Turn On Your Girlfriend with Raw Sexual Enthusiasm

Monsterz-

No good about the marriage, but yeah - complacency'll do it every time. As soon as things start becoming repetitive, predictable, or routine, odds of a gal straying go up pretty fast (and all the faster if she's novelty-seeking by nature).

The one caveat with "attack her the moment she walks through the door every time" over the long term is that if you do do it EVERY time, it can become just as repetitive, predictable, and routine - she thinks, "I'm going to go over to his place, and he's going to pick me up and throw me on the bed... do I have the energy for that right now? Maybe we can just meet for dinner?" So it ends up working better if you mix it up: pounce on her sometimes right away; other times, start doing something (talking, cooking dinner, getting ready to go out), then grab her and initiate sex; other times, spend a few hours going out or unwinding, and only take her to bed after; others, pull her into the shower or the bathtub or give her a massage or something else a little different; other times, don't have sex at all until later in the evening.

In a marriage where you're living together, of course, sex frequency goes down and you don't end up having sex every day, unless both of you have insatiable sex drives (even then, interest in each other wanes a bit with lots of proximity). You can still use this just as well, though.

So long as there's uncertainty and unpredictability, she'll stay engaged - you want her wondering: "Is he going to take me right away? Oh, I hope so!" and sometimes be disappointed, and sometimes be thrilled, and sometimes be completely surprised.

Chase

Anon-

Chief recommendations here are facial hair, longer hair on the top of your head (e.g., no short hair or buzz cuts), speaking with a deeper voice if possible, and lowering your energy levels / smiling less / squinting more. Basically, you want to go for "serious" as much as possible. I'd also focus on doing as much active listening and feeding back as possible, and get good at dispensing little bits of sage advice.

My baby-faced friends whom I've watched do the best with women have typically taken the role of "teacher and authority figure" with almost everyone they interact with, and I've seen them get big boosts in their success rates by growing out some facial hair, even if they can only grow a little bit. Some is better than none when you have a baby face.

When you hear that you look very young, ask how young you look. Then shrug off the response, e.g.:

Her: You look so young!

You: Really? How young do I look?

Her: You look like you're 16!

You: Hmm. [thoughtful pause] So how'd you end up working as an RN?

This avoids you looking like you're trying to dodge the question, while making her feel like she made a social faux pas by blurting this out... she comes away feeling like you're rather more socially enlightened than she is.

Chase

Anon-

Depends on your vibe, but if you don't have all the nuts and bolts tightened down on your fundamentals yet you'll want smoother, less confrontational (in the sense that the girl feels put on the spot to explain herself) openers. Check out these articles on opening:

• Easy Opening with Indirect Direct
• Are You Single? Why to Always Ask Girls This
• Book Excerpts: The Direct Opener

When a girl responds with an invitation, you want to ask her to explain, but don't shoot her down. Rather than starting with, "I don't trust you..." which is going to send her into auto-rejection feeling rejected (no matter what else you planned to say), respond with, "Where to?" and have her tell you where she wants to go.

With telling girls to hang around a few minutes, this is good, when used later in an interaction, but you don't want to sound like you're begging her to stay, and you don't want to do it too early when she hasn't had a chance to see anything attractive out of you (see "Don't Let Her Go" for more on when and how to use this).

If a girl doesn't respond after your opener, try breaking off for a moment, very calmly, if you're standing / positioned near by her, and then drifting back into saying something else a minute or two later, as if another thought casually entered your mind. Doing this a few times sometimes leads to a girl opening up to you because she respects your cool, casual persistence, or gets her to re-open you in the downtime between you saying anything.

If she doesn't respond to an opener when you're walking, you can try continuing to walk next to her for a few moments, and instead of asking her to wait a minute, keep saying cool / funny / witty / interesting things, and making cold reads and observations about her. You'll only get a girl like this who's walking away and ignoring you to stop and pay attention to you 5 to 10% of the time, but when you do, she's sold.

Most of all, just keep approaching and continue refining based on the live feedback you're getting from women and their reactions to your actions. Field experience is the best teacher there is.

Chase

Hugh-

I can go more in-detail on this, sure, although in this case I can't prescribe a way of making it all that "effortless"; just the nature of how street pickup works, you'll have to chase women down, walk with them, catch up to them, and the like, and it's naturally a high effort way of meeting them (as opposed to, say, chilling at the bar, or incidentally stumbling across them while they're sitting down at a cafe or bookstore).

High caliber women, but you almost always start off chasing during this kind of game, and have to go back and flip the script later. However, there are some techniques for minimizing visible effort here I can go into.

Ricardus has a rather detailed article on street pickup as well: Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap. Worth having a read through - he has some pretty solid pointers there.

Chase

Danny-

Yes, this is one I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole unless I'd been seeing her for 6+ months. If you haven't slept with her yet, deflect it; send her a movers-for-hire website where you can see the reviews of different moving companies - you can usually hire a couple of guys to come move all your stuff from apartment to truck for fifty bucks in most parts of the U.S., for instance. Rent a truck, hire movers on both ends, and you're paying about $150 or $200. Or just hire one company to do it for you end-to-end.

Unless she's your long-time lover you're on great terms with, or your best friend and you have zero sexual intent with her and just want to help her out (and she's going to take you out to an extravagant dinner later to say "thanks for breaking your back for me all day"), I'd dodge this one like a yellow-hued snowball.

Chase

Anon-

If you must buy tickets / pay on Tuesday, I'd imagine that means you've got to know who you're taking. I'd suggest at this point, it's time to swallow your nerves and just go ask the girls you want to ask. Write down a list of all the girls you'd like to ask, and make it your mission on Monday to cross every name off that list until you've gotten a "yes" or you've gotten all 10 "nos" (or however many names you have).

If she's not in your class, comb the hallways - and when you see her, strike! You won't regret asking years later from now - you'll only regret NOT asking. So grab a list, grab a pen, and get crossing out names.

Chase

Nick-

I've read a number of psychologists' works, both on general human psychology and on male-female and relationship psychology. Freud, Jung, Becker all have interesting stuff, some accurate, some thought-provoking, some a bit discredited. I do my best to keep up with the latest papers (mostly reading abstracts, but sometimes I'll grab the whole paper if it's particularly interesting) published in psychology; I used to be subscribed to a number of them on Google Reader, although that's shut down. Nature and Scientific American intermittently write things about psychology that highlight research or meta-analyses, as does Discover Magazine. Barking Up the Wrong Tree has all kinds of fascinating research snippets on it, although some of the stuff pulled from books warrants further investigation as it isn't always peer reviewed and can be a little hype-y and misleading. That one's one you can get lost in for hours reading abstracts and tidbits in, though. Google Scholar is very useful for finding papers on specific subjects.

Knowing if research is fake or accurately tested - you need a basic understanding of how the experiment is conducted, and you need to be able to roughly say whether a) the sample size was large enough, b) there's even a remote possibility that what the researchers are positing as causation is really just correlation, and c) there are any holes in the research you can spot that make it not hold water. Also, with any particularly big or impressive sounding claims, it's worth doing a search to see if there've been any papers filed rebutting the one you're looking at. A big part of the peer review process is subjecting a study to criticism and seeing if it survives (or not).

On married with kids: well, that really depends on his objective. There are plenty of married men who maintain open or swinger-style relationships with their wives - I know older men who reach their 40s or 50s, and mutually decide with their wives that they don't think sex and love are necessarily the same thing, and both partners are fine with the other sleeping with other people, so long as they're safe about it. And there are men who are willing to forgive their wives an indiscretion, because maintaining the relationship, or keeping the family together, is more important to them than maintaining sexual fidelity. It's easy to say something's obviously a dealbreaker from the outside, but the more variables there are, the more things there are to consider, and the harder the decision becomes to make.

Maintaining attraction: sure, but not easy, and the nature of the attraction changes. Here's the best thing I have up on the site about maintaining long-term attraction: Self-Expansion and Growth in Relationships.

Chase

Forever-

I don't see any reason why you ought to drop it, though the framing I can't quite say. I never tried out the "young guy in need of sexual training" approach; so, I don't have any experience with it.

My guess would be that she obviously knows you're much younger than her; she already asked if you're a minor or not, so clearly thinks you might be. I'd guess she's thinking about sex too, otherwise she wouldn't be asking about your legality.

If I was to speculate (and that's all that this is), I'd say you'd probably be fine playing the "I don't know anything and need a teacher" card (while simultaneously being as sexy as possible... she still has to WANT to train you, of course!)... if age comes up, and you can't really dodge it, I'd stick with something along the lines of, "I won't tell if you won't."

She seems like she's curious about having an illicit affair... perhaps you ought to help her do so.

Chase

Tom-

Changing a long-time friendship into a romance is one of the hardest things to do. It's many times easier to meet new women than it is to take a woman whose expectations of you have already formed and reshape them. Think of it like pouring cement... much easier to put it in the shape you want when the cement is still wet; once it's set and hardened, substantially more difficult.

My normal recommendations for "I like a friend but she likes somebody else" situations are to see these articles:

• Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls
• How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: A Man's Survival Guide
  
• Just Friends: A Man's Worst Nightmare
• Are We Just Friends? Does She Like Me Back or Not?
• The Sad Tale of "Shopping Guy"
  

Sometimes a girl will tell you someone is "perfect" or "amazing" because she wants to inspire you to action... but she always at least somewhat means it, too. She may also just view you as strictly the platonic male friend (a male equivalent of one of her girlfriends) and feels fine telling you that he's amazing, and would expect you to tell her if you met someone amazing too.

If you like her, the best recommendation is "do something." Make a move. Ask her out.

If the friendship's more valuable to you than getting her as your girl and not worth risking losing, though, I'd suggest wishing her well with her new man, and going out to find yourself a new woman, too.

Chase

Gabe-

Have you seen this article?:

How to Be Smooth with Women (and Take More Lovers)

Aside from that, on actual physical coordination, that almost always comes down to a lack of much sports / dexterity training - i.e., not playing sports much / at all. I was this way when younger, so slowed my walk speed down, partly to be cooler, but also to give me greater stability and control. I walk slowly enough most of the time now that I just about never trip or have walking-into-something accidents (or if I do walk into something, the force is nowhere near as great as it is for other people... force = mass times acceleration, after all).

Another things I took up doing as a teenager was constantly twirling / tossing and catching / spinning things with my fingers and hands. I'd throw bottles, pens, books, whatever in the air and catch it. I still do this. I even do it with my laptop (usually only over soft surfaces, like the bed, though). I'm told my reflexes are quite quick these days; when I was younger, my reflexes were basically zero.

First-person shooters on the PC or gaming consoles have also been shown (by scientists, no less) to improve hand-eye coordination and to train the brain to be better able to pick out environmental details more rapidly and with lower processing requirements (I used to play a good bit of these, and got fairly good at them, too). So in addition to taking up the habit of twirling / spinning / tossing stuff, I might also recommend you spend a little time getting good at FPS games.

And there's always sports - I spent a while learning basketball after high school, and that helped a good bit. Before that, my reaction to large objects zooming towards my head was always to duck and run, but now I'm fairly adept at catching them instead. Sports are how most young boys learn coordination - and you're never too old to pick them up, either.

Chase

Caretaker-

Well, if you'd like to get to know them a little better, an early mentor of mine used to approach crying girls with the line, "Guy troubles?" with a sad voice / sympathetic face (since that's usually what women are crying about when they're crying in public; if it's family stuff, they do that in private). He'd then basically just let them talk / rant to him, and grab their phone numbers or pick them up afterward.

Sometimes the best salve for a woman having problems with her old man is to get some attention (and some good lovin') from a new one.

Chase

Balla-

If you want to go interracial, the mentality to have is, "What stereotypical qualities about my race do X women like and I want to keep / annunciate, and what stereotypical qualities about my race do X women dislike and I want to remove any hint of?"

So, for instance, if you're like most white girls in the States thinking about what you imagine is a stereotypical black guy, you imagine him as:

• Sexy
• Masculine
• Attractive

... but also:

• Uneducated
• Too rough / tough / harsh
• Underemployed

The black guys I know who do best with white women all dress better than their white peers, come across cleaner cut and more articulate than white men of equivalent stations in life, have friendlier and more jovial dispositions, and weave their good educations / good jobs casually into conversation and then move off of them quickly (so it doesn't seem like boasting). I realize you're young and still working retail, so the education / job one is out for now, but you can start doing the rest - work on outdoing white guys on being well-dressed, clean cut, sharp and articulate in speech (e.g., code switching - Martin Luther King, Jr. was an expert at this - you talk "black" with black people, and "white" with white people - like Will Smith or Denzel Washington), having a good, comfortable sense of humor, a friendly, easygoing disposition, and a very easy smile / not intimidating look. If you can do that (without emasculating yourself, of course; you still want to be manly and sexy), white girls will take note and consider you one of those "special" black guys who isn't really black, per se... he's just sexy, and that's it.

And black men have a reputation as very sexy men because they're (on average) more direct, confident, masculine, and sexually experienced than white / Hispanic / Asian men... and of course, they have larger penises on average, too (doesn't hurt the image).

Chase

M-

You can hit these notes pretty easily by dialing up some humility and warmth. When you come across warm and humble, women start going crazy when they find out you have multiple layers... it becomes, "Wow, there's SO much to him but he isn't even trying to DISPLAY it!!!"

It doesn't seem disingenuous is you don't dump every fact about yourself out on first meeting a girl because you're more interested in her and letting her talk - you're humble, therefore you don't even think all these fascinating things about you are really all that interesting. It's up to HER to decide that (and go, "M, you don't even REALIZE how interesting and AMAZING you are!!").

Play it down, because you're a good listener and more interested in her, and it doesn't even occur to you to bother sharing these things about yourself... she probably wouldn't even be interested, goes your vibe.

Then as she gradually peels back the layers, it's all the more astonishing (and exciting) for her.

Chase

Wolf-

The biggest aspect of this is presence - what Ricardus calls the "x-factor" and what I refer to in multiple articles, like the one on being smooth and the one on being edgy. The more powerful, attractive, and valuable your presence becomes when people first meet you, the more readily they'll chase you down and take pursuit.

The higher another person's social status, too, the bigger your presence must be as well.

When you're the first one making contact, remember to follow the rules in this article, and offer value first:

How to Make Friends? The Master Key to New Friendships

That quickly minimizes the chasing you do, and gives the other person a shot in the arm to want to start investing in forming a connection with you, too.

Chase

Anon-

The easiest way is to already be so high value that when you tell girls, "I don't have a car," it's a weird kind of, "Huh? What? That doesn't make sense...!" Sort of like when they think you're cool and then find out you're not on Facebook (or whatever site). Then it's, "Wait, he's cool... AND he doesn't have a car? He must know something I don't..."

If you're not quite there with your vibe yet, the best advice is don't be apologetic, and start practicing with every girl you talk to, focusing on saying it like it's no big deal. "You'll have to pick me up, because I don't have a car right now." If you're embarrassed the first few times, don't worry - that'll go away, just like with anything. (if they ask why, tell them you're saving up for school and an education is more important to you than a set of wheels, and when you're rich someday you can buy all the cars you want, or something that makes you sound ambitious and future-oriented; i.e., not lame or standing still)

Keep focusing on making it no big deal and just a standard part of your conversation with women, and you'll have it down in a hurry.

Chase

Anon-

I agree, to the extent that you'll see confidence with powerful, dominant, successful men, and that it's a very attractive trait in and of itself... however, it seems to be more of a byproduct of knowing what you're doing rather than something that allows you to do things better for the sake of having it (although nervousness / anxiety can absolutely throw you off your game).

It's a weird thing to talk about, because everybody says, "Confidence is key," and it is, in a way... but where that confidence come from often seems to be repeated success and growing levels of experience levels and expertise.

I talked about this a good bit in "Does Confidence = Success? Actually... No."

There's some research on students taking tests that finds zero correlation between confidence and success, but with people I think you can safely say it isn't the case - other people make decisions based off of seeming confidence (e.g., "He's confident, therefore he must be right"), so it can sometimes give you short term boosts if you can fake it / muster it... but the best bet seems to be get the experience in, and confidence happens naturally (and amplifies your results).

Chase

Vaughan-

It's mostly just pushing yourself to go out and talk to people. Spend time around them, listening to what they talk about, get comfortable talking with them too, just build up your experience levels.

I'll put it down in the topic list, although that's mainly the gist of it - talk to more people, and your shyness will go away.

One other thing that helps - develop a good skill (sense of humor, storytelling, some sport or music, etc.) that people can see and respect you for, and use that to get people talking to you first - that can make for an easier transition into being more sociable, because you're already starting out in a positive light instead of trying to go from zero.

Chase

The long and short of it? There's only one way, Vaughan: take whatever it is that scares you, and do it until it doesn't.

Chase