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Some things raise sexual tension with women – like eye contact and silence – while others (joking, talking) release it. Plus: how to rebuild lost tension.

This post by PrettyDecent originally appeared on our forum here.

Hey fellas,

Thought I’d throw a quick post to the boards before heading out for the evening ;)

When I first started this journey (meeting women), I’d talk to a lot of women, and I was getting laughs and comfort pretty quickly. But when I grabbed their phone number, they generally weren’t answering or were pretty stubborn about planning a date.

Of course, the reason for flaking and bad numbers isn’t the same for everyone – but sexual tension is a key part in making any interaction move forward.

She needs to feel some initial spark of attraction before she complies with you.

So hopefully this post shall shed some light for folks struggling here!

The keywords are tension and pressure. When you’re in a conversation with a girl, she should be feeling nervous around you. And here’s the secret: you ought to be feeling nervous, too! Why is this? Because tension is felt by both people, but one cracks during the pressure, and the other puts up a face of calm.

If you’ve ever heard of the game “chicken”, you’ll know what I mean – two people in their cars drive toward each other in a potential head-on collision to see who will bow out first. The guy can win and the girl will continue to feel (more) sexual attraction toward him, or he’ll lose and be that much closer to the friend zone.

Here are some examples.

The average man tends to fall into over-simplistic thinking on girls. Men who are highly skilled with women, however, view girls in a far more nuanced way.

I’ve been spending a little time on X.com just to see if it is possible for us to build that out more as another channel to reach a bigger audience. I’ll probably play around with it a few more weeks at least to see if we can get traction, then reassess if it’s worth continuing to bother with (or not).

But while I’m there, one of the things they tell you to do if you want to grow on X is to interact with a bunch of other larger accounts every day. The reason is that regular users will see you posting, grow acquainted with you, check you out if they like your stuff, and follow you. Over time, you build up an audience on the platform.

As I do this ‘homework’, reading these various other accounts’ takes on women and dating, then read the replies, it reminds me once again how little nuance there is in the vast majority of men’s conceptions of women.

The nice guy ‘blue pilled’ guys think women are basically like “men with vaginas.” They expect women are as driven and capable as men are at doing all the things men like best, that women hold essentially masculine values/virtues, and that women basically think like men, albeit colored through the lens of feminine experience. A few weeks doing cold approach would completely disabuse them of these ideas.

Then on the other side the (often bitter) ‘red pilled’ and ‘black pilled’ guys also engage in gross over-simplifications about women, but in the total opposite direction. Women to these men are irrational, self-interested succubi. Women are coldly focused on getting the best-looking, or highest status, or richest, or most confident man they can get (depending on the biases of the man sharing his opinion); any man who does not measure up is basically driftwood. In these guys’ cases, a few weeks of cold approach would also disabuse them of much of this – although only once they’re getting results (and not just one-night stands with psycho chicks!).

This kind of thinking (the blue pill guys, red pill guys, and black pill guys) is fine so long as a man is content hanging around in the peanut gallery, firing off opinions for the consumption of others who are also in the peanut gallery.

But the instant he wants to be in the arena – and actually succeeding with women in a repeatable, engineerable way – he has to throw this stuff out.

He has to learn to see nuance.