rejected feels something's off.
Side note, Bro, so you've been saying, "I avoid making girls fall in love".
But they're still attracted to you. What causes them to fall in love?
From reading this site and all concepts, if I'm correct, it's investment + attraction + your investment. Exactly why girls allow themselves to feel more attracted after you have expressed your interest (not confess). When they know they won't be hurt (rejected), they let themselves fall in love. How do you avoid them from falling in love then?
Yours,
Lawliet
Re: Falling in love
Lawliet-
You've got the formula mostly correct.
Value + attainability + investment is the key (same as attraction). The difference between attraction and love is a difference in attainability; she knows you're attainable as a lover, but doubts you're attainable as a long-term mate. Where this is the case, she'll be attracted, but not in love.
Easier said than done sometimes, though ;)
Chase
Timely Article
Chase, it's funny you should just publish this article. I've been a veteran of approach for several years. I've been approaching for so long that I never really thought twice about it. But over the last couple weeks things have changed due to a girl calling me out.
I approached a girl in a local grocery store who I apparently approached just the week prior in the same place. I had no clue who she was but she obviously remembered me. She really freaked out and called me a creep. I felt an intense urge to run off with my tail between my legs but I mustered the strength to stand my ground and try to talk her down. Just at that moment a clerk from the store walked by who I happened to know. He walked past just to say hi and before he could walk away the girl that I had approached immediately started telling him that I was "harassing" her and that I was "one of those guys" that routinely creeps on women in the store. She said she was filing an official complaint if nothing was done about me. The clerk walked off with a scared look on his face. I said a few last words to her and walked off. My heart was racing and I was really worried that she'd find some store management or a security guard to have me removed from the store. I later saw her losing her shit to the cashier during her check out.
Nothing serious ever became of the whole incident but I've been worried about approaching women in that store ever since. Only one other woman ever commented about my routine approaching before but I've been under the impression that I was developing a reputation at the places I approach at most. Maybe it's all in my head but I swear some women have been looking at me funny. I've run into the same women a couple times and it's pretty embarrassing to be told off by the same woman two or three times. Recently I had a girl reject me because she was informed about my approach habits by a friend of hers who I had recently approached. Ugh.
When I first started approaching, I was worried about looking like a fool in front of women. After a year or two I stopped worrying and started approaching everywhere I went. No problem. But after six years of approaching in my city I've been getting worried about approaching again. It's like I'm a newbie all over again. Being known as the local "creep" or "harasser" is something that has been hanging over me lately. It's definitely affected my game. I've decided to lay low for a little while and start being more selective about my approaches in places that I frequent. I'll try mixing up my schedule too.
I wouldn't say that this is an irrational fear though. I think it's perfectly reasonable for a guy to worry about being known as a man who "makes women uncomfortable". There are social consequences for being such a guy that are worth taking into account when living this lifestyle. I've been kicked out of a place myself and few things have made me feel worse. Sure, the women and men who are going to lose their shit over situations like this are pretty rare, but they are out there. No one should allow this fear to determine how many women they pursue but I don't blame guys for being nervous about this at all.
Girl Freaking Out
Anon-
Ah, sorry to hear that. The exception that proves the rule, eh?
Yeah, it's definitely possible to go to places too frequently and get them "fished out". Sadly, there are also nutty women out there who are just looking for people they can flip out on and leverage moral authority against.
Unless you're being unreasonably dogged or obnoxious (and if you've been approaching 6 years, you're probably past that phase), most normal women are just going to say, "Haha, you already approached me before," and you'll laugh and say, "Oh, sorry; how'd I do last time?" and they'll fill you in and you'll ask if there's any change and if they don't seem anything other than platonic, you can just walk away with a joke: "Well, maybe I'll talk to you again in another year or two - same time, same place?"
I might recommend switching your venues up, and cooling off at your hot spots for a while. I had a nightclub in college where I accidentally started a big fight in the middle of the club, and I just avoided that place for about 8 months or so. When I came back, I don't think anyone remembered me as "that kid who started a big fight", and I had no problems getting in or socializing with patrons or staff. Heck, I probably could've run into the guys I fought and I doubt any of us would've recognized each other.
If you're not in a big town, a more natural / less pick-up-artist-y approach might be recommended as well:
How Naturals Meet Girls and Get Laid
Lastly, I'd caution you to get back on the horse right away, to avoid any PTSD-like issues. When something bad happens, go do it again, so it isn't the last thing in your mind.
Chase
Mushy Talks
Hey Chase,
Already breaking my own hard rule. Ok, just one more, I'll make it short so not too tough to read.
You know those speeches people give at eulogy, or graduation and other events with friends or marriage. They're warm, they're touching and sentimental. They bring tears to people's eyes, hence creating strong emotional feelings!
What makes these types of speeches so moving? and how deliver these type of speeches (if you have a name for it) to have such powerful effect? Whether it's social, or seduction.
Touching regards bro,
Lawliet
Re: Mushy Talks
I count two comments, Lawliet!
There are a few factors in these, but the biggest from what I can see are:
It's primarily the "life encapsulated" phenomenon - people find biographies, even short ones, where you look at someone's origins, progress, and future or end, emotional and captivating, perhaps because they feel like they really get to know the person from another's perspective, perhaps because they empathize with the speech-giver, or perhaps the contemplation of life's trajectory is just an emotional thing for people. Maybe all the above.
Chase
Antagonist.
I once walked around shirtless in an outdoor street carnival. Eventually, after complaining and complaining, an old lady eventually called 911 on me for being shirtless.
I was recently kicked out of a mall. Since I always walk by myself, the security guards keep an extra eye on me. If any store makes a complaint on me, they'll stop-and-frisk, and kick me out never to return. This happened when I handed a female employee a pamphlet on anti-Zionism. Weeks later the store got security on me when they saw me walking.
I for 1 believe, men out there do get bummed by anything.
Re: Antagonist.
Neal-
I may not know all the background here, but if you were the only one shirtless, people get prudish about that sometimes.
Same deal with political / religious proselytizing, especially if it's going against the primary cultural narrative of the day (you won't win many friends with an anti-multiculturalism argument if you're passing out pamphlets in a Western nation).
Just one of those things to be aware of, if the goal is not to get kicked out - be mindful of being a lightning rod.
Chase
nice one chase...keep em
nice one chase...keep em coming!
I read your what makes a bad date article. A lot of confusion!!
how do you figure out a location that's convenient for her and covet??
does this affect what you usually text girls for dates??
how do you decide on the location before proposing it to her??
Thanks buddy!
Date Convenience
Anon-
Usually, you'll just ask her what part of town she's in. Then you'll pick an area that hopefully is close to you but not super far for her, and tell her there's a cool little café/dive bar/pizza joint/whatever it is in X area - that work?
If she says yes, you just tell her the place and set the time from the times she's told you she's available.
(if it doesn't work, you'll have a little more texting back and forth to do, but you should be the one proposing the locations - if she likes you a reasonable amount, most girls won't turn down your second location unless it's notably farther)
Chase
So I Can't Cold Approach in College?
Hey Chase (and GC team),
I've been reading your articles for a while but have not actually taken learning the social art as a skill set. So when i finally decided to i tried doing the newbie assignment but couldn't pass finding locations for pick up due to the neighborhood i live in. I'm on holiday and I'd be resuming my 2nd year in college in January next year. So I'm all excited and fired up that I'd do the cold approaches of my life in college only to see your (Chase) reply that cold approaching in college might not be good. So what i'm i supposed to do. I've read about social circle game but the learning curve is slower and I've not found success. I believe one that has no experience with girls can improve quickly running cold approach than social circle. My campus is not too big but its well populated with lots of students and hot girls. Also in comments I see guys are careful not to come off as the creepy PUA guy, in my country the PUC doesn't exist. So what's your advice on college game style. It deserves an article i think
Campus Cold Approach
DK-
It’s easy to burn out even large college campuses from cold approach pretty quickly if you’re going around approaching too much. You can still cold approach on campus, but you must be socially savvy in how you do it, and it can’t be a too-frequent event.
If you’re starting out, I recommend using this strategy on campus instead: How Naturals Meet Girls and Get Laid… and save the cold approaching for the bars or the townies off-campus ;)
Chase
Hey Chase, I'm from a 300
Hey Chase, I'm from a 300 000 people town in italy and have been cold approaching a lot.
Last year though, while i was approaching less I used to get way better results.
For street stops, in an hour/an hour and a half, how many approaches do u reccomend? keep in mind, I'm not in new york city where u could probably pull out 12 in an hour.. I actualy struggle to find more than 6 girls in an hour that i consider cute.
Leave a Comment