Approaching Women, Pt.2: Mistakes to Avoid During the Approach

Having used solid pre-approach techniques, you’ve caught the eye of a real hottie. Time to move in! Just make sure to avoid these momentum-killing blunders.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. So, last week's article discussed the typical mistakes men make in the moments before they find themselves talking to women, based on the misconception that “the game” only starts once you approach.

This is a fallacy that can cost you dearly. Women are, in fact, looking around at what is going on in the room. That means they are watching you. If they get a negative perception of you, opening (establishing contact with a woman) and hooking (immersing them into a conversation) will become so much harder.

Why would women pay attention to a guy who looks like a loser? You get my point. So, if you haven’t checked out last week’s article, you should do so now. It contains key information that shouldn’t be neglected, especially if you are a beginner.

 

The Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women

I will keep going with my beginner-ish two-part series on approaching women, in which I will share the common mistakes even intermediate players make. You may be doing some of these without realizing it.

It is, therefore, a good idea to try to be aware of these mistakes, as they should be avoided at all costs. Believe it or not, some of these mistakes can define whether you even get a shot or lose all hope. The things I will point out here are absolutely crucial.

Anyway, let’s begin.

 

Approach Mistake #1: The Wrong Angles

You should know that approaching women from behind usually is a bad idea. It can work if there’s no better option, but it triggers a lot of defensive instincts. You don’t want to make a woman more defensive than she already is, and women are usually pretty defensive toward strangers.

They are hardwired that way to avoid potential risk, partly because they are physically weaker, but their risk-averse nature is also designed to protect their offspring when they are pregnant. Mess with these defensive instincts, and you’ll set yourself up for failure.

Think about it – if somebody were to approach you from behind, you’d be defensive, too. Even walking up to a woman from the front (though better than approaching from behind), can trigger a defensive reaction. Classic pickup artist advice says approaching from the side or from a 45-degree angle bypasses these mechanisms.

I haven’t found anything that works better.

 

Approach Mistake #2: Not Standing Still

Lots of back-and-forth – i.e., going in, giving her attention, and taking a step back – to make her curious and frame yourself as slightly unattainable can work (I do it myself) if you know how to pull it off, but most guys don’t. They start wandering about randomly, so they come across nervous and unconfident. Not good.

Instead, when approaching women, stand still. Stay grounded and face the girl. You will seem more confident and less weird. This is key.

Eventually, you can experiment with this back-and-forth approach but only after you have learned the basics. Once the girl is giving you enough attention, you need to stand still so the two of you can have an actual conversation. Remember that opening is just a small portion of the seduction process. It should only take a few seconds. Then you want to hook and, eventually, lock in. You cannot do that if you’re meandering here and there.

 

Approach Mistake #3: Leaning In

I see so many rookies make this mistake, and it is one of the worst things you can do. Usually, there will be a lot of space between you and the girl when you approach. You don’t want to go in too close right away. Respect this stranger’s personal space, especially if you are new to approaching or the girl doesn’t seem overly compliant right away.

But sometimes, you might approach a girl in a club with loud music or a lot of chatter. These two factors lead to men struggling to hear what girls are saying and worrying that the girls won’t hear what they’re saying. So, what do they do?

They lean in.

Good god, nothing looks worse than that. It looks needy, uncool, and desperate. Leaning in is, all joking aside, the death of your interaction. If you do it, you’re out.

If you can’t hear your girl, ask her to speak up! Why is this a good call? Well, you…

• Make them invest in you by speaking up

• Force them to comply with your demand

• Create a compliance ladder

• Test for compliance

If a girl isn’t willing to speak up so you can hear her, consider moving on.

But what if she can’t hear you? Talk louder and in a deeper voice. Voice tonality is a key thing to practice, so this is something you should work on anyway.

Another strategy you can use is cutting the space and getting really close to a girl right away. It works but is a risky approach. You should do this only if you:

• Know what you are doing

• Received an approach invitation from the girl beforehand

• Happen to be on fire, or you’re just willing to take risks

• Are socially proofed

If you’re socially proofed, you can get away with more. Girls Chase writer Pablo Garcia favors such an approach. He even takes it further, where he instantly locks in the girl by putting his arm around her waist and pulling her in close.

To make this work consistently, you need to have a strong presence and an elevated level of calibration. He has been doing this for ten years now. If you are a beginner, think twice before you try this kind of approach.

I will suggest to Pablo that he writes an article about this.

Sure, this advice won’t help you in every situation. If you’re approaching women in an environment where things are far too loud, you’ll need to work harder. Yelling into a girl’s ear is just not sexy. Don’t do it. If you happen to find yourself in a very loud environment, focus on non-verbal dance-floor seductions or reposition yourself in a quieter area.

Remember, even loud clubs have quieter areas. This is where you strike. Consider going to clubs with lounges and smoking areas. I find this to be an optimal strategy.

 

Approach Mistake #4: Fidgeting and Ticks

Some men are nervous when they approach. They start fidgeting and making weird movements with their body. This is bad, as it communicates nervousness.

There are three ways you can avoid making this mistake:

• Learn proper body language for approaching, including learning to talk with your hands. The subject is too broad to cover here. To be frank, I don’t see how a written article can teach you properly. However, Chase and Hector demonstrate talking with your hands in One Date. Have a look and see if you can mimic any of their moves.

• Film yourself or ask a wingman to look at your approach to point out flaws in your body language. Becoming aware of ticks and negative body language is the first step to curing the problem. The thing is, most of the time, we aren’t consciously aware of these issues.

• Become less nervous through meditation and warm-up approaches. This is a cognitive aspect, but you can minimize the problem even more if you supplement with physical remedies. Warm up your muscles, particularly your neck, back, face, shoulders, and arms, through stretching and massage. As I’ve said many times, get a massage pillow.

 

Approach Mistake #5: Not Maintaining Eye Contact

This is so key. Eye contact helps you escalate the vibe and is a crucial part of the escalation process. It makes you trustworthy. Would you trust someone who doesn’t look you in the eye when they talk to you? Most likely not! The same goes for women. Remember that most women are defensive, and they need to feel comfortable.

If you seem untrustworthy by not looking her in the eye when you speak, she may reject you right away. Women, if unsure about you, will always choose the safe route, which means they will reject you. Eye contact makes women more comfortable. Confident people look people in the eye when they speak to them. They also usually, as you may have noticed, have strong eye contact. I don’t need to tell you that confidence is attractive.

Look into her eyes. And if you find them stunning, she probably won’t mind if you tell her so.

Eye contact communicates dominance. Women like men who take charge and display dominant qualities. Maintain eye contact and never be the first one to break it. When she looks away, then you can slowly move your eyes away (to the side, never downward).

Many men fear holding eye contact with women when they talk to them. One probable cause is that they are nervous when they approach, making eye contact a scary affair. This is bad because communicating fear and nervousness can finish an interaction before it starts. Along with many other articles here on Girls Chase, I mentioned a few tips on conquering fear last week. Check them out if this is a problem for you.

Additionally, many men worry that eye contact might make them look creepy. Sure, this may be the case, and if girls call you creepy when you look at them, you should read up on eye contact, because there are right ways and wrong ways to do it. However, in general, not making and maintaining eye contact is what comes off as creepy. Confident eye contact is often the cure, not the cause.

 

Approach Mistake #6: Not Acknowledging the Whole Group

So, you approach a girl – congratulations! You deliver a witty line and do everything right. Good job. You got her curious, and now you find yourself in an interaction with her. However, she is there with some friends. If that is the case, you must acknowledge them and give them some attention. Fail to do so and you risk two things:

• Friends cockblocking you (rejecting you from the group or dragging your girl away)

• The girl will simply feel uncomfortable talking to you

Dodge both of these scenarios by giving her friends some attention. Talk to them, befriend them. Have a normal, platonic chat with them. It does help if you are cool, funny, and interesting. You should move your attention toward her friends right after you have delivered your opener and caught her attention.

Of course, at this point, we enter the realm of group theory, which is a huge part of pickup and seduction. In the past, I’ve mentioned that I will write a guide detailing my take on the subject, where I’ll go into more depth about handling groups. For now, I suggest you check out Chase’s amazing article on group theory.

That’s all for today. Let’s sum up this article.

 

Recap

Today, we discussed the six most common mistakes men make when approaching women. Becoming aware of and avoiding these mistakes can save you a lot of trouble and increase your odds of success. At the very least, this advice will help you avoid total failure, as some of these mistakes can cost you the entire interaction.

This is what we discussed:

1. Approach from the side

2. Stand still once you are interacting with the girl or group

3. Never lean in

4. Avoid fidgeting and watch out for negative body language

5. Make and maintain eye contact

6. Acknowledge her friends

I hope you enjoyed this simple, beginner-friendly, two-part series. I feel beginners also deserve some material from me. Even though this is a beginner series, the advice here makes up crucial fundamentals that should be reviewed occasionally by both intermediate and advanced seducers alike.

Questions and comments are welcome.

Until next,

Alek