When Girls Won't Sleep with You at Your Place

A month and a half back, I asked the members of our forum for the various sticking points they were encountering in their seductions. A member named scartissue commented the following:

How to escalate once I get the girl back my place on date.

I've had five times over the last fourteen months (need to put in more volume...) where I get the girl back on a first day from day game. Things are very pleasant and we have good rapport before coming back to my place. I have convenient logistics to go "oh hey haha my place is right here let's go inside?" but the move to anything sexual once we go in either doesn't happen at all or gets slowed down heavily.

This happens a lot to a lot of guys with a lot of girls. It’s not just a day game problem. Guys have this problem in social circle too. It happens to men with nightlife and online game as well… however, not as much.

The reason why it happens at all – and why it happens more to men in day game and social circle – has to do with the nature of the different types of game, and the preparedness of the women you meet via each type.

 

Seducing Women at Your Place Is All About Preparedness

Namely, the woman’s preparedness.

Imagine you have a woman who is draped all over you, hot and heavy, breathing deeply into your ear, pawing at you, practically clawing your clothes off your back with desire.

Finally, you pull this lustful woman into your place and shut the door. What happens?

Your imagination doesn’t have to work too hard to imagine the outcome of that scenario, right? Everybody knows: the two of you are going to be making out and stripping each other’s clothes off at light speed. You’ll be inside her within minutes.

That girl was already prepared to go to bed with you BEFORE she even entered your apartment. You had her revved up and horny. You had her ready.

The less ready a woman is when she enters your place, the more work you need to do to get her ready inside your place.

 

3 Reasons She Won’t Sleep with You at Your Place

There are three (3) key reasons a woman may not sleep with you at your place:

1. She doesn’t see you ‘like that’.

2. She has unresolved objections.

3. She isn’t aroused enough.

With any given girl who resists sex at your place, one, two, or even all three of these issues may be in play.

To a certain extent, sufficient arousal (#3) can override outstanding issues with #s 1 and 2.

However, if you want as greased of a slide as possible into the bedsheets, you are going to want to be sure you address ALL of these.

 

Not Seeing You ‘Like That’

Girls not seeing you ‘like that’ is mainly a problem for guys who are not super skilled with women yet, as well as some intermediate seducers who first switch over to a less-sexual type of game (like day game or social circle).

Ordinary guys position themselves as ‘cool, likable guys’. They refrain from showing too much sexuality, because too much sexuality might be off-putting, they fear. They refrain from asking for too much investment from girls, because they don’t want to seem imposing. They run what we might call ‘respectful and gentlemanly seductions’.

That’ll still get them the girl sometimes.

But a lot of girls will simply never decide they see these guys ‘like that’.

This creates extra problems for guys because they end up sinking a lot of time into women who aren’t feeling them (sexually/romantically) rather than scaring those women off so they can focus on girls who are interested.

If you want to be liked by everyone, you can be liked by everyone – which means you are going to have a lot of women around who LIKE you, and want to hang out with you and take up your time because they LIKE you, but they do not want to SLEEP WITH you.

If you want to sleep with girls you bring home with a high degree of consistency, they need to ‘like you LIKE THAT’ already before you bring them to your place.

That means you are doing all the stuff to position yourself as sexy and sexual that we talk about on this site. The sections of this website on having an attractive vibe and on communicating in sexual ways are the two biggest ways to do this – if you act sexy and talk about sex, women start filtering themselves IN or OUT very quick (and the smoother at it you are, the more they filter IN, instead of out).

 

Unresolved Objections

Think about the things women have said to you at your place when you started going for sex:

• “It’s too soon!”
• “It’s too fast for me!”
• “I’m not like that!”
• “But I barely know you!”
• “You don’t even know me!”

All these are objections. She is saying, “I object to sex – here is the reason!”

At the crux, all these objections are due to a lack of comfort.

However, we can be more specific than that.

“It’s too fast or soon” is NOT “I don’t want to!” It is, rather, “the appropriate amount of time has not yet passed!”

Why does she think a certain amount of time needs to pass before she can have sex with you? Is it because she fears you’ll think she’s a slut if she goes faster? Is it because she’s imposed a rule on herself that she’s going to start waiting longer than she traditionally has with guys?

You’re going to have to dig into her objections and find out.

“I’m not like that!” is image management. It really means, “I don’t want to be seen as being like that!” What is the ‘that’ she’s afraid she’ll be seen as if she sleeps with you now? Is it slutty and easy? Is she worried you’ll see her that way, or that her friends will know, or that she’ll start to see herself that way herself?

Again, you must dig in to find the answer.

“I barely know you!” means she thinks you’re a player. “You barely know me!” means she feels you haven’t qualified her enough. Each of these is an objection you’ll have to be able to resolve.

A talented ladies’ man handles her objections before he even reaches the bedroom… for instance, deep diving and qualifying her early on to make her feel deeply understood and approved of for who she is; setting sexual frames and removing himself from boyfriend consideration so she’s thinking about sex and not thinking about a relationship.

For handling objections once she’s already back home with you, see this comprehensive LMR-busting article by Hector Castillo.

 

She Isn’t Aroused Enough

If you’re meeting girls off online or at the club, then having a few drinks while talking about sex with them and touching them, that’s a very different situation arriving back at your place than, say, a girl you met walking at the park and have mostly had chummy-but-asexual conversation with and touched very little. The latter girl simply is not going to be as aroused when she arrives at your place.

The solution is not to give up – it is to do a better job arousing women.

The better you get at arousing women BEFORE you arrive home, the less work you have to do AFTER you get there.

This is where game comes in. The better your game, the better you are at arousing women every step of the way, with strategies that range everywhere from teasing and flirtation to touch to slightly more advanced techniques like future projection.

Back at your place, skillful sexual escalation becomes one of your most important tools. Much of this is going to be physical escalation, but not all of it; there’s a lot of proximity, eye contact, and voice involved, too.

If you are good at arousing girls, it can help compensate for some of your faults in the other two categories:

• Girls with objections may decide their objections aren’t really that significant if you get them turned on enough. (“You know what, it’s a little soon, but hey… you only live once, right?”)

• Girls who weren’t into you ‘like that’ may find themselves becoming horny and decide to just sleep with you anyway. (“Well, he’s not exactly my type, but it’s not like I’m going to marry him or anything, right? A little fun won’t hurt…”)

Arousal doesn’t guarantee you sexual success all on its own. The other two reasons (not seeing you like that, or having unresolved objections) may still play spoiler.

However, if arousal’s there, it can ease you past other issues if they’re not as big – or if the arousal you create is simply too much to be refused.

 

Why This Problem with Day Game & Social Circle?

Men who make day game approaches run into this issue more than any other type of gamer.

DoWhatWorks talked about it in his recent interview with me. His problem was just like scartissue’s: he was laying girls fine off of online dates, but once he started dating girls he met off of day game, his close rate plummeted.

Certain types of game natural handle some or all of these objections for you. For instance, in night game:

1. Girls KNOW you’re talking to them because you want them. They have no illusions that if they are going back to a man’s place, it is probably for sex. Women do not ditch their friends and accompany a man home from a bar or a nightclub after a night of drinking “just to talk.”

2. Guys able to pull girls from bars and clubs consistently tend to work a lot of the handling of the objections of women into their game. It simply makes it easier to pick girls up.

3. And between the atmosphere, alcohol, the other guys hitting on her that night, and whatever you did to ensure you were the one who ended up with her, many girls leaving a nightlife venue with you are already pretty aroused.

Same deal with properly run online game:

1. Girls only meet up with you because they think (or hope) they will like you ‘like that’.

2. The types of girls who use online dating tend to have fewer objections in general.

3. The types of girls who use online dating tend to be a little easier to seduce on average.

So for both types of game – nightlife and online – these reasons girls object to sleeping with you at your place tend not to be so pervasive.

Now compare that to social circle:

1. Girls will happily hang out with you ‘as friends’ without being into you.

2. Girls have a lot MORE objections, due to shared social ties and reputation concerns.

3. Girls may easily end up hanging out with a guy for reasons that preclude arousal.

Now compare that to day game:

1. Girls will go along with you just because it is a cool, random adventure (NOT necessarily because ‘they are into you’).

2. Day game conversation often doesn’t turn to sex, which leads to objections not being pre-empted.

3. Day game pickups (especially by men not super experienced at them) often include little-to-no arousal tech.

Does it make sense why – on the whole – girls not sleeping with you at your place is a bigger problem for day gamers and social circlers than it is for guys running nightlife or online?

(guys running nightlife and online may still have this issue of girls not being will to go to bed at their places. However, it tends to be less frequent and less severe than the other group of guys encounters)

 

Wrap Up

If you want girls to sleep with you at your place, and not be leaving the same door they came in without having sampled your manly wares, you are going to want to do the best you can on those three key elements to closing things out – both during the courtship and back at your place:

1. Getting her to see you ‘like that’.

2. Helping her to resolve her objections.

3. Making her feel aroused enough.

The better at these you get while at your place, the fewer failed mating attempts you will have.

The better at these you get before you even arrive at your place, the easier the escalation at your place will be, and increasingly the more of a ‘formality’ it starts to feel like.

Yours,
Chase Amante