Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Some seductions aim squarely at consummation. Yet many have limited goals: to socialize, to flirt, to practice. Why does this difference in seductive intent exist?

Many moons ago, I noticed a rather curious phenomenon:

I’m a better seducer with girls I’m strongly attracted to.

When I’m really, really into a girl, I:

• Assert a much stronger presence

• Am much more present & engaged

• Behave in more attractive ways

• Game at a higher, sharper level

• Persist more, and more confidently

I’ve always spent a lot of time observing myself, looking for things I do naturally when I am ‘on’, then seeking to replicate them consciously when I am ‘off’. To a certain extent you very much can… but only to that extent. Beyond it, you simply have to be ‘on’.

I didn’t know if this was just me, but once I started digging into the science on dating and attraction, I found studies that seemed to support it. For instance, some studies on men’s voices find that change the way they speak when speaking to attractive women, and that third party observers rate the voice men use when speaking to attractive women to be a more attractive voice.

(women do this too, raising their voice pitches to people they find more attractive. A higher voice pitch is rated as more feminine and more attractive in women)

Having spent time in this space, I’ve also had many men lament that they perform much better with girls they’re really into – and why can’t they perform that way all the time?

It raises the question: if you perform with peak seductive prowess for women you’re very attracted to, why can’t you perform at peak prowess for women you aren’t? The end goal is the same after all – to achieve sexual intimacy – isn’t it?

Or is it?

Some men dedicate themselves to picking up lots of girls. Yet most men never choose this ‘seducer’s path’. Why do some men choose it, while others don’t?

I just finished writing an article on two very different ultimate motivations in seduction, based on von Clausewitz’s absolute vs. limited war. I think the distinction (I’m calling them absolute vs. limited seduction for now, though I might change the names when I publish the article) is enlightening.

Anyway, toward the end of the article, I got into some of the typical reasons men give for not approaching women, or for not attempting to really push to close out their seductions.

In the world of seduction, we typically call these ‘excuses’ and tell men they did not approach or did not close things out due to anxiety, fear of rejection, and so on.

And that is true. But in light of the concept of limited seductions, I’m starting to think it’s also not the entire picture.

We have numerous guys in the community who have confessed to years of false starts trying to get going picking up girls but simply not having the motivation to ever really get going. Some guys start after six months or a year. Many guys need a certain kick in the butt – such as a painful breakup – before they dive in.

Some guys disappear and presumably never become seducers.

All these are men who IN a seduction community – commenting on seduction articles, writing on seduction forums. Most men in the world will never get involved with such things.

Why is it so hard for most men to get into pickup? What is different about the men who actually do get into it, and proceed to excel?