There is a strange phenomenon in urban places. Double standards come under attack.
Not all double standards, mind you. But certain ones.
I just talked to Alek about his neat new series on Female State Control. If you haven't read it yet, check it out (see the link).
When we talked about that, it brought up a way of thinking about how to get somewhere with a girl I've long had, but not discussed much. I've talked about it here and there, especially with deep diving and connection stuff. It's a sort of basic understanding of how progress with women works.
This understanding is what we might call 'The Floors and Ceilings Method'.
This method is very slightly complicated to understand. But not much. And once you have it, it gives you another dimension to understand male-female courtships with.
The method isn't limited to seduction. It also works with sales. It works with new friendship formation. Any kind of new relationship formation, especially where you want to get someone to do something, uses it. We'll focus on using it with women you like in this article, but it applies everywhere.
This is a simple method. I'll explain how it works, and you'll soon see how it applies to so many things.
Usually when you meet a girl, you don't want to leave her. If you leave her, she might leave herself! Some other guy might dash in to steal her away. Her emotions toward you may cool. There's no telling what could happen.
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So, you will tend to be with her straight through. Straight to the point you take her contact info, then say farewell. Or straight to the point you invite her home (then take her there).
Once she's home with you, you'll be at her side the whole time too. You want her to get comfortable with you, after all. She can't get comfortable with you when you're not there.
Thus, this tactic might seem a smidge counterintuitive.
Yet if you want to solidify her commitment to you, and get her to value you more, this one'll do that.
And all you have to do to use it is (at the proper moment) leave her alone for two (2) minutes.
There are two sides to learning.
On the one hand, there's learning something new. This side is important. You need to learn new strategies to get what you want. You need new techniques. You must give yourself new mindsets, new behaviors, and new mental models. All this is vital.
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There's another side though that's a lot more overlooked. This side is in many ways even more important than the first side (learning), because without it, the first side is tough or impossible. This second side is that of unlearning. It is the art of deprogramming.
Everyone knows when a cult member makes it out of a cult, he has to go through a long period of deprogramming. This is worst for children raised within that cult, where the cult is all they've ever known. People raised in a religion who reject that religion go through it. People raised outside religion who later embrace it go through it too. The unlearning -- the deprogramming -- is as crucial as and in many ways more crucial than the learning. Until a man deprograms himself of old beliefs, he doesn't have the room to take on much in the way of new ones.
Deprogramming lies at the heart of switching from an ineffective way of trying to get what you want to an effective way.
Yet, sometimes, some men are wholly resistant to deprogramming.
And when you can't deprogram a man, you can't reprogram him either.
Which is bad for all sorts of reasons, if his old program is not a good, useful, helpful one for him.
In the back of your head, in every courtship you have, you must aim to unlock new levels.
A woman you've slept with is far easier to sleep with again than a woman you haven't slept with yet. This is because you've 'unlocked' the sex level with her. This is just one level, but look at how big a difference there is between women you have slept with and women you haven't.
With the woman you have slept with, you've done it together. She remembers doing it with you. And she won't have nearly the resistance to doing it with you again that a woman who's never been with you will.
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Every man realizes this... at least in principle. And at least with women they've already closed the deal with.
It's why men invest a lot more time and energy into booty calling ex-girlfriends and former friends-with-benefits than they do random women from social circle or work they haven't slept with. She might not be sleeping with you currently, but if she's slept with you before, she's a lot more likely to come for a shag than a girl who hasn't bedded down with you yet.
This principle of 'unlocked levels' is also why you see so many women hung up on their exes, even when they know the guy isn't what they want, even when they have seemingly better guys pursuing them they could sleep with (then date)... yet they go back to the ex anyway.
It's why women you hooked up with once back in high school or college, when you run into them 10 or 15 years later, are still significantly easier to bed than any random woman you've just met, all things being equal (e.g., commitment status, etc.).
Once you've unlocked the 'sex' level with a woman, it's permanently unlocked (more or less).
That doesn't mean just because you've slept with a girl before, you definitely can get a repeat at any point in the future. Sometimes doors close.
But it does mean it's going to be a heck of a lot easier for you with her than with a girl you haven't gotten intimate with yet. The doors you've opened are a lot more likely to stay open to you than random closed doors are to open on their own.
But it isn't just sex that works this 'unlock the levels' way.
It's everything.
There are, in essence, two main classes of women you can hook up with.
The first class is the women who just want you. These women find you attractive (some, even irresistible), compelling, magnetic. There's something about you they like -- or there might be many things about you they like. They're fascinated by you the moment you walk up, or they've grown attached to you over time as they've gotten to know you. They like you, and they actively want to date you, spend time with you, connect with you, be in physical contact with you.
The second class is women who aren't particularly desirous of you, but they are available to you. Many of these women are just bored. Some of them may be available because they're out to rebel, and you fit the "If I hook up with this guy, I'll really be rebelling against Mom/society/my overbearing boyfriend" idea they have in their heads. Some may be available to you for revenge. For some it might be because they want to have an experience. In each of these cases, these women don't want you or like you so much as they want some guy... and you happen to be the best guy available who makes it easy for such a girl to satisfy her mission.
We've talked about this before on Girls Chase. But I really want to dive deep in this article on the girls in the second class.
Because a lot of guys don't even recognize how many women are out there like this at any given time. The fact is though, if you're good with girls, a lot of the women you get will likely come from this class.
As long as you don’t give false expectations, you need not suffer from player guilt. In fact, denying her sex when she wants it is NOT the way to spare her feelings.
If you're a man, you'd be forgiven for getting mixed up by all the mixed messages society sends you about casual sex. You've probably heard all the following:
"Casual sex is liberating! We must break the bonds of social restrains on sexuality! Let's enjoy our sexuality, and be free!"
"Casual sex results from a power imbalance between men and women. Women are forced to trade sex to men sooner than they want to, in the hopes of securing a relationship. It puts women in a difficult spot where it's easy to get hurt."
"Casual sex is one of the most empowering acts a woman can engage in. By embracing her sexuality, a woman can learn to love herself, and stop being dependent on how others think of her."
"Casual sex is highly damaging to women, and the casual sex epidemic is doing long-term damage to women's self-esteem and ability to form long-term partnerships."
You're alternately a saint and a devil, a savior and a corrupter for engaging in any intimacy with women you know won't lead to marriage.
Of course, the fact is, humans have sex. And they don't always have sex for marriage. If there are a lot of available sexual partners, many humans will have sex with many of them. This is true regardless of location or era. It is true in the West, and it is true in the East. It is true now, it was true 100 years ago, and it was true 5,000 years ago.
The issue is, if you want to be a player, and you want to feel free to indulge in physical intimacy with women who want to enjoy that intimacy with you, how do you get past any feelings of wrongheadedness about this, or guilt?
There's a way a woman will look at you when she's totally into you and ready to go.
She tilts her head down. Her eyes widen. Her pupils dilate. Her eyebrows rise. She'll probably smile, and when she does, it looks like a childlike grin she can't control. You transfix her: she stares at you, looking like that, smiling like that, when you're not looking, and also when you are. If you stop speaking and just stare at her yourself, she'll stare back, with those transfixed eyes, longer than she normally would. You have the entirety of her attention. Her awareness radius has shrunk to you, and you alone.
She may face her body completely toward you. She doesn't have to, but she often will.
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If she breaks eye contact, when she does it'll be to look down, even if she's usually the in-control sort who doesn't break eye contact down.
The nonverbal message you get from her as she does this is "I'm ready for it. Waiting for you."
The look is not sexy in the traditional flirtatious sense. It is not a thing a woman learns how to do. It is innocent, in a way. There is no practiced sensuality in it.
It's different from normal flirtation.
Instead, the look is wholly, strictly an involuntary expression that more says "I'm eager and willing" than it does "I'm flirty or horny." Eagerness and willingness are the key emotions behind the look. She is ready for whatever you want with her. She's handing herself over to you.
This look is impossible to mistake once you've learned to look for it.
If you haven't yet, it's one of the most absolutely essential looks to watch for.
As soon as you see it, it's 'game over' (in a good way)... if you notice and take action on it.
On the Girls Chase Boards, a forum member named Ramshead talks about a girl from work he's been sleeping with casually off-and-on for a year, who suddenly went ice cold on him:
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So this girl seems to be mad at me for no reason. We work together and we have had issues in the past. We have been going out on and off since May 2018. No one knows we are seeing each other and it’s not in my interest since I’m fooling around with a few of the girls at the office and surrounding business. We both have made it clear we are not looking for a relationship. She has told me she cares about me a lot.
We went out this Saturday we had dinner at my place and went to the beach to talk everything was cool. We came back to my place and had sex and the next day we texted a bit.
But since Monday she has been ignoring me. We really don’t talk that much at work but we at least say hi or smile at each other. So im still warm to her and say hi but she ignores me or turns around. Yesterday an older lady coworker gave my department Hershey’s kisses. When the girl passed by my desk I said her name but she passed by really fast and I thought she ignored me or didn’t here but she came back and I offered her one and she accepted it and said thank you and left.
Today is when I confirmed she really is mad at me about something. We have an hour lunch and our lunches are 30 minutes apart. We usually run into each other on the street and walk around and talk for a bit. Today was different. I was waiting on the intersection for the light to turn green and I saw her on the opposite corner to my right walking on the green light. I wear sun glasses to walk around and I saw here look at me and pretend like she didn’t see me and kept walking. When my light turned green I crossed. I could have turned to my left and catch up to her but I decided to walk straight.
I’m not sure what’s going on. Is she already ending it, wants me to commit. I’m confused since nothing bad happened over the weekend.
This is a common female behavior that heralds an impending breakup. It won't necessarily always lead to breakup, if you catch it in time to resolve it.
But if it goes untreated too long, bad stuff is assured: cheating, breaking up, tantrums, etc.
I talked about this behavior before, in my article six years ago on emotional association and dissociation. When a woman loses enough faith in you and her relationship with you, she emotionally dissociates from you.
Today I want to talk particularly about the pre-breakup "you're dead to me" dissociation guys run into, though. Because it's an especially nasty sort of dissociation, can be quite distressing, and tends to blindside guys who don't know what it is or where it came from.
Over the years, I've always found the "let's cook dinner at my place" date a great one for bedding new, delightful women.
Used right, it gets a girl over to your place, alone, doing something constructive and romantic with you... and its gets you in motion around your place together, which gives you lots of opportunities to 'corner her' and kiss, touch, and much more.
However, as excellent as this date is, I've noticed a lot of guys get this date wrong, in a variety of ways. So, for today's Tactics Tuesdays, we're going to look at the most effective ways to make the 'dinner at home' date work extremely well for you.
