Tactics Tuesdays: The Friday/Saturday Night Date

"That’s okay, if you want to see her Saturday too you can always ask her that near the end of the Friday date if that goes well."

How would you phrase this and set this up during the end of the Friday date to see her Saturday?

Hey Chase,

So, after breaking up with my abusive ex, I found out that she was also lying to me many times. And now she's flirting with a mofo who used to like her consistently on instagram.

The thing is my self-esteem has hit rock bottom, after one year of false accusations, name calling and fights plus discovering she wasn't all that honest with me.

I'd appreciate any suggestion as to how feel good again about my self and heal my ego. I've read your article about self-esteem, and being around my Cluster B ex for a year and her devaluations definitely took a serious hit on me.

Cheers
John.

What the hell????

No, John--- don't listen to Chase. You are better than that. Don't use other people like objects to get a self esteem high.

If this woman treated you like crap, don't be a man who treats women like crap. Even if women are willing to treat themselves like crap, don't take the offer.

Your value is in being a genuinely good guy--- a man of honor and virtue. The way to deal with grief is through healthy grieving--- not using other people (even if they'll go along with it). Don't treat the most beautiful thing you can give another person like a sport to merely make you feel better. It devalues yo and it devalues the woman you will meet one day who truly will cherish you and be your life partner.

Don't act like a guy led by his physical desires and no wisdom or discernment or self control.

Spend this time doing the hard work to learn what attracted you to an abusive relationship to begin with. Face the demons in your past from your childhood. Many people who had been in abusive relationships as adults suffered abuse in their family of origin. That's where you're greatest struggle with feeling worthwhile lie. That's why you took the bad behavior for so long from your girlfriend. Don't be frightened of your past. It doesn't make you any less worthwhile. Seek to face those difficult feelings so that you can heal from them and select a better partner in the future.

Don't use sex like a drug to medicate your hurting heart. I'm not judging you, I'm just saying it will keep you trapped in the fog and not making any real advancement in who you are as a person. You deserve better than that. Discover old hobbies and interests and invest in you. Enjoy yourself as a human being without requiring someone else for this. Explore yourself. You are brave just for seeking what to do from all you've been through.

I am sorry she was such a witch. No matter what mistakes you made, she should have not been a witch to you. She should have treated you with kindness and compassion and honor and respect no matter what.

Treat yourself with that same kindness and compassion and honor and respect. Don't use another person just because you can.

Chase,
Please don't condescend to me. I have been through more reality than you can imagine and I am not naive or unknowledgeable. If you want to talk philosophy of science, then we can, but please don't apply a philosophy of science and call it "the way we are made".

I live in a large metropolitan area with lots of singles and where people do not settle down. The women I know here are not happy. Across the board, women of varying religions and ethnicities are not happy with a culture where all men want to do is hookup. Does it matter that they'll take her out on a nice night before the hookup? Not really. The entire emphasis of your article is getting them in bed. I suggest that the biggest problem we have leading to incredible male promiscuity is the philosophy of science that is applied that says that men are naturally promisciously minded. I believe that this gives license to men to indulge in this. Women generally want meaningful connected relationship. They are not happy with being used as sex objects. Someone having sex with someone they barely know, have only met once or twice or three times or four times is NOT being loved in the sex act, they are being used for personal gratifications.

Women do this too. I have had conversations with girlfriends who have told me that a guy won't go out with them if they don't sleep with them. Women have been conditioned to feel they have to have sex, much much sooner than they would feel comfortable. We know from studies that men don't develop the feeling of love until at least 3-6 months into the relationship, even while sleeping with a woman. What they develop are lust emotions.

Most women have given up on the idea of a man protecting them and *actually* loving them. Valor and honor and real love for another is almost absent in most dating. What you describe in your post is not love at all. It is using people for sex, using people for the thrill of feeling desires, of entertainment, but it is not love. You are incredibly insightful with how to manipulate women to get to your ultimate goal. What I am saying is that this is the opposite of what a man of valor would do. He would protect his woman from physical exploitation, not be the one to exploit her. And he is exploiting her, even if it's with her permission, when he is trying to extract sex from her when he doesn't even genuinely love her--- care for her best good.

It doesn' much matter if rebound sex helps a person feel better. That doesn't make it right. Maybe we can just numb our conscience to the point that it is dead so that we can pursue feelings of lust and pleasure without caring what is actually loving to others?

People were not made to have partners walk out on them, to be used and discarded in abusive relationships, etc. The answer to healing from this is not to desensitize our consciences. People were made with higher level thinking brains in order to be able to live on a higher plane--- the love another and create a safe loving relationship to walk through life together.

What we have now is partners who fold and are good for nothing, have no idea how to be there when times get tough, no self control over their impulses (just look at the numbers of people addicted to porn and read the studies coming out on porn documenting the damaging effects to people's sex lives and the rewiring of the brain as a result of consistent porn exposure).

I have studied this stuff extensively and am not unknowledgeable and we could go for hours dialoguing but what I am not going to do is concede to you claiming something as "the way it is" as if you are representing reality, because you are not. You are representing the prevalent western view today which is as good as the breeze in the air, here today, gone tomorrow. It's not objective reality of people's core needs nor how they are wired to thrive. Many many men as well as women cannot bond and attach well in relationship due to trauma experienced as children that disrupted their attachment mechanisms. We are seeing this endemic in the dating culture, this hookup culture is a result of the brokenness of many childhood homes. That is not psychological well being, it is psychological dysfunction. Healthy people attach. They don't sleep with different people like changing their socks. There is an underlying attachment disorder that is a significant problem.
Men especially should protect women from sexual exploitation, not be the ones leading their sexual exploitation. That's a part of being a man, and not a boy. That's a part of valor, and honor.