2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

Two steps forward, one step back. It’s the magic technique that lets you bypass almost all of her resistance… And it’s not hard to do.

One of the more enduring seduction strategies, and one you’ve seen discussed on this site plenty before (especially in some of Alek’s articles), is that of “two steps forward, one step back.”

You may call it push-pull or fractionation. Or you might call it the zigzag path to victory (victory here being, needless to say, a new lay or new girlfriend). Two steps forward, one step back is, on the surface, a crystal clear, simple system:

1. First, a bold move forward (e.g., you place your hand on her lower back)

2. Then, a partial retreat back (to, say, your hand on her upper arm)

3. Wash, rinse, repeat: go bolder still next time... then another partial retreat. Then again. And again

With this method, you may gradually acclimate a girl to touch, proximity, innuendo, or just about anything else. Yet as simple as it sounds, it is a major mindset shift. To use it well, you must shift from the typical mindset of “gain a toehold, then hang onto it for dear life.”

To help you do this, today we’ll talk about the method, and introduce you to the psychology.

Then, we’ll load you up with examples till you’re plum happy.

 

What Most Guys Do: Grab-and-Hold

The default approach of your average guy out to get somewhere with girls is what I dub ‘grab and hold.’

With this strategy, you battle to reach new levels of intimacy in a courtship. Then, once you’ve reached a newer, more intimate level, you pull out all the stops to not give ground.

As an example, let’s say you take a girl on a date, and she’s a little standoffish the first hour or so. You talk and talk, but she keeps a distance. You deep dive, and slowly she warms up. At last, she begins to melt. You invite her to change venues; she accepts. She seems close to you now, so you move your hand toward hers. She slips her fingers into your grasp.

Finally! you think. We’ve finally got contact! So, for almost the entire 15-minute walk from Venue 1 to Venue 2, you continue to hold her hand. At some point a few minutes in, it starts to feel a little weird. But you don’t want to let go... You don’t want to give up this level of closeness and touch. Who knows how long it would take to you to get her hand back in hers again if you let go? Maybe you wouldn’t even be able to get back to handholding again. So you just keep holding hands.

Finally, about 12 minutes into the walk, she withdraws her hand from yours. You stay nonchalant on the outside, but on the inside you’re panicked. What does this mean? Has she cooled off during the walk? Have you lost her? You’ve had this happen with other girls and it just never got good again. For all you know right now, the ship may have already sailed. You’ve blown it.

Girls are sensitive. She can tell if you’re uncomfortable. Furthermore, she also knows you weren’t the one who let go of her; she let go of you. Negative compliance.

Totally ready to do that again. Sometime next year.

That’s grab-and-hold in a nutshell.

Sometimes it works. And it’s fine if a girl is mostly or completely sold on you.

However, if she’s been on the fence, there’s no easier way to make her question your value to her than you grasping on for dear life the moment she gives you an ‘in’.

 

How ‘2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back’ Differs

This method is different from grab-and-hold in three (3) key ways:

1. You break contact or back off first, which means you steer the courtship, not her

2. Because you break contact / back off first, she’s often left unfulfilled and wanting more

3. Also because you break contact / back off first, she’s the one left in uncertainty about your interest levels and intent with her

Each of these is the opposite of what occurs with grab-and-hold. With grab-and-hold, a.) she backs things off first, and thus steers the courtship... and because she backs off / breaks things off first, b.) you are the one left unfulfilled and wanting more, and c.) you are the one left in uncertainty about her interest levels and intent with you.

Women, when they date, want excitement. They want to feel like it ‘just happened’ and the connection was magical. Most women believe in destiny, and every woman (save a very rare few) believes in ‘just being yourself’. What this means for you is that, for all but the most determined women with the keenest interest in you, she is not going to lead things forward, even if she’s in charge. It isn’t going to ‘feel’ right, and these things do not ‘just happen’ on their own.

You won’t be sitting in the café and then she gets up to go to the bathroom, trips, rips her skirt off, grabs for you to steady herself, accidentally tears your jeans open, and lands on you.

Somebody needs to drive things forward for the courtship to reach that point, and it usually isn’t going to be her. If you want to date or sleep with girls, you must remain in the lead.

And with two steps forward, one step back, this is just what you do.

 

The Acclimation Effect

Aside from the three key differences 2-steps, 1-step has with grab-and-hold, it offers one other exceptional benefit to your seductions as well: acclimation.

A major problem with grab-and-hold is that it’s obvious what you’re doing. And because it’s obvious, she’s going to put the brakes on.

So you’re seated next to her in the bar, and you get your hand on her thigh, and she lets you keep it there. But when you start to inch your way closer to her lady bits, she deftly moves your fingers back to the top of her thigh again (or even off her leg entirely). You might leave your hand on her thigh for 30 minutes and be no further along at the end of those 30 minutes than you were at the start of the 30 minutes. It’s onerous to move forward, and what forward progress you do make is centimeter-by-centimeter.

Compare that with 2-steps, 1-step. With 2-steps, 1-step, you put your hand on her thigh for a moment, then slide back down to her knee. She gets a little charge from your hand on her thigh for the first time in the bar there. But then it’s back to your hand on her knee. And how’s she feel? Well, if she likes you (which hopefully she does, if you’re putting your hand on her thigh), she’ll feel a moment of, “Oh. Should I let him do this?” when you first put your hand there... followed by, “Oh... He took it away. Sigh,” once your hand is back to her knee.

Had you only left your hand there, she would’ve been stuck wondering whether she should let you leave your hand on her thigh. Eventually she’d likely have decided, “Okay, he can keep it there, but no more intimate than that.”

Yet when you move it away, the question of, “Should I let him?” is interrupted, and replaced with disappointment that she no longer has the option of letting you.

The hand is gone, and she realizes she liked it.

A little later, you’ll touch her on a part of her thigh closer to her ladybits (two steps forward... you skip straight from knee to inner thigh, straight over the step between, the outer thigh), then retreat to leaving your hand atop her thigh (one step back, to her outer thigh).

The same process repeats in her mind. That process of “Should I let him?” interrupted when you move your hand and replaced with disappointment at your touch disappearing.

Because you do not give her time to answer “Should I let him?” and come up with a decision that she needs to stop you from progressing, you do not allow her to build the same level of resistance she would had you pursued a grab-and-hold strategy and allowed her to figure out exactly where she wants to draw the line at. And because of this, you’re able to move a lot more rapidly with her.

 

2-Steps, 1-Step Example: Sexual Humor

Two steps forward, one step back doesn’t only apply to touch, of course.

It applies to anything you can do with a girl that might generate resistance. If an activity does not generate resistance, there’s no need to ease her into it with 2-steps, 1 step.

Which items will generate resistance and which things won’t differs somewhat from girl to girl. You can find a girl to resist anything, just as you can find a girl who won’t resist any specific type of escalation (e.g., girls who will let you touch them as much as you want, as fast as you want – these girls do exist, believe it or not... they’re not even all that rare).

So, for a non-physical example, let’s give the example of humor.

Again, some girls you can just jump right into ribald humor with. But many girls have guards up you must overcome. You need to let them realize that a.) you’re a playful guy who likes to flirt and tease, and it’s all in good fun and not mean-spirited, and b.) you’re not going to judge them for responding well to your more risqué jokes.

When it’s too soon for that joke and she still needs to act like a good girl.

For this example, let’s say you’re in a conversation with a girl who does have a sense of humor, but she’s a little stiff. How do you get her to lighten up?

Two steps forward, one step back:

Her: blah blah my cats blah

You: [sexy facial expression / voice tone] Ah, pussycats, huh.

Her: Um, yeah.

You: Cool. So what about them?

Her: Well, they blah blah...

Two steps forward is the sexual nonverbals + the word ‘pussycat’ (which no one uses much anymore... and contains the word ‘pussy’ in it). But then when she reacts a little odd to the innuendo, you take a step back and return to harmless conversation: “Cool. So what about them?”

A little later on:

Her: You’ll never guess where I went for vacation.

You: Spain, Greece, Italy?

Her: Greece, yes. How’d you know?

You: Because that’s where all the sexy men are. Right?

Her: Well, I was actually there for the culture.

You: No doubt. Any adventures while you were in Greece?

Here, you go further, with a light chase frame. She resists, and you take a step back – but not to harmless conversation. Instead, you ask her about ‘any adventures’ there, which, following the chase frame you delivered, has plenty of sexual suggestion.

Next up it’s:

Her: I don’t know if I want to stay in the Midwest.

You: You’ve found somewhere more exciting to move to?

Her: I don’t know, but there must be somewhere more exciting than here!

You: [sexual undertones] It can be pretty exciting here, if you ask me.

Her: [sexual undertones] I know it can be.

You: It’s all in the company you keep.

Her: Definitely.

You: And how about my company – does that excite you?

Her: Maybe. Does my company excite you?

You: If it didn’t, I’d be talking to somebody else.

She’s finally begun to loosen up with her sexuality. So you go another two steps forward, and suggest sex with you (“It can be pretty exciting here” + sexual undertones). Then a step back – you return to a more conversational tone, and remark about it all being in “the company you keep”... So still maintaining that it can be “pretty exciting here”, but deescalating the sexual vibe.

She responds well, so again, two steps forward, one back: you ask her outright if your company excites her (two steps forward), then give up a little power by admitting, in a cool way, that she excites you too (one step back). To understand why this is a step back, imagine the grab-and-hold response here: she’d ask if she excites you, and you’d stay focused on her excitement levels, with a statement like, “You wouldn’t be asking if you weren’t excited yourself already.” The step back is far better here – it continues the zigzag path to the bedroom with her.

 

2-Steps, 1-Step Example: Logistics

Here’s another example of two steps forward, one step back, this for logistics.

Let’s say you’ve met a girl on the street on a sunny afternoon, and you’ve managed to get her to ditch her plans (for now) to spend a little more time with you. A logistical 2-steps, 1-step route might look like this:

1. Stop her on the street (2 steps forward; you’ve asked her to stop for you)

2. Move her to the side of a building, out of the flow of traffic (1 step back; don’t force her to stand in the middle of the traffic flow for you)

3. Propose she come and join you for coffee for an hour (2 steps forward)

4. When she hesitates, then tell her “Okay, 10 minutes. We’ll make it 10 minutes” (1 step back)

5. At the coffee shop, get her to stick around in conversation for 30 minutes (2 steps forward)

6. Around the 30-minute mark, point it out to her to check her logistics and make sure she’s on-board: “Are we cool hanging out like this? I’m not murdering your schedule or anything am I?” (1 step back)

7. Propose an over-the-top romantic adventure: “Let’s go take a trip to Fiji, right now. Just you and me” (2 steps forward)

8. Adjust down to something more conventional: “Okay, actually, let’s just have a walk for now, I can’t sit still any longer” (1 step back)

9. Walk her back to your place and invite her up (2 steps forward)

10. After the invite, tell her: “Let’s head up. I’ll have to kick you out in about 20 or 30 minutes so I can get some work done tonight” (1 step back)

Cool, right?

Works far better than were you to just press her to continually move forward with you each time you proposed a move. Grab-and-hold is not nearly as effective – largely because it follows too-predictable a pattern, and makes the courtship too unexciting.

 

2-Steps, 1-Step Example: Touch

For our final example, we’ll circle back to touch. How would you use two steps forward, one step back with touch?

Last minute resistance is the most classic use case for this. A 2-steps, 1-step example for this would be:

• Run your hands down her body, sliding across sensitive parts (breasts, buttocks, groin), yet continuing to move. The initial contact is the two steps forward, the continued movement off those locations is the one step back

• Grasp/rub her breasts (2 steps forward), then return to grasping her sides/thighs (1 step back)

• Slide your hand over her vagina (2 steps forward), then return to grasping her breasts (1 step back)

• Stick a finger inside her vagina (2 steps forward), then pull it back out and return to rubbing her vagina outside her pants (1 step back)

• Peel her pants off (2 steps forward), then return to fingering her [i.e., and not immediately jumping for sex] (1 step back)

But you needn’t wait for the bedroom to start using 2-steps, 1-step for touch.

You can do it long before then, too. In fact, you can do it from the moment you say hello:

1. Pre-open her to get her attention (2 steps forward), then go back to not touching her (1 step back)

2. Take her hand in a handclasp on greeting (2 steps forward), then let go (1 step back)

3. Etc.

In fact, every time you touch, then retreat (instead of touch, then leave your hand there), you are taking a step back.

Reel her in, then let her go.

So it is with the escalation process of pre-open, then handclaps, then touching her wrist or hand (during an early compliance test), then tapping her forearm or elbow while making a point, then her upper arm, then her side or stomach, then placing your hand on her back, etc.... As you make each more intimate touch, then withdraw, you take two steps forward, and another step back.

So long as you are escalating touch (and not employing grab-and-hold), you are using two steps forward, one step back for touch.

 

2-Steps, 1-Step as an Underpinning of Game

This is a powerful technique, and it’s one every guy who’s good with girls employs.

Not all men use it the same way. Some men may use grab-and-hold with touch, while toying with women verbally with two steps forward, one step back in their humor and romanticism. Other men may make relentless romantic remarks to women, while using 2-steps, 1-step physically.

Other men will use 2-steps, 1-step with everything.

Depends on your personal tastes.

And, keep this in mind:

• The two steps forward help your attainability, because they display your interest

• The one step back helps your value, because it displays your mysteriousness, non-neediness, and/or restraint

Grab-and-hold (without the step back) usually will undermine your value. But the opposite extreme – stepping back too far (going backwards), or taking too long to act / missing escalation windows – kills attainability.

Getting the timing right for two steps forward, one step back is a bit of an art. It is an art well worth learning. 2-steps, 1-step allows you to run courtships both unpredictable and exciting for women... And the better you are at making your courtships unpredictable and exciting, while you continue to move things forward, the more girls you’ll have drop, first, their resistance, and then, second, their skirts, jeans, or panties.

Chase