Female Mind

“You should be stronger than me

Don’t you know you supposed to be the man?

You always wanna talk it through – I don’t care!

Why’d you always put me in control?”

— Stronger Than Me by Amy Winehouse

One of the most important aspects to understand about female psychology is the use and existence of a type of language known as subcommunication – a secret language evolved by women over millennia in a male-dominated world. In this secret language, women communicate their sexuality freely, but in a way that most men cannot hear or understand. Women have learned the hard way, through millennia, that men have a psychological need to create a type of schizophrenic distinction among women, slotting all women into a category of either “whores” or “Madonnas”.

Subcommunication – as a feminine subset of the English language – is based on communicating with indirection, double meaning, ambiguity, emotionality, and imprecision for the following purposes:

• To preserve social harmony.

• On the other hand, to stir up competition amongst people when it seems profitable to do so.

• To avoid responsibility and establish plausible deniability.

• To signal intent to someone, as in “Tell without telling, ask without asking.”

• To establish boundaries and frames of interactions.

• To avoid commitment; maintain ambivalence; keep options open.

It’s important to realize that Subcommunication imposes upon the recipient responsibility for correctly interpreting the meaning. In this article, I’m going to focus on Subcommunication in the context of female sexuality.

Tell me, what you’re thinking about

When you got me waiting patiently

Usually, I don’t have to wait for nobody

But there’s something about you

That really got me feeling weak

— Tell Me, by P. Diddy. Vocals here sung by Christina Aguilera.

If you truly want to understand the psychology of women, you must be aware of, and willing to accept, a paradoxical truth: women feel greater sexual attraction towards men who are less inclined to provide for them emotionally and financially.

Euphemistically you can say: in their heads women know that nice guys make much better husbands, but deep within their secret hearts, women love to love bad boys.

This paradoxical phenomenon is literally a schizophrenic duality between a woman’s need for survival on the one hand, and her need to express her own sexuality on the other. This creates a psychological condition where a woman’s sexuality is necessarily ambivalent and conflicted.

Simply put, the Female Basic Conflict is the need to manipulate a man into the role of her Provider, followed by an automatic contempt and/or lowering of her sexual attraction towards a man who lets her do so.

Since pretty much the beginning of humanity, men have considered "Female Logic", or the female way of thinking, to be one of the greatest mysteries in the universe. Psychoanalysts, philosophers, and poets have all spent countless hours agonizing over this topic.

Well, the good news is that female logic (also known as chick logic) can be explained to men in a perfectly understandable way. You can learn how female logic works just like you can learn the functions of a computer or the technical specifications of a car.

First of all, based on what we considered in Chapter 1 with regards to Evolutionary Psychology, let's stipulate that every function of the human brain has an evolutionary purpose. The evolutionary purpose of female logic is to achieve two basic goals:

1. To create ideal conditions for the procreation and birth of children, and ideal conditions to protect those children during their early years of development.
2. To influence the men and the environment that surrounds her to give her and her children support and protection. This influence commonly manifests in behaviors that any guy would recognize as "manipulation." However, in this context, feminine influence may be seen as a positive force, used by a woman instinctually as a means to support human life.

A woman naturally achieves these goals by creating within herself a sense of emotional congruence. While creating such emotional states within herself, the woman is especially concerned with "how she feels right now", as opposed to a male-logic concern of "how A correlates to B, or how A is the cause of B." In psychologically healthy women, these will mostly be emotions of pleasure and safety. In other women, drama, histrionics, and hysteria serve a similar purpose.

In the following discussion, the reader should keep in mind we are not making any value or moral judgments. Emotional reasoning is very likely deeply embedded into humans, if not all mammals. Human males have simply evolved a further characteristic of being more able to easily suppress emotional reasoning, although the way some modern men act can makes you wonder.

Do you know what separates just a good male dancer from one who women love and just can’t seem to get enough of?

They both need to be good at leading and know how to use their body to the music; the difference, however, is that a good dancer will try to show off his own “moves” while the one who’s being asked out to dance again and again will use leading to make her look amazing.

I remember an exercise we did when I started learning couples dancing, one dedicated to helping you understand how to lead – as a male partner you stand in place and while the song is playing you’re only using your hands to lead her and have her make the dance look great.

Can there be a more perfect analogy for seduction?

You extend your hand firmly to show what will happen next and even though she’s free to choose whether to follow your directions or not, if you do it right she will do so more often than not.

When she doesn’t it’s either because your extension wasn’t clear enough and she’s not sure what you want her to do or maybe she has her weight on another leg and the direction you want her to go would be too uncomfortable or even physically impossible to follow. Either that, or she simply doesn’t trust you enough to feel confident that you will make the whole dance look good.

At no point do you try to force her into a particular position though.

When she does follow through with your lead, all you have to do is stop for a moment and admire how stunningly sexy she looks while spinning, moving her hips, or gently falling into your embrace. Then you extend your arm and show her the next direction.

All this happens while you as a man stand firmly in your position.

If you’re a red-blooded heterosexual male who has ever interacted with a female, you will likely agree with the spiritual guru and relationship coach David Deida when he describes the differences between masculine and feminine thinking as like being in two completely different universes.

The good news is, for perhaps the first time ever, we can truly begin to understand how females think and the reasons why. We’ve learned to translate certain female thought patterns and actions into something much more comprehensible to the average masculine mind.

I would love to see the topic of Female Neuropsychology taught to men at school! Many marriages would be saved and many couples would be happier. While that’s not likely in the near future, let me try to shed some light on this complex topic for you.

Since the beginning of time, women have tended to be more refined in their understanding of male sexual neuropsychology; they simply needed such skills for physical survival in a world dominated by large, aggressive men. Women are usually completely silent about their deep knowledge of the male psyche and sexuality though. I believe this silence – playing the fool, as it were – is the result of two factors:

• The female need to manipulate the male into a Provider role for reasons of survival; and

• The female need for social acceptance, or “Social Status Preservation” (aka Anti-Slut Defense), whenever female promiscuity is punished. The corollary to Anti-Slut Defense in women is the Madonna/whore Complex in men, which I will discuss at length in a later article.

Chapter I – The Role of Evolution

When it comes to theories about the sexual behavior and choices of women, it’s good to keep in mind that these are theories and not absolute truth.

As Eckhart Tolle says, this knowledge should properly be viewed as signposts along your journey in life, and not necessarily a rigid, dogmatic morality. Theories can be valid and extremely useful in helping us create models of the world.

After having sex with over 100 women as I have, and having had platonic relationships with hundreds more, you can see how patterns of behavior fit together, and how female psychology becomes largely predictable – as Franco my co-author describes it – with mathematical precision!

In the last couple of posts, we have examined the series of events that had to happen both logistically and emotionally in order for an escalation to progress successfully from meet to mate.

We understand that logistical escalation refers to, from a simplified perspective, where to do something, while emotional escalation refers to when to do something.

This information is important to understand, as the majority of time spent during your learning curve when approaching and socializing will be learning when to do (or say) whatever it is you do (or say).

In other words, when you are in an interaction with a woman to whom you are attracted, you will learn, through trial by error, to recognize the signals that she is communicating to you (mostly non-verbally), as to when to ramp up, or slow down your escalation.

Women are all different, so when you are able to recognize the emotions a woman is experiencing, you will be able to connect with her quickly, effectively, and then build upon this connection to guide the interaction to the Optimal / Desired Reality.

A good way of looking at emotions is to view them as filters. These emotional filters are the keys to decoding her communication.