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It’s the one word
that usually means you’re going to have a great
night. It’s the word that’s synonymous with new women, new social
opportunities, and maybe a hangover the next morning… party.
But have you ever found yourself getting really amped up for a party, only to end up alone, drunk, and disappointedly chatting with your boys about that “hot girl” you definitely should’ve hooked up with?
We’ve all been there. But today I want to rid you of that
frustration. I want to give you the
roadmap to successfully having sex with girls at parties, and waking up
with a smile on your face (hopefully). And I’m going to show you
that it’s really not that hard.
Let’s get to it…
Comments
do you play it any differently if you don't drink
Never did much partying, doubt that'll change much. But I was wondering if your advise changes if you don't drink. In the few times I did go to parties, I had a girl approach for sex who was hammered and it just felt like I was taking advantage of someone if I proceeded so I turned them down. Also seems like it would be more risky on the reputation since you don't have plausible deniability.
Not Drinking
Limp,
I've actually gone to a lot of parties sober and still had a phenomenal time. It's all about just projecting the right energy. If you're having fun, then no one will notice and everyone will have a good time. In terms of girls, usually drunk girls will just do things that they would do sober anyway. So if a girl is approaching you, she very likely still knows what she's doing and is using the alcohol as a partial excuse. So as long as you are good in bed, and you take all of the necessary steps to prevent sex regret, it won't be a detriment to either of your reputations.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-prevent-sex-regret-women-you-sleep
It can definitely be a hard call to make, but don't discount every girl just because she's been drinking. If she's falling all over herself and about to throw up, then avoid it. But if she's just tipsy and is approaching you, then going for it is fine as long as you don't make her feel like she's easy.
Good luck!
-Colt
Colt, This article is
Colt,
This article is amazing! and a little saddening for myself at the moment.
My home town is too small, and far too "ghetto" for regular wild parties, and the off-chance that their is a party, its got guns, and drugs, instead of booze and babes.
But I'll be keeping this one in mind when I move for college ;)
Any tips for going in to a party for the first time?
-Native
Smaller parties and not spending the night
Really nice article, Colt. This really would've helped for this past weekend for homecoming (I'm a junior in high school) but I think that there will be some more parties that I'll be attending in the very near future, and I'm really excited to try some of this stuff out. I have a few questions for you:
How different would it be if it's a smaller party (around 20-25 people, probably less) and everyone knows each other? The people I will be partying with can also tend to be really damn nosy (and if 2 people are alone everyone will know about it and sometimes even try to break it up). How would this affect the process and what should/could I do to prevent everyone from being nosy and/or cockblocking? I actually think that the exploring the house idea might work well, but everyone really knows around the houses except me (as I'm newer to the group), so it might not work as well. Any advice on how to handle this type of situation would be very appreciated.
Another thing, most of the parties that I will be going to will not result in people spending the night (and I know for a fact that I will not be able to for a good majority of the time), so drinking will probably be toned down a lot. If people need to be leaving at some point, and there is a lot less drinking (but still some, and with music and dancing still of course), what should I do differently in order to get party sex/hook-ups? I'm pretty confused here, so if you could help at all, that'd be awesome.
Thanks a ton,
Pato
Smaller Pary
Pato,
There will be more parties like homecoming in the future, and I'm sure you'll be ready next time.
Smaller parties where you know everyone can definitely be a lot more difficult. If you want to explore the house and your girl already knows her way around, just say something like "Hey, I've never really seen this house before. Want to come with me as I look around?" Girls aren't stupid, if she's attracted to you and knows what you're getting at, then she'll come.
In terms of gossip and such, you honestly just have to learn not to care. If everyone knows you, then they're going to talk no matter what. It just comes with the territory of being in high school. Would you rather worry about talking, or worry about hooking up with that girl you want? Just be low-key about it when people ask and say that you don't kiss and tell. And if you really want to strengthen the bond between you and your girl, make it a secret between the two of you.
If people are going to drive home and not drink as much, then I suggest using the party to plant a seed. f your're dancing with her, try grabbing a kiss. High school girls (when you know them) will follow up pretty often after kissing or making out with a guy. So even that can be enough to get your foot in the door. Of if you can't kiss her, pull your girl off the side at one point, stroke her arm or grab her hand and tell her that you'd really like to hang out with her one on one.
So in short:
1. Try to isolate her and go for the hook up if you can
2. If you can't, try to kiss her and then follow up at a later date
3. If you can't do that, tell her you want to take her out
All the best,
Colt
Hometown
Native,
I've been to my fair share of those parties as well, and yea that can be quite different!
I would say that if you're going to a party for the first time, just have fun. As cliche as it sounds, you should be worrying about what you're going to do or who you're going to hook up with. Just worry about having a great time, and getting a feel for what parties are like.
Meet as many people as you can, and try out everything that the party has to offer. Then, after you go to a few more, start implementing the stuff I talked about in this article.
And remember that parties are designed to facilitate hooking up. Be sure to take advantage!
-Colt
Funny if you read Chase's dance article
At the end of Chase's article he says:
"The other option, of course, is be the generic-dancing-guy-grinding-with-a-girl-and-sweating-it-out-until-she-walks-away-or-turns-her-back-on-him dude, but trust me... you don't want to be that guy. He's the guy who always thinks he's almost there with a woman... and then can't figure out how "his" girl ended up going home with somebody else."
With that in mind, you said grinding is a good idea in #4 of your list there. Perhaps there is a good way to grind in a party and a bad way? I would like some insight on this, thank you very much. What would usually happen to me before reading this article is I would go to the dance floor, approach by just touching their upper arms lightly then start grinding from the behind, but that's the issue. We don't get to make out easily due to this and I would love it if you could go into more detail on how to do this.
Edit: Also, what should you do if you can't really find a location to actually have sex, and the only places to have sex are dormitory rooms (I'm a college freshman)?
re dance article
Some girls like grinding, some like talking. But what is the most important is that you MOVE THEM QUICKLY. If you are dancing or if you are talking, the sooner you can move a girl the better. As for kissing, both articles recommend that you kiss girls when you are alone with them, not in public.
As a senior in college, I'd tell you to get a house or your own room as soon as possible. But for this year, work something out with your roommate. Most guys are cool with bringing girls to the room if you do it on the weekend or let them know before hand on week days. Or find an isolated room and escalate there.
Very happy for your response
Personally, I've only gotten to the point of making out and fingering a girl at the corner, but then she just ends up leaving. Leaving. The dorm partner isn't a problem, the problem is actually getting the girl to MOVE with you. Like, I just sometimes say "The music's getting loud, let's head outside" and she just says shit like "I wanna dance" and I persist 3 times, but she doesn't budge. Then I just move on and try not to take a hit. I'm Asian and tall and skinny if you're wondering as that may hinder my attractiveness. Oh, and comes the problem that in case you get the girl to come outside the party, you're gonna have to deal with the clock ticking as you walk back to a dormitory.
My school is economically favored towards women, where the ratio is around 55% men to 45% women, so on top of more competition, there is less supply of women and they are more free to choose what they want. There's also a generally awkward vibe in our school, as it is rather nerdy (If you PM me your skype or something, I'd love you provide you with more information). The girls are mostly inexperienced, and the experienced girls probably look at me like I'm inexperienced and thus a loser. Also, when I'm talking to a girl at a loud party, how do I maintain an attractive voice? Having to yell at a girl isn't too attractive... but then if I do my more sexy voice, she can't hear me.
Even with being handed the short end of the stick in like everything, how can I overcome this? Thanks (And thanks even more if we can talk on skype sometime).
No Problem
I just deleted my skype (don't use it anymore), but if you head over to the boards, you can PM me there. The girl leaves after you finger her because she got her sexual needs fulfilled (kinda) and you didn't move the interaction forward off the dance floor. I once had a girl get off on my knee, which was really awkward with my friends watching, but funny as hell too.
As for the whole Asian, tall, and skinny thing, I wouldn't worry about that at all. I'm short and white and I've often thought that was the reason I had trouble with women. Truth is, everyone has excuses and they all stink. If you want to fight the whole skinny thing, a good workout plan can help. Wearing shirts a size smaller will help even more (When I started doing this, people told me how jacked I looked, and I hadn't worked out in weeks).
And so what if your school has so many guys? It probably only has one or two who read this site, and maybe a handful who are dedicated to self improvement like you are, which gives you a big advantage as soon as you start implementing these tactics. Plus, when you start to stand out from those other awkward guys, you'll set yourself light years ahead of them and become a rare, valuable commodity.
Experienced vs inexperienced shouldn't be your concern. If she looks good to you, go for it! And I doubt too many people look at you like a loser. The only things people know about you is what you show them.
At parties, don't talk louder, just whisper into a girls ear. She'll love it and it builds sexual tension like CRAZY. Doing this makes your voice sexy no matter what it sounds like.
Grinding and Escalation
uForia,
xcrunner has got it right. When you're with a girl at a party, or in a club, or at a bar, she's just looking for stimulation and validation in one form or another. That's why if you simply dance with a girl for too long, she gets both of those things, and has no interest in pursuing things with you further. And that's also why you don't want to finger a girl while you're at a party if there's no place to have sex with you.
But what you do want to do it grind with her just for a couple songs, get her used to having your hands all over her, be playful, and then try to move the interaction somewhere else.
When you get older, you won't want to kiss her at all, but since you're in college that will usually allow you to open the door enough to finish escalating. And there's *always* a location to have sex when you're in college. Find a random bedroom, find a closet, do it on your quad, kick your roommate out, the possibilities are endless if you just decide to take a chance. College is the perfect time for those crazy, exciting memories that no one will ever forget.
And being skinny and asian won't hurt you at all. Read chase's article on asian guys and white girls if you haven't http://www.girlschase.com/content/asian-guys-and-white-girls-secret-success
Just focus on building your confidence and process and you'll never go wrong. Thanks for the comment and carry on.
-Colt
I've never had that kind of interest
Man Colt, those two examples are awesome. I've never had a girl walk straight up to me and tell me that I'm cute. I have had a girl tell me how big my arms are, but that was a couple years ago. The thing is, I'm without a doubt stronger, more fashionable, and overall a better man than before. I'll get a smile every now or a compliment on my shirt and then, but most of my time at parties is me trying find a time to approach missing chances, and running out of time and feeling disappointed. I'm not sure if its because I'm 5 foot 8 or my fundamentals, but I just feel like I'm in a rut and I'm not sure how to get out. Any advice on how to get back on track?
Getting Back on Track
Anon,
My first piece of advice would be to not overthink it. Don't go to a party worrying about your numbers or timing approaches. Just try to have a good time, and if you see a girl you like, just talk to her. Talk to her before your brain has time to try to convince you otherwise.
And in terms of getting back on track, I definitely know how that goes. Read Chase's article on getting past sticking points. It's all about knowing what part of your process needs work and focusing only on that part. http://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-get-past-sticking-point
If you still have more questions after reading that, throw me another comment!
Best,
Colt
Article about dating in Highschool
Nice Article, oce again Colt.
Most writers on here have told stories and touched on the subject of highschool, but an article on getting girls in Highschool is still missing. It is quite a unique situation and a lot of your readers are still in Highschool. A potential problem for writing this article could be that most writers on here only got good with girls after Highschool. But I think that an article about Highschool seduction would be very informative and most likely quite popular.
I hope that someone writes this article or at the least gives people some advice in the comments.
All the best.
High School
Anon,
You're completely right. A lot of our readers are in high school, and it would be a very unique situation to write about. I was fairly good with girls on the latter end of high school, but nothing amazing, and that was mostly through social circle, which plays a much bigger role in high school since people aren't necessarily mature enough to partake in or receive cold approaches. I'll get that article in the queue and try to have one of us put up a comprehensive high school guide.
Thanks Anon,
Colt
Thanks colt
Thank you for our reply and I look forward to reading the article.
Be a Host
I wanted to add a brief comment to this post about another great party tip.
If you can, you should always try to host your own party. When you host a party, the logistics are completely in your control, and all of the social momentum is in your favor because everyone is coming to your house to have a great time. You are probably going to meet a lot of knew people because everyone who steps foot through your door is socially obligated to introduce themselves to you.
At your own party, it's easy to show people around, and it's easy to pull girls aside whenever you want. You can pour drinks and play the smooth host, and you can give people some very positive emotional association if they have a good time.
So if you have the opportunity, take advantage of throwing your own party, and make your job even easier.
-Colt
Hooking up with the same girl
Hey Colt, this was a great article and I feel like I've learned a lot, but what's your opinion on hooking up with the same girl? I hooked up two nights ago and it was mediocre. We didn't have much privacy, the couch was very small, and I was way to drunk to actually engage in sex (she was on top the whole time). Last night I came back to the party with intentions of going for round 2 and high hopes of a better experience, but I was doubting if she would want to do it again so I never approached her in that way. How can I re approach a girl without things getting awkward. Or am I just over thinking it?
Thanks
From a college girl's perspective
Hi Colt
Wow this article is so true and relatable it's incredible. I only recently started going to parties my second semester of freshman year college. I'll admit everything you said about party girls being easy is 100% true. Even me, the previously innocent church girl, turned into...well, a slut. I went to a party a month ago and met a guy who I was grinding with and later we made out and he asked for my number before I had to leave. A couple days later he texted me and we met up and had sex. It's been about a month now and he always wants to kick it and have sex but he doesn't make any other moves to establish a relationship. Does he just want to be friends with benefits or something more? because it's definitely more than a one night stand.
Sincerely,
Grace
friends but in
Dear Colt,
great article as usual. I used your tips at an ABC ( anything but clothes) frat party recently but just one problem. I was really getting somewhere with this really hot girl; we were talking, laughing grinding and everything but before I could move her and bed her her friends but in and she left with them and I didn't see her again. How can I prevent this in the future?
partying as an older guy
Colt,
I am in my late 20s and did not get to enjoy the wild and crazy parties due to studying a lot during college. Now it is disheartening that people my age are mostly boring but I really want to get the party lifestyle going and I want the easy sex and easy hookups from it as well.
How do I do this?
I've been to a LOT of parties
I've been to a LOT of parties, and never seen anything half as debauched as what you describe here as the first party you ever went to, wow.
I'm good at daygame and dating in general, plenty of experience with women, however one thing I've always been a bit embarrassed about is that I have NEVER been laid from a party or club, although I frequent these venues OFTEN. In fact, I just love to dance. I date several women so it's not a big deal that I go home alone at the end of the night. BUT, it seems kind of ridiculous that I that is not a CHOICE, if you know what I mean.
Anyway I have a big 3 day spring break beach event coming up, and I'd like to finally figure this out. I believe, that what I suck at is superficial party conversation. You mention in the article to avoid the deep dives. I'm someone that just has no clue what to say if it isn't meaningful unfortunately. I can do it maybe 10 minutes or so and then I'm just totally lost. Any tips or articles on this? How much time should I spend on a girl before moving on to another one while working the crowd, before moving in for the kill later in the night?
same
Same ma man. I cant understand banter for the life of me. I dont know how to talk to people if its not about something in common or meaningful. I like lounges and more chill places because of that. What else do you do to converse ? I get that im a pretty attractive guy a lot but conversation at parties is such a killer because its more superficial. Love to hear from you Colt too !
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