Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
  1. Articles by Author
  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Approach Anxiety: 1 Simple Mindset Flip to Talk to More Girls

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

approach anxietyYou won't always be super active with approaching new women.

You'll go through stretches where you're focused on work or other things. You might only approach opportunistically, to girls who show a lot of interest. Or you might break off approaching entirely for a time.

After you take a little time away like this, after a while when you want to get back to approaching, the rust comes back... and you have to deal with approach anxiety all over again.

When you're not in the habit approaching a lot, especially when you're not in the habit of making uninvited approaches (where the girl hasn't signaled you to open), there's anxiety.

  • What am I going to say to her? you'll ask yourself.

  • I'm not warmed up, I don't feel confident using one of my regular openers.

  • I'm not sure what I'll say to her AFTER the opener.

  • She's not in an easy place to get to, if she isn't into me it's going to be awkward to move away from there.

You might go out intending to chat up women, and end up chatting to no one.

Yet, there's something you may have once known... something you forget when you don't approach as actively.

And as soon as you remember it, you can be fine.

You start approaching again in earnest, shake the approach anxiety off, and have no trouble meeting girl after girl.

That one thing you can remember (or learn, if you hadn't previously known it) -- the one great trick you can use to get yourself approaching after a hiatus from it -- is the difference between creating attraction and finding attraction.

Tactics Tuesdays: Telling a Girl You're Disappointed in Her

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

disappointed in youI had a chat the other day with a friend who'd caught his long-time girlfriend in a big lie.

She had promised him before she would not lie to him about the thing.

Well, she did lie.

And my friend wasn't sure how to deal with it.

He's an easygoing guy. And his natural inclination was to be understanding, and not make it a huge deal.

Even though it was, in essence, a pretty important deal.

On the other hand, he also realized if he let his girlfriend's lie slide, it'd be the wrong call... and he'd only be kicking the can down the road to deal with later (possibly in a worse way).

When we talked, he'd made his mind up to angrily confront her. He'd confront her, summon up some fiery anger, tell her caught her lying, and put the fear of God in her. That was the plan. She had to feel she'd done wrong.

He knew he had to enforce some kind of stricture here, or else his girlfriend would run wild.

And yet... he felt the plan was off.

He just didn't know what else to do.

Never Count on a Woman to Change (& Never Think You'll Change Her)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

change a womanI talked to a friend recently and told him about a woman I'd dated with a short fuse.

She was in all other respects perfect.

Physically very beautiful. Very smart and highly educated.

Good career. A happy, positive, can-do person, with a charming personality.

More self-improvement-orientated than almost any woman I've met.

However, she had a very short fuse, and various things would set her off.

Once you set her off, she'd fly off into a (self-)righteous rage.

Her rage would last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours, then she would calm back down. A little while later she'd be happy again.

This short fuse of hers was inherited. Her father had it. Her elder sister and younger sisters had it. Others in her family did not have it, but those four did. At a family gathering I attended with them, all four set each other off and flew into rages against one another.

The sisters often tried to avoid talking with each other and their parents, solely because of their tendencies to set each other off like that. Everything else about their relationships were fine, but the anger they all boiled over into did not well mix.

I did everything I could, within reason, over the time I dated this girl to cure her of this fuse.

I thought for a while that with proper operant conditioning, I'd break her of her temper.

I was wrong, and nothing I did was a permanent fix.

The friend I mentioned this to is an optimistic guy who is good at approaching new women, but has trouble bedding them and hanging onto them. His relationships never work out. He's one of the 'hard case' guys I know and have talked about before on Girls Chase. It's hard to put your finger on it with him, but there are many little things it often seems like he does not really 'get'.

When I talked about some of the details of this relationship with him, he told me "Well, it sounds like you set up a pattern early on where this type of behavior was acceptable."

He added that it "sounds like you were encouraging this" or "maybe you subtlely like this."

He then admitted he'd dated a few dramatic women before, but "I quickly showed them I wouldn't tolerate that and they stopped doing it."

It was a little pop armchair psychology that on the surface sounds really good. Somebody does something you don't like? Just make it clear it's unacceptable, and she'll stop for good! Don't be weak or invite it back in, and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But, as I told him, people are a lot richer and more complex than this... and you simply wanting a behavior to change, and putting a few behavior modification procedures in place to try to change it, does not ensure you'll get the change you want.

Especially not long-term.

Far from it.

Rather, while you should do what you can to get your woman to change any undesirable behavior she has, you should never count on a woman to change... and you should never think you'll change her.

Everyone Dates Whoever He Needs to Date

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

you date who you need to date
Every problem, bit of drama, suffering, torment, or heartache in a relationship is necessary... because people date the people they need to date.

I have a pretty good track record predicting how relationships will turn out.

I can tell, fairly reliably (though I'm sometimes wrong... but not a lot) how a partnership will go after a short time around a couple.

It used to aggravate me, some years ago, how when I'd identify an obviously troubled partnership, no one would listen to me and end the thing before it grew worse.

Time and again, dire warnings to friends of how their relationships would turn out came true.

And still, no one listened.

Yet, these days, people disregarding my advice doesn't aggravate me anymore.

If I see someone headed into an obviously troubled relationship, I will warn him off it.

However, if he chooses to pursue it, it no longer bothers me. I'm not a busybody... what someone is doing with his own life isn't my business, unless he wants my input. I usually won't stay as close with a guy going into a troubled relationship against my advice, because of how troubled relationships tend to affect people (i.e., they turn most folks into needy, emotional messes who bog down everyone around them... and it's not my calling in life to be a shoulder to cry on, nor is it a role anyone would want me in anyway. Really, you are better off not having Chase in that role).

Over time, my understanding of why people date the people they do (as well as do the other things they do) has changed.

I stopped viewing people's choices in mates -- even choices that hurt them, and lead them to suffer -- as 'right' or 'wrong' for them.

Instead, now I look at a partnership and say, "What about this partnership makes it what this person engaging in it needs?"

Because that is the real kicker: people only have the relationships they need to have.

The more you learn to look at relationships as people with exactly the people they needed to be with right then, the more even the very troubled relationships you see start to make a lot more sense.

Make Girls Chase: 3 Crucial Rules to Follow

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

make girls chaseThere's a movie out there, which I still have not watched, called The Tao of Steve.

In it, a schlubby, overweight kindergarten teacher beds scads of beautiful women by adhering to a 3-rule philosophy.

The movie itself isn't fiction.

It's based on a real-life schlubby kindergarten teacher named Duncan North who, just like the film's protagonist, lays women with the same three rules.

While I haven't seen the film, its 3-rule philosophy intrigued me when I read it.

I realized when I came across it, it was the same philosophy I followed as a middle school and high school student.

When I used it, I had all the prettiest girls in school -- from the super popular head cheerleaders to the slutty grungy punk girls -- chasing after me.

I gave the philosophy up when it stopped working for me in university. My school was too big, my opportunities to make this approach work too small, and I eventually shifted over to a much more active path in the pursuit and bedding of women.

But the Steve approach absolutely works, given the right conditions.

It makes women downright chase after you.

And if you know what you're doing with it, you can apply it in all kinds of situations.

Join the AWESOME Forum Relaunch Party!

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

skilled seducer forum
Our forum's relaunched, and you're invited. Come on there and mix it up with Alek, Hector, Colt, Tony, Cody, myself, and many others...

Hey gents,

We re-launched the Girls Chase Boards a few days ago, and let me tell you, it's a happening place.

New functionality, a brand new look, and we're making this thing better than ever.

Among the new odds and ends:

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Come Up with a Good Punch Line

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

how to come up with a good punch line
How do you end jokes and stories with a great punch line that makes your listener laugh herself right out of her skirt? With expense, delivery, and non-humiliation.

Every time you tell a story or a joke, there are a few elements that go into it.

I talked about how to tell a story sometime back. I still haven't done my own guide on how to be funny yet, but we already have a trio fantastic guides from a few other Girls Chase contributors:

When you're telling a joke or a funny story, one of the most important parts is the punch line.

The punch line is where you wrap it all up and make this other person feel like the listening was worth it. If there's no punch line, or the punch line is weak, your listener will feel let down. If the punch line is good, your listener will be glad he listened.

The punch line is the most important part. If you have a good punch line, the rest of the joke or story will write itself. Because at that point, the rest of it is just the setup for the punch line you're about to deliver.

Game-Life Balance

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

game-life balance
How do you balance game (as in, the art of getting together with women) – and the pursuit of getting better and better at game – with the rest of your life?

On a recent article of mine, Sub-Zero comments to ask about what we might call 'game-life balance':

Hey Chase,

1. I was wondering with going out 3-4 times a week, how do we handle that if we work 9-5?

should we go to the club early and leave at like 1, instead of staying until close around 3ish during weekdays?

then you got to think, what if you take girls home? then who knows how long you'll be out and you'll have work in the morning.

how did you pull it off?

Tactics Tuesdays: Running Into Girls Who Ghosted You

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girl ghosted you
How should you act when you meet a girl who ghosted you? Avoid her? Hold her feet to the fire? No... you must be COOLER than this.

Sometimes, a girl will ghost you.

Happens to everyone. Nothing to be ashamed about.

She was excited when you met her. Maybe she agreed to a date. Then when you got her texting, she flaked on you, or quit responding.

What do you do when you run into her again?

Do you bring it up?

Guilt trip her over it?

Use a little self-deprecation about it?

Pretend it didn't happen and things are fine with you both?

If you get the response wrong, you'll only confirm any skepticism of you she earlier had.

Yet get the response right, and you can make her want something to happen with you much more than she ever did before.

What Sex to Have in New Relationships

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

sex in new relationshipsWhen you've bedded a new girl, everything's great. You're on the 'new relationship high'... you and this new paramour are into each other, entranced, and enjoying every minute.

Something that likely does not pop up a whole lot in your mind is "What sex should I have with this new gal?" You might occasionally have sex ideas bubble up in your head you then walk back, because "I don't know if she'd go for that." But if you're like most guys, most of the time you'll think about new relationship sex in one or both of these ways:

  • "There are a few things I like. Let's see if she'll do them."

  • "I'm pretty happy with what I'm getting with her. I'm going to keep doing that."

Whether you're a BDSM guy or you just like regular sex with a side of blow jobs (or not even that... maybe just straight up missionary with a little doggy style thrown in for variety here and there), you'll settle into whatever you settle into. Within 3-4 weeks with her your sexual pattern will be pretty established.

Except... the new relationship is an ideal time to push the boundaries on what you can do with a woman sexually. It's an ideal time to see what she's willing to do with you, and to try out new things with a woman you've wanted to try but haven't yet.

It's hard to get too experimental with a one-night stand. And once a relationship is established, most women put the brakes on experimentation too.

But early on into a new relationship? You're in both laboratory and pleasure dome, rolled into one.