How to Turn a Girl On: 3 Tiers of Sexual Excitement

Jason-

Responded to you here, but this comment has a little more detail from you.

It's better to ask girls out in the most direct form you can, to avoid looking like you're afraid to do so and, thus, lose their interest. That means, if you both have her phone number and see her in person, you want to ask her out in person. If you have her phone number and her email, but never see her in person, then you want to use the phone, because that's more direct.

In this case, you want to make a little small talk before you ask again, so you aren't that guy who keeps bugging her for a date. Since she didn't reply last time, make a little small talk the next time you see her. Then the time after that, suggest you do something different, like, "Can I interest you in grabbing an ice cream with me sometime? I know we talked about coffee before, but you didn't seem excited about that so maybe we can try something else."

This moves the pressure of the brush off away from her not responding to you to her not responding to coffee, instead, and makes it easier for her to say "yes" to ice cream even though she's already implicitly said "no" to coffee.

Chase

Humay-

Thanks for the recommendation, I hadn't heard of it. I know the name Desmond Morris, and I've seen his other book, The Naked Ape, recommended quite highly. I'll put it on my reading list.

Chase

Tanbul-

I haven't tried Uberman (or any of the other forms of polyphasic sleeping - there are actually a bunch of them), and what I've read on it has been skeptical. But, I'm skeptical of people being skeptical of things they haven't tried for themselves, so I'd say the jury's out on that one.

My sleep schedule is a little screwy - some segment of the population operates on a circadian rhythm that slightly exceeds one day, which means if they go off of pure biology then each night they go to bed a little bit later, a little bit later, a little bit later. I seem to be this way. If I stay in one place for too long, I end up sleeping until mid-afternoon and not going to bed until the sun's coming up. I'm much more productive in mornings, so I usually try to combat this, but it's hard without a set schedule. On the downside, being awake at night is statistically linked to about a 1/3 increased incidence of cancer. On the other hand, some research has tied how late at night a man stays up directly to the number of women he sleeps with - the later he stays up, the more partners (and it's irregardless of whether he goes to bars or nightclubs or not - researchers aren't actually sure what the connection is). So I'm in good company there ;)

If you try out Uberman though, I'd be interested to hear the results. More productive time would certainly be a boon - although I doubt I'd be able to pull it off myself, as bad at following schedules as I am.

Chase

Dan-

Might be a "recency" thing - it can be a lot harder to turn off the Internet and plow into a book or video or audio or anything else. Articles just seem more "important." I remember trying to get myself to read classics like "The Prince" by Machiavelli and "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck, and I'd keep end up getting drawn back in to reading articles on the web, instead...

Aggregating comments: there's not a way to do that with the current site, but I don't think it's a terribly hard thing to do. I'll see if IT can put something together on this.

On negative mindsets - have you seen these articles yet?

• How to Overcome Depression (mindset shaping mechanics)
• Stop Being So Judgmental: It's All Actor-Observer Bias
  
• When to Use Black and White Thinking (and When Not to)
  
• Threats and Opportunities: The Difference These Make in Seduction
  
• How Victim Mentality Can Stifle Your Life – and Luck with Women

Lots of stuff on negative / pessimistic mindsets in there, and overcoming them.

If there's anything you think I missed in those though, let me know, and I'll see what I can do.

Chase

Funman-

The only time communicating nonverbal interest / maintaining a sexy vibe gets difficult during daytime is when you're doing street stops. There, simply because of the movement/motion/speed, it's difficult (sometimes impossible) to properly convey nonverbal sexual interest. In that case you can stick with showing interest verbally, e.g., "I like you, you're cool. We should get food a little later this week or early next. Would you like to get food with me sometime soon?" You'll sometimes need to express interest verbally here because without interest made implicitly clear through nonverbals it'll feel off - she won't understand why you're asking her out.

Head tilting while making sexy eye contact - yes, but usually not as exaggeratedly as women do (e.g., the girl in the picture in the article). Sexy vibe on dates - oh absolutely! This should be your priority. If you're not turning women on on dates, those'll be some pretty bland, boring dates ;)

Cashier is a relatively specialized one, though I do have it on the article queue for writing a post on at some point (you're not the first to ask). Meantime, there are a bunch of posts on the boards with guys discussing their various approaches to pick up cashiers here if you'd like to see what some of your confederates are doing.

Moving fast - yes, usually, although you will run into hurdles moving fast with very sexually experienced women if you don't play your cards quite right or you come across too much as boyfriend material. Generally, the more experienced the woman, the harder it is to move fast with her if she sees you as better long-term material than short-term material.

The alternative, if you're running up on a girl with clear "hard rules" (usually an older girl who's had a lot of fast sex with men and has decided now she wants men to be serious with and treat her "like a lady"), where she's clearly decided she doesn't have sex until X date, is to simply schedule a lot of very quick (but different) dates in rapid succession. e.g., you get coffee with her for an hour one day, ice cream with her by the beach for an hour two days later, you grab an hour-and-a-half dinner with her 3 days after that, you go rollerblading with her for two hours a day later, and then you have her come over for dinner one night and get together with her then. That's a low-risk, multi-date approach where you're moving fairly fast and bedding her within 2 weeks with a girl you've set the wrong (boyfriend) expectations with from the start and can't fix - basically, she doesn't see you as a lover, so you just take her on the standard dating routine, but cut the dates short and cut the time in between them short to make the routine take place over a compressed amount of time.

Chase

Gem-

Yes, your experience is telling you the right thing - kissing a girl without taking her to bed right after, unless you do it exactly right - slots you firmly into boyfriend territory. The reason why is that it communicates you want to move slow, not fast, which means you value her very highly - thus, she perceives a status change between you and her. Whereas before you may have been the sexy, strong lover candidate, you shift into being the sweet, romantic boyfriend candidate instead.

If you must kiss, or you want to practice doing it right, brief, passionate kisses that you are in full control of, do on your own terms, and end first (with her wanting to kiss you more than she actually gets to kiss you) can escalate attraction. Any other kind of kiss (one that's ended mutually, or one she ends first) leads to falling attraction.

If you're on a date with her and you won't be able to take her to bed, it's better to turn her on a bit - but not so much she feels like she was promised something she didn't receive. And, usually, stay away from kissing - until you're ready to take that physicalness all the way, that is.

Chase

Student-

Good questions, but if you're just starting approaching now, don't worry about these just yet. The more important thing will be setting some early goals for going out, meeting girls, and implementing certain things you want to get down cold, and learning your process. Focus on getting your feet under you first before worrying too much about what problems success may bring.

That said, once you do start running into those problems, have a look at these articles for knowing which girl(s) you want in meaningful relationships:

• Choosing the Right Qualities in a Woman
  
• Find the Right Girl: What to Look for in a Potential Girlfriend
• How to Find the Woman You Most Want: A 10-Step Process

... and for managing relationships, see these:

• How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama)
• How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend
• How to Not Fall in Love (Too Soon) - the start of Ricardus's relationship series
• Where Do You See This Going?
  

It's very difficult to maintain ongoing long-term relationships with women who are committed to you when you are not committed to them, and you'll normally see turnover. You can hold onto girls for a while, but especially when they don't want to be with someone who isn't committed to them, this generally isn't fair to them and you want to leave them free to leave if they wish. When you do so, many of them will frequently return after some time away (and being dissatisfied with the other men available to them).

The usual lifespan for a casual relationship is about 3 months; girls start getting jumpy around there.

When they leave, they're usually back about 3 to 5 months later, assuming you gave them an incredible (and judgment-free) time the first time around.

I used to maintain relationships with women exclusive to me where I was openly not exclusive to them. These relationships tend to have a lot of problems, and you're constantly firefighting... they also lead to a long-term buildup of resentment. The problem is you're going against the grain of society - Western society does not support the "multiple wives" model.

Which means even if a girl is happy being exclusive to you when you're not exclusive to her, as soon as she ventures out into the world again and other peopel start telling her what she should want and judging her and telling her her relationship is bad, you've got another mess to clean up on your hands. I no longer see this as a practical option in the West anymore. You've either got to lie (which sucks), or just refuse commitment and let women be free to leave as they like (or, commit and go exclusive).

Chase

Anonk-

A strong sex drive is a very powerful advantage... it's one a lot of men don't have, and it gives you a leg up (or, some part of the anatomy) on the competition.

What you want though is not to be the crazy horny guy slobbering with desire over a girl, but rather the guy whose sexual energy is all but bursting forth from underneath a mantle of cool and refinement. You want to condition yourself such that when you look at a girl, it's with eyes that are saying, "I will tear your clothes off and eat you ALIVE," but your body language says, "I am completely relaxed." The mixed signals of relaxation and overwhelming sexual desire drives women ape (girls love confusing, mysterious, sexy men).

You also want to err on the side of pulling girls into you. Chasing girls around is no-go, but leaning back while pulling them into you, touching them or smelling them and then letting them go - that's a big yes. Learn to mix in your displays of sexuality with displays of pulling back or releasing girls, and you'll have the kind of push-pull in force that makes them want to climb the walls to get you.

Chase

Balla-

What women want more than anything is the experience you have to offer them (I'll have an article about it up today, in fact). Focus on offering them an amazing experience, and they will follow you anywhere.

Think of women as creatures of emotion who are constantly seeking ways to feel better and stronger emotions. When you can offer them this, you're set.

Focus on great conversation and short, compelling messages when you're asking them to do things. Get them excited and intrigued and wanting to know more about you. Tempt them and captivate them. As you do these things, you make them willing to chase you, just to have more of you in their lives (and feel more of the feelings you give to them).

It really comes down to the experience you provide a woman. The better it is, the more likely she is to want to come to your house and want to have sex with you.

On outcome dependence... this is very closely (maybe inextricably) linked to having an abundance mentality. That mostly comes from getting enough experience with women that you have a reasonably good idea about what your success rates will be based on how often you go out and how many women you meet. Once you have enough control over your dating life that you can reasonably predict how much time you need to put in to get X amount of girls of Y quality, outcome dependence largely slips away, except sometimes in novel situations where you're out of your element and don't have the exposure to accurately gauge or predict the outcome.

Chase