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Sex
with friends.
It's something that we've all thought about and that can be relatively easy if one manages it correctly.
It does come with it's own little challenges though.
Today I'm going to introduce you to three (3) of the main flavours of girl you'll run into when you're hooking up with friends, and give you some insights into how to spot them and how to deal with them post hook-up, or beforehand if you are thinking about a hook-up.
It's important to view the demarcations between the archetypes as blurred lines rather than concrete ones. Girls aren't static in terms of their archetype and they can move from one to the other depending on circumstance.
Comments
Hi Chase, awesome article
Hi Chase, awesome article again!
Just have a follow-up quick question for you regarding long distance relationships, I had posted on your other "vampire" article. Long story short before college ended, I met this girl and the dynamics at the time was that she was a lot more invested in me than her. I made out with her and afterwards she asked me to be best friends with her I think because she was afraid of me just using her and moving on.
For the past two months she had a lot of investment in me and we'd talk everyday and she kept asking when she'd see me. Recently about a week or so ago, she started dropping contact with me (supposedly due to the long hours of her work).
Recently, I told her I'd be in the area in a few days and she did seem somewhat interested. I expect her to ask me again in a few days to try to confirm when I arrive. I really would like to move on like you said and continue to better my approach with women so I decided I don't want to meet with her this time.
In this case, would it be best for me to completely ignore her or to just tell her I am too busy? Which method do you think would result in her having stronger emotions towards me (If at all any)? I say this because she's the kind of girl who would obsess over a guy for a year if he ignored her.
Thanks Chase!
Hi there Steve, Thanks for
Hi there Steve,
Thanks for taking the time to comment. It does sound like you're heading into friend zone waters with this girl so I'd search Chase's articles on that topic to better navigate this situation.
I'll just give you my 2 cents briefly -
If you're speaking with a girl every day and the situation has swung from her being more invested (at the start) to her dropping contact then it means the attraction may have diminished because you didn't escalate the interaction further with sufficient pace.
Chase has also written an article on the expiration of attraction so if you read that, combined with the friend zone article, you'll be well equipped to understand and plot a course of action forward for this situation.
Cheers
Pete
Trapped between two types
So I have this female friend of mine that I really want to hook up with. She's cool and a bit awkward at the same time. We used to work together, she went off to college, lost touch for 4 years, and recently (less than 6 months), we've sorta hungout. A little food here, beer, netflix. Over the last month I've kissed her a few times and she knows I want sex and JUST sex. No bf-gf here. The problem I'm having is finally getting her to give in. She's okay with kisses, but past that I've had no luck. I see her maybe once a month or less. We do text a bit though. She says she's "just nervous, but I do wanna do this with you." Sooo, I want her, she wants me...we both want just fun sex, but she wont give in. How does that work? What do I do next?
Hey mate, If a girl has
Hey mate,
If a girl has stopped your escalations it generally means you haven't dealt with her objections to sex before you've begun escalating.
The best way to deal with this pre-escalation is by setting really good sex frames. Ricardus has a stellar article on the topic, here:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/sexual-framing-more-using-get-girls
If you've already begun escalating, haven't set any frames and are being blocked, I find horniness to best override those late objections.
Chase has an article on making girls horny and Ricardus has one on effective foreplay and sex techniques to get her to that point.
Hope that helps
Pete
Looks DO Matter
Interesting article, Chase. I agree a lot with this article, just like I do with almost every article you write.
I do notice that you tend to downplay looks for picking up women. I know that looks are good in the beginning of attraction and I've read articles by you about the friend zoned and articles about how good looking guys without masculinity are seen as "cute" by their female friends.
However, for guys on the level of most male models and the best looking Hollywood actors, I think things are a bit different.
Not to sound douchey, but I'm exceptionally good looking. That said, I really think we have it WAY easier to get out of the friend zone than even above average looking guys. I've successfully gotten out of every friend zone situation I've ever been in because the woman in question wanted to fuck me because of how "hot" I am.
I really do not think it's the same for guys like me. What are your thoughts on this? Am I exaggerating or blowing things out of proportion?
Hey there Rob, Thanks for the
Hey there Rob,
Thanks for the comment. It's an interesting thought you raise.
Looks are definitely part of the attractiveness pie. So I do agree with you that they play a part in all of this.
I tend to think of it as a thing of outliers. You have outliers on both ends of the looks spectrum.
If you're Brad Pitt-esque like you say then you probably can get away with some things that even above average looking guys can't.
On the flip side, if you look like Quasimodo then no matter how much social deftness you may possess, it's going to be hard to get things going.
If you're somewhere in the middle then I think you should get what you can going for you in the looks department (fashion, grooming etc.) and then let it go. If you dress and present well then most girls will give you an opportunity. Once you have that opportunity looks become less of an issue if you're a compelling guy.
Interestingly though, I think there are psychological corollaries to you getting out of the friends zone that go beyond your looks.
For example, if you are extremely good looking then you will have options available, which is inherently attractive as it presents anybody vying for your affections with a challenge.
So you've reached abundance by virtue of your looks.
However, a guy who isn't as good looking can replicate that psychological phenomenon by presenting as a man with options through myriad other channels.
A guy who lives in a world of abundance by any means doesn't really get friend zoned, and it can have little to do with looks.... Or it can have a lot to do with looks.
At the end of the day ya gotta work with what you've got. And I think if you're one of those really good looking people then you've been blessed with some nice genetics and more power to you Rob, use it to your advantage. Just don't make it the only string to your bow ;)
I'm not sure if these sentiments exactly match Chase's, but I'm fairly certain he wrote an article on how looks play into all of this a couple of month's ago. Have a search around I'm sure you'll find it.
Cheers
Pete
Correction
By the way, sorry Peter. I thought Chase wrote this. But I'd still like your opinions on the matter of exceptionally good looking men. Thanks.
Long term friends
It is possible to get women you have been close friends with for years IF they see you as the one who put THEM in the friend zone. However, this is likely to be a needy girl who should only be approached for a relationship. Another possibility is a women who only just coming of age.
Looks are a double edged sword
Good points, and I agree that looks should never be relied on too heavily. Especially since many women are in auto-rejection when they come across a guy who they think is out of their league.
People fail to understand that looks are a double edged sword and can even work against you if you don't understand what is going through a woman's head when she sees you. Often good looking guys must be actively talking to women and coming off as genuinely interested. Too many women immediately assume I'm not interested in them and that I'm just waiting for a hotter woman at the bar or they assume I don't have a personality and just rely on my looks. Some women even want to one up you and have an attitude along the lines of "does he think he can get me just because he's good looking and I'm some girl who is gonna swoon for him? He needs to work for it."
It's refreshing to see an article about what to do if you're already friends with a girl and want to have sex with her, since so many articles on here are about not letting that happen in the first place.
Thanks again for the reply.
Hi, I have a girl which
Hi, I have a girl which doesn't really fit these categories.
We met on facebook, she was very sexual, sending pictures, and that kind of stuff.
She is very experienced but very unsecure.
After 40 minutes of meeting her in real life I took her to bed. But the problem is she is very unsecure and has been hurt by many guys that got in her pants and left the next day. She is very needy of attention, and has lots of girlfriends, she wants a boyfriend mostly, or at least she want guys that give her investment.
So she is sexually like the cool girl, but emotionally like the needy girl. How should I handle it if I only want her as a friend with benefits?
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