GIRLS CHASE MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
• Unlimited access to GirlsChase.com
When a girl pulls away, your first instinct will be to chase. Yet chasing only digs the hole deeper. Instead, stop her pulling away – then fix it.Whether she's someone you're dating or just one you're talking to, you can go a little crazy when a girl pulls away.
In this guide I'll show you exactly how to deal with this situation, including:
-
How to understand why she pulls away
-
Ways to troubleshoot the root cause
-
A method to halt her pulling away
-
Steps to keep her around a long, long time
Let's begin.
Comments
Cold approaching girls who pull away
Women pulled away from me due to all mentioned reasons in article. Primary cause were attainability problems (I had greater social value then they, and I had different life orientation than they i.e. I was focused on self-improvement, studding, achievement, helping people, etc. while girls were focused on themselves and ordinary, average life without much ambition for anything). They were looking for their male copy and I was not what they were looking for. They would lose all attraction after some time in conversation with me, or based on my fundamentals (that represented them who I am) they were not attracted at all (or very little).
I used different tech like being humble, finding similarities through deep diving, showing more interest but in the most cases nothing helped. Reason is that if girl feels too dissimilar with guy, things like creating superficial similarity are not enough. I think that deep similarity can not be created using tech. It is showed through fundamentals, vibe so different girls view the personality of some guy as more or less similar to their personality. Superficial similarity is good for taking her to bed maybe but if she only looks for long term boyfriend probably not.
From my experience attainability problems are much, much harder to manage than value problems, especially if girl is young, insecure and looking for long term relationship. Anyway, I would like to use opportunity to ask about something more about girls who pull away.
I live in some part of South Eastern Europe. Girls are mostly inexperienced and closed off toward men outside of their social circles, mostly unreceptive for cold approach and only date men with perfect VAC or SAC model. Men they date are mostly long term providers, or extra super smooth, discrete lovers. So they date only the most attractive guy they meet from social circle, i.e. the perfect match. If he is not available they will hardly date somebody else. Also, girls (especially young girls) are often unreceptive to cold approach no matter how good are guy’s fundamentals, if he is her type or even if she is interested in him. Simply, building rapport with them is incredibly hard. My approach skills are much better and I meet (or tried to) a lot of girls despite this obstacle. My questions are simple:
1. Should I continue to practice cold approach because I live in environment where girls are tough to meet girls in this way and to foccus more on social ways to meet them? Or maybe to do 50-50% of this? Or some other percents of cold approach and social circle game? These days during pandemic I am full into cold approach but after it finishes I must reconsider what is the best strategy for meeting girls in my situation.
2. Is is worth of time asking a lot of girls out during cold approach? Or should I foccus more on sniper game? Because girls here mostly date the most attractive man from social circle it is reasonable for me to expect a very large number of rejections when I ask them out through cold approach.
3. Because building raport with these girls is very hard, is it maybe better idea to foccus more on arousal then connection when meeting them? I was reading some book about types of personality and it is written that simply some personalities are more focussed to stimuli and some more to connection in the begining of conversation.
Sorry for long post. Hope you will have time to answer me.
Southern Europe, Getting Going
Xander-
Yes, I'd agree with you on deep similarity. It's coming through vibe and fundamentals.
You can be very different from a woman but be worldly enough man that she's able to latch onto that part of you she identifies with. Takes some time and a lot of reference points to develop that very broad foundation of cross-woman similarity.
If I was you then yes, I'd do the mix of cold approach and social circle. Cold approach to improve faster, social circle to get more immediate results.
It's hard to get good in tough environments. But the guys who do tend to get really good. I've met a fair few Italian men in my travels, and the ones you meet outside Italy are usually always at least above average with women. Some are quite good.
When you're not getting many results with cold approach yet, you should be doing more approaches.
That assumes you're not wearing down your ego doing it, of course.
But higher volume is going to let you get more reps in with more women, and give you more opportunities to notice when things work and when they don't. You need this to refine your approach.
Once you start to get more consistent results, you can move over to a more opportunistic sniper-style approach, sure.
As for connection vs. arousal, if you haven't seen my One Date presentation yet, I cover the way to 'ping' girls on whether they're connection or arousal seekers right in that video:
https://www.girlschase.com/onedate
But yeah. Gotta make sure the right girl's getting the right ingredients, or she'll feel a disconnect.
Chase
Similar situation in my country
hey xander, I feel you man. The local girls in my country is the same: very closed off to cold approach and mainly dating from their social circles. The difference is they may or may not choose the most attractive guy in their circle. Many times I pass by some couples where I go like "wtf is she doing with that guy??" I'm from somewhere in Asia, where it doesn't snow, and the local girls are harder to approach for day game. Foreigners are easier for me though. Are there many foreigners in your city/country as well? You might want to target more of them instead, since I think they might be more open. I'm not just talking about tourists, but also expats as well. Hope you get some good results very soon with your cold approaching.
Hi man,
Hi man,
Thanks, for comment, sorry for the slow reply. Yes our environments are tough and who was not there, does not understand difficulties we have with approaching and dating women outside social circles. When I wrote they date "the most attractive man", that are men that have ideal VAC or SAC model for some particular girl. That men may be even unsexy, boring, etc. but they have some things that some girl value and feel connected to so she chooses them. Most girls look for their male copy anyway, but if girl is insecure and have inferiority complex they tend to choose low quality men.
Yes, when it comes to approaching girls, different part of the world have different difficulty level. To things get worse, girls in my country are more warm and approachable if they are approached by foreigner. That is why some foreigners think that this is ideal place for meeting women, while in reality they do not know that these women are clossed off for domestic men. Especially younger women. Sometimes, rarely, they might be receptive for conversation but they will not go to date (maybe instant date only) no matter what you do. No matter if you are her type and she is attracted to.
There are not many foreigners here, but I hope that I will adjust my lifestyle to include more social circles (classes, seminars, etc.), i.e. to combine social circles with cold approach. I advice you to do the same. Our countries are less productive for cold approach as somewhere else in the world so the best strategy is to combine different tactics for meeting women.
Thanks again, I wish you too good results with women.
Xander
Hate this new article format.
Great article but I absolutely HATE this new format ( I didn't like the new design but I can live with it).
Chase is a good writer with an excellent flow. That flow is missing. The entire article feels like a robot giving me instruction how to do something. This article has good content but zero emotional impact.
I really wish the old writing style make a comeback.
New Article Format / Writing Style
Subrata-
Don't worry, new format's not going to be an all-the-time thing.
I'll continue to write articles the old/normal way (and most will still be that way).
However... we also have to respond to the changing times. Combination of everyone being on mobile + attention spans shorter than ever means we have to (and I am having to) produce some content like this.
Probably going to take me a few of these pieces to get in the swing of it and figure out how to structure them this way while still making them engaging / showing some flair.
Theme-wise... yeah, I'm still kind of making up my mind about it too. The parts that aren't finished yet (like this unstyled comment section, or the half-finished sidebar) isn't helping.
Don't be surprised if the theme changes again by mid-next year ;)
Chase
Hey Chase, I'm lookin for
Hey Chase, I'm lookin for insider stories about women who... go head over heels about a guy they see on social media like Facebook.
They see a guy's profile, and they are in a dilemma. They either, want to msg the guy, or want the guy to msg them, or even have the guy know their profile exists.
Do women ever have this? And better yet, would they ever admit it? So do any of you have any such stories?
And if you're gonna say, women don't go browsing for guy profiles, you're generally right, so I'm obviously talking about situations where a girl came across a guy's profile by accident, or, because her female friends refer her to.
I have the reverse in this story for Facebook: so many women view my profile, but they never msg me. Are they in a dilemma? Thanks.
Re: Hey Chase, I'm lookin for
Can't say I've heard of anything like that Neal, no.
People look at all kinds of people's profiles on social media without having any kind of intent or anything else about it.
If you're doing anything to attract attention, people will click out of pure curiosity.
I have a friend who is testing out very aggressive Instagram game right now, and he gets all kinds of attractive women checking out his profile and liking what he posts. Some will even respond to a few messages from him. But most of them stop responding after a few.
Social media is, in general, an illusion. It looks like it should be easy, because there are all these hot girls there, and they seem so easy to reach. It's designed to trick your brain.
A friend of mine and I discussed this recently. My friend had a buddy who'd spent months trying to get dating apps and social media to work, and had only laid a few mediocre girls off dating apps and got nothing at all off social media. He then went out one day, did a handful of street approaches, met a beautiful girl, and slept with her on their first date.
I know it feels scary to make the leap to approaching in real life.
But that is where the real results lie.
Chase
Chase is your friends that's
Chase is your friends that's testing the spitting game on Instagram/social media asking girls out or waiting to be asked out?
Anyways, it seems you're right, I mean, social media sees to work most for women that seen or met you before. The vast majority of girls who lurk my profiles do it because they met me in real life (could be years ago) or seen me before, or because their female friends who have, tell them to. Girls who never met you before don't care to casually lurk your profiles. These girls who msg the guys do it so the guy can in return view their profiles back more likely, for validation.
Any tips for the fourth reason?
Chase,
Your articles are timely as always. Recently, I’ve had a few girls pull away due to them being “overwhelmed” by other stuff in their lives (as far as I could tell, everything was going great between us until then—had been seeing each other regularly up to them at point). Do you think this is indeed a case of them being depressed as you mention above, and if so, is there a way to remedy that? Or does it sound like it might be an attainability issue where perhaps they want more than the weekly FWB type of hangout?
Thanks as always!
Girls Who Pull Away Due to Overwhelm
Dante-
If it's a FWB setup, then yes, if they're drifting away due to overwhelm/distraction, you can assume one thing to be true:
Their relationship with you is another thing that burdens them, which they are cutting out, or at least it does not serve as a reprieve.
I have had girls in casual relationships where their lives had gotten overwhelming, and that drove them to try to get even more time with me. They will do that if you've set the casual relationship up as a kind of salve... as a vacation from the rest of their lives.
However, even casual relationships with this kind of setup can lose it in time if the girl starts to long for a deeper relationship, either with you or with anyone.
At that point, the casual relationship she has with you stops being a salve, and starts being painful, as she is either around this man who won't give her what she wants, or is around this man who serves as a reminder that she must settle for someone who won't give her what she wants and she cannot find a man who will give her what she wants.
You can try reaching out to a girl like this and telling her, "Hey, we ought to talk. Not sure what's going on with you. If you're feeling overwhelmed you can come on over and I'll cook you a meal and give you a back rub and help you totally destress. Or if there's something else we ought to talk about it; maybe we're on the same page."
Then at least you get the lines of communication open and can see what's going on in her head / what your next steps ought to be.
Cheers,
Chase
Thanks a bunch, Chase. I had
Thanks a bunch, Chase. I had a hunch it wasn’t just a coincidence so I appreciate the insight!
Broke up and blamed it on depression
Chase, What should I do if we broke up and she blamed it on her depression that’s she’s had within the last three months. Also, she broke up me 8months beforehand because of cheating rumours but got her back during the rebound stage. Now Is she having attainability problems and your a ‘jerk’ energy like before or is it now #2’ and she feels she’s now “Free” and I was boring. That way I know how to act accordingly for the longing phrase ?? Thanks
Girl pulling away randomly after sex and initially being warm
Hey Chase, fantastic article as always. What is the situation like if you’ve slept with the girl though and then she pulls away randomly?
For me, I met this girl on an online app and we hit it off pretty quickly. We set up a date for me to go to her apartment to watch a movie and we did... and we got physical and had sex and it was good. We cuddled for a bit after, then I left and for a few days after that she was texting me flirtatiously and sexually, as was I. She gave me her schedule for the next week, and we tentatively set up a date for Sunday night, when I would be back from a bachelor party.
The bachelor party came and I obviously didnt have contact with her outside of a few snapchats sent here and there over the weekend. She still seemed interested, sending me snap videos of herself as recently as Sunday morning when I got back. I tried to strike up a conversation with her soon after but she was unresponsive, even though I knew she read it. A few hours later I texted her again, playfully but directly to ask when she was coming over as we had originally planned.
She said something along the lines of “I wish you had asked me sooner, like really.” Assuming this meant she was flaking, I got upset at that so I responded basically like “lol we talked about these plans a few days ago Thursday” to which she laughed and said she just forgot because we hadn’t talked much recently, but then asked me if I was at my friends by myself yet (I’m house sitting for a friend who is gone for the week and she knew that) I said I was busy at the bachelor party and that’s why we didnt talk really but that yes i had the place to myself for the whole week. Again, she left me on read. I got a little too panicky at that and after waiting 10 or 20 minutes sent another text basically asking “so if you’re busy tonight when will you be free again this week?” She said “I can let you know” and I just said ok and that was the end of the conversation.
A day later and I can just feel she’s pulling away. I haven’t heard from her at all since, and she usually would text or send a Snapchat or two. Is she just pulling away because she sensed that I was more focused on the relationship than she was and now she’s testing me to see how I’ll respond (and chase)? Or did I mess something else up I don’t realize and she’s just gone very cold on me? Since she said she would let me know her schedule, I figured I wouldn’t contact her at all until she contacted me. I won’t chase, but is this the right move considering that we HAVE already had good sex and gotten past that barrier? Could really use the guidance, thank you.
Girls Being Coy
Hello Chase,
How do I differentiate a girl who is pulling away from me because of lack of attraction and one who is just being coy. I live in Ghana which is pretty much a conservative society. What I feel is that, most of the girl I meet are usually excited to meet me and I usually don't have much trouble getting phone numbers. I usually get phone numbers from about 40 to 50% of the girls I approach. However doing the follow up which involves texting and calling, about 70% of the girls I meet barely engage with me. I feel they are trying not to seem too eager. My society frowns upon women who show clearly they are into a guy. So usually, the trend is that even if the girl is interested in the guy, she feigns disinterest for a while for the guy to chase her around for a while before she gives in to the guy's advances. This is pretty much public opinion about girls here and I remember my mum mentioned the same to me a while back. I usually try not to chase these girls, I ignore them for a while and persist patiently. I would like to know if this is the norm with girls everywhere and how I can get them to stop playing those games altogether because I just don't see the point of these games.
What about going NO CONTACT?
Chase,
I genuinely appreciate your perspective on the entire gamut of relationship issues.
I'm in a situation with a new-ish girlfriend where (stop me when you've heard this before) everything seemed to be going great. We had a great evening of fun (dinner, laughing, intimacy, etc.), and she followed up with a funny "good morning" text the next day. I replied with a reference to something we'd been discussing, asking if she could get a day off next week. She got back to me in a few hours, saying she'd check and see. To which I replied with a short text and a callback pic a few hours later when I had time, then... silence... she usually hearts my texts, pics, whatever. I still haven't heard back from her (it's been about 24 hours - which I realize isn't that long, just odd that she's suddenly ghosting me), so I'm curious if you think it's better to go no contact for a while and let her get back to me when she's ready or go with the pattern interrupt you mentioned. And, if you suggest the pattern interrupt, how long do you recommend waiting before doing that? I definitely don't want to chase her, and I don't want to be her doormat. In the past, when she's gone quiet, I've just let it be for a couple of days, and she's come back amiably. At the same time, I feel I need to demonstrate I'm ready to walk away from this type of thing if she's not able to give me what I'm looking for in a relationship but just moving on without giving her a chance to fix it may not be good either.
I look forward to your thoughts.
Leave a Comment