Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Why Nice Guys are Boring to Women

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By: Chase Amante

nice guys boringRecently, a commenter asked a question about my article “12 Traits All Boring, Unsexy Nice Guys Have in Common” – he wanted to know, specifically, why these traits, beliefs, and behaviors are so boring to women:

“Chase, I read your article about the 12 traits all boring, unsexy nice guys have. How do these traits in and of itself make a person boring? How does things like believing in karma or watching pundits make you boring? Is it possible that you could write about things men do that make them seem boring to women during conversation or in their actions? I don’t think you have that sort of list on this site.”

In case it’s been a while since you read that article, here’s a quick recap of boring nice guy traits:

  1. He doesn’t mind waiting... and waiting...
  2. He wants points for being ‘nice’
  3. He gets upset when the world doesn’t play fair
  4. He believes in ‘justice’, ‘karma’, or ‘just desserts’
  5. He consumes a LOT of media
  6. He thinks women are victims of men
  7. He is extra soft, friendly, and gentle with women
  8. He doesn’t have any interests or passions
  9. He can’t understand why women want bad boys
  10. He thinks women don’t REALLY like sex
  11. He believes he must promise relationships to get sex
  12. He can’t believe any girl could want him JUST for sex

Here’s a thought though; read that list. Imagine a man with those 12 traits. Would you like to have a friend like that? Or would you better prefer a friend who is the opposite of that?:

  • A guy with a lot to do who doesn’t wait around for long
  • A guy who, if he is nice, expects nothing back for it
  • A guy who shrugs if the world doesn’t play fair, then gets back to work
  • A guy who believes you only get what you get, no ‘karma’ about it
  • A guy who isn’t overly plugged into popular media
  • A guy who thinks women and men complement each other
  • A guy who is playful and flirtatious with women
  • A guy with several real interests and passions
  • A guy who knows exactly why women like bad boys... he is one!
  • A guy who knows women love sex (or at least they love it with him)
  • A guy who doesn’t give a woman relationship until well after their first sex
  • A guy who believes women want to take advantage of him sexually

Man, that’s a couple of totally different human beings right there, isn’t it? Do you know which guy you want to be friends with? I know which guy I want to be friends with. It ain’t the nice guy.

Why do those ‘nice guy’ traits make a man so unappealing though?

In Seduction, “You” Don’t Matter (But Her Emotions Do)

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By: Chase Amante

her emotions matterIn a comment on my article about unclear value to a long-term girlfriend, a reader named Xander remarked as follows:

“Can you believe that because of this I can never get a girl. I’m good looking guy, and I’ve been successful on college. I don’t write this because I think look and post bachelor title will get me girls, but because I try to seduce them, and because of this qualities they don’t like me. I’m not arrogant and have a lot of male friends. But girls don’t like me, and wouldn’t go on date with me to save their lives. Problem is that girls with lower ambitions wouldn’t go with be because of attainability, and girls who are a bit ambitious also don’t want, because they want someone less ambitious who they control and feel dominant around him. The biggest problem is my success at college, and my normal ambition to be good at my job and further education. So I can’t be their boyfriend because I equally want to provide me and them, or their lover because girls here clever guys treat like they don’t have a cock. Global crisis hit us and a lot of girls are in found provider mode, and they are too picky and only wants to date man who is completely same as they in all possible things. And as you know it’s impossible, they find one provider and eventually marry him. I realized that being good at science is one way ticket to auto-rejection.

Reading your article I realized that in all world women want compatible man, but here it is more than dramatic. Those are modern times and I think that women should be more flexible.

My problem is because I tried everything I could and did’t get results because of their ego. I know I shouldn’t but I started to really hate women because of their ego who is bigger than Mount Everest.

At one point I gave up from seduction, but this article tells me that maybe there is a chance. Please tell me Chase are there more things I can do or change so I could get better results? If you know some psychological books that treat problems about ego please tell me. Is there something in seduction I should focus more? I focused on social calibration and got a lot of male friends, but women still don’t like me because maybe I’m not calibrated enough, and for sure because they don’t like anyone who has evan a little bit value than they. Every answers, comments and critics are welcome.”

While long-term value is definitely an important part of whether a woman is willing to stick around in a long-term relationship with you, its effect on actually lining up dates with women and getting them into bed is... murkier. That’s because it’s quite hard to sniff out your real, actual long-term value from a mere five or ten minutes of conversation.

So, while it might sound like Xander’s problem is the opposite that discussed in this article, where we talked about men who say women don’t want them because they aren’t valuable enough, in many ways it is in fact the same problem:

The man is focused on himself, the man... instead of on her, the woman.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Warm-Up Approach

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By: Chase Amante

In straightforward parlance, a ‘warm-up approach’ is an approach you make to get your social gears lubricated for a day or night meeting new women.

The warm-up approach is a simple concept to get one’s head around, but a lot of men still don’t use it. It’s one of the best tools out there though for beating approach anxiety and upping the consistency of your outings.

Want an easy way to defeat your fear of talking to strange women and work up the nerve to go say hi? Warm-up approach.

warm up approach

How about a simple way to make your days and nights out go from a range of “sometimes they’re great” to “sometimes I don’t talk to anybody at all”, to, instead, a much more consistent “they’re almost always pretty good”? Warm-up approach.

Or, a really easy way to build social momentum early on in the night at bars, lounges, nightclubs, and parties, while making early approaches you can then capitalize on later by reopening women you met before or leveraging the preselection and social proof you built earlier to meet new girls? Warm-up approach.

The warm-up approach is a terrifically handy device for nabbing all these benefits and a bunch more... and all you’ve got to do to do so is start using it.

15 Signs a Girl Will Waste Your Time

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By: Chase Amante

girl wastes timeI see a lot of guys starting out who devote themselves to trying to hook up with girls who are, to a more experienced eye, clearly just bad leads: they’re women who are willing to continue to hang around a guy, and continue to let him hope he has a chance with them (whether because they want the attention, or because he is too blinded by hope to pay attention to the clear signals they’re sending him).

The sad thing about distractions like this is that a girl like this will literally waste your time – you could be off meeting women who legitimately like you and find you attractive (and would very much like a roll in the hay with you), but instead you squander your entire outing on a woman who, for all practical purposes, really presents very little value in exchange for the time you spend on her.

Now, it’s all well and good for you to make female friends and get to know women better, and, particularly as a beginner-to-intermediate, you should absolutely be doing this (in particular, make friends with the demographics of women you’d most like to date, so you can empathize with and relate to these sorts of women more easily).

However, one thing you should not be doing is confusing women who have no intention of shacking up with you for women worth your persistence and sticking around for.

That in mind, here are fifteen (15) signs a girl will waste your time... and that you should probably cut bait and move onto the next girl.

The Ups and Downs of Getting Good with Girls

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By: Chase Amante

ups and downs of meeting girlsThere’s a truly wonderful post (and equally wonderful comment section discussion) on LessWrong titled “Why startup founders have mood swings (and why they may have uses).” The authors describe the mood swings startup founders tend to go through, vacillating between euphoria and despair. I can certainly relate; in the course of running startups (such as Girls Chase), I’ve had plenty of opportunity to sit at both points on that spectrum. It’s kind of a taboo topic (nothing to make you sound unmanly like talking about mood swings), but hey, let’s tackle it.

The authors of the post above point to other examples when people are likely to experience similar mood swings:

  • Early on in their first ever romantic relationship

  • When deeply invested in furthering a devoted cause

  • Whilst struggling to create a first great work of art or achieve something notable

And it stands out to me there’s another place endeavor I’ve experienced these same mood swings I’ve felt during my startup career, and that was during my first two or three years actively seeking improvement with girls.

I know a lot of other men go through this too, especially the men who have a burning desire to become ‘great’ with girls... or at least to improve their prospects markedly.

Yet many more men wash out of the seduction game early on, when the lows of the mood swing prove too much for them.

What I’d like to discuss in this article is why the mood swings get you, what you can expect when you apply yourself to improving with women, and how to stack the decks in your favor to prevent yourself from ‘washing out’.

Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 4: Boredom

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By: Chase Amante

This is the fourth and final installment in my series on why relationships fall apart. The previous three parts you can read here:

  1. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 1: Game-Personality Disconnect
  2. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 2: Long-Term Value Unclear
  3. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 3: Stability Issues

In this article, we’ll talk about the last reason relationships will fall apart. That’s boredom. However, because it’s a topic we’ve discussed before, I’m only going to skim over what we’ve previously discussed; therefore, to get the full understanding on the subject, I strongly recommend you read (or reread) these articles first:

Now, in Part 3 of this series, we discussed the difference between men and women when it comes to relationship goals: men want peace, while women want progress.

What happens when a woman feels she’s achieved all she wants or cares to achieve with a man, though? What happens when progress is at an end – not because he is unstable, but because there’s simply nothing more she feels the need to secure with him?

Well, at that point, the challenge is complete; the game is won.

And, much like some game you’re stuck in once you’ve already done everything there is to do with it, there’s nothing left for her to do but feel bored.

bored relationship

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 9: William Gupta

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By: Chase Amante

Girls Chase author William Gupta (read his articles here) talks race and dating with Varoon Raja. Namely, how big a role does race play, what are the stumbling blocks different racial minorities run into, and how can men of minority backgrounds succeed with all types of women?

Topics covered in this podcast include:

How to Pick Up Dumb Girls

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By: Chase Amante

dumb girlsThe vapid stares, the uninteresting conversation, the constant references to celebrity doings and pop culture happenings you haven’t the slightest inkling of.

She’s cute, and you’d like to sleep with her, but she’s just so... dumb.

It’s simply impossible to connect with her.

For a long time, the moment I realized a girl I was talking to was ‘dumb’ was the moment I gave up any hopes of bedding her.

I knew we had nothing in common. No shared interests. No mutual conversation topics. We could talk past each other, but we’d both merely bore one another with our respectively boring topics.

Eventually, however, I realized I was being kind of dumb myself; if there’s attraction there, it shouldn’t matter how many common interests you share... you only need one common interest: an interest in each other.

Realistically, if you want to go to bed with her, and she wants to go to bed with you, how much more ‘in common’ do you actually need?

It turns out, not much.

Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 3: Stability Issues

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By: Chase Amante

relationship stabilityThis is Part 3 of my series on why relationships fall apart. Part 1 was on game-personality disconnect, when the approach you use for getting her clashes unfavorably with the version of ‘you’ she gets to know while actually dating you. Part 2 was on the problem of your long-term value to her being unclear, when she doesn’t see the value there from you she wants or expects in a long-term mate.

Our topic for today is stability issues; basically, when she feels insecure in the relationship.

If you’re a veteran of long-term relationships (or even had your fair share of short-term ones with as-yet hopeful girls), you’ve no doubt heard the following common refrains:

  • “What are we?”

  • “Where is this going?”

  • “I need to know this is headed somewhere.”

  • “I just need to know I’m not wasting my time.”

What a woman’s telling you when she utters one of these phrases is that the stability of the relationship is lacking, and she needs you to calm the rocky seas.

These are just the surface of the ocean, however. There’s a whole body of seawater and a thousand leagues beneath it you must grasp if you’re to prevent stability issues capsizing your relationship.

Tactics Tuesdays: 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior

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By: Chase Amante

Comporting oneself well, removing tics, fidgets, and other nervous gestures, and giving oneself a general bearing of a man of breeding and distinction are some of the foundations of good fundamentals, no matter what identity you strive to embody.