Seduction

What’s more important, inner game or outer game? Both serve a purpose, but how and when you focus on each has a big impact on your understanding and success in pickup.

Hey guys.

Today I will share a reflection on the subject of “inner game.” I will be frank; I was not a big fan of the trend back in the late 2000s when the pickup industry moved away from technical seduction into a more “self-help” oriented approach, looking at how you think and feel, rather than what you should do.

In my opinion, the discussions on forums were better when there was a technical approach because people could more easily analyze what worked and what went wrong in particular situations, and individuals could fine-tune their approach and increase calibration.

With the focus on inner game, things got blurry. It became more difficult to discuss what worked and what didn’t. The concepts were vague and abstract, making them hard to prove and falsify. Theories became philosophical rather than scientific.

As a result, newbies grew more confused, and it was harder to help them because what these guys needed was specific advice on what to say and what to do when dealing with women – not telling them how they should think or feel about it.

The quality of posts went down, and it's amusing that many newbies were swearing to this new paradigm then. Yet most of them didn't really get results.

There is a reason for why technical game is making a comeback – because it works, and it tells you what to do. It allows people to share their tricks and to have others discuss and fine-tune them. It allows for innovation and new thinking.

I suspect that this inner game paradigm was, in a way, a response to the overly robotic aspect of the community’s early days. But just because these concepts became a bit too robotic doesn’t mean that going to another extreme is a good call. But that is what happened.

Nevertheless, the discussion today will be the good old debate of inner game (mindsets, realities, and understanding) versus outer game (hard pickup tech).

It’s a debate that is almost as old and tiresome as the “direct” versus “indirect” game argument. I have taken the liberty to write this piece because most people doing the debating have little experience (such discussions are keyboard jockey magnets), and I feel that many are still confused on the subject.

The points I will make are thoroughly subjective but built upon experience. Hopefully, you will find my arguments convincing, and I believe them to be strong – but they are just opinions at the end of the day.

Shy or not, the secret to getting a girl in bed is to move fast. But is the process of escalating to sex different with shy girls? Yes, and here’s how to do it.

This article is the unfortunate outcome of my many failures in pulling and escalation. People around me who know about my day game skills have been envious about my ability to meet a girl anywhere, any place, with little to no fear or anxiety. Guys tend to trip up most when it comes to approach anxiety and getting the guts to approach women – this doesn’t exist in my domain; I got over that fear many years ago.

Currently, my biggest sticking point has been at the very end of seduction – in the moment of pulling the girl back to my place, and in the moment of escalating with her. I must have lost over 200 girls by failing in the most critical point in the seduction – the moment when she’s already decided she wants to sleep with me, and I messed up with delivering on her wishes.

In this article, and in my next article series where I will discuss female self-esteem through all stages of seduction, we’re diving deep into how to escalate and close the deal with a girl when she’s at home alone (or wherever) with you, ready to have sex. Although different guys have different means to go about doing this, my focus here is on simplicity – how to read her and get her in bed with you depending on what kind of interest she shows in you.

Despite all my failures, there have also been many successes. Often failure is the best teacher – because through failure, you internalize a pattern so that you never trip up on it again, unless the pattern changes. So from my own failures as well as successes, let’s look at what patterns have visibly emerged.

Girls chase men differently. Some chase in aggressive ways: they'll ask you out and touch you lots. Yet others are far more demure in how they chase.

On the spectrum of "how hard do girls chase?" we have a few distinct female profiles.

There are:

1. Girls who are chasers
2. Girls who are forward
3. Girls who are dabblers
4. Girls who are demure

Each of these types is a different type of woman. She expresses interest in and pursues men differently. Her behavior is often not so much determined by her interest level in you (though that's important) as it is her 'chase profile'.

A chaser who is very into you will chase hard in obvious ways. However, a demure girl who is very into you will only give you subtle indications of her pursuit, despite those pangs for you deep in her heart (and loins).

If you're only looking for chaser girls, you will miss out on most of the women who are into you, because most girls aren't chasers. Most will not chase in blatant, aggressive ways -- even if they're into you to the extreme.

Instead, you must recognize chase behavior from each of the four different types of girls.

Then, when you see it, pounce on it.

A great first kiss is what sets a steamy romance into motion. An awkward slurp might put the tension on ice, but a tantalizing lip-lock can lead to so much more.

The first kiss doesn’t need to be magical. It doesn’t need to be special. But it would be a lot better if it was. What is true to women in the context of romance is more about what feels true.

If she feels like a kiss was great, it will be true that it was great.

If she feels that she likes you, precisely because the kiss was so great, then it is true that she really likes you.

The exact nature of how women think and feel is better explained in my article on why women are emotional but not irrational.

To put it simply, what women feel is what’s real.

And for the sake of sexual strategy and navigating the social waters of the world, it’s quite an accurate compass. It’s far more accurate, on average, than cold logic.

How does this tie into giving her a great first kiss?

I explained it above. You want her to feel as if the first kiss was great, so she feels she likes you and that you two are having a great time together.

This may sound overly technical to some, and while I may even grant it is a bit nerdy, it doesn’t mean it’s not a good strategy.

As men, it’s generally good practice to go for strategy over feelings. I’m not saying don’t feel. That would be ridiculous. There would be no point to this entire website if we didn’t embrace our sexual and romantic desires toward women. You would be a machine who sleeps with women and dates them for purely intellectual rewards. That would be strange. Countless other pursuits would be more enjoyable on a purely intellectual field than seduction (and even then, you’re still chasing desire. Intellectual desires and carnal desires are only different in their appearance, but they are both desires all the same).

But enough philosophizing.

What is a good strategy for the first kiss?

There are many factors to cover, and some tips will be universal while others will be based on preference (i.e., you can choose to follow one tip rather than another).

Let’s get to it.

Knowing what to focus on in each phase of a seduction will facilitate a smooth end game. Get your priorities straight, and all else will fall into place.

Hey, guys. I’d like to finish off our discussions on frame control for now and transition into other subjects. Today’s article will cover priorities in pickup.

Instead of making an overly long series on frames, I decided to move on to a topic where frames play a major role but focus on a universal issue that I see many up-and-coming seducers struggling with – their priorities.

They may know all the right theories and the right tech. Perhaps, to some extent, they have their calibration in check, and their timing is decent. It is true that if you have all these covered, you are already pretty good, and you are probably getting a lot of results. However, I often see those guys not having their priorities straight. In other words, they focus on the wrong things at the wrong time or focus on the right things, but at the wrong time.

Yes, you will have different priorities. Are logistics important? Hell yeah! But are they important when you have not yet talked to the girl? Yes, they are still important, but you have other things to worry about.

That was an extreme example, but it gives a good impression of the theme of this post. So, what we will do in this post is to go through a textbook interaction and discuss step by step the best priorities to have within different phases as you progress.

Now, obviously every interaction is different, and many exceptions will occur. Of course, it’s impossible to cover every potential scenario. So I will give you an idealistic model on how most interactions take place, and how you can correctly prioritize things. Even though some interactions will follow different structures, I believe these rules will give you a good starting point that applies to most of your interactions. And even if your interactions follow the typical textbook course, there may be nuances that force you to make exceptions and change your priorities – something that is required quite often in pickup. In this case, do not be afraid to fail, as failure will give you invaluable field experience.

Therefore, this is yet another argument for why field experience is vital, because it gives you a better idea of how to adapt to different scenarios, including less common ones. But for now, let’s talk about the general rules.

In this series of posts about frame control, we’ve learned what good frames are and why they work. Now let’s talk about the methods you can use to set frames.

Hey, guys! Welcome back.

In previous weeks, we have discussed what frames are, why they are important, and what constitutes a good frame versus a bad frame.

Here are those posts if you haven’t checked them out yet:

• Why Frame Control Is the Most Important Tool in Seduction
• How Frame Control Affects Your Entire Interactions with Girls

Hopefully, with those posts you’re now familiar with:

• What frames are
• Their importance not only in seduction but in every social setting
• What defines good frames
• How you can make your framing more powerful
• How you can better control the frame

But after all this theory, I have not given contextual examples, which is exactly what I will do in this post. We will discuss different ways in which a frame is set. This will give you an idea of what framing looks like in real life.

Even though we will not go into heavy details of how each technique is used, rest assured that each has been addressed on Girls Chase (and there will always be more to come). This post serves as an overview and starting point. Maybe you will discover new ways to set your favorite frames.

Of course, the list I am about to share is not complete, but I would say that it covers the most common methods of setting frames. My point is – there are more ways. We will distinguish between a few here:

• Verbal and non-verbal
• Direct and indirect
• Active and passive

You can set frames both verbally and non-verbally. For example, you can tell a story or talk about a subject that would help set a frame. However, note that frames can also be set verbally as a response to her actions. That is often a good place to work from, or you can work with what you have in that moment. We will get more into that, do not worry.

You can set the frame non-verbally as well through escalation and eye contact.

You can set a frame passively – through action or passive behavior that dictates the vibe. For example, when you build social proof, you will automatically frame yourself as a man with options who is pursued by women – a very attractive frame. But you are not directly setting a frame; it comes as a result of the context you have created.

Anyway – no more dwelling, let’s get to the meat.

I will first discuss direct ways (active) to set a frame before moving on to how to do it passively. Finally, we will discuss how to set a frame reactively.

Guys who do pickup and seduction often over-game women; she’s ready to smash, but they keep spitting game. Here are some tips to avoid falling into that trap.

Are you making success with women more complicated than it needs to be?

Most likely you are. I know – because been there, done that.

In seduction, true beauty is found by taking something rough, disorganized, and raw, then whittling it down into its most pure, functional form. You strip away the excess until all that’s left are results. Or, at least, a sharpened tool, or polished art form.

That’s the idea anyway.

Back when I was a noob, there was this cute barista I wanted to bang. I didn’t realize at the time that I could have had her simply by saying “Hey, what are you up to tonight?” Instead, I’d go in there, order a coffee and practice my game on her.

I’d use push-pull, making fun of the way she wiggled her nose when she talked, or how her lips curled upwards when she was annoyed. I’d show her new gambits, like palm reading, or the horsey flowers routine. I’d do everything except pull the trigger and ask her out.

One day she’d had enough. In the middle of one of my jokes, she said, “Tony, why don’t you just get real with me?”

“Just get real.” Uggh. She was right. I’d been over-gaming. Trying way too hard. Practicing rather than seducing.

Taking something incredibly complex and skill-based seems as if it’s natural, easy – even effortless, as if you were born gifted. That’s the law of Sprezzatura. But to get to Sprezzatura, you’ll have to earn it.

It’s the process of earning your skill that leads you through the land of try-hard, where over-gaming rules the experience.

Rather than focusing on hundreds of theories and tactics, focus on maximizing your strengths and minimizing your weaknesses. Simplify your game.