How to Change a Girl's Negative Perceptions of You

If a girl screens you out before getting to know you, don't take it personally. It's not that difficult to change a girl's perception of you and turn things around.

Have you ever felt like a woman has judged you from one look and came to a conclusion that puts you out of the running forever? Well, it is no illusion. Women do screen men out like this, and if you go in blindly, your chances of turning things around are not very high.

There is a reliable way to turn your image around with a girl, however. What I'll share in this post can help you confidently get back on track.

First, let's go through why girls get negative images of you so you don't take it personally or hold it against women. When I first started picking up girls, they screened me out, thinking that I was unmanly, weak-willed, naïve, boring, and lame. Of course, I felt shocked that I was labeled this way and thought these girls were wrong.

It's important that we understand the reason women often screen so harshly: they despise men who promise results LATER.

Anyone can promise they'll be worthwhile to a girl at some later point, after some rapport is built or whatever. If a woman gives in to this reasoning, your true character and intentions will remain hidden until the time you reveal them. She risks being played and getting emotionally hurt. No girl is so weak that she will let anybody hurt her just because he says he won't, and needs some help to get started. Women screen to see your agenda NOW. They want to know if you can DELIVER on command or not.

If you are unwilling to show your agenda or character in the now, it's because you are ashamed of it. If you are not able to deliver on command, you have no business making them.

So, from a woman's point of view, this is the most basic screening behavior. She assures herself that men GIVE her a benefit now and that they REVEAL how they feel about themselves and their actions. It lets her deal only with men she knows have something to offer.

Now, you can rage against the mating-game here and say it's unfair, but look at how trivial of a test this is. It does not determine much about you; it is actually very open (unless you failed to pass it). Her image of you can also be changed if you know how. So it is like raging at a parking meter. There are bigger issues to worry about — issues that are actually in your control.

A bit of understanding can go a long way. As with many things, the first step is to accept reality, then develop a game plan to adapt and conquer.

Here's my experience and advice for managing your image with girls in the long term.

Isolate the Reasons Why You Get Rejected

I kept getting rejected by being naïve and unmanly. I knew this because it was told to me in a not-so-subtle way. You know how people give you constructive criticism even though it bothers them to say it?

Well, I consider myself lucky to have gotten this type of criticism because it made clear why I was getting rejected.

The truth will set you free, even though it makes you miserable at first.

The problem was that I took it personally. I thought I was the only one getting this reaction, and it was deep-rooted, so I was destined to be rejected forever.

Now, contrast that reaction with the truth. For good reason, women screen for guys who can deliver upfront and are not ashamed of themselves. I reacted like the world was imploding on me because I failed to realize that being screened wasn't personal. Once I came to know this, I just needed to follow two simple rules, and I would be fine.

So it's crucial that you isolate your reason for rejection and not take it personally. Find the reason, then you can set up a reliable way to turn it around. And it is not difficult, as women do not set THIS particular bar very high. These days, I often tell women to set this bar higher for their own sake. So try to imagine a day when you welcome this kind of rejection for a bigger-picture purpose.

Once you isolate the underlying issue, you will hear things like boring, nerd, weirdo, or whatever. Don't let those labels mess with you. It doesn't matter what they are; you just need the common reasons so that you can address them and formulate a plan of action.

Create "Better Practices" to Address the Causes of Rejection

My naïveté was dealt with by learning to CONTROL my aggression and showcase confidence. I needed to showcase this often and subtly to reverse women's perceptions of me. Things started to change after I learned to use strong eye contact and square-on body language. I began to readily smile rather than allow aggressive impulses to control my visage.

Think of it like a runner at the starting line, poised rather than looking around and flinching at the gunshot only to be left behind by other racers.

It's why "On your mark!" and "Get set!" usually come before "Go!"

My "boring" aura was turned around by AVOIDING settled positions that entrenched me in dull conversations, physically unable to move. I started to pay attention to how my body language expressed my feelings, then I took more control of it. I kept interactions short and sharp, not long and tedious. I often would assert my sharpness and brevity by ignoring someone if they tried to drag me down, setting the example that it was a boundary condition to talk to me.

My "lame" label was removed by showing I could DO interesting things or come up with ideas for the group. I might make an observant comment to expand awareness, or I would actively do things people would watch and react to with a "wow."

Once I established these better practices as habits, I gained the ability to express to women — in the now — that that I wasn't actually lame, boring, and naïve. Instead of reacting in a bad way, I instead showed that I was CREDIBLE.

Create the Active Turn

The "active turn" is for the person who does not have time to see you at your best later on. This only works once you have developed credibility the right way, and this is because it develops subtle energies that women can DEFINITELY sense.

The active turn addresses the practical purpose of her test. She wants to be SOLD on why you are a romantic option, and you need to sell her in a split second without droning on.

Remember these two important factors:

1. Deliver on promises NOW rather than making them for later

2. Do not be ashamed of your agenda

You must ASSUME THE ROLE and reveal an honest part of yourself as you do. Like an artist stepping onto the stage, you need to be willing to act the part and to reveal your ambition without shame.

I call this passing her SELL line. And I always looked at this as making a dead-weight person feel inspired to carry their weight.

You need to sell women on three things:

1. The interaction (until she enjoys talking back)

2. The new information (about you or the potential relationship)

3. The new choice (she can take this opportunity or leave it)

Sell the interaction by assuming the role of a friendly person who is exciting because he is focused and giving off good signals.

You sell the new information by hitting upon a need she has. For example, she is looking for someone new, or she is curious about you because she finds your personality pleasant or your approach refreshing.

You're giving her a new choice by delivering interesting details that are more exciting than what she currently has in her life. It's like watching a boring TV series and suddenly being given a much more exciting and rewarding option.

Bring a high enough level of intensity to follow the opportunity through and lead her through the experience.

If you want her to give you a chance, give her a good reason.

Pro tip: girls just want to have fun. So offer her a bit of fun (but not too much fun).

How This Changes Your Long-Term Image

Go from a person who takes minor speed bumps personally to a credible individual who deserves respect — a person who actively clears up miscommunication to provide more interesting outcomes with the integrity to follow through. This means a lot to the casual observer and makes all the difference.

Others will draw emotional support from you. You'll provide hope, inspiration, appreciation, and a lighter heart because the negative potential of that speed bump has been thwarted. You intercept negativity and replace it with strong character.

In the end, you will no longer need to TURN these assumptions around because you will simply understand the confusion and clear it up. You will even be able to remove it via simple eye contact and "girl code." When you can communicate directly with a girl that you get it, her negative image of you dissolves.

It all starts by:

• Identifying what needs to be turned around

• Not taking it personally

• Building habits that form a credible case in your favor

• Taking on the new role with gumption

And this is lately on my mind because I had to refresh myself on these concepts. "Girl coding" with women has changed after time, and the reasons I get screened out have also changed. I get screened out now because of a lack of enthusiasm, a disinterest in engaging, and I see general eye-rolling. So now I make sure to convey energy, find key topics to engage women, and try to be dazzled by little details.

These better practices make me come across as a fresh, good opportunity instead of an experience one can do without.

Adjusting these factors requires work in the short term, but it positively affects your future prospects for years to come once the habits kick in.

To constructive criticism,

Cody

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