Female Mind

In a comment on my article about unclear value to a long-term girlfriend, a reader named Xander remarked as follows:

“Can you believe that because of this I can never get a girl. I’m good looking guy, and I’ve been successful on college. I don’t write this because I think look and post bachelor title will get me girls, but because I try to seduce them, and because of this qualities they don’t like me. I’m not arrogant and have a lot of male friends. But girls don’t like me, and wouldn’t go on date with me to save their lives. Problem is that girls with lower ambitions wouldn’t go with be because of attainability, and girls who are a bit ambitious also don’t want, because they want someone less ambitious who they control and feel dominant around him. The biggest problem is my success at college, and my normal ambition to be good at my job and further education. So I can’t be their boyfriend because I equally want to provide me and them, or their lover because girls here clever guys treat like they don’t have a cock. Global crisis hit us and a lot of girls are in found provider mode, and they are too picky and only wants to date man who is completely same as they in all possible things. And as you know it’s impossible, they find one provider and eventually marry him. I realized that being good at science is one way ticket to auto-rejection.

Reading your article I realized that in all world women want compatible man, but here it is more than dramatic. Those are modern times and I think that women should be more flexible.

My problem is because I tried everything I could and did’t get results because of their ego. I know I shouldn’t but I started to really hate women because of their ego who is bigger than Mount Everest.

At one point I gave up from seduction, but this article tells me that maybe there is a chance. Please tell me Chase are there more things I can do or change so I could get better results? If you know some psychological books that treat problems about ego please tell me. Is there something in seduction I should focus more? I focused on social calibration and got a lot of male friends, but women still don’t like me because maybe I’m not calibrated enough, and for sure because they don’t like anyone who has evan a little bit value than they. Every answers, comments and critics are welcome.”

While long-term value is definitely an important part of whether a woman is willing to stick around in a long-term relationship with you, its effect on actually lining up dates with women and getting them into bed is... murkier. That’s because it’s quite hard to sniff out your real, actual long-term value from a mere five or ten minutes of conversation.

So, while it might sound like Xander’s problem is the opposite that discussed in this article, where we talked about men who say women don’t want them because they aren’t valuable enough, in many ways it is in fact the same problem:

The man is focused on himself, the man... instead of on her, the woman.

I see a lot of guys starting out who devote themselves to trying to hook up with girls who are, to a more experienced eye, clearly just bad leads: they’re women who are willing to continue to hang around a guy, and continue to let him hope he has a chance with them (whether because they want the attention, or because he is too blinded by hope to pay attention to the clear signals they’re sending him).

The sad thing about distractions like this is that a girl like this will literally waste your time – you could be off meeting women who legitimately like you and find you attractive (and would very much like a roll in the hay with you), but instead you squander your entire outing on a woman who, for all practical purposes, really presents very little value in exchange for the time you spend on her.

Now, it’s all well and good for you to make female friends and get to know women better, and, particularly as a beginner-to-intermediate, you should absolutely be doing this (in particular, make friends with the demographics of women you’d most like to date, so you can empathize with and relate to these sorts of women more easily).

However, one thing you should not be doing is confusing women who have no intention of shacking up with you for women worth your persistence and sticking around for.

That in mind, here are fifteen (15) signs a girl will waste your time... and that you should probably cut bait and move onto the next girl.

A reader commented on my article on backward rationalization about women’s frequent misremembering or twisting of past event details:

“This is a great article. As a rational man, with integrity, I struggle with this all the time. Young women will routinely misremember things that they said and did, in a way that allows them to not accept responsibility. They’ll conjure up conversations, filling in my words, for their benefit. Very often it is to save them from losing face. Other times it is so they can avoid confronting the truth about themselves. To me, this is lying, but if I’m mad about it, it’s some “loss of frame”.

I had a post about this on redpill reddit a few months ago, asking if you should ever question a girl about why she was dishonest, as it seems pointless. The consensus seems that you just tell a woman what she did, and that it wont be tolerated. When she argues, you ignore.”

What our reader here is remarking on is one of the core differences in how men and women perceive the world, and it’s one it’s tremendously important to have a handle on if you want to run your relationships with women well.

The understanding is this: how a woman remembers a past event has less to do with the facts of the event than it has to do with how she feels right now.

This sounds topsy-turvy and wrongheaded from a male perspective, because how on Earth can you expect to create a sane and stable world if the past shifts with the sands of your very emotions?

However, it serves a critical role in how women deal with the world, as well as with those around them.

Women are constantly putting things you say into categories. They are looking at what you say not only for content but for what you’re trying to get across too.

• “He said that because he’s trying to show off that he’s smart.”
• “He told me that because he’s trying to get me alone.”

Most guys are unaware of this layer of communication, which leads to them making clumsy mistakes. But I’m not writing this article to talk about the clumsy mistakes you might be making in conversation, I’m writing this article for you to learn how to look at conversations the same way a woman does.

Adding this layer will make it easier for you to see why women say some of the things they do. It will also help you give a woman exactly what she wants, when she wants it (which is the fastest way to get what you want). At the end of this article, I share a painful story that was the catalyst for me writing this.

“Get up.

“Stand up for just a second.

“Step over here please, I want to show you something.

“Okay, now turn around – eh! Not so fast. Turn around slowly.

“Hmm, okay, you’ll do. So tell me how this friend screwed you over exactly.”

Ever wonder why leading women and getting investment from them is such a lynchpin of seduction?

In all honesty, you can take a woman who’s completely unattracted to you, and if you can get her to follow your lead well enough, you can take her to bed and take her as your lover. I’ve done it plenty of times.

It’s nice when she’s into you. But it’s nice to know you’ve got options too, even when she isn’t.

However, if you don’t understand why leading like this, and getting buy-in and compliance like this is so crucially important to your success rate with girls, you’re going to miss a lot of opportunities to use it where you really should be using it.

So why’s it so vital?

There’s a little-discussed concept in seduction called “backward rationalization”, where someone attributes reasons for a choice or action after-the-fact, rather than before it.

A simple example is you bring a girl home after a date and escalate on her, nearly to the point of sex. If you then have sex, there’s a good chance afterward she looks back and says, “Well, we had sex because he was attractive / charming / had a good body / etc.”

If on the other hand you do not have sex, there’s a fair chance she looks back after and says, “Well, we didn’t have sex because I wasn’t really that into him.”

In both cases, it may have simply been that you pushed a little harder to get past last minute resistance in the first scenario, and in the second you got winded and gave up. But the narrative she retains about why you slept together or didn’t is completely different.

Backward rationalization can mean the difference between her thinking you’re great or her thinking you’re not... all due to the outcome you achieve with her.

Now that we have thoroughly explored the Temple of Debauchery, we can clearly understand some of the why’s and how’s of these darkly beautiful acts.

But as a reminder, here are the first four articles of the series:

1. How to Be a Freak in Bed, Pt. 1: All Women are Freaks
2. How to Be a Freak in Bed, Pt. 2: Beginners Guide
3. How to Be a Freak in Bed, Pt. 3: A Little More Kinky
4. How to Be a Freak in Bed, Pt. 4: Shagging Like a Pornstar

At the end of the most recent article, I suggested that while sexual creativity is infinite, there are some limits to what you should do with women. But first, some of you might be asking a very reasonable question:

“Will every girl do ‘X’?”

If the man (or men) is sexy enough and if non-judgment and discretion are assured, then, yes, girls will do just about everything.

Why?