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David Deida’s Way of the Superior Man helps men make their peace
with the feminine – and truly understand how men and women fit together.
Contents
I finished David Deida’s book, The Way of the Superior Man, in about two hours on a United States flight from the east coast to Seattle. It’s a very fast, easy read. And it’s one of the most powerful and influential books I’ve read recently on how to tap into masculine energy and become a penetrative force in our world today.
David has committed his life to teaching and revolutionizing the way men and women grow sexually and spiritually. He teaches unique multi-day workshops on spiritual growth and sacred intimacy. He is known worldwide for his many writings, videos, and audios on a fully-integrated approach to spirituality. His works and workshops are committed to raising an understanding of our human condition through transformative practices and ideas. David addresses spiritual awakening of mind, body, and heart.
Below, I delve into some takeaways from David’s book that I found useful. There are a total of 51 chapters across eight parts – most as short as two pages. Each of these covers an area of the masculine – as opposed to feminine – that can help us grow as men.
Comments
Those kind of books have
Those kind of books have actually start to bore me. All those books speak the same language and give the same advices like about how to gain masculin energy, purpose in life, goals etc. You know what's confusing? They all suggest men becoming successful and indipendent, not making women their first priority. But let's face it, everything men do is because of women! You want a career, you want money, you want 3 cars and a big house? It's not because you want to have success at all it's because you want to be able to get the best women and that contradicts the goal of becoming your better self.
I think it's ironical when so many pick up players, dating coaches and even web sites like this (I still like GC) suggest men to create an awesome life without making women their first priority when We automatically make women our No. 1 priority by doing all those things in order to impress and get women. What would the richest and most poweful men in the world do if tomorrow there were NO women around anymore? Right, they wouldn't give a shit about their money and power anymore. Who are they going to impress then? Other men? And even if so, how many men would get impressed? You can be the best looking guy in the world, have tons of money and drive a Ferrari but if you don't have a woman you are as much worth as an unemployed fatty sitting at home and watching porn. In a world without women probably all men would either commit suicide out of boredom or become lazy, fat and worthless.
And please answer this:
"If a man wants a woman who doesn’t want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him.”
1. I think all men are needy. Some show it and some not. So what is neediness supposed to like in this case?
2. What has neediness to do with trust? I am not a needy guy because once a woman rejects me, I am gone forever. I have too much pride chasing her. But even if I did, why would a woman have trust issues?
One woman vs. women collectively
BMontana,
You bring a valid point to bear, and I believe the answer is in my subject: do you become a better man on behalf of one particular woman, or do you do it to open your options with women collectively? I think this is a BIG difference: the first mentality comes from neediness while the second builds independence (and attractiveness).
Getting better with women collectively is probably the most powerful source of motivation a man can use to achieve anything in his life. If or when that motivation narrows down to just one girl, then he is in danger of being needy.
Hope this makes sense.
Best,
-M
Still..
...I don't see the difference at all.
Whether you want to succeed in life because of one woman or because of all women you still put women on a pedestal. Your/our whole life is built to win women over in the end. Those kind of books want the reader to prevent making mistakes and learning to understand women while suggesting to build a career. I am fine with it, but all I am saying is it's kind of a hypocritical move to tell men to become better for themselves when it's obvious it's meant to be for gettting pussy!
I am not saying that's wrong I am saying it makes us men automatically dependent on whether we fail or win with women.
Guess we just have to agree to disagree on this…
As I see it, men are wired to crave women (and vice versa). I think there is a huge difference between the man who pines for a particular girl versus the one who builds himself up to create sexual abundance.
There are men in history who
There are men in history who have subjugated their attraction to women and their reproductive drive for other purposes - a prominent historical example is Nikola Tesla who died a virgin, instead committing himself to changing mankind through his inventions.
However, as a man you are still biologically wired towards women. This biological drive is a necessity for the human species to survive - if men were not drawn to attract women, or if women did not exist, there would be no more human species in a matter of years. Neediness reflects on one woman (see Chase's and Mischief's responses, which I 100% agree with) and non-neediness is in your relationship toward all women.
VR
Cliche
I thought I was the only one who noticed this. I'm tired of hearing the same cliche. You don't need to be on some special mission to be attractive to women. Most of the men who are really good with women are usually guys that have no job or "higher purpose," and they have a lot of free time to chase women. I bet my bottom dollar that David Deida can't even pick up a girl and get laid.
"Get in the Pussy"
The mission of these man, quite often, is "get in the pussy."
It's different from the regular guy, who looks at women and says, "Oh, I hope I can get laid!"
These no-job having guys live just to add another notch to their bed posts. It counts as a mission, and is theirs.
You'll notice, too, sometimes they go through a crisis of faith where the mission of "get in the pussy" disappears, and suddenly they aren't able to pull ass anymore. They still have everything else they used to have, but the fire goes out of their eyes and they turn needy.
Sometimes they resurrect that old mission. Sometimes they find a new one. Or sometimes they get some moderately attractive chick who's way off their old mark of Grade A hot chick they used to get when they were hot on their mission, but she's nice to them and available and they're happy to have her, and they settle down with her.
Chase
Hey no name,
Hey no name,
Chase already covered this in his response - the mission of such men is usually "get the pussy," and they are relentless in this focus and drive. As a guy learning game, this is also a viable way to improve - make getting women part of your own mission. Some writers here have done that at various times.
Contrast these guys you mention to other guys who usually have no job or "higher purpose," and have a lot of free time to chase women, and are NOT good with women. What's the difference?
I find missions to be a bit like frames - there is ALWAYS a mission, even if it's not outright stated. For instance, for a guy who loves to party and drink, spending the majority of his week finding new ways to drink and go out - THAT is his mission. For a guy like Elon Musk - who wants to bring humans to Mars - that's his mission, and it's on a very different scale and scope than the first guy.
There's another aspect of your comment - the notion of having some special mission to be attractive to women. It's not about having a mission, let alone a special one, that is attractive to women - it's that if and when you find and pursue a mission, you automatically become attractive to women, mainly because you're aligning closer to your masculine core. Each of us has some unspecified amount of time as to where we will physically be on this Earth - what will you do with that time?
Also of note is that women's priorities change with age, time, and status as well - which also affects the type of man she's drawn to (and his mission).
Drive, Need, & Trust
BMontana-
If there were no women, the human race would be doomed. So, necessarily, the point of any mission (aside from perhaps spiritual enlightenment) disappears.
Women are a mile marker along one of life's primary directives: reproduce. Women are one of the major drivers for productive activity. Yet married men with children are more productive than single men without them, even if those single men date a lot of women. The reason why is offspring are a yet-greater driver of production.
Take a man, kill his wife, but let him keep his children, and he will continue on with his mission, often even more committed than before. Yet, take a man, kill his children, then tell him he can have as many women as he wants, and see what happens to his mission then. Rather than get happily to work, as we'd expect if women were the primary driver, you will watch him ignore all the free sex you've offered as he slips into a deep, black despair. Sex doesn't mean a whole lot if the children you produce from that sex get snuffed out.
And there are other great drivers of production: one's nation, one's people, etc. Some of these matter more to some people than others. Kill off every member of a man's race but give him unlimited access to women of another race - will he stay motivated? Destroy a man's countrymen but tell him he is welcome in another country, will he still love life? Depends on the man. There is a lot more to man than just his drive to ejaculate. Which is not to say that drive is not important. But it's far from the only, or even the most important, one.
As for Deida's book, I read it a long time ago, and quite liked it then, though I didn't remember much of it. I enjoyed reading the excerpts Varoon has quoted here. Some guys you read for tactics; others you read for mindsets and ways of understanding. Deida's one of the latter. That doesn't appeal to everyone, but if you care about how men at a certain level think (to know where you're trying to get to), he's a worthwhile read.
If you think that, then the correct answer, I believe, is "Deida must be full of shit." So must I be, and all the other writers on the site. Maybe we're all just stroking our egos. Or we're all lying through our teeth at you because we figure that's the best way to get you to buy our ebooks.
There is an alternate possible solution: beyond simply not showing neediness, you can also not be needy, for any given thing. If a man walks into his harem and 1000 of the world's hottest women wait naked to satisfy his every desire, does he feel need toward the plain-looking woman he meets in the market? If no, what is the threshold at which neediness disappears? (hint: you don't need a harem of the world's 1000 hottest women)
If that alternate solution sounds worth exploring, I encourage you to read this:
How to Not be Needy: Small Scarcity & Big Scarcity
As to your second question:
Have you ever had someone beg and plead for something from you? Or someone who desperately needed something from you that only you could grant? If you have, you might've noticed how quickly these people usually disappear as soon as they get whatever they're after. They will tell you anything they think you want to hear to get it, be endlessly gracious, pour mountains of sweet nothings into your ear, laden you with sob stories, or promise you the world, yet once they have what they want from you, they're gone.
Almost everyone has had this experience. Needy people are desperate people, and desperation makes people say and do anything to get what they want. Once they've got it, and they're no longer needy and desperate, they change into someone else entirely.
This is one of the primary things women screen for: who is this guy REALLY? It's one of the functions of testing: is this guy going to flip out or supplicate? Both of these are signs he NEEDS her and will put on a show to get her. When a guy is cool, he's telling her he doesn't need her, which lets her relax... Because she's probably seeing the real him, and not an act to be whatever he thinks she wants him to be because he's desperate to have her.
Chase
MGTOW = focus & self-preservation
21st century Western gynocentric society is toxic for masculinity. It just takes one woman to ruin your life. Is it worth it?
MGTOW
Bad Frog-
Already addressed on this website:
A Few Thoughts on MGTOW: Men Going Their Own Ways
MGTOW used to be for bad boys and loners who did just fine with women and opted for unconventional life paths. It's since become flooded with life-dropouts who fear women and rail in bitterness against them.
Don't listen to these guys. It's like taking career advice from the high school drop out who mops public bathrooms for money and tells you that whole education industry is a scam. His certainty may look like wisdom, but it's not wisdom. It's the Dunning-Kruger effect. Same deal with the vast majority of men in the MGTOW community today. Dropping out is what you do when you can't make the cut.
Chase
Re: MGTOW
When did ad-hominem become the best thing you can come up with?
I think you see MGTOW as the enemy because it might affect your bottom line:
- "The PUA Scam"
- "What Pickup Artists Will Never Tell the Men They Scam"
When Pointing Out Fear Becomes Ad Hominem
So... You suggest we should coddle the fearful? That we ought to tell them there's no need to do scary things, like talk to cute women?
This is boot camp you've wandered into, friend. You must've taken the wrong turn off Tumblr.
As for your scam stuff, yeah, yeah. Heard it all a million times. The Earth's not round, they'll never put a man on the moon, and there's no way you could ever get a date by walking up to a woman you don't know. They shut you guys down after Elliot Rodger, but then you started up 'sluthate', right? Barking up the wrong tree if you're hanging out on this site.
Chase
Amen!
Chase,
Speaking of 'sluthate,' what are your thoughts on the opposite? Do you think it emasculating to admire women who crave cock? There seems a thin membrane between the cuckhold versus the pimp: both want their women to enjoy other men, but one does it out of submission while the other does it out of control.
Many thanks in advance for any input you could provide!
-M
Great review!
“… In response to your fearless consciousness, she will drench your world in love and light.”
This is absolutely true, for I have experienced it personally with two women I am in simultaneous relationships with right now.
The concept of fearless consciousness may sound vague or even misleading to many men (as it used to confuse me too): it sort of sounds like infallible confidence. I take it to mean a true understanding of the self within the real world. Do your truly know your strengths as well as your weaknesses and accept both as part of your lasting existence? Do your deepest fears make you a whiner or do they drive you to achieve even harder?
Lastly, knowing that your fears can actually make you stronger, allowing a woman to know what they are can truly bring a light into your life that you may have never known – endless gifts from food (hardly bought groceries in 2016), nice clothes, and unconditional emotional support for whatever challenges I choose to take on – not to mention a steady stream of sex that keeps getting better, yet without the trappings of a traditional relationship (because there are two, each one knows about the other, and they both believe I have an abundance of other options).
Women can be scarily cold on certain topics because they just wired differently. They can also be on of your greatest assets to inner peace.
-M
P.S. Varoon, thank you for bringing this book to my attention. I am definitely grabbing myself a copy.
Mischief,
Mischief,
I'm glad you enjoyed the article! Also, your breakdown of fearless consciousness is a good one - and it takes time for us to learn as men. The true key is knowing yourself, your weaknesses and strengths, as you mention. The closer you align with your core and explore deep within, the more powerful becomes your relationship with the external world.
Love that you're finding satisfaction in your relationships! Having two girlfriends can be tough, but I think the rewards are more than worth any drawbacks. Women are truly blessings of energy, and the better a man understands and accepts this for what it is, the more he can enjoy this freely.
Usually women are cold as a defensive mechanism - it's a type of survival instinct. Once you understand what aspect of survival is in question, you can tackle the root cause.
VR
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