Men Style

The funeral of Phocion.

In the late 4th Century BC, Athens executed its statesman and de facto ruler, Phocion. Phocion served Athens with distinction throughout his political career. His leadership was one of extreme care and justice. His was a frugal life, lived in a simple home, and he refused bribes of all sorts, no matter how grand – everything from small fortunes to his own city-state to rule as he liked he refused.

The Athenians chose him to lead them into battle 47 times as general, the most-selected general in Athenian history. Yet he was not a militaristic man – he argued vehemently against wars he thought were bad for his city-state. And he saved Athens from unwise action repeatedly, as when the Athenians wanted to war with Alexander the Great after Alexander had crushed an uprising in Thebes. “Foolhardy man,” Phocion said to Demosthenes, leader of the provocateurs, “why provoke one whose temper is already savage? Why provoke this Macedonian who is full of limitless ambition? When there is a holocaust on our borders, do you wish to spread the flames to our city as well, by provoking him further? My whole object in taking up the burdens of this office is to prevent this, and I shall not allow my fellow citizens to destroy themselves, even if they wish it.”

The Athenians eventually sent Phocion to intercede with Alexander on their behalf, after he had rebuffed all the other emissaries they sent, and he quickly became one of the men Alexander trusted and respected most, even over most Macedonians. Phocion inspired Alexander to look beyond Greece, challenging him that if his goal was to show the greatness of his armies, why not show it by the conquest of the barbarians? Phocion made necessary compromises to the Athenians’ Macedonian ruler, but he negotiated hard to keep the Athenians mostly free.

Yet, after Alexander died, against Phocion’s warnings, the Athenians rebelled against Macedon, and forced Phocion to lead their armies, contrary to his personal desires. He agreed to serve his people as they wished of him, and crafted a resounding victory against the armies of Macedon. Yet Macedonian reinforcements arrived from Asia, and the Greek army was crushed.

Phocion negotiated a lighter reprimand against the Athenians than there otherwise would have been without his intercession. However, many Athenians were still exiled, and Antipater, the new leader of Macedon, still punished the city-state. Many non-citizen Athenians blamed Phocion for their plight. And this set in motion the political intrigue the next leader of Macedon after Antipater would eventually use to have the non-citizens and exiles of Athens overwhelm the citizens and condemn Phocion to death, while the citizens looked mournfully but helplessly on.

In prison, an executioner administered poison to the accused, but ran short when it came to the last man, Phocion. The executioner then refused to prepare more poison until he was paid 12 drachmas. Phocion summoned one of his friends and asked him to settle the amount, observing that, “A man cannot even die in Athens without paying for it.” After a life spent serving Athens, those in charge of the city now ordered Phocion’s remains buried outside its limits.

I tell you this story (and will tell a few more) in the interest of a simple question I’d like to pose: is it worth it to be the good king?

You don’t have to be a devil to do devilishly good with girls. Before you turn yourself into a bad guy to get good girls, there is another way...

It started with a late night conversation. I was sitting with a couple of close friends on the balcony, having a drink. I can’t recall what we were talking about, but somehow the conversation produced the following exchange:

Him: “Come on, you’re a good guy, Darius.”

Her: “Oh yeah, absolutely!”

Me: “No, I’m not. At least I’m not like that around women.”

Him: “Why?”

Me: “I don’t know. But I’m definitely not!”

Him: “That’s kinda messed up.”

Me: “Well, that’s how I am.”

(Strangely, I remember having some weird, misguided pride in this.)

This conversation happened about a year ago – I replicated it the best I could – and even though I didn’t give it much thought at the time, over the following year it led me on a path of self-examination and discovery.

There were two specific things that came to bother me about the way I responded in that conversation:

• First, why would I get so defensive about being referred to – and seen as – a “good guy” by my close friends?

• Second, even though it was true that I behaved differently around women than I did around my close friends, I wanted to know why, especially since I’m more interested in romantic relationships than one night stands – and relationships require a real connection to be worth anything.

In other words, I wanted to know why I had the belief that being a “good guy” is somehow inferior and, more importantly, was it true? On top of that, given that being a “good guy” is something that comes to me naturally, I wanted to see if I can embrace this side of my personality and still achieve my romantic goals.

Turns out the answer to the latter is an astounding “Yes!” And with this article, my goal is to show you how.

But before we go there, we’ll need to cover some foundational concepts, including what it means to be “a good guy,” whether everyone should aspire to be one, and some common pitfalls and other things to watch out for.

We’ll start by identifying who will benefit from this article the most.

What if you’re in a university or a beach town where everyone dresses casual. How do you tailor your image to there? Via the 5 wardrobe spectrums – that’s how.

After my most recent article entitled “How Should I Dress? Men’s Guide to Sexy Going-Out Attire” was posted, I found a question in my inbox from a reader named Tom:

“Thank you for all your articles, I've learnt so much about style from you and it’s truly improved my game! I do have a question: I currently live and study in a university town in New Zealand, and the standard style for dress here (as in, for the guys that get laid) is either street wear like long sleeve shirts with basketball kind of shorts or gym track pants and Nike running/gym shoes, or a kind of 'bum' style, with baggy hooded jumpers or old rugby jerseys and often shorts. Both styles tend to incorporate caps on the head too. Quite opposite to your own style!

My question is, how much do you want to take in the local style, especially if it’s working for other guys, and how much do you want to stand out? I do want to stand out somewhat, and I'm getting the hang of trying to incorporate what you teach and what the people here do, but I find when I mix them, I often end up with a pretty 'normal' look. I imagine you travel quite a lot? If so, it would be rad to see an article on adapting your personal style to different locales!”

And what a great question it is! Except, it’s the wrong question….

You see, without knowing it, chances are you’re running into the same issue yourself.

No, you probably don’t care how to dress sexy in a university town in New Zealand. Instead, you might be wondering “How can I apply those tips when I’m dressing for work?” or “How do I dress for best results in my favorite bar or club?” or “How should I dress for day game if I live in Canada... and it’s cold?” etc.

All of the above questions point to the same core dilemma: How do I tailor my outfit to look sexy in a particular situation – without looking like I’m sticking out?

Well, if all goes according to plan, you’ll have your answer by the end of this article.

Check the nightlife, and you’ll see almost every guy out to pick up girls is drunk or high. If you can do it sober, you give yourself a major competitive advantage.

Do you blaze, drink, or do lines when you go out and hit the club to chat up girls?

One year ago, William Gupta talked about the truth about taking drugs and hooking up.

After a decade in the Game, I've noticed something striking - almost nobody is sober. When guys learn and practice pick-up, they tend to be drunk, stoned, or both... and a lot of the guys gaming in clubs are, to put it bluntly, doing coke in the bathrooms in order to keep themselves "up" for the long haul of partying and hitting on women until 2 in the morning.

Before you think I'm just being some prude who can't have a good time, let me preface what I'm about to say by mentioning that I struggled with various forms of addiction for a full decade. I've been through the depths of that hell, I know what the demons look and sound like in your head, and I know precisely what kind of blade a man needs to sever them in half and regain his life from the abyss.

Now, before I get into my top 3 reasons to practice pick-up sober, I'll briefly explain why I think so many guys can't seem to perform this art without a little "chemical help" of some type. I believe that the primary reason so many guys do pick-up stoned or drunk... which REALLY became clear once I cleaned up my act and started living the sober life... is that pick-up is scary as hell.

How should I dress if I want to meet girls and look good? If you ask yourself this, you’re on the right track. That’s because styles change based on their target audience.

It’s that time of day again – time to go out and meet those beautiful women!

As you’re getting prepared you hit the shower, brush your teeth, shave or style your facial hair, then style your haircut and maybe spray on some cologne.

You’re feeling refreshed, and as you look in mirror you can’t help but catch yourself thinking “Looking good, man, looking damn good.”

Then you open your wardrobe to choose the outfit for the occasion.

Except, which one?

Most of us have our favorite go-to outfits that we rely on to get the job done as we’re heading out to hit the streets, a bar, or a club, or simply for meeting that cute girl over drinks later in the afternoon.

We go for this outfit (or outfits) without much conscious thought and hope that the overall image we end up with will work well enough to give us a chance to work our magic. At least this is how most guys tend to approach their image and style.

But with this article I would like to give you an alternative, showing you that you can use your image – the way you dress and present yourself to the world – as an advantage to do some of the “heavy lifting” before you even get a chance to open your mouth.

On top of that, I want to show you firsthand how much control you really have over how you appear to the world and how easy it is to better manage the first impressions you’re making when you’re out in the field.

My last goal with this article is to debunk the myth of “the perfect look” and “one-size-fits-all” advice, then help you answer a seemingly simple question: “How should I dress?”

Race is a touchy subject in dating and attraction. How much does it really impact your desirability? Anywhere from +19% to -30%, it turns out.

We’ve talked about race off and on at Girls Chase. My usual advice is to not worry about it too much, because you can’t change it; there are so many attraction factors you can focus on that it’s effectively not that relevant most of the time. And if you get your fundamentals tight enough, you transcend race (or negative racial effects become bonuses – “Oh! I didn’t know X race guys could be like him!”).

William talked about race here: “Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls”, and Jerome discussed it (with a few thoughts by me) here: “Asian Guys and White Girls: The Secret to Success.” And I called out guys who focus on race (or other subjects) to the exclusion of all else here: “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK].”

At the risk of opening up a can of worms (i.e., the “my race has a negative impact, therefore I shouldn’t even try” worm can), I’d like to look at some of the actual data on racial preferences... As well as how these change with time.

A studly swagger is more than just a walk. It’s an entire way of being. And you’ve got choices. There are four (4) kinds of swag you can adopt: circumstantial, jerk, and more.

A man’s swagger is his foundation. It is the gait of his being and reflects everything about him – how he sees the world, himself, and the relationship between the two.

Even when you are standing still, the way you walk is clear. Because the way you walk isn’t always the way you move one leg in front of the other.

It’s about how you stop and turn, how you grab things, the way you move your hands when you speak. It’s the way you stand. It’s the way you speak.

And in this article, we will discuss how to make your movement swagalicious.

Why? Because women pay attention.

I remember once at a party, the girlfriend of my fraternity brother told me as I walked up to her:

“Hector, I knew that was you I saw earlier!”

“How’s that?” I replied.

“I saw you walking around the party earlier. The way you walk through a crowd is unmistakable.”

“Explain.”

“You...” she paused to think. “You look like you know what you’re doing. You’ve been here before and know how it all works.”

All I could do was smile. That was one of the greatest compliments I could be given.

Now, there are many flavors of swag. Let’s begin with the most basic.