You’ve joined a new scene with new people. How do you rise to the top and break into the ‘in’ crowd? Follow these 9 popularity rules & you WILL get there!This post by MonsieurLabrie originally appeared on our forum here.
Chase has wrapped Rose VIII and started into Rose IX. He covers some snags finishing up Rose VIII, and his success uncovering research on logistics for IX.It’s been two weeks since my previous update on my upcoming book The Roses of Romantic Attraction.
This is the book where I compile all the current research on how men and women attract one another and fit it into a usable system for both sexes. A potent, usable, and deep guidebook to attracting desirable mates.
There are tons of “how to get dates” and “how to get laid” books out there teaching this or that guru’s particular method. There are tons of academic papers out there that cover individual elements of the attraction process.
No one has ever put together a book that drills down to the fundamentals of romantic attraction; one that goes beyond a specific teacher’s method and instead explains the universal attraction elements that every teacher’s method is based upon; one every published paper examines one or another aspect of.
That’s what RoRA is: it is the attraction Bible.
For more on the start of the project and why I’m writing it, see my prior update.
Most guys work hard to show women how interested they are. So why would you want to show a girl DISinterest? Just one reason: to raise HER interest in YOU!Hey guys and welcome back. I hope you are all doing well.
Last week, I discussed showing interest by using indirect game to attract women.
A common misconception with indirect game is that you are overly aloof without showing any interest, relying on displaying disinterest. Although there is some truth to this, most go-to formulas of indirect game involve showing interest—sooner rather than later.
You should eventually escalate the vibe, creating an “us” frame. This is a “you and me together” vibe, adding a romantic and sexual layer to the interaction. For more, see my article from last week, which discusses ways to show interest.
Showing interest also helps avoid unnecessary auto-rejections. You do not want a girl to prematurely eject herself from the interaction to safeguard her ego. By showing some interest, you keep her in the loop, giving her a sign of hope that she has a shot at getting you.
Today, I will cover when to show disinterest—an essential indirect game factor. You will learn to show disinterest in ways to maintain her curiosity in you by:
Showing disinterest in a way that does not de-escalate the vibe
Showing disinterest without causing auto-rejection
Next week, I will go through the different ways to show disinterest.
Research shows that women who want to meet a man rate men handsomer in general. When she’s on the prowl, EVERY guy’s a Prince Charming to her!I know a lot of guys are very focused on their looks.
So this study should be intriguing. From the study:
It was found that the more interested women were in meeting members of the opposite sex, the more attractive they viewed the opposite-sex patrons in the bar. (Interest was not found to affect the attractiveness of the opposite-sex confederate.) For men, no relationship was found between interest and physical attractiveness ratings.
Regarding the “opposite-sex confederate” bit: the researchers paired men and women up with an average-looking opposite-sex companion and sent them to a bar together. They wanted to see if the ‘beer goggles’ effect was real.
They found that it for women it wasn’t. As the night went on, women rated men’s looks worse – both the looks of the guy they went there with and the other patrons in the bar. Further, the drunker women got, the harsher critics they were of the looks of men!
(men, for the record, rated other female bar patrons the same at the beginning and end of the night – however they rated the average-looking girl they came with a whopping 19% better-looking by the end of the night!)
The one exception to the harsh judgments women made: women who were on the prowl.
The more a girl was out to meet men, the better-looking the guys in the bar looked to her.
The statement of intent (SOI) is a powerful tool in the seducer’s arsenal. Combined with a barrier it can be used to dramatically push a seduction forward.Contents
A common problem guys have chatting up new girls is “stalling out.” That’s what we call it when you approach a girl, open her, she seems receptive, you flirt a little bit… and then this whole vibe of, “Okay, so… where’s this going to?” settles over the interaction.
Then it gets awkward.
Then you hear, “Well, it was nice to meet you!” and the girl ejects.
Maybe she liked you!
Maybe it could’ve gone somewhere!
But it didn’t, because she couldn’t figure out where things were headed next, and you failed to lead. How DO you lead properly and avoid having interactions with girls stall out this way?
One way to do it is by stating your intentions (a.k.a. stating your interest).
If you look good as a guy but women still don’t signal you to approach, what gives? In fact, there’s more that goes into women signaling than a man’s looks.Commenting on my article “Should You Even Respond to Women's Signs of Interest?”, Sami-88 asked about why, despite his excellent fashion and attraction fundamentals, and warm receptions from all kinds of women, he doesn’t get much in the way of pre-approach signals from attractive women.
I responded that if (as seems to be the case for Sami) you’re getting midrange girls signaling you but not hotter girls, but all girls (including hotter girls) are still warm to you on approach, there are a few possible reasons that can be.
He followed up with the following comment:
Chase,
Thank you for your sophisticated answer. My look is that of the mysterious strong silent guy - the exact opposite of “goofy”.
It must be that hotter girls signal in a much more indirect way, like you write in your other article, and expect from a masculine guy to take all the initiative irrespectively of their signaling.
Food for thought for another article of yours: could there be a correlation between women’s signaling and the man’s perceived attainability?
Sweet, attainable guys might get heavy signaling more than “strong, silent” guys because women expect the latter to do the job without any help.
Yes, it is true – unintimidating men get much more signaling and even approach behavior from women. This relates to the lover vs. fighter distinction: do you come across as someone trying to attract (the lover) or someone trying to look tough (the fighter)?
That said, it also goes beyond this distinction, too – into where a man places his focus and whether he meets the ‘conditions’ for triggering approach invitations and female approaches.
Learn about picking up girls fast from parties, beach bars, and music festivals with Hue, our Skilled Seducer of the Month of September 2024.This month we interview Hue, a long-time Skilled Seducer Forum member who’s recently been on an absolute tear, bedding one girl after another. His wild reports and weekend benders have plenty to teach – and in this discussion, we looked at just what Hue’s been doing to pull such awesome results.
Showing interest in girls directly is easy: “You’re so sexy. You’re hot.” But what if you need to be subtler? Then you must show interest INDIRECTLY.Hi guys and welcome back.
I have recently been writing about the indirect approach, discussing indirect approach benefits and indirect approach styles. Today, I want to cover how to show interest in women using indirect game.
How do you show interest indirectly? This can be confusing:
If indirect game is about not revealing your cards, how does that mesh with the necessity of showing interest in a girl?
When should you show interest?
How should you show disinterest? And when?
Will a girl know I am interested in her if I hold back my interest in her? Or should I only show it subtly?
Will I appear weak or unconfident by hiding my interest when she has good reasons to suspect I like her? Would it be preferable to “spill the beans” and be direct and confident?
Even if you have answers to some of these, you may only know some of the answers. The answers to these questions can be subtle.
I will tackle questions one and two today and, in the following weeks, move on to the others.
In my last two posts, I briefly mentioned showing interest when using indirect game. Today, I talk about this in more depth.
Let’s jump into it.
Can you just approach a girl in a low energy, monotone way? Nope. You want to aim to come in energetic, outgoing, adventurous, playful, and fun.One of the least-discussed but most important aspects of approaching girls is energy level. When guys come in timid, nervous, hesitant, monotone, shy, or bored, they usually flop. This is something you are VERY aware of as a practiced seducer, yet very few men realize starting out.
The other day, a forum member posted this video on our forum, along with the comment, “This guy is quite Chad-like; tall, buff, and handsome. Kinda debunks the BP [black pill] theory of ‘all girls wanna bang Chad’.”
He asked where this guy got his approach wrong. I gave a quick breakdown (props to him for trying and posting his videos; yet this guy still has lots of room for improvement) here. Some of the worst are his opening angles and his liberal use of neo-direct.
However, the absolute biggest thing he is fudging is in his vibe: his voice is monotone, his openers are generic and un-grabbing, his body language is defensive, and (as Will_V pointed out in that thread) he leaves loads of awkward pauses in his conversation.
He comes across unconfident and low energy in his approach, and it’s reflected in how women receive him.
Women signal their interest in men often. But there’s some debate: is it worth paying ATTENTION to women’s signs of interest or not? It is… sometimes.On the forum, I have a thread entitled “Sexually inexperienced men need time and exposure to receptive women to learn to sense and respond to receptive women’s signals.” It references my article that asks why most men can’t see girls’ signs of interest and links up several studies on mice and hamsters that find inexperienced males are bad at reading the signs of receptive female mice and hamsters.
Just like humans, it takes other male mammals time and experience to learn to read signs of receptivity and know how to respond to them.
We’ve had some interesting discussion on that thread, but I want to address a recent comment from user ChrisXKiss. He asks
Chase regarding this, how much does it really translate to results with women?
I always wondered, because even when I seemed to get attention, I would go open and the whole dynamic would change to: Oh so you do like me? Cute, but don’t expect much more.
It felt a bit like there was no point to carefully pay attention to indicators of interest, since they didn’t translate much to results anyway.
It’s probably because after I approach my attention is on the girl, I just want to get to know her and especially if she has given me a sign of interest I do this faster, since I know that the attraction is there anyway. Then I suppose it feels like I am too eager.
Maybe I should change my mindset when noticing signs, because my immediate reaction is: Ok this one likes me, let’s do this. I think they feel I approach them only because I saw the sign and think it will be easy, so they try to make it difficult.
But it’s difficult to even use signs of interest with girls I really like, since I notice them right away, and if I don’t go to approach immediately, it feels like I am waiting around trying to find a chance to talk to them. I think they feel I am interested from the get go, so they don’t give any signs, and the more time I spend not opening the more unattractive I become.
I know I should just not pay attention to them that much if I want them chasing, but it’s difficult when I see hot girls around to not take a look and check them out. I started doing it to overcome the shy barrier of not looking at people and sexualising women, but maybe I should force myself to stop.
So I am wondering what is even the correct way to take notice of them, since being aloof doesn’t really work either. Is it bad to show when you look at them that they really excite you? I think with the hottest ones they just see it in my eyes right at the open or even before.
I guess advice can also be conflicting sometimes, since I know that both your approach and Hector’s work, that said they are different as you mentioned, so sometimes I am wondering whether for example I am not showing my desire in the right way, or I should just not even show it up front, and I go back and forth, with neither really landing.
There’s a lot in there, but if we bullet out his questions/comments, they’d be:
How much does getting attention from women really translate to results?
Girls who give him attention, whom he then opens, feel validated then lose interest.
He fears he may be coming in too eager when he approaches girls.
Maybe it’s difficult to use signs of interest with girls you really like.
It’s hard not to check out hot girls when he sees them.
Being aloof also does not work.
I want to talk about these here (and try to make it concise because I’m a bit short on time at the moment). To do so, we need to differentiate between sincere signs of interest vs. signs of interest solely aimed at gaining male attention and validation.
