Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Resistance to Sex: The 4 Different Flavors

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

Yesterday's article about when you should have sex mentioned part of a female reader's comment on the article "I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em." The comment, though, was actually a fair bit longer than that, and touched on another subject too:

“While I agree that the 'replace' mentality is efficient for picking up large quantities of women in a short time, I think it limits the quality of the women. I can categorically say, that there is a strong correlation between a woman's desirability status and the extent to which she will require a man to chase or demonstrate interest/value.”

Our commenter here has a very valid point - however, the nuance to that point is what interests us most.

resistance to sex

Because, as you will see, how resistant to sex a woman is depends upon:

  • The quality and quantity of her choice with men, and
  • How this man in particular stacks up against her other options

... and that even among resistances, there are very different kinds of resistance to sex, and these are based far more on the woman's level of sexual experience with men, and her level of experience with a man who makes her feel the way this particular man does.

(if you're looking for an article on how to overcome this resistance, we've already got a great post up on it here - "How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours" - this piece is really about identifying the different kinds of resistance, understanding what each sort says about the girl you're getting it from, and understanding what you need to do and who you need to be not to get it)

Let's dive in.

When Should You Have Sex? Depends If You’re Him or Her

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

when should you have sexOne of our female readers commented the other day on the article "I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em," about not waiting around for women who aren't interested / are pushing things off indefinitely, saying:

“Matt's letter suggested that you cut a woman off if she won't sleep with you on the first date... that cuts out a lot of good women, including me! If all guys thought like this, I'd never get a boyfriend (or laid) again!
(also, it should be noted, many men claim they 'won't date' a girl who will have sex on the first date, so you can't blame us for taking it slow)”

The topic is one that's been brought up a number of times by male and female commenters here, and done so in a variety of ways. Because the general advice for men on Girls Chase is contrary to conventional advice (i.e., take women to bed as lovers fast, not slow), it tends to provoke excitement in some, but confusion, questioning, or ire in others.

So - when should you have sex?

We've discussed the process of women's attraction expiring for men who fail to move things forward fast enough, but are there other reasons a man ought to take things fast with women he likes, and not slow, as the advice from the mainstream instructs?

And what about for women - is it better for women to make men wait, and if so, how long?

Today, I'm exploring both sides - so buckle up.

How to Tell a Story that Rivets and Captivates

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

In 2001, I set foot inside a nightclub, just off the seashore in Ocean City, Maryland, for the first time in my life. It was senior week, the week after graduation from high school, and I was 18 years old... and my efforts to get my life on track were sputtering out. I'd tried everything else I could think of to learn social skills, to make friends, to get girls; but none of it had worked. I was liked, in my way - most of my classmates thought I was cool, or a curiosity... something of a high school legend. But I had no friends to speak of. I kept everyone at arm's length, fearful of substantial social interaction. I didn't even know how to hold a conversation with people. And unlike almost everyone else in my graduating class, I wasn't going to college come summer's end.

No one understood why one of the best students in school wouldn't go to college, with no job, and no backup plan, but how could they. They had their normal lives. Friends, girlfriends, parties, fun. Walking into a nightclub alone - an environment I'd never been in in my life - and walking out with a girl was my last resort. While the rest of my classmates drank and laughed and talked and partied with their friends and hookups and paramours, I struck out into the night on my own, driven and determined, on one last, hubristic, quixotic quest that was only ever going to end one way.

One of the older pieces of writing of mine still floating around on the Internet is a newsletter I wrote for theApproach back in 2007 called "Becoming a Great Storyteller." Because I already wrote something on it back then, and because much of the emphasis I've placed on Girls Chase is on getting others to tell you their stories more than it is to get you telling yours, I never took the time to get a proper treatment up for how to tell a story.

how to tell a story

If you've read through the other articles on this site, you've no doubt come across some of the more story-driven pieces here - one of the more classic examples of this being "Can't Stop Thinking About Her?" Storytelling is a key component of most things involving people - whether that's writing, teaching, or speaking; building connections with others, delivering speeches at political rallies, or shouting on high from the pulpit.

The best actors are storytellers.

The best bosses are storytellers.

The best authors are storytellers.

The best seducers are storytellers.

The best salesmen are storytellers.

The most powerful, compelling, magnetizing people from all walks of life are storytellers.

And if you'd like to join their ranks, to hold that candle up that flickers light onto the damp and dusty walls of intrigue and enchantment and fantasy and allure, to attract the minds of those trapped in lives of boredom and normality and sameness and deliver them a wake up call that snaps them at once to attention, then, to do that, you must know how to tell a story.

How to Talk About Yourself on Dates

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

In the comments section of "Are You Smart? It Doesn't Much Matter Either Way," on how viewing and talking about yourself as smart actually impedes progress in your endeavors, a reader named Al made the following request:

“Great Article, Chase this is an invaluable mindset for so many areas of life. I want to see an article on how to tell good anecdotes and speak about yourself. I know this goes against deep diving and LOLE but when conversations do start to become a question and answer session i often struggle to make an insightful or interesting comment.”

Al's right - while there's a great deal on this site about how to get other people talking to you, there really isn't a whole heck of a lot about how to talk about yourself.

how to talk about yourself

So, in order to change that, I've put together a two-part article series on the subject: the first on talking about yourself, and the second on telling great stories.

Let's kick this two-parter off then, and have a look at how you ought to go about talking about yourself with women to achieve maximal results.

Having a Male Scent That Fills Women with Lust

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

male scentIn the comments on "Your Mental Model is Flawed," M asked the following question about cologne:

“Speaking of expensive cologne...is it worth the investment? Right now my only scent is my deodorant, lol.”

I gave a quick response, but I've been wanting to do a piece on male scent for a while now. I spent a great deal of time diving into this to figure out what the "ideal" scent for men was... was it a cologne? A body spray? An aftershave? Was it pheromones? Something else? What scent gets you the best results with women?

They all propose to turn you into a man irresistible to women, of course... but most of it's just noise to be tuned out. There had to be, I felt certain, a specific solution out there somewhere to the question of what scent women like best.

Today's article chronicles my own intermittent investigation - spanning perhaps 15 years - into the phenomenon of male scent, and takes a look at what the research on scent has to say.

And my guess is, if you're accustomed to the standard advice thrown liberally about in Western society, you'll be in for a bit of a surprise.

Stop Being So Judgmental: It's All Actor-Observer Bias

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By: Chase Amante

how to be non-judgmentalI've been wanting and meaning to write an article on how to be non-judgmental on here for some time. However, I simply hadn't had quite the right angle to come at the piece with... hadn't, that was, until I did some digging into the depths of social psychology and came up with a gem.

Lots of people have asked for such an article; here was M, a little over a month ago, on the post on being a challenge to women:

“One other question: could you please write a post sometime on how to be non-judgmental and more constructive and encouraging? Many times I find myself thinking during a conversation, "Hmm, your career path/school/etc. sounds pretty dismal...why are you so unambitious? Not really sure what I can say that would be both encouraging and true." The conversation of course shuts down pretty fast after that. But I know that there IS something both encouraging and true I could say, and if I didn't have that thought in the way, I would probably be able to relate to the person and think to say it.

Best,
M”

Learning how to be non-judgmental is a powerful addition to the mental tools of any seducer - heck, any salesperson, business owner, employer, employee, teacher, student, parent, child, or friend. Being non-judgmental opens doors and unlocks verdant gardens of opportunity forever shut away and cordoned off from those less tolerant minds of the world.

Yet, it seems like such a painfully difficult thing to become... there are studies that show that even self-professed egalitarian individuals still have under-the-radar gut judgmental reactions (good or bad) to people of different races or creeds... which they then promptly rein back in.

So what is this whole non-judgmental thing really about? Can you ever truly be free of judgment... or is it all just self-delusion?

I have some interesting answers for you in this post; and a lot of it starts with a little thing called actor-observer bias.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 17th Edition

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

carnival of dating advice

Welcome, friends, to the 17th Edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice, bringing you the latest and greatest articles in dating advice, seduction, psychology, relationship, and more from the four corners of the web.

Today we have on offer a couple of interesting pieces on psychology; a guide to one of the key elements of emerging from heated arguments unscathed ("Stay on target"); a reminder about smiling; and a short review on that new Facebook phenomenon, "Bang With Friends."

May I present, for your reading delight, our carnival...

How to Be More Aggressive with Women, Dating, and Life

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

content="In the modern West, many men have forgotten their traditions on how to be aggressive and bring the things they want into their lives.">

As a youth, I always used to envy those men around me who acted with such directness, certainty, and speed, without any hesitation or hint of self-doubt. Growing up, I found myself defined more by inaction - by being a watcher, an observer - than by any action I took. I think most people are defined like this... stuck watching from the bleachers and the sidelines while the aggressive go-getter action-takers dominate life.

how to be more aggressive

So I can understand and empathize when guys write in asking how to be more aggressive, like Wolf did in the article on being hard to please:

“Hi Chase, how can I be more aggressive in my life? I think about just being extra ballsy but I think a lot about the consequences so I end up not being aggressive. How can I be more aggressive?”

Some of this ties into what we discussed in "Threats and Opportunities;" the more focused on threats you are - when the focus is aligned in a certain way - the more you tend to retreat back from confrontation and aggressive action that might possibly end in rejection or worse.

But there's another side to this, too - and that's the inherent differences between those born aggressive, and those not so naturally inclined.

How to Pick Up Girls on Valentine's Day

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

Part II of our series on Valentine's Day is directed at the single guys out there, after Part I, "What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day," covered the gamut for fellas in everything from casual to committed relationships. This one, then, is one how to pick up girls on Valentine's Day.

how to pick up girls on valentines day

The title, however, is somewhat misleading; because, as it turns out, the best day to pick up girls around this holiday is not on the day itself. Rather, the best day to pick up girls on Valentine's Day is not on Valentine's Day; the best day to pick up girls on Valentine's Day is, in fact, the day after Valentine's Day... a day an old friend of mine introduced to me as "National Rebound Day."

What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

This is part of a two-part series on Valentine's Day I'm releasing this year since we haven't really gone into the subject in any great depth before. Today's is "What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day," for all the attached beaus out there, and, early Thursday morning, I'll release, "How to Pick Up a Girl on Valentine's Day," for the gents who are single and looking.

girlfriend valentine's day

I want to start this series with what Valentine's Day is in the West these days, and what it means to women, and why you should care about that.

After we cover that aspect of it, we'll have a look at how to treat the holiday if you're already in a relationship (or relationships!), and how to tackle it if you aren't.

Here we go.