Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Emotion Regulation in Your Friendships and Relationships

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By: Chase Amante

The other day, on the article on men who seem to be naturally good with women, a reader wrote in to ask about emotion regulation in relationships, and annoyance at always having to be "the rock" for women he's dating and others when they vent emotionally, when meanwhile they begin distancing themselves or just decline to give support as soon as he turns the tables and he needs to vent.

emotion regulation

Here's his comment:

“Is it recommended to keep your emotional problems/issues separate from seduction?

Some girls (that I've known for more than couple months) seemed to have been of the stock where if I ever talked about my personal emotional issues (like the deep shit that you become aware of as you gain emotional IQ/mastery) with them, they gave me a look like how dare I speak about myself more than they talked about themselves...that's not how it's supposed to go!! Men, including lovers are people too, and have emotional moments (maybe a overbearing boss or a horrible relationship with parents or frustration from not being able to start a business or whatever). What I really wanted was for them to provide me with the value (same empathy/support) that I provided them, but they didn't really seem to care all that much...(it was more of a fake care, but not a real genuine OMG I feel your pain). Obviously they couldn't (nor volunteered) to really help me out and provide me with advice (even when asked), just an awkward silence then they turned the conversation back on them.

Have you ever seen this? What are your thoughts? Do you advise to keep have a support system separate and apart from seduction, and to not clue women into what you're feeling?

I am clueless on this. But maybe it's not women. Thing is I've seen a similar thing from my family too. Growing up, they weren't really equipped to deal with my emotional needs. Perhaps I presented them wrong? Conversation is part presentation...anyways the result was that I just kept shit bottled up inside, becoming aloof and not even recognizing it until much later. Now I'm more of a fixer, but it's really good to have someone around that says "i understand how you feel...try this." Never had that, not even from family.”

I replied; the original commenter replied to my reply to further clarify; Franco, the moderator of our discussion boards, weighed in; and the original commenter returned once more to contribute to the discussion again. All-in-all, it turned into a pretty thoughtful conversation, though clearly from parties who were coming at the problem all from rather different angles.

So, the question raised, I wanted to dive into it much further: what's the right way to go about handling emotion regulation in your interpersonal relationships? Or, is there even a right way - is there an ideal path? Or simply different shades of gray?

The 9 Male Identities and How They Affect You with Women

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By: Chase Amante

One of the pieces I promised sometime back was a write-up on identities, and the role these play in your social interactions, seductions, dating, and relationships.

Identity is a huge, important topic with vast implications for how you move through society, but it isn't one that's much talked about because it's difficult to conceptualize, and more difficult still to nail down.

identity

Nevertheless, having a grasp of what your identity is today, and what you'd like it to be tomorrow, helps shine a little more light on the direction you're headed in socially, and being aware of the different gradations of identity allows you to accurately pinpoint where you might be going right with a given identity, and where you may be going wrong.

So, join me on this journey through the looking glass, and let's examine the sometimes-strange and always interesting topic of your social identity.

New Diagnostic Quiz and "Getting Started" eBooks Live

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By: Chase Amante

Hey folks,

We're launching a day behind schedule (I'd planned this for November 1st), but I'm happy to announce new Girl Skills Diagnostic Quiz is live - and depending on how you score, you'll receive one of four (4) different mini eBooks.

The eBooks are free, and serve as the "Getting Started" guides to Girls Chase that a lot of readers have been clamoring for lately. We put a lot of love into these, and we think they're about as tailored to each of the four categories of readers as can be - one of each for:

  • Beginners,
  • Journeymen,
  • Technicians,
  • and Masters

diagnostic ebooks (the four different eBooks)

The 5 Big Differences Between Naturals and “PUA”s

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By: Chase Amante

natural vs. puaWhen I first discovered dating advice for men on the Internet in the mid-2000s, I was ecstatic; here were exactly the tools I was looking for to take what I was trying to do and put it on rocket fuel.

With these tools, I knew, I could shave years off my learning curve and advance at a far faster rate than I could having to figure every single thing out by myself, on my own.

It didn't take long though before I realized that many of the guys posting on seduction forums and meeting up in pickup lairs were "quirky"; there were things about them that were off, and the kinds of women they were going for were... not the kinds of women I was all that interested in.

I maintained friendships with the cooler and more "normal" guys I met through PUA - and indeed, many of these guys are still good friends of mine today, and are some of the sharpest and most improvement-oriented people I know (many are also quite successful in their businesses and careers nowadays) - but aside from them, I largely retreated to friendships with "naturals" - guys who were naturally good with women, and hadn't studied pickup and had only the most cursory knowledge of what it taught.

What I noticed was that there were some very distinct differences between the guys who were naturally good with women and the guys who were not - and while some of this went away as guys improved, some of it didn't; these differences remained.

And those differences very often meant the difference between being cool and getting the more attractive, harder-to-get girls, and not being and getting those.

Dealing with Failure: An Important Learning Tool

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By: Chase Amante

dealing with failureIn "What’s the Difference Between a Lover and a Loser?", Troy asked a question I've been seeing a lot on here lately regarding dealing with failure:

“Also chase id love to see an article on how to see failure as not bad, to love the plateau and not let setbacks stop us from pushing the times of doubt and uncertainty. Thanks and im looking for that when you can do it and it interests you as a topic for a post. The reason is because i see it in myself and almost every girls chase reader of not accepting that they will make mistakes and it makes me think. I think that if you could write on this that us readers us readers would accept failure especially beginners as essential, then every one of us would stop beating up our selves when we lose a girl and make mistakes, and then you may not need to ever be getting complaints again. then life changes. It is great to try our best but no one is perfect and we will mess up. thanks for helping and reading.”

We touched on failure and defeat a good bit already in "How to Master Anything", and I just talked about it a bit more recently in my interview with ITHP; today, I want to go a little more in-depth.

So, how does one deal with failure - especially social failure, the kind you must endure when learning to improve with women? Failure that's public; failure that's biting; and failure that cuts right to the quick of one's ego and self-esteem?

And make no mistake about it, you will take a beating to your sense of self when you set out to improve your prospects socially and romantically. There's simply no other way to get better with people than by trying and failing with people - again and again and again.

It takes a certain kind of courage - and a certain attitude about dealing with failure.

Interview with Chase Amante on ITHP

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By: Chase Amante

Hey folks, just a quick announcement to let you know about my latest interview, live on the International Human Press (ITHP) at this address:

How to be Successful with Women - Interview with Expert Chase Amante

Much of it covers familiar ground if you're already a reader of the site, but there are a few new things in there I haven't gone over much before, including a bit on the learning curve of shy guys vs. outgoing guys, how your personal philosophy impacts your interactions with women, and dealing with failure (that last is a topic I plan to write more on tomorrow).

So, if you're interested, head on over - I think you'll enjoy the read.

Chase

How to Make Her Love You: Passionate Love, and Old Love

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By: Chase Amante

how to make her love youAs a follow-up to yesterday's article, "What It's Like with a Girl Who's Really In Love", I've put together today's piece on how to create those in-love feelings with the women in your life, where they come from, and how to sustain them.

We already have a great piece on this subject on this website - Ricardus's "How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You", which I'd recommend you read first if you haven't already. It provides the perfect foundation for this article.

That in mind, I want to expand on the topic of making girls fall in love here, and talk about the two different kinds of love: what I call passionate love, and what I call old love.

The two are very different, and each are used for different things.

What It's Like with a Girl Who's Really In Love

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By: Chase Amante

love looks likeWe get comments and questions on here every so often where I see guys saying they think girls are still in love with them, then detailing behavior that makes it clear the girl is most assuredly not anywhere near being in love with them.

I see men chasing desperately after girls who want nothing to do with them, or have decided they're finished with them.

Men who want to know if girls still like them when those girls are busily dating other people and don't have the time of day for them.

So, today's article is not a "how to", nor is it even a "why it happens this way" (that much); rather, today's article is simply a what it looks like when you have a girl who's crazy about you... so that you can more properly judge where you stand, and how much work you've still got cut out for yourself in becoming the kind of man women go ape over.

If your girlfriends aren't treating you this way... either your relationship skills still need some work (there are plenty of ways to build your relationships this way - see "How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You" and "Operant Conditioning in Your Romantic Relationships"), or you're not dating the right women for you.

How Conspicuous Consumption Helps Men Get Laid

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By: Chase Amante

On this website, my usual advice is that men do everything in their power to not paint themselves as overly wealthy, in order to avoid coming across as a boyfriend candidate. Certainly, dress well; but don't let on too obviously that you have wealth, a prestigious job, etc., if you do. In fact, if you're unemployed or not regularly employed (e.g., a business owner, an artist, etc.), talk about not having a job.

(this is a little different for men in the 40+ demographic, where you can be written off without some measure of accomplishment; for more on walking that fine line, see "Attracting and Dating Younger Women")

The objective is to prevent her from wanting you as a boyfriend in any way... so that you can focus on ramping up sexual tension and seize the role of the lover instead.

There is, however, one exception to this rule, which really isn't much of an exception at all - and that one exception is conspicuous consumption.

conspicuous consumption

Conspicuous consumption is every bit the attraction trigger in women that things like:

... all are.

And it doesn't violate the rule of "don't be stable", either, because men who consume conspicuously very often are not the picture of safety and security.

In fact, they tend to live quite wildly, and very often the most conspicuous spenders are the same men likely to bankrupt themselves at some point.

It's one of those triggers that cuts right to the most primal core of a woman's gut; when she sees it, a powerful, visceral, deep-seated attraction sets in that compels her to want a man, both by showing him to be among the cream of the crop mating-wise, and by advertising his total lack of viability as a long-term candidate.

How this works - and how you can use it, if you have even just a little bit of money to throw around (or how you can really blow it up if you have a lot) - is what this article is all about.

Approaching Girls Sitting Down

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By: Chase Amante

One of the finer points of approaching it's easy to get jumbled up on is approaching women who are already seated.

approach girls sitting down

The typical seated approach looks something like this:

  1. Girl is sitting down
  2. Guy walks up to girl
  3. Guy opens girl enthusiastically while standing in front of her
  4. Guy asks if he can sit

... or, sometimes, like this:

  1. Girl is sitting down
  2. Guy plops down next to girl
  3. Guy opens girl with a standard opener

... and while these two methods can work, they both are flawed: because both make the man appear to be investing a great deal more to meet the girl than the girl is investing to meet him. You'll get a pass for that from the girls who are very interested - but other girls won't be so kind.

There is, however, a better way to do each of these sitting girl approaches (where you open standing, or where you sit next to her first), but these require a bit more of an eye toward effort.