Open relationships can be great fun and very freeing – but sometimes they’re dicey to run. In this interview Caleb Jones (Blackdragon) discusses how these work, and the rules you have to follow.
Varoon interviews Caleb on the following subjects:
This should be a fun and enlightening article, I hope.
A few days back I answered a comment on my article about calling girls when texts aren’t doing the trick, and one of the remarks I made in my response is that the most fun lays you will have are the ones where:
The girl really likes you a lot, or
The ones where the girl doesn’t like you at all.
Some of the guys on the forums wanted to know what I meant by that second one. A girl’s got to like you to sleep with you, right?
Well... not necessarily.
In fact, sometimes it’s even better for your chances when she doesn’t.
So, in today’s article, I’m going to cover 10 situations in which a girl will sleep with you... even if she doesn’t like you.
A
year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality:
keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them,
thirst for them unquenched.
It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with her, for a variety of reasons (most women greatly fear becoming unwanted or undesired).
Today I want to introduce you to back pocket mentality’s close cousin, the ‘holding pattern’. This is a more serious version of the phenomenon, where a woman strongly implies sex or a relationship is on the table and coming very soon, without delivering.
This is used when a man is on her shortlist, but she wants to experiment with others first. Just because you’re on her short list doesn’t mean you’ll get her – and all the time you devote to her while she enjoys other men and “makes up her mind”, you’re killing her attraction and respect for you.
“Any good dreams last night?”
“How was your day today?”
“You’ll never believe what happened to me.”
There are normal little communication bits and pieces you’ll encounter in relationships. They seem pretty small and trivial, and superficially they are.
However, these little questions or statements – called ‘bids for connection’ by Professor Emeritus John M. Gottman, Ph.D. – have big impacts on relationship health.
That’s because any time you make a bid for connection, or a gal you’re with makes one toward you, it goes one of two ways:
How often these little bids are turned toward or away from makes a world of difference, it turns out.
On the heels of Alek’s recent post on fractionation, I want to talk about a fun little technique that uses fractionating your medium of correspondence to get somewhere with girls who aren’t responding well.
This technique is, simply, switching back and forth between texting and calling.
Now, if you’ve done things right from the beginning with a girl, you won’t usually need to use this – a great first impression, framing for the date before you get the number, then solid text game to set things up; that’s usually going to do everything you need it to do.
Usually if you need this technique it’s because you’ve done something wrong:
However, you can still have things unravel sometimes even if you were ‘perfect’; this is if, say, you do it all right, but the day she gets your “hey, let’s get things scheduled” text is a really bad day for her and she puts it off, anchoring negative emotions to texts from you / texts about dates from you in the process. Sometimes a girl can get it in her head that ‘XYZ thing is hard’ (like figuring out where on her schedule you fit), for reasons she isn’t aware of (anchoring), and an otherwise promising connection suddenly goes cold.
For any such situation, you have one neat tool in your toolbox – just vary the means of correspondence, between texts and phone calls (note: email / instant message is basically the same thing as texting, so doesn’t work to vary things enough – we’re talking ‘text-based’ vs. ‘voice-based’ here).
Darius Belejevas joins us today for the fifth installment of the Girls Chase Podcast. Darius is a regular contributor to GirlsChase.com on the subject of fashion and style (you can read his articles here), and today he weighs in with more on these and other topics.
In today’s podcast, Darius and host Varoon Raja discuss:
Many
years back, I had dinner with a girl I’d recently just slept
with. We were both young and inexperienced; our date had been fun, but
the sex mediocre.
On this second date, we had a nice time, and chatted. I didn’t have much more time in town, and would be leaving soon. At the end of the meal, I invited her home.
At first she accepted, but then she stopped, mid-walk: “Wait, you’re leaving, right? You know what, I think I’m just going to go home.”
I didn’t fight it. I said okay and let her go. I’d be lying to say I wasn’t disappointed.
If you’ve been hooking up a while, you’ve no doubt experienced this too:
Sometimes she’s happy to sleep with you again and again once
first sex occurs
Other times, you sleep with her once, and that’s it
... and there isn’t always rhyme or reason to it either.
A girl you had a great date and phenomenal sex with may not call you back, and a girl you bumbled your way into the bedroom with and prematurely ejaculated in front of may fall all over herself to meet you again.
So what gives?
What’s it take to convert a girl you’ve slept with once into one you sleep with again and again?
One of the biggest obstacles for a lot of men when it comes to improving with women is fixating on the wrong thing.
Much of this seems to come from improper understanding of some of the raw basics of attraction.
When you see guys get hung up on one specific characteristic and blame that as the cause of all their woes with women, like the ones I discussed in “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”:
... it’s because they misunderstand attraction.
And when you see guys become (overly) obsessive about improving in one specific area, like muscles or wealth, it’s because they misunderstand attraction.
So how does attraction work?
Because surely, all these things have some impact on attraction... right?
But then, so do fundamentals.
And game.
So if all of them have some impact, then just how do these things all play together to affect a woman’s ultimate degree of attraction for you?
Recently had a discussion with one of our forum members about some odd behavior he was seeing from a former girlfriend who works in his office.
They’d had a friends with benefits relationship for about half a year, before she broke things off with him to enter a committed relationship with another man.
What confused him the most, however, was that this girl had seemed to like him more, yet she still went off to date the wrong guy anyway. Her new guy has some pretty big downsides, too: he’s jealous and controlling. He’s forbid his girlfriend from having any contact with her ex from our forum, and monitors her phone calls and texting.
What this forum member asked me was, “Why would she date this guy when she already had me?”
The answer, of course, was that he wasn’t available for the kind of relationship this girl needed – so even if he would’ve been her first choice for that role, he simply wasn’t an option she could choose from on the shelf.
I wasn’t always
a fan of anal sex.
Used to be that when girls asked me for it, my erection would disappear and I’d lose all interest in sex of any sort after that. I mean, gross. And in any event, her pussy’s right there; why would I want to stick it in her butt?
As I got older, I became less of a stick in the mud and decided to
give anal more of a chance. Eventually, I discovered that, done right, women
absolutely loved it, and soon I enjoyed it a fair
bit too.
The fear for her, that comes with accepting you into the wrong hole... the thrill she feels at doing something taboo... and the pure pleasure that comes with an opening packed to the brim with nerve endings swallowing up your manhood into it, its sanctity at the mercy of it... all these things contribute to the emotional and physical excitement of it for her.
And, if you’re executing anal sex technically correct, with an aim towards supplying anal orgasms, your member will be hitting her vagina from the other side, a truly intense and orgasmic experience.
As a man, there’s the sense that you’re dominating this woman in a way you’re not ‘supposed’ to do, and the sense that she is yielding her body to you in a way she hasn’t to too many (or perhaps any) other men. These things enhance the experience for her as well.
However, this article isn’t here to discuss the merits of anal sex (though I will cover that briefly towards the end) – I’m not here to ‘convert’ anybody.
If you’re reading this, I assume you’d like to know how to do it well, and not that you are recoiling at how gross it is (like I, well, used to).
So... let’s talk about giving her thunderous orgasms, through her back door.
DISCLAIMER: I did really try
to find some non-NC17 images for communicating the ‘position’ part to
you below, but found it next to impossible to locate any images showing
the position I wanted to show at all,
let alone any PG-13 ones. So, there are a couple of NSFW images near
the end of this post – you have been forewarned. Don’t read at the
cubicle, or
on the bench in the park by the local kindergarten.
